The Calling- Wherever You Will Go
Spike took a long drag on his cigarette.
"So," said a girl on the barstool beside him, "Do you want to see my new apartment?" she smiled coyly at him.
He looked at her closely.
She was only about eighteen.
About how old Dawn is by now, he realized with a pang.
He stood and exited the New York bar with a thoughtful sigh.
He had left all but two and a half years ago, but it seemed like so much longer.
He walked down an allyway, looking for action. New York was a hotspot for vamps, and ever since he arrived he had been searching out where to look. He knew the streets of the city like the back of his hand.
I know why I never liked this cite, he cringed as he passed a woman dressed in fishnet stockings and a miniskirt. She leered at him, and he rolled his eyes as he continued walking.
Being with Buffy for a year had changed what he had been for over a hundred years. He actually had grown a lot during their relationship.
After she had decided to truly let him in, and tell her friends about it, they had had a wonderful relationship. She told him everything. He told her everything. They shared more than he had ever really known was there to share.
She had even shared a special secret with him once.
"You know how I went to meet up with Angel once I came back?" she'd whispered, and he'd nodded. He so wanted to know that it was burning him from the inside, "Well, when I went to visit- we've always had this...thing. This connection, like we know when the other is near? Well...it was gone. Zip. Nothing was there. It was just like.....we were strangers no matter how hard we tried to make conversation. And- and- I did tell him about you. I told him how good you were now, and how if anything happened to me at any time to go find Spike and tell him. I told him that, and he got sort of mad. But I defended you. And, well, I don't know if I realized it at the time, but I was falling in love with you."
Spike remembered the feeling inside his chest when she had told him this in the dark of the cemetery. He remembered her eyes watching his reaction. He remembered the kiss he gave her after she had declared this.
I really do miss her, he mused. I wonder what she's doing right now?
So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
Buffy Summers sighed. She was perfectly content as she sat out on her back porch, sunbathing.
"This weather is so perfect." she smiled, and Willow, who lay beside her on a lawn chair laughed, "Well, it is Sunnydale. I mean, the weather is the only thing that's perfect."
"No kidding."
"So, you going to the magic shop today, Buffy?"
Buffy sighed. Anya had hired her as a clerk again, and Buffy just didn't have the heart to tell her no.
"No, not today. And, well, if Anya wants she can fire me." she chuckled and Willow smiled.
"The sky is so blue."
Buffy looked up.
She'd only seen such a blue-
Oops. Bad topic. Change.
"Do you ever miss Spike?" Willow said suddenly, and Buffy jumped.
"How in the world did you do that?" she exclaimed, and Willow laughed.
"The blue. Like his eyes. I know you, and I knew you'd make the connection. So...do you? Ever miss him?"
"The bleached wonder? I don't know..." she said uncomfortably.
"I miss him." Willow declared, "I miss his cockiness."
Buffy laughed out loud.
"I'm not even going to reply to that."
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Buffy!" Willow scolded playfully, then her mouth softened again.
"I miss his knowledge. He knew so much.... I didn't even realize how much help he was to us until he left."
"Yeah." Buffy echoed, but inside her heart was constricting. She'd had a few dates in the past few years, but they were nothing special. Nothing that challenged her. Nothing that sparked her interest.
"I'm going. Are you ok with that?" Spike looked into her green depths that were glistening with unshed tears. "Yeah." she'd replied. And with that, he'd left Sunnydale. Left her forever. Like everyone else.
"You know, Will...he promised that he'd never leave me." Buffy said suddenly.
"Oh, Buffy." Willow sighed and put her hand on her friend's, "They always say that."
"And they always leave....I mean, we decided he would go together....I can't even remember why anymore."
"Because there was too much crime in New York nowadays for the cops to handle." Willow reminded.
Buffy smiled, "They had enough cops. It was just some excuse. I think we were drowning in each other. I had to escape...or he did."
"Well, I like the New York idea better."
"Me too." said Buffy sadly.
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
Spike smiled to himself. He could just picture her long blonde hair- the long hair that she had regrown in time for his departure.
We were so stupid, he realized, we were so foolish. And I was. I never should have taken advantage of her in the first place...
"I touch the fire and it freezes me-"
"I died, so many years ago"
"I look into it and it's black. This isn't real"
"But you can make me"
"but I just wanna feel..."
He coughed and looked up at the moon. He knew that he'd never give up the memory of Buffy. His slayer. He remembered when she'd found the ring.
"Spike? What's this?" she looked at him. She'd been going through his drawers one morning, trying to find a stake for patrolling. She'd forgotten Mr Pointy. She'd found the ring.
He'd snatched it away from her, "Don't' touch that!"
"Why?" she eyed him warily, "Did you steal it off of somebody?"
"No."
"Stray victim from years ago that had money?"
"No!"
"Whose was it, then?"
"My...my mother's."
"You KILLED YOUR MOTHER?"
"No! Buffy....just forget you ever saw it, okay?"
"No! What's this about, Spike?" she was visibly starting to get angry. He patted a spot on the bed. She sat beside him.
"The gang- Dru, Darla and Peaches- they- they wanted to kill my family. Undo all my ties, see? I told them no, but Angelus was dead set on it...when I got back from bringing my sister to the orphanage...I found him with his teeth sunk into my mother's neck."
