Look a Little Deeper
Chapter Two
By: Sorano
Disclaimer- I think we've been through this already. For legal reasons I will direct you to any other CCS work I've done.
"I want to read," Tomoyo Daidouji snapped at her mother. "I'm bored." Kept overnight in a private hospital room for observations and an X-ray the next morning, Tomoyo had stopped crying and was now sitting angrily on her bed. "The last time I was in the hospital reading was the only thing I could do. Now how am I supposed to entertain myself? I certainly can't watch T.V!" In Tomoyo's opinion, she might as well be dead. In many ways she could not be considered among the living because life could not exist without light.
Sonomi was wearing out. She had held a screaming, helpless Tomoyo in her arms for an hour before a doctor could see them. It had been a terrible moment, she felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, when the doctor announced Tomoyo really was blind. Tomoyo stopped crying then and reacted very differently. She clawed at her air in front of her and kicked everything that her foot was able to connect with. The once gentle Tomoyo screamed at them, cursing them. Wasn't there something that could be done, she had pleaded. It broke Sonomi's heart to see her so desperate.
So Tomoyo sat there, like a log. Unable to do anything, unable to see anything and unable to feel anything.
"Ara, Tomoyo-chan, I could read to you," Sonomi suggested, attempting to calm the girl.
"Iie! You can't read to me! I can read! I know how to read! I'm not a baby! I… I don't need people to read to me!" Tomoyo groped around frantically on her bed until her fingers touched the smooth, flat surface of a new manga that she hadn't gotten around to reading yet. She flipped it open and bored her eyes down at the page. No picture came. No matter how hard she tried she could not see the couple making out or read the words the characters whispered.
"Okaasan…" a sob escaped her curled mouth and then in a sudden rage she hurled the book across the room. It was satisfying at least to hear the smack of the comic hitting the wall.
"Tomoyo!" It was hard for Sonomi to control her temper. She wanted to lecture her daughter; to tell her not to treat books that way, but Tomoyo was already so upset…
It was that sort of time that was so unnerving for Tomoyo. She was completely alone when there was silence. She could only measure the world around her by other's voices. It frightened her to think that she could never be sure if there was someone with her- whether she was being watched.
"Tomoyo-chan…" her mother tired again, her voice coming out weak and strained. It would be lying to say she wasn't relieved when a gentle taping came on the door. "Come in." It must be the nurse again.
"Ara, Kinomoto-san!" Tomoyo stiffened in her bed and cast her empty eyes away from where she guessed the door was. Sakura? Here?
"Tomoyo-chan, Sakura-san is here to see you!" Sonomi tried to sound cheerful as she pulled Sakura over to where her daughter sat motionless. "Ano, I'll be just outside, okay girls?"
"Don't worry, Daidouji-san," Tomoyo could imagine Sakura was saying this with her charming smile. "I'll take care of her." Tomoyo wanted to call out as her mother's footsteps receded, don't leave me alone with her! I can't face my bubbly Sakura-chan!
There was silence in the room, save for the broken old ceiling fan attempting to drive out the stifling summer heat. Tomoyo could picture Sakura in her mind and said a little bitterly, "I can't see you smiling like that at me."
Sakura laughed and it was beautiful. Tomoyo could feel the bed depress next to her and Sakura's warm body. "Ano, the others wanted to come with me, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura chirped. "Chiharu-chan, Rika-chan, Naoko-chan and everyone… but the nurse downstairs said it was best if only I went. She said you were a little, um, upset. So how are you, honto?"
"I'm fine," Tomoyo replied, voice flat. "Medetashi. The…I want to see my friends. Nani… does she think I'm dangerous or something?" She let out a hollow, bitter laugh.
"Come on, Tomoyo-chan! Don't be like that! Everyone is really worried about you. Are you coming back to school tomorrow? Everybody misses you."
Doesn't she understand? "I'm not going back to school. Never."
"That's silly, Tomoyo-chan. If you don't go to school, what will you do?"
"Don't you get it? There is nothing I can do! I can't tape you anymore, I can't sew pretty costumes, I can't do anything!" Her musical voice rose in something that was not quite anger.
"Ara, please, Tomoyo-chan. There's always Braille," Sakura suggested tentively.
"Braille? Braille! Why should I have to learn how to read all over again? What did I do to deserve this?"
"Things…" Sakura stopped, deciding the proverb would not help the matter any.
Tomoyo felt a pair of arms slowly wrapping around her waist and she was being pulled into Sakura's gentle embrace. She smiled in spite of herself because Sakura was still the same.
"I brought you something," Sakura said and her arms left Tomoyo's sides. Tomoyo could hear her shuffling around- probably in her knapsack. "Here!" Something warm and furry was placed in her hands.
