"Stupid wastes of perfectly good air," Zim muttered darkly. His amazingly stupendous plan had not worked out as amazingly stupendously as it was supposed to have. Dib had acted in a most unexpected way; Zim had been waiting for the triumphant laughter and usual taunts that always happened any time Dib (temporarily, of course) won a small battle over him. Then, naturally, Zim would have been able to deduct with his astounding brain power WHAT exactly the human did to him and how to reverse the horrible process. But he hadn't done any of that, seeming instead to flee in loud and screaming fear from Zim. Maybe love was contagious?
The other skool children had acted most oddly as well. Once Dib fled, the girls split off into their normal groups, all giggling and looking at Zim, making him feel rather uncomfortable. Though, he thought, he shouldn't be too surprised. Most stupid monkey humans seemed to be amused by the pain and confusion of other's. He hadn't had much time to dwell on that, however, for the large and well muscled humans were beginning to say things like 'faggot' and look quite menacing as they flexed their arms and glared. Deciding to corner Dib another day to make him confess then, Zim quickly retreated back home.
"And this is still all so confusing," he said to himself, gently rubbing circles near the sides of his eyes to banish the slight headache that was forming there. "I don't understand the Dib human's fear - all of the books said most humans liked being in... ugh.... love." He shuddered and continued to think, laying comfortably back on the couch again. ".... And what was WRONG with those meaty humans?! 'Gay'? Did I look HAPPY to them?! And then calling me a bundle of sticks all bound together?! Did they not think that I would look the stupid word up?! 'Faggot' indeed! I do not resemble these filthy Earth twigs! FOOLS!"
"FOOLS! I'm gonna go get some tuna," Gir said as it entered and then promptly exited the room. One of Zim's eyes twitched but he ignored the little robot for the moment, focusing on his problems.
"I should really iron out this whole icky... 'love' thing before moving on to destroying the Earth and exterminating these human stink beasts. But how? Surely my amazing brain will think up a plan soon.... Sooooon..... Aaany time now," Zim said, pulling himself off the couch then to begin pacing across the living room carpet. Gir trotted out of the kitchen, following Zim and humming happily, which Zim failed to notice since he was so lost in thought.
"Love.... All humans seem to crave it, and yet it makes them weak, like 'cute' makes them weak. Vulnerable. Which is why, of course, that Dib somehow infected me with it. He intends to make me feel... feel...." Zim paused long enough to think of Dib, concentrating on how he felt while doing so. ".... disturbed. Yes, disturbed and yet warm and squishy! Happy and gooey and... stuff like that! Yes! Yeees so very vulnerable. But I know his little plan, ho ho, I'm on to him, yeees...."
"You're on Dib?"
Zim tripped over his own two feet in his surprise at the sound of Gir's voice. Gir looked at his Master laying there for a second before jumping on his back. "DOGPILE!"
"OW!! NO, OFF GIR! GET OFF OF MEEE!!"
"I'm you, you're on Dib, and we're - hey, where is he? Where is heee?!" Gir suddenly shrieked, hopping off of Zim and running into the other room where Zim could hear the robot rummaging through, and likely breaking, things.
"Dib is not HERE, Gir!" Zim yelled after him before sitting up with a disgusted sigh. "I must plan a counter-attack, so I may find the antidote to this 'love' emotion-type virus.... Virus.... Fled because it's contagious....? THAT'S IT! THAT'S IIIT!!! LOVE IS CONTAGIOUS! I'll just make him fall in love with ME and then we'll both be vulnerable to each other but we won't be really so that'll even the score! HA! I'm so smart sometimes, I scare even myself," Zim said smugly.
"Master!" Gir called from the kitchen, pausing in his rummaging.
"What is it, Gir?"
"It's tea time!"
"Wha - Oh! Bloody antennae!" Zim said, whirling around to look at the clock. "It's been five days since I last reported in to the Tallest! I'll have to return to the research station afterwards to get more books." Zim headed into the kitchen, stepping carefully over the mess Gir had made. "I'm going down in to the base. Don't bother me, Gir, I've got to report in."
