Where You Least Expect To Find It
Disclaimer: Do you actually think I own Fushigi Yuugi? Well , I don't, b/c if I did I'd be rich, male, and Japanese.
Hotohori nearly ran from the room, tears in his eyes. He ran because he didn't want others to see the emotions he had so gracefully hidden while in Miaka's presence. But as he hurried down the hall he could no longer contain the anguish that burned inside his soul. He loved her, he wanted her, he needed her. Why couldn't she understand? Why did she have to love him? What did Tamahome have that he didn't? Engrossed in his own musings, Hotohori neglected to watch where he was going and slammed into a figure that through his tars he could not identify in the dim light.
"Hotohori-sama, is that you? Why, you're crying! What's the matter?!"
Then Hotohori knew exactly who the figure was. Straightening, and wiping the tears from his face with his robe he replied, "Nothing Nuriko, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind, it's not easy running a country you know."
"Nonsense." said Nuriko, "You were crying because you're upset. Please tell me what's wrong." Without giving Hotohori a chance to answer Nuriko led him into a nearby sitting room and sat him on a chair, taking a place across from him. Hotohori was surprised by his own need and willingness to purge his over-burdened soul to Nuriko's willing ears. Without hesitation or explanation he began pouring forth his thoughts, fears and desires to this friend with whom he had only ever shared limited confidences before.
"I love her, Nuriko. I don't understand why she doesn't love me. I mean, I'm powerful, rich, loving, and certainly the most beautiful man she'll find in this country by far."
"You mean Miaka, don't you?" Nuriko asked even though he was already painfully aware of the answer.
"Yes." the Emperor answered, beginning to tear up again. "I just went to her room and confessed my love for her and she rejected me. Why would she do that? Why does she have to love him? Is there something wrong with me that I don't know about?"
"No!" Nuriko said more loudly than he meant to. "There is certainly nothing wrong with you. You are all of those things you just said and more." Saying this came easy for Nuriko because he really meant it. Hotohori was kind and wonderful. Not to mention gorgeous. Just thinking about those eyes, that face, and that long hair gave Nuriko chills. Little did Hotohori know how often Nuriko had asked himself the exact same things about the emperor's infatuation with the priestess of Suzaku.
Sniffing and wiping his eyes again Hotohori hiccupped, "It certainly doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm the most unlovable person in the world. The only person I've ever loved loves someone else. It feels like no one could ever love me."
Hearing this, Nuriko knew he had to tell his secret. The secret he'd been keeping for over a year now, the secret that kept him awake at night, unable to sleep for the noise of his own anguished sobbing. He felt like Hotohori every night. Like he was the most unlovable person in the world. He was afraid of Hotohori's reaction, but seeing the man he loved in such pain made Nuriko brave. He had to take some of that pain away, even if the only way to do it was to take it on as his own. He took a deep breath and began the confession that he knew would change his, and Hotohori's, world forever.
"Hotohori-sama, don't feel that way, because its not true. You are lovable, very lovable. And I know this because... well, because..."
A lump suddenly formed in Nuriko's throat and he found it difficult to go on. But he knew that he had to finish, if not for Hotohori, then for himself.
"I know that because I love you. I love you and I have for a very long time. I don't expect for you to love me back, I just couldn't let you think that you weren't worthy of love, because it's the least true thing I've ever heard. You're wonderful, and smart, and caring, and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I just wanted you to know that."
His confession over, Nuriko got up to leave the room and found is feet were made of lead. He was drained and felt empty, thinking that the void inside his heart would never be filled.
Stunned, Hotohori just sat in the chair for a moment, not thinking. Then the magnitude of what had just happened hit him like a runaway farm cart and he was awestruck. He looked up at Nuriko, just standing at the door. He realized what an insensitive fool he'd been. He had thought only of himself and his own problems for so long that he had failed to notice the suffering of his one true friend. But his friend had not deserted him. Nuriko had seen his suffering and had voluntarily made it his own. Hotohori knew he had to repay this somehow. But Hotohori didn't know what to say to Nuriko's profession of love. To be truthful, he had never thought of Nuriko that way. Nor any man for that matter. But seeing Nuriko now in a whole new light made him want to try. In an action that Hotohori was almost sure he would regret later, he rose from his seat and walked to Nuriko who was still standing by the door, unable to make himself open it and walk out. As he got closer, Hotohori realized that his friend was crying softly. The Emperor's heart broke. Coming up behind his friend he touched Nuriko's shoulder and turned him around. In Nuriko's eyes was a question, which Hotohori answered with a kiss. It was soft, tentative, and unsure, but it was a kiss. As Hotohori, pulled back he realized that it hadn't been as bad as he had feared.