"You'll have to learn to see with your hands," Sakura said softly and Tomoyo's long fingers began to run up and down the object's side. She found a round stuffed body with four short limbs. On a smaller attached piece there were two small buttons.
"It's a teddy bear, isn't it?"
"Hai. I made him just for you, Tomoyo-chan."
"What does it look like, Sakura-chan?"
"He is a honey color, the same shade as my hair, with little red flakes. His paws are black leather. Isn't he just so soft? He has two black buttons for eyes and a brown bead nose. What will you call him, Tomoyo-chan?"
Tomoyo felt Sakura's fingers along side her own, stroking the bear. "Er, Tomodachi."
Sakura giggled. "May you serve well and faithfully, Tomodachi. Take care of my Tomoyo-chan."
Tomoyo felt herself smiling. "Arigato."
"Ara, I have something else for you, too!" There was more shuffling and she placed a box in her friend's lap. "Chocolates! The same recipie we always use for Valentine's Day! Go on, have one. Chocolate always makes me feels better when I'm down. Would you like me to unwrap one for you? Here."
Tomoyo chewed slowly, savouring the creamy, rich taste. She felt a pang of longing, wondering if she would ever be able to bake chocolates with Sakura again. She wouldn't be much help if Sakura had to do everything for her.
"Hoe!" Sakura stood up very suddenly. "Gomen nasai, Tomoyo-chan! I promised Syaoran-kun that I would meet him at eight! If you're not at school tomorrow then I'll come visit you again! Please come back, Tomoyo-chan!"
Tomoyo felt Sakura's warm lips press against her icy cheek. "Take care, Tomoyo-chan!" Then Sakura left Tomoyo all alone.
* * *
Tomoyo was back at home, in her room, but nothing felt the same. She tried to joke with her mother by saying she would never need to worry about walking into a dark room again and she might as well get rid of her lamps. It was all the same to her.
She locked herself up in her room, sleeping the time away. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep and wouldn't talk to anyone, not even to her mother. This worried Sonomi to no end, it seemed her daughter's health was just dwindling away.
Indeed Tomoyo had found no reason to live. She felt she was only a shadow of what she used to be. In her dark world she waited all day for Sakura to come- it was the only thing she could look forward to now. Time was endless, pure and unmeasured. She could not simply glance to her watch or view the sun to know the answer. So though she could not guess the time, it was always night for her, she knew many long hours had passed.
It was only when Sonomi came to knock on the door and announce it was midnight, therefore time for bed, that Tomoyo allowed the feelings of unease to seep into her bones. Where was Sakura? Hadn't she promised to come? Sakura never broke her promises, not to her friends, not to anyone.
Had something happened to her? What if she was hurt? No, something must have come up. But what? Tomoyo just had to know. She couldn't accept the fact that her friend might've betrayed her.
She slowly sat up on her bed and stuck her arm out to her right side, moving it back and forth until her hand smacked against the night-table. Her fingers fumbled over little objects and brushes until they clasped around the firmilar feel of her phone. She did not need to punch in the phone number of her friend, because Sakura was on speed dial, number one actually.
"Moshi moshi, Kinomoto desu," a smooth male voice spoke.
"Kinomoto-san? This is Tomoyo Daidouji. Is Sa-"
"Tomoyo-chan? How nice to hear from you! How are you? Are you feeling better? I'm really sorry to hear about your…" he stopped for a moment, trying to think of the appropriate word. "I'm sorry to hear you are blind, Tomoyo."
"Um, that's alright," Tomoyo replied awkwardly, never expecting Sakura's father to be so blunt. "I was wondering if Sakura-chan was around? She was supposed to meet me today and she never showed."
"Ano, that's not like her. Sakura-chan isn't home right now, Tomoyo."
"Iie! It's the middle of the night! Where is she?" Tomoyo knew she sounded a bit possessive but she really couldn't help it. Sakura was her special friend.
Fujitaka chuckled. "Don't worry, Tomoyo-chan. I keep a good eye on my daughter."
Not as good as you think, Tomoyo thought, her mind drifting back of the past couple of years of card captoring.
"She's spending the night at a Rika's house. Some slumber party or something."
Tomoyo could feel bile rising up in her throat but she pressed on. "Where was she all day? Like after school? Surely she couldn't have been at Rika-chan's all that time."
"I'm really not sure. I haven't seen her since this morning. I have an inkling she was with that nice Li boy, the one from Hong Kong."
"Arigato Kinomoto-san," Tomoyo managed to cough out. "Konban wa."
"Hai, Konban wa. Take care of yourself now Tomoyo-chan."
