Heero stared into Duo's eyes. He could never feel foolish staring into
those eyes. It seemed like a perfectly wonderful thing to do- to look at
Duo's eyes and nothing else, on the subway, on the shuttle, in the park.
Flowers couldn't compare to them, jewels were pale reflections of them, the
sun and the moon surely envied them.
Heero felt all of Duo's strong warm body rubbing against him, and his blood stirred. He smiled- really happy for the first time in a long while. Careful not to jostle Duo's injured arm, he took the other hand in his, interweaving his fingers with Duo's. He leaned forward just a little and pressed his lips to Duo's cheek.
"People put too much value in virgins. Your worth more than a title."
For half breath, Duo clung to self-anger, to his fears of not being good enough, clean enough for Heero. He squeezed his hand, fingers interlaced with Heero's and it felt good. He pressed his cheek to Heero's kiss, then leaned just a little forward and kissed Heero's cheek, then back towards his ear. Very gently he breathed, "I ain't never been good at feeling guilty, though I do give it some practice now and then. Heero, I want you to have the very best, and I," Duo stopped talking and kissed Heero's throat, buying himself sometime. "I'm just Death," he whispered, "But I'm happy with you. I want to make love you and give you half of everything I got. It ain't a lot, mind you and I got some big things I'm tryin to do, but Heero, damn, Heero, it's too fast, I'm sure, but I don't want you to ever go out of my life again. I'll do anything to help you be happy here. And hell, I talk too much. Kiss me again?"
"You talk too much..." But it wasn't so much a statement as a kind of wistful remembrance. How could he have been so stupid back then? Duo's voice was music, he could listen to it forever. Telling him to shut up was like ordering the angelic choirs to be silent.
"I'll never tell you to be quiet again!" He said it fiercely, Duo's love made him bold.
"I'm not a diplomat, I won't play games Duo. I want all of you- and I want you to have all of me!"
He didn't wait for a reaction, he didn't want to wait. Heero was frightened, what if he was asking more than Duo could give? But he loved him so much, and this was all so new, and then he was kissing him again, kissing him hard with all the pent-up passion of lonely months spent keeping dreams tightly locked in his head- like a splendid desert city trapped within a bottle. He wanted to crush Duo to him, to press their skin together so tightly that they might become one body. But Duo's arm was still broken and he would never do anything to hurt the pilot of Deathscythe.
His lips worked just fine though- much to Heero's delight.
Those words hit him hard, even if it didn't show. 'You talk too much.' Duo almost curled up and died right there! There was something in the way it was said though, that was like Heero was just remembering saying it. Then came the next part. It broke open the bands of fear over Duo's heart. He knew Heero would not say something he didn't mean, and if he would never tell him to be quite, it mean that he really wanted to hear him, meant that he really loved him, him, not just who he wished he was or some sexual thing, but really wanted him. That's what those words meant to Duo.
Light headed, feeling like his lips had never been kissed, or perhaps that they were just being cleaned now with this kiss, Duo slipped his tongue into Heero's mouth, exploring it, tasting his tongue. The kiss filled him, Heero's tongue, lips breath all so sweet and soft. Duo moaned, tears filling his eyes, warm pleasant tears from the intensity of his feelings. Heero.
For so long he'd looked for home, for peace, for belonging. "I'm yours, Heero," Duo said, crying, kissing Heero's face, chin, throat. He wiggled his good hand free and pulled the fastener from his braid, starting it unbraiding. There were some real important things he had to tell Heero, soon. But he couldn't bare to do it just yet. "I'm so yours. Heero, I so glad you came here. I want you, all of you, and I don't want you to ever leave. I want to make love with you." Duo ran a hand through Heero's hair, searching his eyes. "What do you think about making love?"
Heero stood listening, his hands half open at his sides- as if trying to grasp a hold of some ephemeral being that Duo left behind in his wake. He could feel the heat coming off the other boy, he wanted to sink deeper into that warmth. Duo's long hair unbound was stunning. It rippled and waved, catching the light- holding the glow of the artificial lamps in its tresses, making it seem more real.
