It had been a long, long day.
Dib'd had trouble falling back to sleep (green aliens with the singing talent of dead woodchucks kept haunting his dreams) and by the time he'd gotten himself downstairs in the morning, Gaz had eaten all of the cereal, so he had to content himself with a cold Pop Tart. Then when Gaz went off to skool since he was taking another 'sick day' off (his dad was already gone), he'd had nothing to do but go back over his old notes on Zim and watch day time talk shows. Watching people more screwed up than himself was always refreshing.
Still, he couldn't keep from eyeing the clock, wondering if and when Zim would show up. Dib just hoped Zim would leave the karaoke machine at home this time. "That's really probably the single most disturbing thing he's done," Dib said to himself as he idly flipped channels on the TV, "I mean, sure, the whole organ stealing thing left a lot of physical damage but this... I'm pretty sure I'm going to need therapy for this."
Dib couldn't help but admit that he was intrigued, however. Sure, it was weird - really, freakishly, horribly weird - but he was curious as to why Zim thought that he was in love with HIM and how it even happened in the first place. "And maybe," Dib continued, "this will be a chance to gather more information on what makes that little alien terror tick and - "
The doorbell rang.
Dib blinked and clicked off the TV. He reeeally hoped it wasn't anyone for his dad; his dad's colleges all liked to pretend he didn't exist and would continue yapping, asking for his father, until he slammed the door in their faces and the fans... well, a lot of the fans were just plain scary. The doorbell rang again and Dib hopped off the couch with a sigh. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" He opened the door and was greeted with a very interesting sight.
Zim, in what appeared to be a hazardous materials suit, holding a bunch of flowers and a mangled looking box of chocolates. "Hello, Dib," Zim's muffled voice came through, "I said I'd be back."
"Um, right," Dib said, staring at this odd spectacle on his doorstep. "You... wanna come inside or something?" The neighbors were starting to stare.
"That would be lovely." Zim stepped inside, waiting until Dib closed the door before removing the bulky suit, revealing himself to be in his normal human disguise. He packed it up before thrusting the flowers and box at Dib. "For you."
"Oookay. Thanks, I think," Dib said, eyeing the two gifts. "What's with the biohazard suit?"
"Oh that? Just a little precaution."
"Against what? Raining toxic waste?"
"Ha ha ha, nooo silly human. The beeeeees." Dib watched as Zim looked around paranoidly, absently making a note to figure out a way to fill a water balloon with bees sometime.
"Right, the bees. What happened to the box?"
Zim scowled at that. "Gir." It'd been a true battle to get the box of candies away from the sweet-toothed robot. He'd only managed to salvage about half of them and just hoped that none of the remaining ones had any Gir drool on them, or that Dib at least wouldn't notice if they did.
"Oh, well, it's the thought that counts, I guess...." Dib said, looking at the gifts a bit warily now. He couldn't be entirely sure that this wasn't some part of a really, really, REALLY strange scheme to somehow defeat him... but it certainly didn't seem like it. 'Maybe Zim's just finally gone crazy,' Dib thought to himself. "I'm going to go put these in water. You... make yourself comfortable, or something," Dib said as he headed into the kitchen.
Zim nodded after him and took this chance to look around the Membrane's living room. He'd only really gotten a decent look at it once before, when he'd invaded Dib's body, but that had been years ago. Still, nothing seemed to have changed much and he plopped comfortably down on the couch, waiting for Dib to return so he could begin the next phase of his amazing new plan.
After a few moments, Dib reappeared, but held up a hand when Zim opened his mouth to speak. "Uh-uh. I have a few questions to ask you, Zim."
Zim's eyes narrowed a bit at not being allowed to continue on with his plan but he shrugged. "Ask away, filthy one."
"Alright, first off," Dib began, pacing as he spoke, "you do know that insulting someone is generally NOT a way to expression affection. Do you mind explaining that?"
"Old habits die hard, cliché as it may be," Zim said with another shrug. "I was going to attempt to cut back on my observations of your personal hygiene, however."