"Yessir!" Gir snapped briskly before rooting through another cupboard. "Where's pig?"
---
"You know," Red said, reclined comfortably on a maroon plush chair, "Maybe it's about time we let Zim in on the whole joke and had him come home. He HAS gotten taller."
"Mmm, yes," Purple said thoughtfully, "And then, we can have a child, name her Mary Sue and send her to Earth where she can fall in love with Zim or some stinky Earthaniod."
The two Tallest remained quiet for a moment before bursting into laughter.
"You're right, it was a lousy idea. No matter how tall Zim gets, he's still a danger to himself and oth - "
"Incoming transmission from Earth!" The computer butted in suddenly. The two Irken leaders groaned.
"Speak of the failure," Purple muttered, clicking on the computer screen. "What is it THIS time, Zim?"
"Invader Zim, reporting in, my Tallest," Zim said with a salute. "My mission goes well."
"That's nice," Red said, sounding bored. "Have you conquered the planet yet?" It wasn't particularly important to either of the Tallest if Zim DID take over the Earth or not, but it was amusing to see Zim try and come up with excuses for his lack in progress.
"Er, no, not yet, but SOOOOON! I must first rid myself of this disgusting Earth virus I seem to have been infected with."
"Is it fatal?" both Tallest asked at once, sounding eager.
"Ummm, only sometimes. Maybe if I go throw myself off of 'Lover's Leap' or the like.... But do not worry yourselves, my Tallest! I shall make sure that I do no such silly, silly thing."
Purple's antennae drooped slightly while Red cursed.
"Well, that's all for now! I must make use of these human's research stations once more. Invader Zim, signing off!" Zim's image was replaced by static and the two Tallest sighed.
"We reeeally should've sent him to one of those exploding head planets," Red said, grumbling. "Least then he wouldn't be reporting in all the time."
"He wouldn't be reporting in at all. It IS rather difficult to talk with no head. Maybe we can set up some sort of block - "
" - or just tell him to stop calling us - "
" - or just go to this 'Earth' and blow it up with Zim still on it - "
" - or ... Oooh, I like that one."
"I knew you would."
The other skool children had acted most oddly as well. Once Dib fled, the girls split off into their normal groups, all giggling and looking at Zim, making him feel rather uncomfortable. Though, he thought, he shouldn't be too surprised. Most stupid monkey humans seemed to be amused by the pain and confusion of other's. He hadn't had much time to dwell on that, however, for the large and well muscled humans were beginning to say things like 'faggot' and look quite menacing as they flexed their arms and glared. Deciding to corner Dib another day to make him confess then, Zim quickly retreated back home.
"And this is still all so confusing," he said to himself, gently rubbing circles near the sides of his eyes to banish the slight headache that was forming there. "I don't understand the Dib human's fear - all of the books said most humans liked being in... ugh.... love." He shuddered and continued to think, laying comfortably back on the couch again. ".... And what was WRONG with those meaty humans?! 'Gay'? Did I look HAPPY to them?! And then calling me a bundle of sticks all bound together?! Did they not think that I would look the stupid word up?! 'Faggot' indeed! I do not resemble these filthy Earth twigs! FOOLS!"
"FOOLS! I'm gonna go get some tuna," Gir said as it entered and then promptly exited the room. One of Zim's eyes twitched but he ignored the little robot for the moment, focusing on his problems.
"I should really iron out this whole icky... 'love' thing before moving on to destroying the Earth and exterminating these human stink beasts. But how? Surely my amazing brain will think up a plan soon.... Sooooon..... Aaany time now," Zim said, pulling himself off the couch then to begin pacing across the living room carpet. Gir trotted out of the kitchen, following Zim and humming happily, which Zim failed to notice since he was so lost in thought.
