Phase two, Zim thought to himself smugly, had gone very well indeed.
Dib's early struggles had come as something of a surprise since everything Zim read had told him that humans yearned for this "love", cherishing it above almost every other emotion. All humans wanted to love and be loved and blah blah blah. Load of sentimental nonsense, really. Irkens, while they were of course perfectly capable of feeling love, dealt with the whole thing so much more rationally than these silly humans with their poems and flowers and trashy romance novels. One would simply do something grand, bold, and usually life-threatening, to attract the attention of the would-be mate. Then, you profess your feelings, and if they were returned, you consummate the relationship and everything is fine and dandy.
But nooo. Not here on Earth. First, you flirt. Then you go through the whole courtship ritual which seemed to vary from stupid stunts not even the bravest Irken would consider to impress a mate to simply showering the object of affection with gifts until they accepted you if only to make you stop. Then there was 'dating', which seemed a lot like courtship to Zim except with more action. Next was being 'engaged', then 'marriage', at which time mating might finally take place, unless it already happened on at the first date. Confusing, stupid things. Zim had no idea at what human stage he was at with Dib now; Dib had not mentioned anything about his own feelings, yet he had eventually become quite enthused about the whole kissing thing. Confusing Earth stink monkey! It was all Dib's fault, as usual.
He'd practically dragged Zim up the stairs to his room when he heard the back door open, announcing the arrival of the scary human girl that Dib was related to. Zim'd been tossed into the room, told not to make a sound and to stay put. And stay put he did - while absently tinkering with Dib's computer, deleting incriminating files, and shredding various photos, of course. While Zim was growing increasing fond of the human, he wasn't about to pass up this chance in enemy territory.
Finally after about an hour, Dib returned. Luckily for Zim, he'd given up on his mini mission of destruction and was now flipping through a UFO 'zine on Dib's bed. He glanced up as Dib entered the room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
"Took you long enough."
"Sorry. We were out of cereal so Gaz and I had to run to the store and figure out which brand to get next," Dib said with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders.
"And you just LEFT me here?!"
"What was I suppose to do?!"
"Ohh, I don't know," Zim said sarcastically with a little wave of his gloved hand. "You could have, say... come up here and told me! Do you have any idea how BORED I was?"
"Look, I said I was so-" Dib's words were cut off as his eyes fell on the small pile of shredded photos in his trash can. ".... I think you kept yourself busy enough."
"Hmph." Zim looked back down at the open magazine in front of him. It was proving an... interesting read. Most of it was complete junk - really, what self respecting alien life form would abduct some smelly human with crooked teeth and hardly any hair for the sole purpose of probing them?! Then again, the one-eyed rock creatures from Granitia were rather odd.... But the aliens described all seemed to resemble an Irken! Green skinned, large eyes that were usually red... but the technology was all wrong and any self respecting invader would wear _clothing_, unlike the pictures. He'd have to look into these articles more. As well as this horrible 'Bat Boy'....
"Are you going to just sit there reading that?"
"Maybe. I could kiss you again."
"No!" Dib back tracked quickly and Zim looked up once more with an annoyed sigh.
"What is WRONG with you?" Really, Dib was _not_ reacting how humans were _suppose_ to act when confronted with love.
"What - what is wrong with ME? MEEE?! I'm not the psychotic little alien going around professing his love to his worst enemy! I think the question here is what is wrong with you!"
"I already told you what was wrong with me," Zim said, his annoyance clear. "I'm in love with you."
"Yes, but - "
"End of discussion!"
Dib gritted his teeth, glaring at the alien sprawled comfortably on his bed, before sighing, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He carefully stepped over the small mess Zim had made and sat down on the edge of his bed, watching Zim for a moment, thinking. "Hey Zim?"
"The face of your Messiah appeared on the side of a cow in Kansas?" Zim muttered to himself outloud before blinking, looking up at the confused looking Dib. "What?"
