Mastery and Servitude;
Part Three ~Inadequacy~
By Lady AngelFiren

Heero cracked his eyes open, trying to remember where he was. He had been dreamingor somethingabout big metal robots and pain and Master Duo shooting him in the arm and leg. They were both younger in his dream.it must be from 'before.' Heero thought over what he was seeing and remembering. It was patchy and flashy, but he distinctly saw Master Duo with a gun, and he could almost feel pain blossoming tangibly in his limbs.

Getting up and looking around the black room, Heero discerned that he was alone, and that he was obviously not needed at the moment, or he wouldn't have been sleeping. He looked at his upper right arm, at the place that ached a bit from a memory. There was a scar there. He looked at his right upper leg, and there was a scar there too. Master Duo must have been very angry with him to shoot him, even Master J had never done anything that drastic.

Heero sat, looking at the two scars, running his fingers over them, trying to think of what he could have done to make Master Duo so angry. It was glaringly obvious to him that he had originally been the property of Master Duo, and Master J had stolen him, maybe even erased his memories. SoMaster J was evil? And Master Duo could have a very bad temperHeero didn't want to be shot, he thought that it would hurt a lot. He would have to try much harder to please Master Duo. If he was saving up punishments until he could do something as painful as shooting Heero, that would be a very bad thing, and it would also make Heero afraid to ever be at ease.

Taking this into consideration, Heero wondered where Master Duo was right now. Perhaps he was supposed to be doing something and Duo was once more saving up for his punishment? The thought struck fear through him, and Heero quickly got up and started to make the bed as best as he could with his hands shaking and his breathing quick. He felt really sick, all he wanted to do was curl back up in the bed and die.maybe Master Duo wouldn't be angry with him then.

"Hey Heero, don't bother making the bed man, I never do." Duo was watching him from the doorway, looking very casual and not at all angry. He was so convincing, Heero didn't know what to think. Well.if Duo was going to really hurt him, then it was most likely inevitable, so Heero thought that it wouldn't be too bad if asked Duo about the shot wounds. After all, he was supposed to let Duo know if he remembered anything from the past; this was from the past, wasn't it?

Master Duo came into the room and sat on he bed. Heero went and knelt on the floor in front of him. He was still naked, he hoped Duo wanted him that way, it wouldn't do to upset his Master. "M-Master DuoI have something to ask you about.if that's ok."

"Heero, I'm just Duo, I told you that so many times already. Its just Duo, none of this 'master' bullshit. What do you wanna talk to me about? Come sit on the bed beside me. I don't want you kneeling on the floor like that, I'm your friend, not your master. Is this about what happened before with the peaches? I'm sorry, ok? I really didn't know you'd be so upset, but you can't expect me to treat you like a servant. What's on your mind?"

Heero crawled onto the bed and sat out of Master Duo's reach, just in case he wanted to hit him for something. He could never tell with Master Duo. "I.remembered something from before. You told me you wanted to know if I remembered anything."

"You did? Awesome! What do you remember? Maybe I could explain it. Although, there was a lot I didn't know about you, but I'll try to explain if I can."

"It was flashyI saw, I feltbut I don't really know what it is I saw. You shot metwice. That's all I remember. I must have been very disobedient for you to shoot me Master Duo, I am sorry for whatever I did to make you so angry. I don't remember anything more than that. When I woke up I looked, and I have scars where you shot me, so I know it must have happened. Please don't be angry with me Master Duo, I'm sure I deserved your anger and your punishment, you have been very kind to me. I don't think you would shoot me unless I deserved it."

Duo sputtered for a second, and Heero winced, inching uncomfortably away. He wasn't so sure about how forgiving Duo was going to be in the future. Maybe he would be in trouble for remembering something that he shouldn't have.

Duo looked at the boy before him who was supposed to be Heero Yuy. Distaste filled him, he felt sick. Heero's head was really messed up. He was getting all these ideas about what had happened in his past, and they weren't true! Duo had no idea how he could stop Heero from thinking this way, it was ingrained on his mind now, and had been for the last five years.

"HeeroI did shoot you a few years ago, but its not what you think! We were soldiers, in a war. I thought you were my enemy, and I shot you to keep you from shooting me. It was self-preservation, instinct. You were a terrorist. You were deadly. You would have shot me for pissing you off, or at least you'd threaten to. Heero, you're so different now, that's why I can't accept what's happened to you. I want to help you be a person again."

Heero stared at Duo wide-eyed, looking him directly in the face out of surprise. Fear filled him, and he felt hot tears on his cheeks. He couldn't keep himself from crying, not now. This was too much of a shock. He killed people? He hurt them? Andhe would have hurt Master Duo? What kind of filthy person was he, that he had done these things? Heero decided that he didn't want to hear anything else about the hole in his memory, he was better off putting it out of his mind and serving Duo without question. It was better if he didn't think at all.

Duo watched the emotions war over Heero's face until it fell slack again and he looked down at the bed in silence. This had gone too far!