But love...it wasn't the way that Duo made it out to be. He didn't...didn't want to just stick parts of their bodies together and call that love. He felt something for Duo that transcended all those things.
"Duo..."
He put his hand over Duo's heart, felt it beat- strong and yet uncertain beneath his palm.
"Being near you- I'm making love with you."
The words were hard. Heero had never done this before. He hadn't read romance novels or spent long hours pouring over sappy fiction. He didn't know what the right thing was to say or do or think. All he could do was try, try to show Duo that for some reason he was more important to him than anything else.
"You are... not just a beautiful body. You are... Duo. I love Duo."
He frowned at the floor, he was messing it all up. His tongue felt thick, he had been a soldier, not a poet. He wasn't answering Duo's question. He didn't know- he didn't have experience with these things.
Duo just knew it. He wasn't sure what he knew, but he knew it scared him. Duo laid his hand over Heero's hand. If Heero didn't want him to fuck him, what did he want? He loved Duo? "All I can seem to do is cry, Heero," Duo said sniffling and hating it. He loved saying Heero's name though. Okay, so maybe Heero didn't want him like a lover. That hurt pretty bad, but it wasn't so bad. And Heero kissed him, really kissed him. Thinking about that kiss brought Duo peace. If that was the last kiss of his life, he could live on that.
Tilting his head so he was eye height with Heero, he smiled. "I love you. You know, I ain't never said that to anyone else before. Not like I love you like I feel ripped in half when you aren't here. And you know, it's okay, however you want it, Heero. I didn't make you sad, did I? I don't wanna push or anything, I just wanna give you what I have."
The hurt he saw in Duo's eyes was almost his undoing. The only reason he didn't flee was because in running he would ruin the pilot of Deathscythe forever. Heero had started this mess, Heero had to finish it. He didn't move his hand, he liked touching Duo- and having Duo touch him. Feeling Duo's heart was...strange. It was a metaphor and it was real. He was holding Duo's heart in his hands. The immensity of that realization staggered him. It was an enormous responsibility. He hadn't made his point- that he loved Duo the being, not Duo the body alone. Oh he was beautiful, but on so many levels...
"When you looked at me...with those eyes..."
His face clenched with pain and confusion, a mirror of his worry. He wasn't a speaker- he was a doer. But this situation called for words.
"When you're upset- I'm upset. I'm not rejecting you!"
To make his point he again sought Duo's lips with his own. For a brief moment he was rough, insistent with his kiss. He had a point to prove. And breaking away, he kept his eyes locked to Duo's. His face was again smooth and clear, full of intent.
"I love all of you. You are beautiful. You know more than I do about love...I want to learn from you."
He wanted to hear Duo's voice saying his name. He wanted to sit next to him and listen to him tell him things that he had never known, show him things that he had never thought possible. But why was it so hard to say it like that? The words sounded fine in his head, but they came out all jumbled in his mouth.
"Teach me what you want. Please. Duo."
"Teach me how to make you happy? Heero, I just want you here, want you near me, want to be good to you. And when you kiss me, it's like, like I'm good and clean and like nothing I ever felt before. Heero Yuy, what if I'm not beautiful inside? What if I'm like, well, like uh," Duo stumbled over his own words, emotions unleashed from where they'd been safely stashed and now raging in him. Duo was practical though, ruthless about emotions that weren't helping him. He licked his lips and hugged Heero with one arm, with all his might. "I got everything I want, right here. Right now. You're here and you don't wanna go away. That's all I want."
Duo looked up at him and grinned, realizing it was completely true. He just wanted Heero here. Heero had said he wasn't rejecting him, and s'okay, Heero didn't fuck him on the kitchen floor. That actually felt good. Awakening with him, a little flame of self respect flickered to life, not just cuz he could steal anything, or cuz he was Death or cuz he was doing this or had great hair, but because.. Heero loved? Respected? Duo didn't know the word, but Heero something'ed the very essence of who he was and ... that made everything, absolutely everything different. "Heero," Duo said, not knowing how to explain it, but feeling like maybe he didn't have to. "Thank you. Thank you. Hey. How about I make that lunch then we can sit real close while we eat? Please?"