"Uhh.... Oh! If we're going to be, um," Dib said, brow furrowing as he attempted to find the correct term, "mates or... whatever... don't you think I should know more about your culture?" He quickly got out another computer pad, looking at Zim hopefully.
Zim eyed Dib skeptically for a moment before closing the magazine. "What do you wanna know?" After all, he could always lie.
"Alright, your race, it's... Irken, right?" He'd caught that much from Zim's little 'explanation' earlier. Zim nodded. "Okay. Do all Irken look like you?"
"Mmm.... For the most part, I guess. Well, there are a few other eye colours. Red is the most common, but purple is a close second. Some do have green or blue though," Zim said, eyes narrowed slightly in thought.
"But everyone has green skin?"
"Unless it's been ripped off of them, yes."
Dib blinked. "Ripped... off of them?"
"Not all races are as weak as yours."
"Hey!"
"Well they're not! You humans are pathetic! PATHETIC! How your ancestors weren't killed off by those big... wooly... elephant... things... I'll never know! Conquering this ball of filth will be doing it a favour," Zim finished disgustedly.
Dib stared at him for a moment. He wasn't too surprised by Zim's little outburst; even if Zim was, somehow, really in love with him, he obviously still detested the rest of mankind. There was one teeny tiny little thing bothering him though. "Conquering....?"
"Yes."
"You're... still going to conquer the Earth?!" Dib asked incredulously.
Zim blinked at him, looking as if Dib had just asked if fish really swim in the sea. "Uh, yeeeah."
"What?!" Dib hopped up, gaping open mouthed at the alien. "How - what - ahh! Alright, do you REALLY think that I'm going to agree to, um, be with you or whatever if you're still planning on enslaving the human race?!"
Zim's expression didn't change. "Yes."
"Well you're wrong," Dib said, folding his arms over his chest. "There is NO way I'm - wait. That's it, isn't it? That's your little plan! You were going to throw me off of your trail with all of this love talk!"
"That would be a really _stupid_ plan," Zim sneered.
Dib rolled his eyes. "Right, like ruling mankind with a giant hamster wasn't?"
"Ultra-Peepi was a BRILLIANT plan!! It just... didn't go... as... planned," Zim said weakly before hopping off of Dib's bed as well, glaring at the human. "Now look, Dib, I'm in love with you. I don't like it - well, no, I guess I do, it does feel kind of nice.... But I digress!! This isn't a plot or a scheme or a plan. If it was, you'd be dead by now and I'd be ruling over any survivors of my amazing take-over with an iron fist."
"I kind of doubt that."
"Silence! If you agree to spend more time with me, and by that I mean time in which we enjoy each other's company and you stop trying to get evidence of my Irken nature, I promise not to enslave you or your little family once I take over the planet."
"What about everyone else?" Dib asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Dead or enslaved. But really, doesn't 'everyone else' deserve it?"
"Well...." The kids at skool did, sure, but the rest of mankind? "I dunno...."
Zim frowned at him for a moment before dismissing the subject with a little wave of his hand. "You can give me your final answer tomorrow. Right now... I desire Earth cola! Where do you keep them?"
"I think Gaz has the last one."
"Curses! Hm, well, back to kissing."
"Wait a sec - mmf! Mm...."
---
"Incoming transmission from Earth!"
The Tallest groaned in perfect unison.
"I thought we had that frequency blocked!" Red exclaimed angrily, flopping back into a chair where he proceeded to rub the sides of his head to ward off his headache.
"We did," Purple said, sounding defeated. Zim was like some sort of little insect that kept popping up, no matter how many times they squashed it. Scolding, banishing, sending him off into the cold, cold depths of space with the hopes that he'd fly into a sun.... None of it ever seemed to work. With a sigh, he clicked the screen and sound on. "What is it... now??"
The two Tallest blinked at the screen. Instead of being greeted with the usual sight of Zim, the screen displayed Gir wildly bouncing around the base, pressing buttons and ricocheting off of things.
"He still works," Red said, sounding amazed.