She'd gasped, looking horrified.
"I tackled him, I beat him- he lay on the ground, unalive but broken. I rushed to my mother...she was alive-but barely...
She handed me this ring off of her finger. She'd never taken it off, not as long as I remember. She told me to give it to the girl I loved, the girl I was going to marry. Well....I never married, so I just kept it with me. My mother...she was my best friend....and my sister was my...." he hadn't finished. Buffy understood.
"I'm sorry he caused you that pain." she'd said, and he knew that she was empathetic. She'd been hurt by Angelus before too.
He hadn't seen the ring for two and a half years. He supposed he had left it in his crypt. He cursed
himself for it, but didn't go back. He knew he wouldn't be able to leave again if he did.
And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
"I really did love him, Will." whispered Buffy.
"I know, honey." Willow said sympathetically.
A tear tread down her face as she fingered her hand.
She'd found the ring after he'd left. She didn't know whether he had left it on purpose-
But it meant something, even if he hadn't really meant to.
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
"I should see how she's doing," he said aloud as he passed a group of rowdy teenagers.
I should, he realized. He hadn't heard her voice in so long...
He was going to call her.
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love
He was the only one who understood me. Was I right to let that go? Buffy wondered as she lathered herself with soap later that night in the shower.
"Maybe I should call him," she said aloud, then blinked.
Yes, Buffy. You should. It would help if he, Oh, I don't know, had a phone number!
"I should just admit how I lost the best thing in my entire life." she pointed out to herself.
I am going crazy, she realized with sad smile.
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
555-542-3422
"I'll never forget the number." he said nervously to himself as his jingled the change in his pocket.
RING
Oh, my god.
RING
Hang up!
RING
Before it's too-
"Hello?"
"Oh! Uh, Hello." he said awkwardly. He didn't recognize the voice.
"Hi," the female voice said uncomfortably, "Who's this?"
Oh, my god! It's-
"Dawn?" he whispered.
"Ok, who is this, cause you're starting to freak me out!"
"Oh!" he inwardly slapped himself, "It's....uh...um.....bloody hell."
There was a pause at the end of the line, "Spike?" Dawn whispered.
"Dawn." he said, relieved.
"Oh, wow." she whispered, sounding excited, "What's going on? How have you been? Where have you been? Oh, wow!"
"Nothing, fine and New York. You?" he smiled. She sounded older, but still the same old Dawn. *You knew and loved* he added mentally.
"Oh, I'm ok.....thanks so much for calling." she sounded like she was smiling and then it hit Spike.
"Today is your birthday!" he shouted, and she laughed.
"I noticed."
"Wow, Dawn. You're- you're-" he struggled with the shocking realization.
"Nineteen."
"Yeah! Wow! I mean....wow. You sound all grown up."
"I am all grown up. You should see me. Taller than- um, taller than...."
"Buffy?" he croaked in supply.
"Yeah." she said quietly, "Do you want to talk to her?"
"Oh, well, only if she'd like to talk to me...." he trailed, crossing his fingers, not sure what he wanted more.
"She's in the shower, hold on a sec."
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
"Buffy!"
"What?" Buffy answered and cursed as she cut her leg on the shaver.
"Phone!"
"I'll call them back."
"You, uh, you can't."
"Why?" said Buffy suspiciously.
"Because, well...it's....important and...well...uh....Spike."
Buffy nearly fell off of the chair.
"What?" she said, just loud enough for Dawn to hear.
"Spike? You know, bleached, vamp, ex boyfriend, sweetie pie? Shall I continue, because the phone is right here in my hand..."
"Okay! Okay, um, hold on!"
Buffy wrapped the towel around herself frantically and grabbed the phone from Dawn then closed the door again.
She took a deep breath.
"Hello?"
There was a breathing noise at the end of the line.
"Hi, Buff."
Her heart was wrenching. That voice....
"Hi, Spike."
"So....how's the past few years been?"
"Oh...regular. Boring. Blah. You? How's the NYC life?"
"Oh, dandy. I found a few nests to bust up earlier, it was fun."
"Great."
There was a silence, and then she heard him cough.
"I miss you, Buffy." he said softly.
She tried to hold back her tears, "I miss you too...why don't you...come and visit?"
She could practically hear him fighting with himself.
"I don't know, Buff....I may never be able to leave you again."
She nodded.
That's the point, she wanted to say.
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go
"Well?" she acted like she ignored the last comment.
"Do you want me to come?"
"Yes." she said quickly, then closed her eyes.
Please. I need to see you again.
"Is Dawn different?"
Her eyelids flew open.
"She's a woman now." she whispered, a smile at her lips.
"Okay then. I'm coming to fight off the boy beasties." he said quickly.
She laughed.
"Okay, Spike."
"When should I-"
"As soon as you can."
"Because...?"
"I miss you. And I still love you."
"I love you too, Buffy. You really want me to come? Aren't you afraid you'll fall for me again?"
" I never stopped."
Spike paused, at the end of the line.
"Buffy....do you know if I left that ring behind, in my crypt?"
Buffy looked down at her finger, knowing, for real, that this was meant to be.
"Yeah, Spike. You left it here because you knew you'd have to come back for it. For me."
"Did I?"
"Yes. Now....come and get it, ok? It's lonely without you."
"Okay, Buffy. Okay."
FIN