In fact, it hadn't been bad at all. It was actually very pleasant. Nuriko's soft lips and sweet smell had begun to intoxicate him, and all he could think was that he wanted to do it again. Putting his arms around a shocked Nuriko, he leaned n again. Snapping out of his disbelief, Nuriko awoke just in time to pull Hotohori closer and savor the kisses he had waited for for so long. Their lips pressed together, they were connected, and each felt a link that was impossible to deny. They knew that they had started something, although neither was at all sure where it was going to end. But it was clear that things were escalating. Still joined at the lips they stumbled to a chaise and fell. Hands roamed, lips parted, and tongues explored. Suddenly it was very hot in the sitting room. Hands ran through hair, and it became clear in what direction things were leading. In that moment Hotohori realized that he wasn't exactly ready for that yet. Everything was just too fats. Gathering his willpower, he broke their kiss and gathered Nuriko's hands, gently giving them back to him. Seeing the questioning look in Nuriko's eyes he explained,
"Nuriko, this is nice, very nice. But I don't think I'm ready for where this is leading. I need some time to think, just for a little while. I have some decisions I have to make now and I want to do it with a clear head."
"I understand." said Nuriko. "You know where my room is, Hotohori, come anytime you're ready. If you decide that's never, then I can live on the gift you've just given me. But I hope this isn't it."
With that, Nuriko got up, and strode to the door, closing it gently behind him. After a moment Hotohori got up and went back to his own room. He paced the floor for hours he couldn't count. But in the end, he knew what he had to do.
Hotohori left his room that evening at seven o'clock and walked quickly down the hall. At his destination, he knocked softly on the door and disappeared inside when it was opened. The Emperor wasn't seen again until nine o'clock the next morning when he left that room, bleary-eyed and sleepy. It was clear to anyone who laid eyes on the Emperor that he hadn't gotten any sleep in between. He left happy, because not only had he found someone he could love, but he found love. As always, hidden where you least expect to find it.
THE END
Disclaimer: Do you actually think I own Fushigi Yuugi? Well , I don't, b/c if I did I'd be rich, male, and Japanese.
Hotohori nearly ran from the room, tears in his eyes. He ran because he didn't want others to see the emotions he had so gracefully hidden while in Miaka's presence. But as he hurried down the hall he could no longer contain the anguish that burned inside his soul. He loved her, he wanted her, he needed her. Why couldn't she understand? Why did she have to love him? What did Tamahome have that he didn't? Engrossed in his own musings, Hotohori neglected to watch where he was going and slammed into a figure that through his tars he could not identify in the dim light.
"Hotohori-sama, is that you? Why, you're crying! What's the matter?!"
Then Hotohori knew exactly who the figure was. Straightening, and wiping the tears from his face with his robe he replied, "Nothing Nuriko, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind, it's not easy running a country you know."
"Nonsense." said Nuriko, "You were crying because you're upset. Please tell me what's wrong." Without giving Hotohori a chance to answer Nuriko led him into a nearby sitting room and sat him on a chair, taking a place across from him. Hotohori was surprised by his own need and willingness to purge his over-burdened soul to Nuriko's willing ears. Without hesitation or explanation he began pouring forth his thoughts, fears and desires to this friend with whom he had only ever shared limited confidences before.
"I love her, Nuriko. I don't understand why she doesn't love me. I mean, I'm powerful, rich, loving, and certainly the most beautiful man she'll find in this country by far."
"You mean Miaka, don't you?" Nuriko asked even though he was already painfully aware of the answer.
"Yes." the Emperor answered, beginning to tear up again. "I just went to her room and confessed my love for her and she rejected me. Why would she do that? Why does she have to love him? Is there something wrong with me that I don't know about?"
"No!" Nuriko said more loudly than he meant to. "There is certainly nothing wrong with you. You are all of those things you just said and more." Saying this came easy for Nuriko because he really meant it. Hotohori was kind and wonderful. Not to mention gorgeous. Just thinking about those eyes, that face, and that long hair gave Nuriko chills. Little did Hotohori know how often Nuriko had asked himself the exact same things about the emperor's infatuation with the priestess of Suzaku.