"Yes, very well put together garbage."
"Would you expect any less from me?"
"I won't answer that." Purple tapped a long finger on the console in thought. "It must've accidentally opened up the link...."
"Do you think it accidentally killed Zim?" Red asked hopefully.
"Ooo, let's find out. GIR!"
The robot paused it's mayhem and looked around wildly. "God?! But... I have no more money! Don't toss me into your flaming inferno! Whyyy the flaming inferno?!" Gir burst into sobs.
"Uh...."
"Flaming... inferno?"
Purple coughed loudly and Gir stopped crying, looking around again before it spotted the screen displaying the images of the two Irken leaders. Immediately, it jumped to it's feet and saluted, eyes flashing red. "My Lords!"
"It's almost spooky when it does that," Red mused in the background as Purple tried to keep a straight face.
"Where is your Master, Zim?" Purple asked.
Gir's eyes went back to their normal colour and it clapped it's hands with a little giggle. "He's over at Dib's house!"
"Dib? What is a Dib?" Red asked from the background, too comfortable to move from his chair.
"Dib is the human Master is in luuuuv with!" Gir squealed, hugging itself before blinking. "Monkey show! Bye-bye!"
The screen clicked off, leaving the Tallest staring in stunned silence for a moment.
"Zim....?"
"In love....?"
Slowly, a wide grin broke out across Purple's face and he turned back to look at Red. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That we need to install more lasers at Conventia for the meeting next week?"
Purple's grin faltered somewhat. "Um, no."
"Oh. Uh...." Red thought for a moment, eyes narrowing in thought. "Uhhh.... Ohh! The whole Zim being in love with an alien deal?"
"Yes," Purple said, "I have a plan...."
(note : Sorry this chapter took a bit to get posted. I've been working on the Fic That Is Eating My Brain as well as this, so it's a fun juggling act. For those curious, I plan on wrapping 'Complications' here up in another chapter or two. I hope. I really, really hope. Many, many thanks again to everyone who's reviewed so far!)
Dib's early struggles had come as something of a surprise since everything Zim read had told him that humans yearned for this "love", cherishing it above almost every other emotion. All humans wanted to love and be loved and blah blah blah. Load of sentimental nonsense, really. Irkens, while they were of course perfectly capable of feeling love, dealt with the whole thing so much more rationally than these silly humans with their poems and flowers and trashy romance novels. One would simply do something grand, bold, and usually life-threatening, to attract the attention of the would-be mate. Then, you profess your feelings, and if they were returned, you consummate the relationship and everything is fine and dandy.
But nooo. Not here on Earth. First, you flirt. Then you go through the whole courtship ritual which seemed to vary from stupid stunts not even the bravest Irken would consider to impress a mate to simply showering the object of affection with gifts until they accepted you if only to make you stop. Then there was 'dating', which seemed a lot like courtship to Zim except with more action. Next was being 'engaged', then 'marriage', at which time mating might finally take place, unless it already happened on at the first date. Confusing, stupid things. Zim had no idea at what human stage he was at with Dib now; Dib had not mentioned anything about his own feelings, yet he had eventually become quite enthused about the whole kissing thing. Confusing Earth stink monkey! It was all Dib's fault, as usual.
He'd practically dragged Zim up the stairs to his room when he heard the back door open, announcing the arrival of the scary human girl that Dib was related to. Zim'd been tossed into the room, told not to make a sound and to stay put. And stay put he did - while absently tinkering with Dib's computer, deleting incriminating files, and shredding various photos, of course. While Zim was growing increasing fond of the human, he wasn't about to pass up this chance in enemy territory.
Finally after about an hour, Dib returned. Luckily for Zim, he'd given up on his mini mission of destruction and was now flipping through a UFO 'zine on Dib's bed. He glanced up as Dib entered the room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
"Took you long enough."
"Sorry. We were out of cereal so Gaz and I had to run to the store and figure out which brand to get next," Dib said with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders.