Heero nodded. That sounded good- very good. Everything was moving too quickly. He didn't even know what he was going to do next or say next in this state. He found his heart was beating out of control, and he had a tremor in his hands that wouldn't quit.
Did love do that to everyone?
"Aa" He murmured. "What should I do...?"
Duo stepped away and gently lifted his arm back into the sling. The fingers were too swollen to really bend much and he was really very careful with it, but he was also grinning with all his being. "You can just be. Do anything you like, Heero. It's your house too. I'll just get the soup open and in the pot. I suppose you could get out a couple pops, if you want."
In a moment, the soup can was pinned the flatware drawer, Duo holding it tight with his hip, as he tries to get the can opener on it. No way was he gonna let it fall over on his fingers again. Part of him thought he should ask Heero to open the can and he paused, can opener just on the edge of it. "Uh, Heero. Could you hold the can?"
Heero had his head buried in a low cupboard. He wasn't about to ask Duo for directions to the soda. Oh no- it had become something of a mission for him. The first cabinet had dishes, the second various cookware. The soda had to be around somewhere...but then Duo was calling him and he had to postpone the search and retrieve operation for the moment.
He pulled his head out from under the counter and quickstepped over to Duo, pressing his chest against Duo's back- taking the can into one hand- slender but strong enough to crush it with only a little effort. His other arm slid around Duo's waist. It felt good to be like this. Heero imagined this must be the "Domestic Bliss" he had heard of once. Just two people madly in love, opening a soup can together.
Perfect.
Duo smiled softly as Heero went through the cabinets. He wanted to reach out and sooth that wild hair down. It had been hard to ask Heero for help, but Duo expected that was part of opening up to him. If they were gonna love each other, they could help each other and it was okay.
Heero had such strong fingers. Duo took his time looking at them. Slender, neat, the cuticle trimmed back, nails even, perfect just like the rest of him. Duo found himself wanting to suckle one, too take it between his lips, just to taste it, to feel the texture, not to get Heero to like him or be able to tolerate him, but just because he wanted the sensation.
Then the can was open though and he got a pot out from inside the oven, and on to the stove. Even got the old fashioned stove lit with one and the soup into it. "There's some green onion, on the top shelf of the fridge, next to the pop. What kind do you like? Of pop? Do you want a cup Heero? Heero, I really love you," he said the last kinda fast, a little casual, as if he couldn't believe it was okay to say that. He smiled crookedly, watching Heero as he stirred the soup with his good hand.
Heero leaned against the counter, feeling the rough plastic as it dug against his hip. He watched Duo move. The boy swayed and turned with the grace of a dancer. Part of it was his fighting talent that made all his limbs limber and toned, but another part was his natural grace. Duo looked beautiful, his unbound hair glittering and shimmering as he moved.
"I don't know what kind I like. I'll get myself a cup. I love you too."
He smiled a little, brushing back thick brown hair from his eyes. Normally he wouldn't bother, but his bangs were getting in the way of seeing Duo- something that was quite intolerable.
It was a shimmery, shuddery feeling in Duo's chest, right behind his breast bone. He almost felt like his face was frozen in a smile till he shook his head, hair shaking around his face. He loves me! Duo couldn't believe he was thinking that and awake at the same time. Stirring the soup, he also thought about Heero not knowing what kinda pop he liked. There had to be a lot of things Heero didn't know about then. Duo felt really self conscious for thinking they might just get it on on the kitchen floor now. He had to make the first time really special. Candles and a scented bath and he found himself licking his lip getting bowls down.
He set those on the counter, and checked the temperature of the soup. There weren't very many times that Duo could remember not having much to say. The truth was he had a lot of things to say, but he didn't want to say something and mess everything up. So he set Heero's soup on the table and got his own. Then motioned for Heero to come sit down. "Bring me one of the strawberry pops, please?"
*Heero grabbed up a can of strawberry soda and took another of the same kind for himself. This was absolutely surreal in its entirety. Heero Yuy, killer, assassin, freedom fighter...no more. Sitting down to lunch with Duo Maxwell, Death incarnate, fellow killer...and now his...boyfriend? It was domestic bliss.
