Heero froze. He exhaled, the faintest hint of a sigh. When he had delivered
his promise, he had not expected to have been called to his word so soon.
He had thought...thought that he could have been given time to heal- if
healing he would ever find now. But to remain in Duo's world any longer was
a bittersweet curse, one that drew him and one that in truth he could not
escape now- without breaking his solemn oath. For though his promise had
been casual aloud, within it was the same as a sacred vow. Duo would be
under his protection, even if he found love in the arms of another.
"Of course." He turned back to face Duo- seeing a strange kind of pain in his eyes. There was something in his voice as well, that Heero would have called fear or doubt- perhaps even desperation. But why those unfamiliar sounds? Duo had never sounded that way, not even when Heero had come to kill him, those months that seemed like years ago. He would help Duo however Duo wanted him help- and no more, never any more than that.
His right arm hung loose at his side, his left hand cupping the elbow. He did not look at Duo, but over his shoulder.
"Show me what you need."
So many shades of meaning, such desperate need.
The same quiet, colorless tone of voice.
Duo took a deep breath, closing his eyes. Heero wasn't looking, he could take just half a breath to pull his mask in place again. The tension in Heero's body, the strength to all of him, the way his hair fell wildly. For another half a breath all Duo could think of was how much he loved this man. And he'd better come up with a real good project that needed Heero's help. Duo grinned tentatively. Heero would stay for a while. "Heero," he said, not able to keep himself from making the word into a softly voiced expression of love. "Come to the table, I'll show you, uh? "
He dumped the papers on the table, and spread them out with one hand, fanning them out in no particular order. Maps, schematics, permits, and notes all there and all only slightly wrinkled. He fished through the papers, for the schematic of the target. "There, that's what I'm after. It's powered down and no one knew it was there, till, the debris shifted a bit. That's one valuable hunk of space junk." Duo held the paper out to Heero, watching him intently for any little clue as to what Heero was really doing here, why he got so upset. Duo almost despised the desperation he felt to keep Heero close this time. Still, he'd given up doing things the nice way a long time ago. He just wanted Heero close, and to see him smile. Yes, he really wanted to see him smile, and that might take some time.
Heero picked up a few papers and read them thoroughly, his cobalt eyes absorbing information at a rate both admirable and frightening. He had hardly raised one sheet to his face before he set it down and turned to another, the papers blurred in his hands, his eyes racing across the printouts, schematics, pausing to pay loving homage to the few scrawled notes in Duo's handwriting- bold and curving.
He did not look at Duo's eyes- because they were nets in which his soul was already caught, he didn't need to be reminded of that, he was bound to one who he could never have. Perhaps- the thought passed across his mind, drifting over the text that continued to fly before his eyes- this was his punishment for all the murder and destruction, the vast bounty of human misery he had reaped in his life. His efforts for atonement had obviously failed, this was his hell.
No- it was absurd, Trieze had known the truth- there was no God who ordered human lives. Man stood or fell on his own two feet. Heero realized he had not absorbed the information from the page in front of him, shaking his head in irritation he read it again.
When he was done there was a neat stack of papers on one side of the table, if Duo had pressed a ruler against it- not one would have moved independently of the others.
Such was Heero's way- and he did it without premeditated thought.
"It looks interesting. What will you do with the information you recover from Wufei's colony?"
"Wah! Man, you're amazing!" Duo said, who'd just stood there watching, hoping for all the life in him Heero didn't find it too easy, and tell him to manage it on his own. "I thought we might," he paused to rub real diligently at the side of one bruised little finger, "If there's anything left in there, download it, and give it to Wu-man. He doesn't need the hardware, though I guess he's got more claim to it than us, but the hardware can be auctioned off. It's kinda delicate, cuz I gotta go in and hook the cables too it and there's a lot of debris. Blasting the parts that are in the way, isn't really an option. Any kind of concussion could hurt the computer more than it is already." Duo closed his mouth real tight before he started rambling on about how happy he was that Heero was staying. Heero might not think it'd be odd behavior, and maybe it wouldn't be for him, but he'd already come too close to driving Heero away and he was gonna be good! He was.
Heero nodded once to show that he had heard all that Duo had to say. Another time, a lifetime ago- he might have found the voice of the pilot- running as it did like a mountain brook- rather annoying. Now...now he cherished every syllable that fell from Duo's lips. It didn't matter what he was talking about, computers or concussions- it was the sound of his voice, just to sit and listen to that voice- so alive- was bliss. In that voice Heero found he could, for a moment, forget the pain and the feeling of isolation that had come between them.
