Thank you Kmf, Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Dark Deity, Shi No Tenshi, Neo Sailor Jupiter Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl, Kuroi Koneko, me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader.
Chapter 7By the Pretty Penwriter
I complied and needless to say that ended our relationship as lovers and as friends…
I must leave this old shack soon the gunfire seems closer now too close for my comfort. There's nothing in this shack that is worth saving except the clothes that I have, my food supply, my locket and of course this journal. Oh how the war has changed so many things, I remember when I didn't have to scrounge for food and shelter to survive. How I used to be surrounded by my friends, my family. But now things are different I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and death, this war is killing too many people. In a way I am glad not to still be with Milliardo I suppose by now we'd probably be married and maybe have a child and I'm glad I won't have to bring a child into this shattered and broken world. A world where there is no hope or faith but only betrayal and loss.
I could look out the window right now and see the battleground from here, that's how bad it is in every corner of the earth there is fighting near every colony there is fighting. It is no longer a time of peace as it should be, no now is a time of war and with war there is always death…
After being kicked out of Milliardo's household I decided to go to my dear friend Quatre, his estate was still in Cinq kingdom and not too far away from the preventers. He picked me up at the gate and hugged me telling me he was sorry for what had happened between Milliardo and I, I only shrugged and told him that it wasn't his fault. Living in Quatre's house almost felt like I was home again, he always managed to make me smile and I realized that Duo wasn't the only comic out of the five gundam pilots. We'd play a game of chess and once in a while he would let me win just to see me smile, he even taught me how to play the violin. Imagine me Lucretzia Noin playing the violin and he said I was quite well at it maybe from all those years at the academy. But still staying at Quatre's house didn't make me forget about Relena or feel better about it; of course I was saddened about the break up with Milliardo and added with the problem of Relena I was crushed. There were my down days and my up days, my down days were when I got so depressed that I stayed in bed the whole day the covers pulled over my head and I would just cry. My up days were that I would get out of bed and actually do something, soon my ribs healed and I could no longer excuse my down days as pain. Now Quatre did everything he could do just to get me out of my bed to walk around, but nothing worked. I would just lie in the bed and cry myself to sleep. Once it had gotten so bad that I locked and barricaded my door so no one could come in to disturb me, that door stayed closed for three days I had no food and no water, of course I still had the bathroom that came with my room. It had taken all of the gundam pilots plus the added help of my best friends to open that door and when they had my best friends dragged me into the bathroom. Hilde turned on the faucets and placed the stopper in the drain, I watched with dead eyes and a heavy heart I didn't feel alive I just felt so dead. They threw me into the water and I only sat there staring at a blank spot in the tub.
"Come on Lu...you can't do this." Sally begged.
I didn't respond I just kept staring blankly and I don't know why but suddenly I felt very angry and sad at the same time, I thrashed the water about angrily.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed at them.
"Lu you're much stronger than this come on…snap out of this." Hilde coaxed
"YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT! GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!" I screamed even louder.
They didn't move only chance glances at each other. I jumped out of the water and stood water dripping from my soaked clothes. My eyes were lit like fire and my back arched ready for a fight, I lunged at the first person I saw who just so happened to be Sally. She tried to dodge me but my anger was pushing me forward blindly, blow after blow I threw some she evaded and some she didn't. I kept pushing her towards the door away from me. I'm sure she was only protecting herself from me but she did it badly, Hilde and Catherine tried to stop me but I only elbowed both of them in their faces and kept up my assault. I kept up at it until strong arms were holding me back.
"GET OFF OF ME WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" I screamed again the tears trekking down my face.
"Because we are your friends." I heard Quatre say.
"If you were my friends you'd leave me be." I murmured as more tears made the journey down my face.
// Hitomi closed her eyes and for a brief moment she could feel Lucretzia's pain almost as if it were her own.
'I'm so sorry that this happened to you Lucretzia it must've been so hard for you to live like that.'
Hitomi shook her head and looked to the picture sitting on her nightstand. The photograph was one that had been taken just right after her parents wedding and there at least by the description given was Lucretzia. She was smiling but her eyes were so sad and wandering like she couldn't wait to escape something. While on the opposite side of the group was her commander he seemed shriveled and sad. Something she didn't see him as today no today he looked strong and proud, but lonely. Hitomi believed that when someone wanted to be alone they should be but no one should ever be lonely without love in their life and that was what her commander had a lonely life.
Hitomi turned her gaze from the photograph back to the journal and began reading once again.//
They brought food to my room and tried to get me to eat it but I ended up throwing it out of my room and to the floor. But they were persistent they would always have another plate of food. I hadn't eaten for two whole weeks when I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was drawn in tight and pale, my eyes a little sunken in, my hair looked so stringy and untamed and my whole body seemed to be as pale as milk. I stared back at my reflection and touched the mirror to confirm it was real, it was and that was I. That pale food deprived thing in that mirror was me!! I couldn't believe it so I rushed into the bathroom and weighed myself on the scale; I now weighed 101 pounds!!! 101 pounds was not a healthy weight for someone who was 6 feet tall. I immediately knew that it was true and I hated myself for destroying my body like this, I turned on the tub added all the bubble bath beads, threw off my clothes and jumped in. I stayed there soaking in the water for over an hour and a half when I finally did come out. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt I didn't want them to see how thin I was, I took the comb and ran it through my hair until my hair was nice and straight again. I pulled it into a haphazard bun and looked in the mirror and I was beginning to look like my old self a again except that my eyes had lost their certain sparkle, a sparkle that wouldn't be returning for a while.
