Ureta Tsumi (A Ripened Sin)
Chapter Eleven: Bougainvillea
By: NurikoLuver (Trudy Haley)
Author's Notes: Waaaah! x_X I didn't care for the last chapter much...But this Chapter...Waoi!
Okay, I know you're already asking about that strange, freaky title. Or atleast thinking about it. Well, according to the folks at dictionary.com, a Bougainvillea is "Any of several South American woody shrubs or vines of the genus Bougainvillea having groups of three petallike, showy, variously colored bracts attached to the flowers." I'm hoping *SOMEONE* graspes the symbolism in the choosing of that title, atleast by the end of the story. ^^;; Or better yet, chapter. ^^;;
Surgeon General's Warning: Uber-cute Aurikku-ness up ahead
"Maybe someone should go check on Rikku," Lulu suggested. Already, five minutes after her departure they were already worried about her. Rikku wasn't her usual 'boom like festival fireworks' self. Maybe that's what scared them the most. With every step of the journey, people were changing. They were changing.
"I'll go." No one was surprised to hear Auron suddenly volunteer. In the past couple of days, he and Rikku had gotten remarkably close. A week ago, everyone would have blinked in surprise at the mere suggestion of Auron talking to Rikku. But gradually, over the past few days, it became the social norm.
Rikku knew that it would be moments until someone came into the room. No use sleeping. She simply lay atop the bed, staring at the ceiling. Maybe always pretending to be okay wasn't the greatest idea. Now, when she really WAS depressed, it would be compared to her constantly-chipper attitude and look worse than it really was.
But she did want to protect the others. She didn't want them to worry about her. But suddenly, it seemed to backfire. She only hurt them worse when she couldn't handle the power struggle inside her heart.
But this was the first time she failed...atleast that she could remember, upon consciously making that decision. Was this one time worth all the other times she could have hurt others? She had no previous evidence to base her findings on. Maybe she *SHOULD* continue this charade. Besides, Rikku knew she wasn't the only one. She DEFINITELY wasn't the only one.
There was a soft tap-ing on the door. Rikku knew who it was before they even came in.
"Come in, Auron." She sighed. She was unsure of WHAT she wanted. One minute she wanted to sleep, the next she wanted Auron at her side. Was she really that fickle?
"Rikku..." He sat on the edge of her bed, just as unsure as Rikku herself as to what the tear-stained girl wanted.
"He loves her, doesn't he?" Rikku wiped her tears on her arm. No use showing tears. What good would that do? Nothing. Nothing.
"Who?" Auron knew what she was talking about. He just didn't know how to respond.
"Tidus...he loves Yuna, doesn't he?"
Auron decided maybe it was better not to answer. Not now. Better to say nothing than to say something and be thought a fool.
"Why didn't you tell me? You KNEW, didn't you?"
"I knew..."
"Why didn't you tell me, then?"
"As long as you didn't know...you could still keep your dreams alive. I didn't think you'd find out so easily..."
"What are you saying? That I'm STUPID?!"
"No--"
Rikku tossed a pillow at him. "You're such a jerk!"
Auron stared at her in silence, holding the pillow in his lap. Tears were streaming down her face now, and she didn't seem to care whether or not Auron saw her while she was weak.
"I...I'm sorry...I've just become a monster, haven't I? That's all this journey has taught me. How BAD of a person I am...I mean, I'm upset, I take this out on you. YOU, Auron, of all people. I'm just so stupid."
Auron didn't know what to say- so he said nothing.
"I just...I just can't beleive myself, sometimes. I just...I just want to be a hero, and when I'm a hero, I end up regretting it...I wanted-- I wanted so bad to fight with you...with you when you were fighting Seymour. And now, I live...regretting it. Every day since then, I've wondered, 'Why did you do that? He *WAS* human. He may have been evil, he may have been prepared to kill us, but...he was still LIVING.' It was after that...after that, that I realized that I don't really know what I want...every time I get what I want, look where it gets me...LOOK."
Auron just nodded in recognition of her words.
"I betrayed my people. Just look at me...I fought against our cause...because of it, the Guado destroyed Home. And then, look what I do. I become a coward and don't even fight alongside you! I betray my own people-- and then I leave it to you...to you to do all the hard work."