But when Duo stopped that pain returned- even more oppressive and insistent than before. The only remedy was the mission- to become buried so deeply in the work at hand that he no longer felt emotions as they clutched at his heart. Only the mission would matter.
It was so tempting to slip back into that familiar state, where nothing concerned him, where nothing could touch his cold hard shell. The missions had been his life, but now...a sense of real revulsion was there. He did not want to go back to how it had been- that was the past, and a long and bloody past it had been, and now it was over.
So that way was closed, he could not escape by cutting off his heart and operating as a soulless machine any longer. He had a heart, and it throbbed painfully within his chest. He was almost surprised that Duo hadn't said anything, for he was nearly sure that his rib cage must be vibrating from the force of his beating heart.
Heero put his hands back in his lap, looking at his interwoven fingers. He started to think of how he wanted to put them on Duo's hands, and weave their fingers together- but he pulled his mind away quickly, as though burned by the thought.
"When do you want to get started? I'm ready, whenever you are."
Forever.
The day was just full of surprises. It would be possible, with Heero's help, to do the job in one day. Even do it this day, but then Heero would leave. Duo set a hand down on the table, bracing himself. It wasn't that he was really all that battered from the accident. He'd had way worse in the war. It was the very real fear that Heero would leave and not come back. Light headed, he sat down, and tried to catch his breath, collect his thoughts.
"Heero," he started, drawing the name out just a little. "Maybe we could go tomorrow. I have all the permits and stuff, and with both of us, it's not that big of a job. But, you know," Duo said, as inspiration hit him, "Getting the data off what's left it might be kinda hard. Maybe you could stay for a few days, help me get the data? Then we could give it to Wufei, together?" Duo tilted his head and gave Heero his very best smile, his heart hiding in his mouth. "What do you say? Can you stay for a little while?"
Like maybe.
Forever.
Heero regarded that smiling face, feeling absolutely torn. He had to do as Duo asked of him, he had given his word. And more than that, he had given his heart- though Duo would never know it now. Still, if he had to meet the one who had taken Duo's heart, it would surely be his undoing. Heero's mask cracked for just a moment as terror and a deep sadness threatened to wear away at his resolve. He turned his head, not looking at Duo's face. It was too dangerous to look at that face.
"Whatever you need." He murmured quietly, utterly devastated. How long could he take this? Working beside Duo who he loved while Duo loved another? It was incomprehensible. These were not the kind of things he had been trained to deal with, and just killing the object of Duo's affections would only result in his being banished from the braided pilots life forever.
And Forever was a very long time.
"You're really awesome!" Duo said cheerfully, bouncing out of his chair. Now that he knew Heero was staying, the world was good. Of course, Heero looked like someone was sending him on a one way mission, but Duo would find a way to fix that! He'd make him like it here sooo much that the Perfect Solider would never want to leave. Duo rocked forward onto the balls of his feet, then spun around, barely missing smacking Heero with his braid. "I'll cook some lunch. We'll make plans! Oh, Heero, I'm so glad you could come and help me with this. It's gonna be great to work together again."
Duo grinned over his shoulder, violet eyes glittering happy. He opened the cabinet door, and quickly rummaged through for some soup. He really had no idea what Heero liked to eat, but he knew what he himself liked. God, Hilde was gonna laugh her ass off over him throwing himself at Heero. She just didn't understand. He couldn't risk Heero leaving and hating him. "I'll make my favorite! I've been saving it. Do you want some coffee? I've got some ice cream and some pop too."
He fumbled in the drawer for a can opener, watching Heero over his shoulder. So many things he didn't understand, but he did know he was whole, now that Heero was here.
With Duo only haunting his peripheral vision, Heero felt he could relax his facial muscles a little. The strain of holding that perfectly still, passionless look was becoming intolerable. As soon as he let his will slip a little his brow furrowed and his lips curved down in a sharp frown. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch, grateful for the soft fabric on his hot neck. His fingers twitched in his lap, clenching and unclenching. He wanted Duo so badly, it was a physical ache, more demanding than any of the pains he had suffered in his chaotic life. Duo was being so accommodating, it was so like him to open his home to an old acquaintance- his mind shivered away from even "friend" which implied too much warmth- when he had other things on his mind. Surely knowing Duo he was obsessing over this romantic interest.