"And you just LEFT me here?!"
"What was I suppose to do?!"
"Ohh, I don't know," Zim said sarcastically with a little wave of his gloved hand. "You could have, say... come up here and told me! Do you have any idea how BORED I was?"
"Look, I said I was so-" Dib's words were cut off as his eyes fell on the small pile of shredded photos in his trash can. ".... I think you kept yourself busy enough."
"Hmph." Zim looked back down at the open magazine in front of him. It was proving an... interesting read. Most of it was complete junk - really, what self respecting alien life form would abduct some smelly human with crooked teeth and hardly any hair for the sole purpose of probing them?! Then again, the one-eyed rock creatures from Granitia were rather odd.... But the aliens described all seemed to resemble an Irken! Green skinned, large eyes that were usually red... but the technology was all wrong and any self respecting invader would wear _clothing_, unlike the pictures. He'd have to look into these articles more. As well as this horrible 'Bat Boy'....
"Are you going to just sit there reading that?"
"Maybe. I could kiss you again."
"No!" Dib back tracked quickly and Zim looked up once more with an annoyed sigh.
"What is WRONG with you?" Really, Dib was _not_ reacting how humans were _suppose_ to act when confronted with love.
"What - what is wrong with ME? MEEE?! I'm not the psychotic little alien going around professing his love to his worst enemy! I think the question here is what is wrong with you!"
"I already told you what was wrong with me," Zim said, his annoyance clear. "I'm in love with you."
"Yes, but - "
"End of discussion!"
Dib gritted his teeth, glaring at the alien sprawled comfortably on his bed, before sighing, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He carefully stepped over the small mess Zim had made and sat down on the edge of his bed, watching Zim for a moment, thinking. "Hey Zim?"
"The face of your Messiah appeared on the side of a cow in Kansas?" Zim muttered to himself outloud before blinking, looking up at the confused looking Dib. "What?"
"Uhh.... Oh! If we're going to be, um," Dib said, brow furrowing as he attempted to find the correct term, "mates or... whatever... don't you think I should know more about your culture?" He quickly got out another computer pad, looking at Zim hopefully.
Zim eyed Dib skeptically for a moment before closing the magazine. "What do you wanna know?" After all, he could always lie.
"Alright, your race, it's... Irken, right?" He'd caught that much from Zim's little 'explanation' earlier. Zim nodded. "Okay. Do all Irken look like you?"
"Mmm.... For the most part, I guess. Well, there are a few other eye colours. Red is the most common, but purple is a close second. Some do have green or blue though," Zim said, eyes narrowed slightly in thought.
"But everyone has green skin?"
"Unless it's been ripped off of them, yes."
Dib blinked. "Ripped... off of them?"
"Not all races are as weak as yours."
"Hey!"
"Well they're not! You humans are pathetic! PATHETIC! How your ancestors weren't killed off by those big... wooly... elephant... things... I'll never know! Conquering this ball of filth will be doing it a favour," Zim finished disgustedly.
Dib stared at him for a moment. He wasn't too surprised by Zim's little outburst; even if Zim was, somehow, really in love with him, he obviously still detested the rest of mankind. There was one teeny tiny little thing bothering him though. "Conquering....?"
"Yes."
"You're... still going to conquer the Earth?!" Dib asked incredulously.
Zim blinked at him, looking as if Dib had just asked if fish really swim in the sea. "Uh, yeeeah."
"What?!" Dib hopped up, gaping open mouthed at the alien. "How - what - ahh! Alright, do you REALLY think that I'm going to agree to, um, be with you or whatever if you're still planning on enslaving the human race?!"
Zim's expression didn't change. "Yes."
"Well you're wrong," Dib said, folding his arms over his chest. "There is NO way I'm - wait. That's it, isn't it? That's your little plan! You were going to throw me off of your trail with all of this love talk!"
"That would be a really _stupid_ plan," Zim sneered.
Dib rolled his eyes. "Right, like ruling mankind with a giant hamster wasn't?"