One of Dib's eyes twitched. "Yeah, that would be appreciated, thanks. Secondly, how do you even know that you're in love with ME?"
"It's all very simple, Dib," Zim said, sounding like a bored science teacher, "Whenever you are near me, you increase the pace of my thumpity-bangalar - "
"Your what?"
"It's an organ," Zim said impatiently before continuing with his 'lecture'. "Anyways, I've also been suffering from these horrible visions of you in my head. You humans seem to get them too, but you call them 'fantasies' instead of 'horrible visions' and yours seem to be caused generally by 'hormones'. I've also found myself craving your company these past few days and I've become increasingly interested in if a mating process would be possible - "
"NO WAY!!!"
" - though you don't seem to be interested. Don't worry though, I'll make you interested yet!" Zim eyed Dib, and if Dib didn't know better, he seemed to be shooting him an interesting variation of the 'come hither' look. Dib naturally took a step back.
"Okay, now that I'm really, really sorry that I asked that.... I didn't even know you aliens could feel love," Dib said, blinking.
Zim rolled his eyes. "Well, duuuh. I mean, we can feel happiness and sadness and... stuff like that, just like you disgusting sacks of flesh can. Why would you think that we couldn't?"
"Well.... You've never exactly shown fond feelings towards anyone," Dib pointed out.
"Do YOU show fond feelings towards any of our classmates?"
Dib thought about how the kids at skool treated him. "Um, no." There wasn't exactly anyone there that he was fond of, between the teasing, taunting, and beating.
"I rest my case," Zim said smugly, crossing his arms over his chest.
Dib eyed the smirking alien reclined on his couch. If Zim really WAS in love with him, as he claimed, then maybe, just maybe, this would be a good chance to try and get some information on his race out of him. As casually as he could, Dib pulled a computer pad out of his pocket, readying himself to start typing down information. "Sooo, how common are relationships in your species?"
Zim tapped a gloved finger against his chin briefly in thought. "Not very common. They aren't needed to further the species and most of an Irken's life is spent working. Still, they do happen from time to time." He decided to leave out any mention of the rumors surrounding the Tallest's true relationship; he didn't feel like explaining all of Irken society to the ignorant human.
"What about inter-species relationships?"
Zim shuddered a bit. "Rare, thank goodness. You humans are one of maybe three species that are compatible with us. I mean, really, imagine falling in love with a slaughtering rat person! It's laughable! .... Mwah. Mwahahah. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!--"
Dib waited for Zim to stop laughing, which took about three minutes, before asking his next question. "Slaughtering rat person??"
"Yes, yes, from the planet Blorch, but they're not important," Zim said, waving a hand dismissively. "Are you done with your annoying questions now?"
"No, I - "
"Good!" Zim hopped to his feet. "For now I wish to ask something of my own." Dib looked up from his computer to see Zim approaching him, looking determined. Panic immediately overtook Dib and he quickly began to back away, looking around frantically for the closest lamp or _anything_ that he could use to keep Zim at bay. Zim paused briefly, frowning at Dib. "Oh don't be stupid, human. I'm not going to _hurt_ you." And with that, Zim promptly tackled him.
"GAAAH!! GET OFF ME!! I HAVE A WATER BALLOON AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!! GET OFF - "
Dib's words and struggles were cut short as a cold, almost reptilian tongue slipped into his mouth and cool lips pressed over his own, effectively muffling his protests.
Dib's first thought was that he had to get Zim off of him right _now_.
His second was that he could probably make a bundle by selling his story to Wacky World News.
Dib's struggles started anew, but the alien was stronger than he seemed. Dib considered briefly just biting the invading tongue, before deciding against it since he didn't know just how fragile it was, and the thought of Zim bleeding in his mouth and all over him was really disgusting. He stilled finally in defeat, though it would be a short one, he assured himself, as Zim continued to apparently explore his mouth, his segmented tongue tasting and touching everything.