"Duo. Won't, your...lover mind my being here all the time?"
He couldn't stay silent any longer. If he kept that within his throat he would have died- choking on grief. Maybe Duo would send him away, maybe he would reassure him.
At this point Heero wasn't sure which option he preferred.
"Of course." He turned back to face Duo- seeing a strange kind of pain in his eyes. There was something in his voice as well, that Heero would have called fear or doubt- perhaps even desperation. But why those unfamiliar sounds? Duo had never sounded that way, not even when Heero had come to kill him, those months that seemed like years ago. He would help Duo however Duo wanted him help- and no more, never any more than that.
His right arm hung loose at his side, his left hand cupping the elbow. He did not look at Duo, but over his shoulder.
"Show me what you need."
So many shades of meaning, such desperate need.
The same quiet, colorless tone of voice.
Duo took a deep breath, closing his eyes. Heero wasn't looking, he could take just half a breath to pull his mask in place again. The tension in Heero's body, the strength to all of him, the way his hair fell wildly. For another half a breath all Duo could think of was how much he loved this man. And he'd better come up with a real good project that needed Heero's help. Duo grinned tentatively. Heero would stay for a while. "Heero," he said, not able to keep himself from making the word into a softly voiced expression of love. "Come to the table, I'll show you, uh? "
He dumped the papers on the table, and spread them out with one hand, fanning them out in no particular order. Maps, schematics, permits, and notes all there and all only slightly wrinkled. He fished through the papers, for the schematic of the target. "There, that's what I'm after. It's powered down and no one knew it was there, till, the debris shifted a bit. That's one valuable hunk of space junk." Duo held the paper out to Heero, watching him intently for any little clue as to what Heero was really doing here, why he got so upset. Duo almost despised the desperation he felt to keep Heero close this time. Still, he'd given up doing things the nice way a long time ago. He just wanted Heero close, and to see him smile. Yes, he really wanted to see him smile, and that might take some time.
Heero picked up a few papers and read them thoroughly, his cobalt eyes absorbing information at a rate both admirable and frightening. He had hardly raised one sheet to his face before he set it down and turned to another, the papers blurred in his hands, his eyes racing across the printouts, schematics, pausing to pay loving homage to the few scrawled notes in Duo's handwriting- bold and curving.
He did not look at Duo's eyes- because they were nets in which his soul was already caught, he didn't need to be reminded of that, he was bound to one who he could never have. Perhaps- the thought passed across his mind, drifting over the text that continued to fly before his eyes- this was his punishment for all the murder and destruction, the vast bounty of human misery he had reaped in his life. His efforts for atonement had obviously failed, this was his hell.
No- it was absurd, Trieze had known the truth- there was no God who ordered human lives. Man stood or fell on his own two feet. Heero realized he had not absorbed the information from the page in front of him, shaking his head in irritation he read it again.
When he was done there was a neat stack of papers on one side of the table, if Duo had pressed a ruler against it- not one would have moved independently of the others.
Such was Heero's way- and he did it without premeditated thought.
"It looks interesting. What will you do with the information you recover from Wufei's colony?"
"Wah! Man, you're amazing!" Duo said, who'd just stood there watching, hoping for all the life in him Heero didn't find it too easy, and tell him to manage it on his own. "I thought we might," he paused to rub real diligently at the side of one bruised little finger, "If there's anything left in there, download it, and give it to Wu-man. He doesn't need the hardware, though I guess he's got more claim to it than us, but the hardware can be auctioned off. It's kinda delicate, cuz I gotta go in and hook the cables too it and there's a lot of debris. Blasting the parts that are in the way, isn't really an option. Any kind of concussion could hurt the computer more than it is already." Duo closed his mouth real tight before he started rambling on about how happy he was that Heero was staying. Heero might not think it'd be odd behavior, and maybe it wouldn't be for him, but he'd already come too close to driving Heero away and he was gonna be good! He was.
Heero nodded once to show that he had heard all that Duo had to say. Another time, a lifetime ago- he might have found the voice of the pilot- running as it did like a mountain brook- rather annoying. Now...now he cherished every syllable that fell from Duo's lips. It didn't matter what he was talking about, computers or concussions- it was the sound of his voice, just to sit and listen to that voice- so alive- was bliss. In that voice Heero found he could, for a moment, forget the pain and the feeling of isolation that had come between them.
But when Duo stopped that pain returned- even more oppressive and insistent than before. The only remedy was the mission- to become buried so deeply in the work at hand that he no longer felt emotions as they clutched at his heart. Only the mission would matter.