"Love.... All humans seem to crave it, and yet it makes them weak, like 'cute' makes them weak. Vulnerable. Which is why, of course, that Dib somehow infected me with it. He intends to make me feel... feel...." Zim paused long enough to think of Dib, concentrating on how he felt while doing so. ".... disturbed. Yes, disturbed and yet warm and squishy! Happy and gooey and... stuff like that! Yes! Yeees so very vulnerable. But I know his little plan, ho ho, I'm on to him, yeees...."
"You're on Dib?"
Zim tripped over his own two feet in his surprise at the sound of Gir's voice. Gir looked at his Master laying there for a second before jumping on his back. "DOGPILE!"
"OW!! NO, OFF GIR! GET OFF OF MEEE!!"
"I'm you, you're on Dib, and we're - hey, where is he? Where is heee?!" Gir suddenly shrieked, hopping off of Zim and running into the other room where Zim could hear the robot rummaging through, and likely breaking, things.
"Dib is not HERE, Gir!" Zim yelled after him before sitting up with a disgusted sigh. "I must plan a counter-attack, so I may find the antidote to this 'love' emotion-type virus.... Virus.... Fled because it's contagious....? THAT'S IT! THAT'S IIIT!!! LOVE IS CONTAGIOUS! I'll just make him fall in love with ME and then we'll both be vulnerable to each other but we won't be really so that'll even the score! HA! I'm so smart sometimes, I scare even myself," Zim said smugly.
"Master!" Gir called from the kitchen, pausing in his rummaging.
"What is it, Gir?"
"It's tea time!"
"Wha - Oh! Bloody antennae!" Zim said, whirling around to look at the clock. "It's been five days since I last reported in to the Tallest! I'll have to return to the research station afterwards to get more books." Zim headed into the kitchen, stepping carefully over the mess Gir had made. "I'm going down in to the base. Don't bother me, Gir, I've got to report in."
"Yessir!" Gir snapped briskly before rooting through another cupboard. "Where's pig?"
---
"You know," Red said, reclined comfortably on a maroon plush chair, "Maybe it's about time we let Zim in on the whole joke and had him come home. He HAS gotten taller."
"Mmm, yes," Purple said thoughtfully, "And then, we can have a child, name her Mary Sue and send her to Earth where she can fall in love with Zim or some stinky Earthaniod."
The two Tallest remained quiet for a moment before bursting into laughter.
"You're right, it was a lousy idea. No matter how tall Zim gets, he's still a danger to himself and oth - "
"Incoming transmission from Earth!" The computer butted in suddenly. The two Irken leaders groaned.
"Speak of the failure," Purple muttered, clicking on the computer screen. "What is it THIS time, Zim?"
"Invader Zim, reporting in, my Tallest," Zim said with a salute. "My mission goes well."
"That's nice," Red said, sounding bored. "Have you conquered the planet yet?" It wasn't particularly important to either of the Tallest if Zim DID take over the Earth or not, but it was amusing to see Zim try and come up with excuses for his lack in progress.
"Er, no, not yet, but SOOOOON! I must first rid myself of this disgusting Earth virus I seem to have been infected with."
"Is it fatal?" both Tallest asked at once, sounding eager.
"Ummm, only sometimes. Maybe if I go throw myself off of 'Lover's Leap' or the like.... But do not worry yourselves, my Tallest! I shall make sure that I do no such silly, silly thing."
Purple's antennae drooped slightly while Red cursed.
"Well, that's all for now! I must make use of these human's research stations once more. Invader Zim, signing off!" Zim's image was replaced by static and the two Tallest sighed.
"We reeeally should've sent him to one of those exploding head planets," Red said, grumbling. "Least then he wouldn't be reporting in all the time."
"He wouldn't be reporting in at all. It IS rather difficult to talk with no head. Maybe we can set up some sort of block - "
" - or just tell him to stop calling us - "
" - or just go to this 'Earth' and blow it up with Zim still on it - "
" - or ... Oooh, I like that one."
"I knew you would."