Finally, Zim pulled away and Dib stared up at him in openmouthed shock while Zim seemed to be thinking. "Hm," he said finally, "that was slimier than I thought it would be. But not unpleasant. Hmmm. Most interesting. Now, what did you think?"
It took Dib a moment to find his voice again. "I THINK," he said, fuming, "that you should never do that again!"
Dib almost felt bad as an odd look briefly crossed Zim's face. "You didn't like it?"
"Well...." Okay, so he _did_ feel bad. Maybe Zim was serious about being in love with him after all. Dib just wished he wouldn't be so... so... so just plain strange about going about it. "Look, the kiss was...." He trailed off, looking for a word that wouldn't upset the alien further, ".... not bad. But you don't FORCE people to let you kiss them! Conquering people and conquering planets are two very different things!"
Zim seemed to consider this, though then his eyes narrowed at Dib. "If I released you, would you let me kiss you again?"
Dib was actually leaning towards the whole 'run away screaming' idea, but there were some annoying voices nagging at him. Come on, one whispered, that did feel really nice. All of someone's attention, someone's _positive_ attention, focused on just you. Not someone asking about your dad or one of Gaz's gamer friends. Someone who is actually in love with you - even if he is short, weird, and green. That's right, another spoke up, an alien. This is your big chance to learn all about him and his species. You can break it off when you've got everything you need.
Dib frowned internally at that last one; while it WAS tempting, it was also pretty immoral. But still.... And then the first voice did have a point. The kiss had been... pretty nice. Dib looked up into Zim's accusing face and sighed. "Yes, I would."
Zim blinked in surprise before regarding Dib again suspiciously. "Okay, but if you try to run off, I'll remove the bones from your legs."
"Uh...."
Zim slowly got off of Dib, watching him carefully all the while. Dib sighed again and sat up, stretching out his arms. "Ahh, good old blood circulation...." He smiled as he wiggled his fingers.
"Dib?"
"Yeah Zim?"
"I'm going to kiss you again now.
"I don't think that's a good - mmf!"
His third thought was that hopefully Gaz wouldn't be coming home from skool early.
Dib'd had trouble falling back to sleep (green aliens with the singing talent of dead woodchucks kept haunting his dreams) and by the time he'd gotten himself downstairs in the morning, Gaz had eaten all of the cereal, so he had to content himself with a cold Pop Tart. Then when Gaz went off to skool since he was taking another 'sick day' off (his dad was already gone), he'd had nothing to do but go back over his old notes on Zim and watch day time talk shows. Watching people more screwed up than himself was always refreshing.
Still, he couldn't keep from eyeing the clock, wondering if and when Zim would show up. Dib just hoped Zim would leave the karaoke machine at home this time. "That's really probably the single most disturbing thing he's done," Dib said to himself as he idly flipped channels on the TV, "I mean, sure, the whole organ stealing thing left a lot of physical damage but this... I'm pretty sure I'm going to need therapy for this."
Dib couldn't help but admit that he was intrigued, however. Sure, it was weird - really, freakishly, horribly weird - but he was curious as to why Zim thought that he was in love with HIM and how it even happened in the first place. "And maybe," Dib continued, "this will be a chance to gather more information on what makes that little alien terror tick and - "
The doorbell rang.
Dib blinked and clicked off the TV. He reeeally hoped it wasn't anyone for his dad; his dad's colleges all liked to pretend he didn't exist and would continue yapping, asking for his father, until he slammed the door in their faces and the fans... well, a lot of the fans were just plain scary. The doorbell rang again and Dib hopped off the couch with a sigh. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" He opened the door and was greeted with a very interesting sight.
Zim, in what appeared to be a hazardous materials suit, holding a bunch of flowers and a mangled looking box of chocolates. "Hello, Dib," Zim's muffled voice came through, "I said I'd be back."
"Um, right," Dib said, staring at this odd spectacle on his doorstep. "You... wanna come inside or something?" The neighbors were starting to stare.
"That would be lovely." Zim stepped inside, waiting until Dib closed the door before removing the bulky suit, revealing himself to be in his normal human disguise. He packed it up before thrusting the flowers and box at Dib. "For you."