Heero was not familiar with domestic bliss.
Heero felt all of Duo's strong warm body rubbing against him, and his blood stirred. He smiled- really happy for the first time in a long while. Careful not to jostle Duo's injured arm, he took the other hand in his, interweaving his fingers with Duo's. He leaned forward just a little and pressed his lips to Duo's cheek.
"People put too much value in virgins. Your worth more than a title."
For half breath, Duo clung to self-anger, to his fears of not being good enough, clean enough for Heero. He squeezed his hand, fingers interlaced with Heero's and it felt good. He pressed his cheek to Heero's kiss, then leaned just a little forward and kissed Heero's cheek, then back towards his ear. Very gently he breathed, "I ain't never been good at feeling guilty, though I do give it some practice now and then. Heero, I want you to have the very best, and I," Duo stopped talking and kissed Heero's throat, buying himself sometime. "I'm just Death," he whispered, "But I'm happy with you. I want to make love you and give you half of everything I got. It ain't a lot, mind you and I got some big things I'm tryin to do, but Heero, damn, Heero, it's too fast, I'm sure, but I don't want you to ever go out of my life again. I'll do anything to help you be happy here. And hell, I talk too much. Kiss me again?"
"You talk too much..." But it wasn't so much a statement as a kind of wistful remembrance. How could he have been so stupid back then? Duo's voice was music, he could listen to it forever. Telling him to shut up was like ordering the angelic choirs to be silent.
"I'll never tell you to be quiet again!" He said it fiercely, Duo's love made him bold.
"I'm not a diplomat, I won't play games Duo. I want all of you- and I want you to have all of me!"
He didn't wait for a reaction, he didn't want to wait. Heero was frightened, what if he was asking more than Duo could give? But he loved him so much, and this was all so new, and then he was kissing him again, kissing him hard with all the pent-up passion of lonely months spent keeping dreams tightly locked in his head- like a splendid desert city trapped within a bottle. He wanted to crush Duo to him, to press their skin together so tightly that they might become one body. But Duo's arm was still broken and he would never do anything to hurt the pilot of Deathscythe.
His lips worked just fine though- much to Heero's delight.
Those words hit him hard, even if it didn't show. 'You talk too much.' Duo almost curled up and died right there! There was something in the way it was said though, that was like Heero was just remembering saying it. Then came the next part. It broke open the bands of fear over Duo's heart. He knew Heero would not say something he didn't mean, and if he would never tell him to be quite, it mean that he really wanted to hear him, meant that he really loved him, him, not just who he wished he was or some sexual thing, but really wanted him. That's what those words meant to Duo.
Light headed, feeling like his lips had never been kissed, or perhaps that they were just being cleaned now with this kiss, Duo slipped his tongue into Heero's mouth, exploring it, tasting his tongue. The kiss filled him, Heero's tongue, lips breath all so sweet and soft. Duo moaned, tears filling his eyes, warm pleasant tears from the intensity of his feelings. Heero.
For so long he'd looked for home, for peace, for belonging. "I'm yours, Heero," Duo said, crying, kissing Heero's face, chin, throat. He wiggled his good hand free and pulled the fastener from his braid, starting it unbraiding. There were some real important things he had to tell Heero, soon. But he couldn't bare to do it just yet. "I'm so yours. Heero, I so glad you came here. I want you, all of you, and I don't want you to ever leave. I want to make love with you." Duo ran a hand through Heero's hair, searching his eyes. "What do you think about making love?"
Heero stood listening, his hands half open at his sides- as if trying to grasp a hold of some ephemeral being that Duo left behind in his wake. He could feel the heat coming off the other boy, he wanted to sink deeper into that warmth. Duo's long hair unbound was stunning. It rippled and waved, catching the light- holding the glow of the artificial lamps in its tresses, making it seem more real.
But love...it wasn't the way that Duo made it out to be. He didn't...didn't want to just stick parts of their bodies together and call that love. He felt something for Duo that transcended all those things.
"Duo..."