"I'll be back in a second, I have and idea." Duo ran out of the room and came back with his laptop and the disc he'd loaded all of J's computer files onto. He made sure his files were secure, then loaded the disc onto a separate drive, so that nothing on it would interfere with Duo's normal computer. He hacked into J's system and looked around, selecting all of the folders that he thought might have something to do with Heero.

Said man was sitting silently on the bed in the same spot he'd been in before. Duo waved him over. "Heero, come watch this, I think I can fill you in about your life, and what J did to you in the last five years. This could be a good thing. Just let me figure out this system, there are a lot of files here."

Heero crawled over and sat beside Duo, making sure not to touch him, just in case Duo got angry at how disgusting he was.

Duo looked through the files. They were labeled with numbers and the occasional letter. Everything was in order. There was one folder labeled simply 01. Duo assumed that this was Heero's pilot number, and he clicked the folder. It took him to eighteen folders, all labeled 01-183, 01-184, 01-185, and so on, all the way up to 01-201. This was all too obvious. The second number was the year. Duo selected 01-183, and he was taken to another set of folders, labeled 01-01-183, 01-02-18301-12-183. Months. Duo opened the first one. It was empty. He tried the second, also empty. The third one had some information though.

It had pictures of a little three-year-old kid with Heero-ish features huddling in an alley behind some garbage cans, and it gave more detailed information; height, weight, eye colour, dietary information. How could J know all of that? Duo continued to open files. There was a file with a picture of a man and a woman holding three-year-old Heero's chubby little hand. He was grinning up at his father in the picture, blue eyes flashing with happiness. Then there was a picture of them dead, and the little kid was standing all alone in front of their graves.

That was all for pictures, but there was information to go with it. The short of it was that J had planned the deaths of Heero's parents, because they were associating closely with Oz, which was still small and relatively harmless back then. Heero was distantly related to the Kushrenadas, of all people. There was a family tree written out, but Duo didn't recognize most of the names or last names.

Closing that file, Duo moved to the next month. There was a week's worth of photos of poor little Heero being alone and scared and hungry, each picture followed by an explanation and Heero's status. Then, someone new came into the picture. A man named Odin Lowe was hired by J to monitor Heero, and teach him to be an assassin. Heero responded well to the learning part, adapting quickly to any new situation and cleaning weapons for Lowe at the tender age of three. He learned to fire a gun and how to hide.

Duo stopped and turned to face Heero, to see how he was taking this. The boy's face was blank, his eyes sad and tired looking. Duo put a hand to Heero's shoulder, hating the way he winced away in fear. "Yes Master Duo?"

"Heero, are you ok? I never knew any of this. I'm going to keep reading, but you don't have to if you don't want to. Are you hungry? Cold?"

Heero was very cold, and scared that so much had happened to him and he could just forget it all. He wanted to know more about himself, so he stayed, trying not to shiver. Duo got up and handed him a sweater. "Put this on, you have goose-bumps." Heero gladly pulled the warm material over his body and thanked Duo quietly. They both went back to reading.

Duo flipped through the files that marked Heero's past. He stayed with Odin, never knowing about J, for almost five years. Odin had, when Heero was younger, sedated him and brought him to get monitors implanted in him. He could never escape, and he could never hide from J or Odin. However, Heero seemed to respond very well to the young man's teachings. He learned quickly on all accounts and obeyed the rules. He never played with any other children or went to school. He was not treated 'special' because he was younger. He lived, learned and worked as an eight-year-old assassin under Odin's guidance, not ever questioning his lack of freedom.

Then, in AC188, Odin was shot and killed. Heero watched him die, not sure how to react. He had no loved ones, but he did care for Odin, and he relied on him. He had been taught not to love, but he had also thought that there was no-one he loved. The possibility that Odin would suddenly not be there anymore was terrifying, and Heero had left the body of his only companion lying where it had fallen. He ran away and hid in an alley, staying alive but not really thinking.

There was an entry from J at this point, about his thoughts at the time. It was one of the only personal opinions in the data, most of it was just facts. Duo read it over. J had worked already for five years to perfect this young boy. He went out personally and found him and brought him to L1. The next few years were about Heero learning more fully to be a complete soldier. He was already skilled, and by the time he was fourteen he was "Perfect." This included the understanding and operation of all weapons and machinery, his Gundam, computer intelligence, hacking abilities, everything. Duo read the list of everything that Heero could do over a few times just to be sure he had it right. He almost whistled in awe.

Then came the year AC195. The war. Every one of Heero's mission logs were here, and all of J's messages to his soldier. Everything Heero had done in the war was revealed through the computer. Duo looked over to see tears streaking silently down Heero's cheeks as he read the total number of people he killed, the total number of mobile suits he'd destroyed. He read about trying to kill himself repeatedly, and about failing to kill Relena.

Except for Duo, Heero didn't recognize ant of the names or faces in his past. The pictures of mobile suits were appalling to him, they were just so _big!_ Everything seemed alien, a dream. This wasn't real. That was someone else, Duo was mistaken. He couldn't have been that boy with the gun to various people's heads in the pictures onscreen. He couldn't be the assassin with the sniper rifle, killing one diplomat or another simply because it was orders. It wasn't him! He wasn't like that!