"Oookay. Thanks, I think," Dib said, eyeing the two gifts. "What's with the biohazard suit?"
"Oh that? Just a little precaution."
"Against what? Raining toxic waste?"
"Ha ha ha, nooo silly human. The beeeeees." Dib watched as Zim looked around paranoidly, absently making a note to figure out a way to fill a water balloon with bees sometime.
"Right, the bees. What happened to the box?"
Zim scowled at that. "Gir." It'd been a true battle to get the box of candies away from the sweet-toothed robot. He'd only managed to salvage about half of them and just hoped that none of the remaining ones had any Gir drool on them, or that Dib at least wouldn't notice if they did.
"Oh, well, it's the thought that counts, I guess...." Dib said, looking at the gifts a bit warily now. He couldn't be entirely sure that this wasn't some part of a really, really, REALLY strange scheme to somehow defeat him... but it certainly didn't seem like it. 'Maybe Zim's just finally gone crazy,' Dib thought to himself. "I'm going to go put these in water. You... make yourself comfortable, or something," Dib said as he headed into the kitchen.
Zim nodded after him and took this chance to look around the Membrane's living room. He'd only really gotten a decent look at it once before, when he'd invaded Dib's body, but that had been years ago. Still, nothing seemed to have changed much and he plopped comfortably down on the couch, waiting for Dib to return so he could begin the next phase of his amazing new plan.
After a few moments, Dib reappeared, but held up a hand when Zim opened his mouth to speak. "Uh-uh. I have a few questions to ask you, Zim."
Zim's eyes narrowed a bit at not being allowed to continue on with his plan but he shrugged. "Ask away, filthy one."
"Alright, first off," Dib began, pacing as he spoke, "you do know that insulting someone is generally NOT a way to expression affection. Do you mind explaining that?"
"Old habits die hard, cliché as it may be," Zim said with another shrug. "I was going to attempt to cut back on my observations of your personal hygiene, however."
One of Dib's eyes twitched. "Yeah, that would be appreciated, thanks. Secondly, how do you even know that you're in love with ME?"
"It's all very simple, Dib," Zim said, sounding like a bored science teacher, "Whenever you are near me, you increase the pace of my thumpity-bangalar - "
"Your what?"
"It's an organ," Zim said impatiently before continuing with his 'lecture'. "Anyways, I've also been suffering from these horrible visions of you in my head. You humans seem to get them too, but you call them 'fantasies' instead of 'horrible visions' and yours seem to be caused generally by 'hormones'. I've also found myself craving your company these past few days and I've become increasingly interested in if a mating process would be possible - "
"NO WAY!!!"
" - though you don't seem to be interested. Don't worry though, I'll make you interested yet!" Zim eyed Dib, and if Dib didn't know better, he seemed to be shooting him an interesting variation of the 'come hither' look. Dib naturally took a step back.
"Okay, now that I'm really, really sorry that I asked that.... I didn't even know you aliens could feel love," Dib said, blinking.
Zim rolled his eyes. "Well, duuuh. I mean, we can feel happiness and sadness and... stuff like that, just like you disgusting sacks of flesh can. Why would you think that we couldn't?"
"Well.... You've never exactly shown fond feelings towards anyone," Dib pointed out.
"Do YOU show fond feelings towards any of our classmates?"
Dib thought about how the kids at skool treated him. "Um, no." There wasn't exactly anyone there that he was fond of, between the teasing, taunting, and beating.
"I rest my case," Zim said smugly, crossing his arms over his chest.
Dib eyed the smirking alien reclined on his couch. If Zim really WAS in love with him, as he claimed, then maybe, just maybe, this would be a good chance to try and get some information on his race out of him. As casually as he could, Dib pulled a computer pad out of his pocket, readying himself to start typing down information. "Sooo, how common are relationships in your species?"