He put his hand over Duo's heart, felt it beat- strong and yet uncertain beneath his palm.
"Being near you- I'm making love with you."
The words were hard. Heero had never done this before. He hadn't read romance novels or spent long hours pouring over sappy fiction. He didn't know what the right thing was to say or do or think. All he could do was try, try to show Duo that for some reason he was more important to him than anything else.
"You are... not just a beautiful body. You are... Duo. I love Duo."
He frowned at the floor, he was messing it all up. His tongue felt thick, he had been a soldier, not a poet. He wasn't answering Duo's question. He didn't know- he didn't have experience with these things.
Duo just knew it. He wasn't sure what he knew, but he knew it scared him. Duo laid his hand over Heero's hand. If Heero didn't want him to fuck him, what did he want? He loved Duo? "All I can seem to do is cry, Heero," Duo said sniffling and hating it. He loved saying Heero's name though. Okay, so maybe Heero didn't want him like a lover. That hurt pretty bad, but it wasn't so bad. And Heero kissed him, really kissed him. Thinking about that kiss brought Duo peace. If that was the last kiss of his life, he could live on that.
Tilting his head so he was eye height with Heero, he smiled. "I love you. You know, I ain't never said that to anyone else before. Not like I love you like I feel ripped in half when you aren't here. And you know, it's okay, however you want it, Heero. I didn't make you sad, did I? I don't wanna push or anything, I just wanna give you what I have."
The hurt he saw in Duo's eyes was almost his undoing. The only reason he didn't flee was because in running he would ruin the pilot of Deathscythe forever. Heero had started this mess, Heero had to finish it. He didn't move his hand, he liked touching Duo- and having Duo touch him. Feeling Duo's heart was...strange. It was a metaphor and it was real. He was holding Duo's heart in his hands. The immensity of that realization staggered him. It was an enormous responsibility. He hadn't made his point- that he loved Duo the being, not Duo the body alone. Oh he was beautiful, but on so many levels...
"When you looked at me...with those eyes..."
His face clenched with pain and confusion, a mirror of his worry. He wasn't a speaker- he was a doer. But this situation called for words.
"When you're upset- I'm upset. I'm not rejecting you!"
To make his point he again sought Duo's lips with his own. For a brief moment he was rough, insistent with his kiss. He had a point to prove. And breaking away, he kept his eyes locked to Duo's. His face was again smooth and clear, full of intent.
"I love all of you. You are beautiful. You know more than I do about love...I want to learn from you."
He wanted to hear Duo's voice saying his name. He wanted to sit next to him and listen to him tell him things that he had never known, show him things that he had never thought possible. But why was it so hard to say it like that? The words sounded fine in his head, but they came out all jumbled in his mouth.
"Teach me what you want. Please. Duo."
"Teach me how to make you happy? Heero, I just want you here, want you near me, want to be good to you. And when you kiss me, it's like, like I'm good and clean and like nothing I ever felt before. Heero Yuy, what if I'm not beautiful inside? What if I'm like, well, like uh," Duo stumbled over his own words, emotions unleashed from where they'd been safely stashed and now raging in him. Duo was practical though, ruthless about emotions that weren't helping him. He licked his lips and hugged Heero with one arm, with all his might. "I got everything I want, right here. Right now. You're here and you don't wanna go away. That's all I want."
Duo looked up at him and grinned, realizing it was completely true. He just wanted Heero here. Heero had said he wasn't rejecting him, and s'okay, Heero didn't fuck him on the kitchen floor. That actually felt good. Awakening with him, a little flame of self respect flickered to life, not just cuz he could steal anything, or cuz he was Death or cuz he was doing this or had great hair, but because.. Heero loved? Respected? Duo didn't know the word, but Heero something'ed the very essence of who he was and ... that made everything, absolutely everything different. "Heero," Duo said, not knowing how to explain it, but feeling like maybe he didn't have to. "Thank you. Thank you. Hey. How about I make that lunch then we can sit real close while we eat? Please?"