"Ultra-Peepi was a BRILLIANT plan!! It just... didn't go... as... planned," Zim said weakly before hopping off of Dib's bed as well, glaring at the human. "Now look, Dib, I'm in love with you. I don't like it - well, no, I guess I do, it does feel kind of nice.... But I digress!! This isn't a plot or a scheme or a plan. If it was, you'd be dead by now and I'd be ruling over any survivors of my amazing take-over with an iron fist."
"I kind of doubt that."
"Silence! If you agree to spend more time with me, and by that I mean time in which we enjoy each other's company and you stop trying to get evidence of my Irken nature, I promise not to enslave you or your little family once I take over the planet."
"What about everyone else?" Dib asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Dead or enslaved. But really, doesn't 'everyone else' deserve it?"
"Well...." The kids at skool did, sure, but the rest of mankind? "I dunno...."
Zim frowned at him for a moment before dismissing the subject with a little wave of his hand. "You can give me your final answer tomorrow. Right now... I desire Earth cola! Where do you keep them?"
"I think Gaz has the last one."
"Curses! Hm, well, back to kissing."
"Wait a sec - mmf! Mm...."
---
"Incoming transmission from Earth!"
The Tallest groaned in perfect unison.
"I thought we had that frequency blocked!" Red exclaimed angrily, flopping back into a chair where he proceeded to rub the sides of his head to ward off his headache.
"We did," Purple said, sounding defeated. Zim was like some sort of little insect that kept popping up, no matter how many times they squashed it. Scolding, banishing, sending him off into the cold, cold depths of space with the hopes that he'd fly into a sun.... None of it ever seemed to work. With a sigh, he clicked the screen and sound on. "What is it... now??"
The two Tallest blinked at the screen. Instead of being greeted with the usual sight of Zim, the screen displayed Gir wildly bouncing around the base, pressing buttons and ricocheting off of things.
"He still works," Red said, sounding amazed.
"Yes, very well put together garbage."
"Would you expect any less from me?"
"I won't answer that." Purple tapped a long finger on the console in thought. "It must've accidentally opened up the link...."
"Do you think it accidentally killed Zim?" Red asked hopefully.
"Ooo, let's find out. GIR!"
The robot paused it's mayhem and looked around wildly. "God?! But... I have no more money! Don't toss me into your flaming inferno! Whyyy the flaming inferno?!" Gir burst into sobs.
"Uh...."
"Flaming... inferno?"
Purple coughed loudly and Gir stopped crying, looking around again before it spotted the screen displaying the images of the two Irken leaders. Immediately, it jumped to it's feet and saluted, eyes flashing red. "My Lords!"
"It's almost spooky when it does that," Red mused in the background as Purple tried to keep a straight face.
"Where is your Master, Zim?" Purple asked.
Gir's eyes went back to their normal colour and it clapped it's hands with a little giggle. "He's over at Dib's house!"
"Dib? What is a Dib?" Red asked from the background, too comfortable to move from his chair.
"Dib is the human Master is in luuuuv with!" Gir squealed, hugging itself before blinking. "Monkey show! Bye-bye!"
The screen clicked off, leaving the Tallest staring in stunned silence for a moment.
"Zim....?"
"In love....?"
Slowly, a wide grin broke out across Purple's face and he turned back to look at Red. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That we need to install more lasers at Conventia for the meeting next week?"
Purple's grin faltered somewhat. "Um, no."
"Oh. Uh...." Red thought for a moment, eyes narrowing in thought. "Uhhh.... Ohh! The whole Zim being in love with an alien deal?"
"Yes," Purple said, "I have a plan...."
(note : Sorry this chapter took a bit to get posted. I've been working on the Fic That Is Eating My Brain as well as this, so it's a fun juggling act. For those curious, I plan on wrapping 'Complications' here up in another chapter or two. I hope. I really, really hope. Many, many thanks again to everyone who's reviewed so far!)