Zim tapped a gloved finger against his chin briefly in thought. "Not very common. They aren't needed to further the species and most of an Irken's life is spent working. Still, they do happen from time to time." He decided to leave out any mention of the rumors surrounding the Tallest's true relationship; he didn't feel like explaining all of Irken society to the ignorant human.
"What about inter-species relationships?"
Zim shuddered a bit. "Rare, thank goodness. You humans are one of maybe three species that are compatible with us. I mean, really, imagine falling in love with a slaughtering rat person! It's laughable! .... Mwah. Mwahahah. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!--"
Dib waited for Zim to stop laughing, which took about three minutes, before asking his next question. "Slaughtering rat person??"
"Yes, yes, from the planet Blorch, but they're not important," Zim said, waving a hand dismissively. "Are you done with your annoying questions now?"
"No, I - "
"Good!" Zim hopped to his feet. "For now I wish to ask something of my own." Dib looked up from his computer to see Zim approaching him, looking determined. Panic immediately overtook Dib and he quickly began to back away, looking around frantically for the closest lamp or _anything_ that he could use to keep Zim at bay. Zim paused briefly, frowning at Dib. "Oh don't be stupid, human. I'm not going to _hurt_ you." And with that, Zim promptly tackled him.
"GAAAH!! GET OFF ME!! I HAVE A WATER BALLOON AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!! GET OFF - "
Dib's words and struggles were cut short as a cold, almost reptilian tongue slipped into his mouth and cool lips pressed over his own, effectively muffling his protests.
Dib's first thought was that he had to get Zim off of him right _now_.
His second was that he could probably make a bundle by selling his story to Wacky World News.
Dib's struggles started anew, but the alien was stronger than he seemed. Dib considered briefly just biting the invading tongue, before deciding against it since he didn't know just how fragile it was, and the thought of Zim bleeding in his mouth and all over him was really disgusting. He stilled finally in defeat, though it would be a short one, he assured himself, as Zim continued to apparently explore his mouth, his segmented tongue tasting and touching everything.
Finally, Zim pulled away and Dib stared up at him in openmouthed shock while Zim seemed to be thinking. "Hm," he said finally, "that was slimier than I thought it would be. But not unpleasant. Hmmm. Most interesting. Now, what did you think?"
It took Dib a moment to find his voice again. "I THINK," he said, fuming, "that you should never do that again!"
Dib almost felt bad as an odd look briefly crossed Zim's face. "You didn't like it?"
"Well...." Okay, so he _did_ feel bad. Maybe Zim was serious about being in love with him after all. Dib just wished he wouldn't be so... so... so just plain strange about going about it. "Look, the kiss was...." He trailed off, looking for a word that wouldn't upset the alien further, ".... not bad. But you don't FORCE people to let you kiss them! Conquering people and conquering planets are two very different things!"
Zim seemed to consider this, though then his eyes narrowed at Dib. "If I released you, would you let me kiss you again?"
Dib was actually leaning towards the whole 'run away screaming' idea, but there were some annoying voices nagging at him. Come on, one whispered, that did feel really nice. All of someone's attention, someone's _positive_ attention, focused on just you. Not someone asking about your dad or one of Gaz's gamer friends. Someone who is actually in love with you - even if he is short, weird, and green. That's right, another spoke up, an alien. This is your big chance to learn all about him and his species. You can break it off when you've got everything you need.
Dib frowned internally at that last one; while it WAS tempting, it was also pretty immoral. But still.... And then the first voice did have a point. The kiss had been... pretty nice. Dib looked up into Zim's accusing face and sighed. "Yes, I would."
Zim blinked in surprise before regarding Dib again suspiciously. "Okay, but if you try to run off, I'll remove the bones from your legs."
"Uh...."
Zim slowly got off of Dib, watching him carefully all the while. Dib sighed again and sat up, stretching out his arms. "Ahh, good old blood circulation...." He smiled as he wiggled his fingers.
"Dib?"
"Yeah Zim?"
"I'm going to kiss you again now.
"I don't think that's a good - mmf!"
His third thought was that hopefully Gaz wouldn't be coming home from skool early.