Heero nodded. That sounded good- very good. Everything was moving too quickly. He didn't even know what he was going to do next or say next in this state. He found his heart was beating out of control, and he had a tremor in his hands that wouldn't quit.
Did love do that to everyone?
"Aa" He murmured. "What should I do...?"
Duo stepped away and gently lifted his arm back into the sling. The fingers were too swollen to really bend much and he was really very careful with it, but he was also grinning with all his being. "You can just be. Do anything you like, Heero. It's your house too. I'll just get the soup open and in the pot. I suppose you could get out a couple pops, if you want."
In a moment, the soup can was pinned the flatware drawer, Duo holding it tight with his hip, as he tries to get the can opener on it. No way was he gonna let it fall over on his fingers again. Part of him thought he should ask Heero to open the can and he paused, can opener just on the edge of it. "Uh, Heero. Could you hold the can?"
Heero had his head buried in a low cupboard. He wasn't about to ask Duo for directions to the soda. Oh no- it had become something of a mission for him. The first cabinet had dishes, the second various cookware. The soda had to be around somewhere...but then Duo was calling him and he had to postpone the search and retrieve operation for the moment.
He pulled his head out from under the counter and quickstepped over to Duo, pressing his chest against Duo's back- taking the can into one hand- slender but strong enough to crush it with only a little effort. His other arm slid around Duo's waist. It felt good to be like this. Heero imagined this must be the "Domestic Bliss" he had heard of once. Just two people madly in love, opening a soup can together.
Perfect.
Duo smiled softly as Heero went through the cabinets. He wanted to reach out and sooth that wild hair down. It had been hard to ask Heero for help, but Duo expected that was part of opening up to him. If they were gonna love each other, they could help each other and it was okay.
Heero had such strong fingers. Duo took his time looking at them. Slender, neat, the cuticle trimmed back, nails even, perfect just like the rest of him. Duo found himself wanting to suckle one, too take it between his lips, just to taste it, to feel the texture, not to get Heero to like him or be able to tolerate him, but just because he wanted the sensation.
Then the can was open though and he got a pot out from inside the oven, and on to the stove. Even got the old fashioned stove lit with one and the soup into it. "There's some green onion, on the top shelf of the fridge, next to the pop. What kind do you like? Of pop? Do you want a cup Heero? Heero, I really love you," he said the last kinda fast, a little casual, as if he couldn't believe it was okay to say that. He smiled crookedly, watching Heero as he stirred the soup with his good hand.
Heero leaned against the counter, feeling the rough plastic as it dug against his hip. He watched Duo move. The boy swayed and turned with the grace of a dancer. Part of it was his fighting talent that made all his limbs limber and toned, but another part was his natural grace. Duo looked beautiful, his unbound hair glittering and shimmering as he moved.
"I don't know what kind I like. I'll get myself a cup. I love you too."
He smiled a little, brushing back thick brown hair from his eyes. Normally he wouldn't bother, but his bangs were getting in the way of seeing Duo- something that was quite intolerable.
It was a shimmery, shuddery feeling in Duo's chest, right behind his breast bone. He almost felt like his face was frozen in a smile till he shook his head, hair shaking around his face. He loves me! Duo couldn't believe he was thinking that and awake at the same time. Stirring the soup, he also thought about Heero not knowing what kinda pop he liked. There had to be a lot of things Heero didn't know about then. Duo felt really self conscious for thinking they might just get it on on the kitchen floor now. He had to make the first time really special. Candles and a scented bath and he found himself licking his lip getting bowls down.
He set those on the counter, and checked the temperature of the soup. There weren't very many times that Duo could remember not having much to say. The truth was he had a lot of things to say, but he didn't want to say something and mess everything up. So he set Heero's soup on the table and got his own. Then motioned for Heero to come sit down. "Bring me one of the strawberry pops, please?"
*Heero grabbed up a can of strawberry soda and took another of the same kind for himself. This was absolutely surreal in its entirety. Heero Yuy, killer, assassin, freedom fighter...no more. Sitting down to lunch with Duo Maxwell, Death incarnate, fellow killer...and now his...boyfriend? It was domestic bliss.
Heero was not familiar with domestic bliss.