Sniffing and wiping his eyes again Hotohori hiccupped, "It certainly doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm the most unlovable person in the world. The only person I've ever loved loves someone else. It feels like no one could ever love me."
Hearing this, Nuriko knew he had to tell his secret. The secret he'd been keeping for over a year now, the secret that kept him awake at night, unable to sleep for the noise of his own anguished sobbing. He felt like Hotohori every night. Like he was the most unlovable person in the world. He was afraid of Hotohori's reaction, but seeing the man he loved in such pain made Nuriko brave. He had to take some of that pain away, even if the only way to do it was to take it on as his own. He took a deep breath and began the confession that he knew would change his, and Hotohori's, world forever.
"Hotohori-sama, don't feel that way, because its not true. You are lovable, very lovable. And I know this because... well, because..."
A lump suddenly formed in Nuriko's throat and he found it difficult to go on. But he knew that he had to finish, if not for Hotohori, then for himself.
"I know that because I love you. I love you and I have for a very long time. I don't expect for you to love me back, I just couldn't let you think that you weren't worthy of love, because it's the least true thing I've ever heard. You're wonderful, and smart, and caring, and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I just wanted you to know that."
His confession over, Nuriko got up to leave the room and found is feet were made of lead. He was drained and felt empty, thinking that the void inside his heart would never be filled.
Stunned, Hotohori just sat in the chair for a moment, not thinking. Then the magnitude of what had just happened hit him like a runaway farm cart and he was awestruck. He looked up at Nuriko, just standing at the door. He realized what an insensitive fool he'd been. He had thought only of himself and his own problems for so long that he had failed to notice the suffering of his one true friend. But his friend had not deserted him. Nuriko had seen his suffering and had voluntarily made it his own. Hotohori knew he had to repay this somehow. But Hotohori didn't know what to say to Nuriko's profession of love. To be truthful, he had never thought of Nuriko that way. Nor any man for that matter. But seeing Nuriko now in a whole new light made him want to try. In an action that Hotohori was almost sure he would regret later, he rose from his seat and walked to Nuriko who was still standing by the door, unable to make himself open it and walk out. As he got closer, Hotohori realized that his friend was crying softly. The Emperor's heart broke. Coming up behind his friend he touched Nuriko's shoulder and turned him around. In Nuriko's eyes was a question, which Hotohori answered with a kiss. It was soft, tentative, and unsure, but it was a kiss. As Hotohori, pulled back he realized that it hadn't been as bad as he had feared.
In fact, it hadn't been bad at all. It was actually very pleasant. Nuriko's soft lips and sweet smell had begun to intoxicate him, and all he could think was that he wanted to do it again. Putting his arms around a shocked Nuriko, he leaned n again. Snapping out of his disbelief, Nuriko awoke just in time to pull Hotohori closer and savor the kisses he had waited for for so long. Their lips pressed together, they were connected, and each felt a link that was impossible to deny. They knew that they had started something, although neither was at all sure where it was going to end. But it was clear that things were escalating. Still joined at the lips they stumbled to a chaise and fell. Hands roamed, lips parted, and tongues explored. Suddenly it was very hot in the sitting room. Hands ran through hair, and it became clear in what direction things were leading. In that moment Hotohori realized that he wasn't exactly ready for that yet. Everything was just too fats. Gathering his willpower, he broke their kiss and gathered Nuriko's hands, gently giving them back to him. Seeing the questioning look in Nuriko's eyes he explained,
"Nuriko, this is nice, very nice. But I don't think I'm ready for where this is leading. I need some time to think, just for a little while. I have some decisions I have to make now and I want to do it with a clear head."
"I understand." said Nuriko. "You know where my room is, Hotohori, come anytime you're ready. If you decide that's never, then I can live on the gift you've just given me. But I hope this isn't it."
With that, Nuriko got up, and strode to the door, closing it gently behind him. After a moment Hotohori got up and went back to his own room. He paced the floor for hours he couldn't count. But in the end, he knew what he had to do.
Hotohori left his room that evening at seven o'clock and walked quickly down the hall. At his destination, he knocked softly on the door and disappeared inside when it was opened. The Emperor wasn't seen again until nine o'clock the next morning when he left that room, bleary-eyed and sleepy. It was clear to anyone who laid eyes on the Emperor that he hadn't gotten any sleep in between. He left happy, because not only had he found someone he could love, but he found love. As always, hidden where you least expect to find it.
THE END