It was so tempting to slip back into that familiar state, where nothing concerned him, where nothing could touch his cold hard shell. The missions had been his life, but now...a sense of real revulsion was there. He did not want to go back to how it had been- that was the past, and a long and bloody past it had been, and now it was over.
So that way was closed, he could not escape by cutting off his heart and operating as a soulless machine any longer. He had a heart, and it throbbed painfully within his chest. He was almost surprised that Duo hadn't said anything, for he was nearly sure that his rib cage must be vibrating from the force of his beating heart.
Heero put his hands back in his lap, looking at his interwoven fingers. He started to think of how he wanted to put them on Duo's hands, and weave their fingers together- but he pulled his mind away quickly, as though burned by the thought.
"When do you want to get started? I'm ready, whenever you are."
Forever.
The day was just full of surprises. It would be possible, with Heero's help, to do the job in one day. Even do it this day, but then Heero would leave. Duo set a hand down on the table, bracing himself. It wasn't that he was really all that battered from the accident. He'd had way worse in the war. It was the very real fear that Heero would leave and not come back. Light headed, he sat down, and tried to catch his breath, collect his thoughts.
"Heero," he started, drawing the name out just a little. "Maybe we could go tomorrow. I have all the permits and stuff, and with both of us, it's not that big of a job. But, you know," Duo said, as inspiration hit him, "Getting the data off what's left it might be kinda hard. Maybe you could stay for a few days, help me get the data? Then we could give it to Wufei, together?" Duo tilted his head and gave Heero his very best smile, his heart hiding in his mouth. "What do you say? Can you stay for a little while?"
Like maybe.
Forever.
Heero regarded that smiling face, feeling absolutely torn. He had to do as Duo asked of him, he had given his word. And more than that, he had given his heart- though Duo would never know it now. Still, if he had to meet the one who had taken Duo's heart, it would surely be his undoing. Heero's mask cracked for just a moment as terror and a deep sadness threatened to wear away at his resolve. He turned his head, not looking at Duo's face. It was too dangerous to look at that face.
"Whatever you need." He murmured quietly, utterly devastated. How long could he take this? Working beside Duo who he loved while Duo loved another? It was incomprehensible. These were not the kind of things he had been trained to deal with, and just killing the object of Duo's affections would only result in his being banished from the braided pilots life forever.
And Forever was a very long time.
"You're really awesome!" Duo said cheerfully, bouncing out of his chair. Now that he knew Heero was staying, the world was good. Of course, Heero looked like someone was sending him on a one way mission, but Duo would find a way to fix that! He'd make him like it here sooo much that the Perfect Solider would never want to leave. Duo rocked forward onto the balls of his feet, then spun around, barely missing smacking Heero with his braid. "I'll cook some lunch. We'll make plans! Oh, Heero, I'm so glad you could come and help me with this. It's gonna be great to work together again."
Duo grinned over his shoulder, violet eyes glittering happy. He opened the cabinet door, and quickly rummaged through for some soup. He really had no idea what Heero liked to eat, but he knew what he himself liked. God, Hilde was gonna laugh her ass off over him throwing himself at Heero. She just didn't understand. He couldn't risk Heero leaving and hating him. "I'll make my favorite! I've been saving it. Do you want some coffee? I've got some ice cream and some pop too."
He fumbled in the drawer for a can opener, watching Heero over his shoulder. So many things he didn't understand, but he did know he was whole, now that Heero was here.
With Duo only haunting his peripheral vision, Heero felt he could relax his facial muscles a little. The strain of holding that perfectly still, passionless look was becoming intolerable. As soon as he let his will slip a little his brow furrowed and his lips curved down in a sharp frown. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch, grateful for the soft fabric on his hot neck. His fingers twitched in his lap, clenching and unclenching. He wanted Duo so badly, it was a physical ache, more demanding than any of the pains he had suffered in his chaotic life. Duo was being so accommodating, it was so like him to open his home to an old acquaintance- his mind shivered away from even "friend" which implied too much warmth- when he had other things on his mind. Surely knowing Duo he was obsessing over this romantic interest.
"Duo. Won't, your...lover mind my being here all the time?"
He couldn't stay silent any longer. If he kept that within his throat he would have died- choking on grief. Maybe Duo would send him away, maybe he would reassure him.
At this point Heero wasn't sure which option he preferred.