Heero didn't even know how to hold a gun! He couldn't drive a car, much less pilot a mobile suit. Duo said nothing and opened the next file. Heero was terrified to see what other horrible things he'd done, but this file was different. There was one log record in the first week of year AC196. A message to him from Doctor J, asking him to go to L1, then a short confirmation message. There were some shuttle flight records, and then everything changed for Heero.

No more killing, no more guilt. There was a personal file from J, written in first person about what he wanted to do with his obedient soldier now that the war was over. He had two theories. Heero would either live in peace, becoming his own person and completely unrelated to J any longer, or he would somehow be forced to stay on L1. J didn't want his prized _possession_ to have his freedom. He wanted to enjoy the fruits of nearly fourteen years of hard work and training.

There was a holographic vidclip included next in the chronological history of Heero's life. Duo got his holo-vid player and plugged it into his computer. A life-like cube of light glowed to life. The scale was 50%, so Heero was half as big as reality in the clip. So was J. There was sound with the clip and everything. Heero found it impossible not to stare at himself. Everything was different. His body language was controlled, but he could tell that the Heero in the clip was strong. He was his own person, if a little younger.

Holo-Heero walked into J's lab and J spoke to him briefly, congratulating him on saving the world, and offering him a drink. Heero declined stoically. J grinned and asked Heero how many people he had killed in the war. Heero hesitated, then answered. The number rang off the walls in Duo's black room. The real Heero shuddered at the coldness in his voice, at the way he cared about nothing.

J nodded at Heero in the holo-vidclip and asked him if felt guilt. Heero hesitated before honestly answering yes. J asked him if he would like to be free of that guilt, and Heero shook his head. He told J that he deserved it, because he had, after all, destroyed all of those lives, he had to live with the consequences. J dismissed Heero to a room. The clip ended. There was another one. Duo popped it in, mulling over the honour Heero had shown by admitting his guilt and choosing to live with it.

The next clip was from the day after the first. J told Heero that he had to do some tests. Heero nodded and waited for instructions. J sedated Heero and strapped him to a table, then he hooked him up to some kind of machine that tapped into Heero's mind and played out his memories. Turns out that Heero had a photographic memory. He clearly went through almost every moment of his life in complete clarity, from when he was very small to the moment he got up that morning.

Duo watched the whiz of pictures and sounds float from the machine attached to Heero's head in the hologram with wide eyes. He noticed that Heero missed the incident where he had been shot by Duo.

Duo watched in horror as J turned off the machine and gave Heero an adrenaline shot to wake him up. Heero sat up on command, but his eyes were completely blank. J asked Heero his name, and Heero replied that he didn't know. A huge, disgusting grin came over J's face as he began to feed lies to the boy sitting in front of him. J told Heero that he was a servant, and that he was to serve J and do whatever was asked. He clearly created a feeble, confidence-lacking personality for Heero, and watched as the boy did what he was told.

The clip ended and Duo let out the breath he had been holding. That machine had erased Heero's memories as he had relived them. No wonder the boy beside him was nothing like his war-buddy. The man on his bed was a product of manipulation, and nothing more. He wasn't Heero, he wasn't even real!

"I need to be alone right now." Duo said very calmly, not looking at the man who now inhabited Heero's body.

"Yes, Master Duo."

Heero got up and left, shutting the door behind him as he padded into the living room and sank into a chair, tears flowing down his face. He wasn't real. Everything he knew was a lie, and his real past, his real memories were gone, destroyed forever by the man who had controlled him his whole life. He felt hollow, incomplete, useless. If Master Duo rejected him now, for not being the person he'd originally thought that Heero was, he wasn't sure what he would do. Probably kill himself, he shouldn't be here in the first place.

~o0O0o0O0o~

Duo stared at the ceiling in his black room, trying to wrap his brain around the idea that Heero Yuy was dead, and that the excuse for a human being that now lived in his body was merely a collection of lies and the original Heero's instincts. Duo turned back to the computer, opening more files. There were no more holoclips, but there were some vids of Heero learning simple things like math and spelling, and cooking.

Duo uncovered a file about the memory-eating machine and devoured the information, re-reading it twice. He read about how the thing worked. The effects were irreversible, there was no way that Heero's memories could be recovered. They were destroyed in Heero's head, along with a tiny fragment of actual brain, which would explain the difficulty that Heero now had learning anything at all, or remembering to do things like call Duo something other than 'master.'

Everything the man now knew was basically ingrained in his skull. A second sweep with the machine would leave him more vulnerable, and more incapable, but it would erase the low self-confidence and need to serve. Duo considered if he had the authority to do something like that. It would be inhumane. He wanted to be away from the frightening parody of Heero Yuy, but at the same time he wouldn't throw the last traces of his old comrade out on his ass.

Duo knew he could never feel anything for what Heero was now, but he was too obsessed with him to let him go. He didn't know what to do.