Tomoyo could feel a pulsing venom flowing through her chanting with the injustice of it all. It just wasn't fair! What had she done to deserve all of this? First robbed of her life, then of her best friend. The one she loved had no use for her anymore. Turning her face into her white down pillow she cried herself to sleep. It was a relief to her to know that her eyes were still capable of producing tears.
* * *
"You have to eat something, Tomoyo-chan," Sonomi pleaded with her daughter through the door. "You'll get sick if you don't. I'll make you anything you like. How about an omlette? It's your favourite."
"I'm not hungry," was Tomoyo's dull reply.
"If you won't eat for me I'll have to take you to the hospital and they will force feed you through an I.V."
"I don't care. I don't care about anything."
With a sigh Sonomi slipped a plate of pancakes under the door so that Tomoyo could eat it later if she changed her mind. It didn't hit her until she was eating her own breakfast alone that Tomoyo would never realize the food was there.
Tomoyo was surprised to hear her stomach growling; it had been a long time since she ate. "'Kaachan," she called out hoarsely and stumbled towards the door.
"'Kaachan," Tomoyo's feet shuffled as she moved towards the door, she had her amrs stretched out in front of her like she was sleepwalking. She could smell the fresh, syrupy pancakes already though she could not tell where they were.
She let out a loud screech when her toe banged into a wooden chest and she hopped about painfully. It didn't take long for her to lose her balance and she desperately grabbed at the air, her fingers wrapping around the window curtain. There was a loud rip and she toppled over backwards against the wall. Her back ached and she sat there for a moment disorientated.
"Tomoyo-chan? Daijoubu?" a girl's high voice called out, opposite from Tomoyo.
"Sakura-chan, I didn't hear you come in." Tomoyo gritted her teeth and tried to sit up.
There was a small thud next to her and she felt Sakura's small hand behind her back. "Ano, of course not with all that racket you were making. I doubt you would've heard a dinosaur. Daidouji-san sent me up to check on you. She's worried sick."
Tomoyo surprised herself by giggling. "A dinosaur? I wouldn't have heard a dinosaur?" The idea was ridiculous, but certainly not worth Tomoyo's hysterics.
"Ara, Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura laughed too. "Hey, Daidouji-san says you haven't eaten yet."
Tomoyo suddenly turned cold and ceased her laughter. Was Sakura going to lecture her as well?
"Why don't you come out for breakfast with me and the girls?Everyone wants to see you. My treat. Remember that café Yukito brought us to last year? They have a Saturday brunch on. Ara, please come Tomoyo-chan!"
"I don't want to go," Tomoyo hissed. Once upon a time she would have like nothing more but now she couldn't go out in public the way she was. She couldn't stand having people whisper and stare and her being a 'blind girl'. And she didn't want her friends to see her. She couldn't act like everything was normal.
Tomoyo could hear Sakura sigh. "You can't stay in your room forever. You're getting so pale and thin." Sakura suddenly began to cry. "I don't want you to die on me! I miss you! Aren't you still my friend?"
Tomoyo was shocked. How could Sakura be scared? It wasn't her life that was ruined. "Sakura-chan…" a shaking hand reached out, searching for Sakura's soft hair and began to lovingly stroke it. "Please don't cry, Sakura-chan. I can't leave; I'm helpless."
Sakura hiccuped and pushed Tomoyo's hand away. "Syaoran-kun!" she called.
Tomoyo was upset. Syaoran was here too? What kind of set up was this? Had he been hiding downstairs the whole time? But no, Syaoran was quickly at Sakura's side. He must have been in the room the whole time! Tomoyo was absolutely furious!
"Li-kun?" Tomoyo whispered.
"I'm here, Daidouji-san," Syaoran's soft, boyish voice replied and he grabbed one of her hands. Sakura had brought him there because he was so much stronger than the two girls. Sakura took Tomoyo's other hand and she was pulled to her feet. Larger hands were around her waist and suddenly Tomoyo was was swinging through the air. The blood rushed painfully to her head as she was set over Syaoran's broad shoulder.
"Let me down," she demanded, but really inside she was glad her friends cared about her so deeply.
"Sorry, Daidouji-san," Syaoran said lightly, when really he wasn't sorry at all. "Demo this is important to me and even more important to Sakura that you start acting like yourself again."
"Ara, like being kidnapped is going to help!"
"Desperate times," he said and Sakura finished off with "call for desperate measures."
Tomoyo growled and clung tight to the boy's back. The ride was was making her dizzy. "You won't take me like this the whole way will you? I'm going to be sick."
"Please don't. This is a good shirt."
"Iie, Tomoyo-chan. We're having some of your people drive us down.."
