Zim's walk to the human research station had been an interesting one. He'd almost been caught in the cross-fire between some sort of horrible water balloon fight two stink beast children were having, had barely avoided being hit by a truck as large as his house, and _then_ he had accidentally collided with the Dib human's little sister, spilling her icy... drink... thing. This had sent her into some sort of screaming fit and the Irken was forced to buy her a new one to make her shut up. The threats she had been uttering had been most unpleasant too.
Zim had sighed in something closely resembling happiness one he'd reached the station. Humans had a quaint little name for these research facilities, though what they called them escaped him for the moment. Something starting with 'L'... libenberries? Well, whatever they were called was no matter. It was what was _inside_ that counted.
Books.
Rows upon rows upon ROWS of books! Zim still thought it was pitiful how they kept so much vital information in such shabby holdings; paper and ink where there should be wires and data! So while their ancient human technology did slow him down a bit at first - he'd discovered quickly that a book would not flip to another chapter by itself, even if you told it to - he'd gotten used to it for the sake of his mission. A mission which entailed learning about this hideous planet and life forms. Where better to learn about those things than in that horrible skool and in their own research stations? Besides, it was almost... nice here. The humans were usually quiet and Gir was frightened of the building since it apparently 'smelled like beavers', so Zim didn't have to worry about being crushed by a bookcase or other such mayhem.
He'd also 'befriended' an old libenberrian named Ms. Nex who reminded Zim a great deal of his first skool teacher. She spent most of her time sneaking through the shelves of books, snapping at people about washing their hands and remembering due dates. While she was not a pleasant person, she was efficient since anytime you asked for a book on _any_ subject, she would make a point to find it immediately and give it to you, just to show that _she_ knew, and you didn't.
It was her that Zim immediately approached.
"Excuse me, wrinkly human skin bag," Zim said, not noticing the way the old woman's eyes narrowed, "I am looking for a book."
Ms. Nex seemed to brighten, however slightly, at that. "What's the book?"
"Well, it's - " Zim paused, realizing he didn't know of any titles that could help him. This germ was something new; perhaps another book on plagues and disease? He already owned a large number on those, but nothing in them had helped him so far....
"Well?" Ms. Nex said impatiently.
"Er...." Zim thought quickly. Maybe if he described the symptoms.... No, a human wouldn't know what a thumpity-bangalar was, just like a squeedly-spooch. "Uh.... What does it mean," Zim said, choosing his words carefully and trying to sound causal, "when a certain, say, perfectly normal HUMAN organ starts beating at an unnatural pace whenever another human - much like I myself am a human - is around?"
Ms. Nex raised a thin eyebrow. "Hopefully it means that your arteries are finally clogging up with all of the junk food you kids eat nowadays. If we're all lucky, you'll be dead of a heart attack before you're 21. But here." She slipped away for a moment, seeming to reappear next to Zim in only a few moments, handing him a short stack of books. "These are due back next week. Any longer than that and we will repossess your house."
"But you never _possessed_ my house - "
"SILENCE!!" The libenberry shook briefly with her screech and Zim quickly went to check out the books. If he did have some sort of horrible human virus, he wanted to find out in the comfort of his own home instead of in the station. Soon, he was happily heading home and dodging water balloons.
"I'm home, Gir!"
"Oooo!! Are those cakes?!" Gir said, bouncing up and down.
"No, Gir, not cakes," Zim said, shutting the front door behind him, "These are _books_."
Gir 'oooo'd again and approached the stack of books Zim was holding, sniffing them loudly like a dog. Suddenly, the robot screeched in horror. "BEAVERS!!" And with that, it fled screaming from the room.
Zim wondered briefly if perhaps lining the base with books would keep Gir OUT of all of the delicate machinery. Well, it would be worth a try later. For now, he had some reading to do.
He removed the annoying contacts - they still itched after all this time - and the wig, settling down on the couch and looking for the first time at the book titles.
'Kama Sutra of Sexual Positions : The Tantric Art of Love'
'Coping With Interracial Dating'
'The History of Sexuality : An Introduction'
'Lightning that Lingers'
'Midsummer Magic'
"What the?!" Zim exclaimed, eyes going wide at the titles. This... didn't sound good. Love? Wasn't love some sort of icky human emotion? Had he been wrong all these years? Was it really an icky human germ? It _would_ explain the drooling that some of his classmates were prone to.... And what was a 'kama'? Perhaps a beast related to a 'camel'? Camels with... sutra... hm... suit cases? What did camels with suit cases have to do with his illness? With a great amount of trepidation, he picked up the first book and opened it, surprised to find a note inside.
'Zim -
These are only a FEW of the books on the subject you seek. When you've narrowed down your search, you may return and I will find you some new books. 'A Mind of Its Own : A Cultural History of the Penis' has always been a personal favourite of mine. Until then, read these but don't you DARE crinkle the pages!!!
- Ms. Nex'
Zim grimaced at the image of the angry libenberrian bearing down on him like a slaughtering rat person. Yes, he could take her out in a matter of seconds with his superior Irken mind and technology, but she would probably make his hearing organs explode with her yelling and he simply didn't have the equipment with him to fix such delicate tissue. "Stupid screaming earth monkeys," he muttered to himself as he began to read.