"No- that's not true," Auron protested. "It wasn't your fault the Guado attacked Home. And you didn't betray your people. You wanted to protect Yuna, right? They did too. You were just choosing a different means of doing it."
Rikku nodded numbly.
"You shouldn't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. Who knows WHY the Guado decided to attack Home. It could have been any of us. I'm sure Lulu and Wakka wouldn't blame themselves if the Guado destroyed Besaid. And I know I wouldn't blame myself if Kilika was destroyed by the Guado. If it's anyone's fault- it's the Guados."
"But--"
"No but's, Rikku. You've got to learn to live without regrets. I've learned- I've learned from you- that although you shouldn't regret the past, you shouldn't be ashamed to show your feelings. But look what you're doing. You're wiping your tears, you're trying not to cry. I can see it in your face..."
He he pressed his hand against her cheek, her eyes watering even more upon his soft touch.
"...Don't feel this way, Rikku. Even if you don't want to hurt anyone, even if you don't want anyone to worry about you, you can talk to me. It's best if you share how you feel with one person, that way you hurt people less when things like this happen." He smiled.
It was right then- right at that moment, as his right cheek rose in a dimpled smile-- that she realized she loved him. Those feelings she had for Tidus...she realized, thought she had loved him at one point, that as time progressed, those feelings weren't as strong anymore. It was...it was because of HIM. Because of Auron.
I love him. I LOVE Auron. The words seemed foreign at first, but as it set in, the less surprising it seemed. This whole time, while surpressing all of her emotions, she failed to identify the one that mattered most...
She didn't know what to say. But even if she knew what to say, she wasn't sure that she could say it. After all, what happened if he didn't feel the same way? Would their friendship become more distant at the mention of love? Would their words become awkward around one another? She couldn't risk it. Not now. She couldn't risk something that valuable...not yet. Once she knew he loved her, she would confess...
But for right now, she could jump into his embrace and simply cry- and then later, blame it on everything that happened.
And that's what she did.
Uber-short, uber-cute. I can't wait to write the next chapter, but for right now, I'm feeling worn out, and I want to work a little longer with the wacom before going to bed. Please r/r. Constructive critism appreciated. ^^;;
Chapter Eleven: Bougainvillea
By: NurikoLuver (Trudy Haley)
Author's Notes: Waaaah! x_X I didn't care for the last chapter much...But this Chapter...Waoi!
Okay, I know you're already asking about that strange, freaky title. Or atleast thinking about it. Well, according to the folks at dictionary.com, a Bougainvillea is "Any of several South American woody shrubs or vines of the genus Bougainvillea having groups of three petallike, showy, variously colored bracts attached to the flowers." I'm hoping *SOMEONE* graspes the symbolism in the choosing of that title, atleast by the end of the story. ^^;; Or better yet, chapter. ^^;;
Surgeon General's Warning: Uber-cute Aurikku-ness up ahead
"Maybe someone should go check on Rikku," Lulu suggested. Already, five minutes after her departure they were already worried about her. Rikku wasn't her usual 'boom like festival fireworks' self. Maybe that's what scared them the most. With every step of the journey, people were changing. They were changing.
"I'll go." No one was surprised to hear Auron suddenly volunteer. In the past couple of days, he and Rikku had gotten remarkably close. A week ago, everyone would have blinked in surprise at the mere suggestion of Auron talking to Rikku. But gradually, over the past few days, it became the social norm.
Rikku knew that it would be moments until someone came into the room. No use sleeping. She simply lay atop the bed, staring at the ceiling. Maybe always pretending to be okay wasn't the greatest idea. Now, when she really WAS depressed, it would be compared to her constantly-chipper attitude and look worse than it really was.
But she did want to protect the others. She didn't want them to worry about her. But suddenly, it seemed to backfire. She only hurt them worse when she couldn't handle the power struggle inside her heart.
But this was the first time she failed...atleast that she could remember, upon consciously making that decision. Was this one time worth all the other times she could have hurt others? She had no previous evidence to base her findings on. Maybe she *SHOULD* continue this charade. Besides, Rikku knew she wasn't the only one. She DEFINITELY wasn't the only one.
There was a soft tap-ing on the door. Rikku knew who it was before they even came in.