"'Kaachan!" Tomoyo called weakly but it was no use. The bright sunshine was soon driving through her eyes and her mother chose to ignore her. "Help me! Please! I can't go! I'm blind!"
Syaoran carried Tomoyo from the car, or maybe it would be more appropriate to say Limo, into the small restaurant. She had stopped complaining and wailing along the way but she was in no way happy about the matter. In the quiet of the vehicle she suddenly remembered that she was angry with Sakura.
"Where were you yesterday?" she had broke the silence. "You promised you would visit me!"
Tomoyo had found herself disadvantaged without her sight- a once easy to read Sakura was now impossible but she could detect no trace of remorse or guilt in her friend's voice.
"Gomen nasai," Sakura had bubbled. "I totally forgot! I was so busy yesterday! I was out shopping for Otousan's birthday gift. Ara, I found the most perfect gift! Remind me to show it to you later. And then I stayed overnight at Rika-chan's house. Her family was out of town for the week so she was lonely and…" her voice had trailed off. "Tomoyo-chan? Daijoubu?"
It was so typical of Sakura. She was so perfect, so utterly kind. Always the good friend. She always had a good reason for what she did.
"What's wrong, Tomoyo-chan?"
"I waited for you," Tomoyo choked out. "All day long I was alone and I waited for you."
Sakura reached out to her but Tomoyo had moved away.
"Don't touch me! You don't care about me now that I'm blind! I'm nothing to you or anyone."
Tomoyo didn't hear Syaoran whisper, "here we go again…" and she didn't hear Sakura apologizing over and over again for something that was in no way her fault. Before Syaoran carried her out Sakura said sadly, "I have a lot of power now, Tomoyo-chan. I'm so strong and I can do so much. I thought my magic would allow me to protect you. Ara, Tomoyo-chan, I would give all my magic up if only I had the power to give you your sight back! But Tomoyo-chan…even Clow-san could not alter fate."
* * *
Tomoyo sat amid the company of her friends feeling very out of place for so many hours. The sweet girls were so very kind to her, much to kind. They showered her with gifts and words of sorrow that did nothing to cease the aching in her heart. Actually it seemed they wouldn't let her condition drop in addition to treating her like a china doll that could break at any minute. Sakura's plan to make her forget and relax was failing.
Tomoyo glowered when Naoko had to read out the menu to her but she put on a happy face lest her friends worry. She did not want to make her friends sad, because they seemed so disappointed when she frowned. It was not new to her; she had spent her whole life behind a façade. It was only that now it seemed to require so much more energy.
The busy restaurant was frightening to Tomoyo. She hated being so vulnerable, even if her friends were with her. Say they left her there, what would she do then? How could she possibly get home? Who could she trust to ask for help? It was horrible having to depend on people. After all the battles Sakura had been through Tomoyo knew what it felt like to be a liability. She always had to depend on her friend to get her out of tight spots but now it was pathetic. She almost wished it had been Sakura who had been dealt this card because it seemed she had it so good, but Tomoyo kicked herself for it, she would gladly take a million pains for Sakura.
"Hey, Tomoyo-chan," Chiharu said nervously. "What is it like being blind?" Her voice was a little nervous, like her desire not to offend Tomoyo was won over by her curiosity.
"What do you mean?" Tomoyo struggled to control her voice. What a stupid question!
"Um, well, like what do you see? Just darkness, like when you turn out a light?"
"I see nothing."
"But you must see black- the absence of color?"
"Iie. You…you can't understand until you are in the place. The part of my mind doesn't work anymore. I can't remember what it's like to 'see'.
There were murmurs all around the table. "That's so sad," Chiharu said and Tomoyo had to agree. It was so sad, wasn't it?
"I hate it," Tomoyo said, her voice slowly rising with each syllable. "I can't stand being blind! I want to see! I want to know what my food looks like before I put it in my mouth and I want to make sure I am really sitting here with people I know and…"
"Poor Tomoyo-chan!" the girls all chorused.
"It's not fair!"
The girls were a little taken back. Tomoyo never showed this much emotion at school. "So Tomoyo-chan, can you read Braille?"
"Let's change the subject please," Tomoyo said tiredly.
"There's a shop downstairs specializing in blind people-"
"I'm not a blind girl!" Tomoyo wailed. "I'm not! I'm me! I'm Tomoyo! Aren't I still Tomoyo?" She smacked her fist against the padded booth like a small child having a temper tantrum.
All of a sudden a clear, crisp voice cut through the pandemonium like scissors through paper. "That will be enough, Daidouji-san."
Oh I am so glad to be done that chapter! Now I can get onto the good stuff like E+T!!!!! Please keep reading and drop me a review to tell me if you like it so far. I apologize if this last was messy, I rushed. Ja! -Sora