(note : for the strange and curious, all of the books that Ms. Nex gave Zim are real. The first three you can find on Amazon, as well as the one in her note; I'm not sure about the last two since I found them in a romance novel database. I did my research, darn it, and reality is usually scarier than fiction)
Zim had sighed in something closely resembling happiness one he'd reached the station. Humans had a quaint little name for these research facilities, though what they called them escaped him for the moment. Something starting with 'L'... libenberries? Well, whatever they were called was no matter. It was what was _inside_ that counted.
Books.
Rows upon rows upon ROWS of books! Zim still thought it was pitiful how they kept so much vital information in such shabby holdings; paper and ink where there should be wires and data! So while their ancient human technology did slow him down a bit at first - he'd discovered quickly that a book would not flip to another chapter by itself, even if you told it to - he'd gotten used to it for the sake of his mission. A mission which entailed learning about this hideous planet and life forms. Where better to learn about those things than in that horrible skool and in their own research stations? Besides, it was almost... nice here. The humans were usually quiet and Gir was frightened of the building since it apparently 'smelled like beavers', so Zim didn't have to worry about being crushed by a bookcase or other such mayhem.
He'd also 'befriended' an old libenberrian named Ms. Nex who reminded Zim a great deal of his first skool teacher. She spent most of her time sneaking through the shelves of books, snapping at people about washing their hands and remembering due dates. While she was not a pleasant person, she was efficient since anytime you asked for a book on _any_ subject, she would make a point to find it immediately and give it to you, just to show that _she_ knew, and you didn't.
It was her that Zim immediately approached.
"Excuse me, wrinkly human skin bag," Zim said, not noticing the way the old woman's eyes narrowed, "I am looking for a book."
Ms. Nex seemed to brighten, however slightly, at that. "What's the book?"
"Well, it's - " Zim paused, realizing he didn't know of any titles that could help him. This germ was something new; perhaps another book on plagues and disease? He already owned a large number on those, but nothing in them had helped him so far....
"Well?" Ms. Nex said impatiently.
"Er...." Zim thought quickly. Maybe if he described the symptoms.... No, a human wouldn't know what a thumpity-bangalar was, just like a squeedly-spooch. "Uh.... What does it mean," Zim said, choosing his words carefully and trying to sound causal, "when a certain, say, perfectly normal HUMAN organ starts beating at an unnatural pace whenever another human - much like I myself am a human - is around?"
Ms. Nex raised a thin eyebrow. "Hopefully it means that your arteries are finally clogging up with all of the junk food you kids eat nowadays. If we're all lucky, you'll be dead of a heart attack before you're 21. But here." She slipped away for a moment, seeming to reappear next to Zim in only a few moments, handing him a short stack of books. "These are due back next week. Any longer than that and we will repossess your house."
"But you never _possessed_ my house - "
"SILENCE!!" The libenberry shook briefly with her screech and Zim quickly went to check out the books. If he did have some sort of horrible human virus, he wanted to find out in the comfort of his own home instead of in the station. Soon, he was happily heading home and dodging water balloons.
"I'm home, Gir!"
"Oooo!! Are those cakes?!" Gir said, bouncing up and down.
"No, Gir, not cakes," Zim said, shutting the front door behind him, "These are _books_."
Gir 'oooo'd again and approached the stack of books Zim was holding, sniffing them loudly like a dog. Suddenly, the robot screeched in horror. "BEAVERS!!" And with that, it fled screaming from the room.
Zim wondered briefly if perhaps lining the base with books would keep Gir OUT of all of the delicate machinery. Well, it would be worth a try later. For now, he had some reading to do.
He removed the annoying contacts - they still itched after all this time - and the wig, settling down on the couch and looking for the first time at the book titles.
'Kama Sutra of Sexual Positions : The Tantric Art of Love'
'Coping With Interracial Dating'
'The History of Sexuality : An Introduction'
'Lightning that Lingers'
'Midsummer Magic'
"What the?!" Zim exclaimed, eyes going wide at the titles. This... didn't sound good. Love? Wasn't love some sort of icky human emotion? Had he been wrong all these years? Was it really an icky human germ? It _would_ explain the drooling that some of his classmates were prone to.... And what was a 'kama'? Perhaps a beast related to a 'camel'? Camels with... sutra... hm... suit cases? What did camels with suit cases have to do with his illness? With a great amount of trepidation, he picked up the first book and opened it, surprised to find a note inside.
'Zim -
These are only a FEW of the books on the subject you seek. When you've narrowed down your search, you may return and I will find you some new books. 'A Mind of Its Own : A Cultural History of the Penis' has always been a personal favourite of mine. Until then, read these but don't you DARE crinkle the pages!!!
- Ms. Nex'
Zim grimaced at the image of the angry libenberrian bearing down on him like a slaughtering rat person. Yes, he could take her out in a matter of seconds with his superior Irken mind and technology, but she would probably make his hearing organs explode with her yelling and he simply didn't have the equipment with him to fix such delicate tissue. "Stupid screaming earth monkeys," he muttered to himself as he began to read.
(note : for the strange and curious, all of the books that Ms. Nex gave Zim are real. The first three you can find on Amazon, as well as the one in her note; I'm not sure about the last two since I found them in a romance novel database. I did my research, darn it, and reality is usually scarier than fiction)