"Come in, Auron." She sighed. She was unsure of WHAT she wanted. One minute she wanted to sleep, the next she wanted Auron at her side. Was she really that fickle?
"Rikku..." He sat on the edge of her bed, just as unsure as Rikku herself as to what the tear-stained girl wanted.
"He loves her, doesn't he?" Rikku wiped her tears on her arm. No use showing tears. What good would that do? Nothing. Nothing.
"Who?" Auron knew what she was talking about. He just didn't know how to respond.
"Tidus...he loves Yuna, doesn't he?"
Auron decided maybe it was better not to answer. Not now. Better to say nothing than to say something and be thought a fool.
"Why didn't you tell me? You KNEW, didn't you?"
"I knew..."
"Why didn't you tell me, then?"
"As long as you didn't know...you could still keep your dreams alive. I didn't think you'd find out so easily..."
"What are you saying? That I'm STUPID?!"
"No--"
Rikku tossed a pillow at him. "You're such a jerk!"
Auron stared at her in silence, holding the pillow in his lap. Tears were streaming down her face now, and she didn't seem to care whether or not Auron saw her while she was weak.
"I...I'm sorry...I've just become a monster, haven't I? That's all this journey has taught me. How BAD of a person I am...I mean, I'm upset, I take this out on you. YOU, Auron, of all people. I'm just so stupid."
Auron didn't know what to say- so he said nothing.
"I just...I just can't beleive myself, sometimes. I just...I just want to be a hero, and when I'm a hero, I end up regretting it...I wanted-- I wanted so bad to fight with you...with you when you were fighting Seymour. And now, I live...regretting it. Every day since then, I've wondered, 'Why did you do that? He *WAS* human. He may have been evil, he may have been prepared to kill us, but...he was still LIVING.' It was after that...after that, that I realized that I don't really know what I want...every time I get what I want, look where it gets me...LOOK."
Auron just nodded in recognition of her words.
"I betrayed my people. Just look at me...I fought against our cause...because of it, the Guado destroyed Home. And then, look what I do. I become a coward and don't even fight alongside you! I betray my own people-- and then I leave it to you...to you to do all the hard work."
"No- that's not true," Auron protested. "It wasn't your fault the Guado attacked Home. And you didn't betray your people. You wanted to protect Yuna, right? They did too. You were just choosing a different means of doing it."
Rikku nodded numbly.
"You shouldn't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. Who knows WHY the Guado decided to attack Home. It could have been any of us. I'm sure Lulu and Wakka wouldn't blame themselves if the Guado destroyed Besaid. And I know I wouldn't blame myself if Kilika was destroyed by the Guado. If it's anyone's fault- it's the Guados."
"But--"
"No but's, Rikku. You've got to learn to live without regrets. I've learned- I've learned from you- that although you shouldn't regret the past, you shouldn't be ashamed to show your feelings. But look what you're doing. You're wiping your tears, you're trying not to cry. I can see it in your face..."
He he pressed his hand against her cheek, her eyes watering even more upon his soft touch.
"...Don't feel this way, Rikku. Even if you don't want to hurt anyone, even if you don't want anyone to worry about you, you can talk to me. It's best if you share how you feel with one person, that way you hurt people less when things like this happen." He smiled.
It was right then- right at that moment, as his right cheek rose in a dimpled smile-- that she realized she loved him. Those feelings she had for Tidus...she realized, thought she had loved him at one point, that as time progressed, those feelings weren't as strong anymore. It was...it was because of HIM. Because of Auron.
I love him. I LOVE Auron. The words seemed foreign at first, but as it set in, the less surprising it seemed. This whole time, while surpressing all of her emotions, she failed to identify the one that mattered most...
She didn't know what to say. But even if she knew what to say, she wasn't sure that she could say it. After all, what happened if he didn't feel the same way? Would their friendship become more distant at the mention of love? Would their words become awkward around one another? She couldn't risk it. Not now. She couldn't risk something that valuable...not yet. Once she knew he loved her, she would confess...
But for right now, she could jump into his embrace and simply cry- and then later, blame it on everything that happened.
And that's what she did.
Uber-short, uber-cute. I can't wait to write the next chapter, but for right now, I'm feeling worn out, and I want to work a little longer with the wacom before going to bed. Please r/r. Constructive critism appreciated. ^^;;