I stealthily made it down stairs and into the kitchen where I made two sandwiches, gabbed a bag of chips, grabbed a 20 oz soda out of the fridge then I went into the living room and plopped down onto the large sofa. I flipped the T.V on and set down to watch a few movies and cartoons.
By the time Quatre and the others arrived back at the house I suppose trying to coax Milliardo to talk to me I was halfway through a third movie laughing my butt off. When I turned around to look at them I laughed even more when I saw their faces. They still stood there speechless I shrugged and resumed watching the movie. Wufei was the first to act, you can always count on Wufei can't you. He switched off the T.V. and I nearly choked on the popcorn in my mouth.
"HEY! Turn that back on." I ordered.
He sighed and sat down in a chair the others followed suit and looked at me. I knew what they wanted to know but why not make them give an effort.
"Lu…why did you decide to come out of your room?" Catherine asked
"I'd thought you'd all be happy I was actually down here eating something." I mumbled and crossed my arms.
Tactical dodging I called it whenever I tried to avoid giving a straight answer.
"We are glad you came out of you're room Lucretzia but why did you suddenly have this turn about?" Quatre asked
"You know curiosity killed the cat." I sighed and looked down at my trembling hands I tried to get them to stop but they kept shaking.
"I'm a complete mess, you want to know why I came out of my room? Well I'll tell you I looked in the mirror and I hated myself yes that's why. I hated myself for what I had done to my body and what I was doing to my mind by just lying there it was like I was just wasting away and pretty soon there'd be none of me left. So I decided to stop what I was doing to myself and try to get back up, you know when you fall off of a horse you just get back on it. You know the fact that Relena isn't here that she's in a nuthouse and then I lost the man that I love…it's just like I've lost a piece of myself and decided to shut down and that's what I have been doing until earlier today I looked in a mirror and I was ashamed of myself. For deteriorating from the once great Lucretzia Noin that I was to this some type of weakling and I couldn't stand it! I will try to not go back to that it's not easy but I do love a challenge." I explained I'm sure it was personal but these were all my closest friends that I trusted with my life.
Wufei gave a small smirk "Well I'm sure that we'll just have to make sure that you won't be a weakling onna." He replied
I gave him a smile and nodded "Oh Wufei you know I'm never weak." I replied.
Hugs were given to me and tears were shed, it was a night to remember indeed. Quatre with his large kitchen threw a party consisting of just friends…or how I like to call them my family. When the party ended no one wanted to leave and so no one did Quatre had plenty of rooms for everyone and change. I didn't want the same room anymore and I didn't feel like being away from my friends so Sally, Hilde, Catherine and I bunked together in one of the largest rooms having a sort of sleepover. We were just having fun giggling and talking but I noticed the one who was missing the one that everyone noticed Relena. I was the most silent of all the chattering and they all noticed it, I stared into a distant space wondering how Relena was doing. When suddenly a giant white thing came into my sights and slammed into me.
"Look Lu we all miss her so don't think you're special." Hilde scolded me after she hit me with the pillow.
True we were all best friends all almost like sisters but they didn't know about my past, about my family that I watched die. I clenched my eyes shut and the silent tears fell I hated all the crying that I was doing I was always told that it doesn't solve anything, but it did make me feel better.
"I'm sorry." Hilde apologized as if her comment made me cry I shook my head violently.
"No it's not that I was thinking about my family." I murmured
Suddenly everything became so silent. Sally touched my shoulder giving me confidence.
"Lu you never have told us about your family…" Sally said and then stopped
"No, you're all like family to me and I suppose that you should know. I'm a colony kid, I was born and raised on colony L7 until the alliance had my family assassinated. I watched them die beneath my parents' bed where my father had told me to go, I didn't understand what was happening at the time for I was only 4. They shot my father in the head executioner style, raped and then shot my mother as well and they killed my brother Leon he was only 8 years old for god sake! I watched as they dragged the bodies out of the house and when I stayed under that bed for several hours I finally looked outside, I wished that I never did though. They had hung my family up on crucifixes their eyes gone. I understood then that the alliance was to be destroyed and that I couldn't go to any of my relatives because either they had disappeared or were assassinated as well. I took only one thing from that house and that was my locket." I said and held up the silver heart shaped locket with a seal over the front, the seal was a lion and a tiger fighting but on the other side the two lay together as friends. I knew inside the locket there was a picture of my family and me "I changed my name and became a sweeper until I was 8 when I enrolled in the alliance I figured the best way to gain my revenge was to have some type of power. Later on when my skills exceeded those of my older peers I was invited to join the Special Forces and when I learned they were against the alliance I readily agreed to being apart of OZ and helped destroy the bastards that stole my family." I finished
They each stared at me for a brief second and then encircled me into a hug.
A month or so after living with Quatre I noticed how whenever Dorothy Catalonia appeared on the screen how he'd sigh. Now I knew this was the woman who had stabbed Quatre aboard Libra but I also saw such longing in his eyes whenever he heard or saw her. So one day I asked,
"Why don't you just ask her out?"
He looked at me started and blushed lightly "Whoever do you mean?" he asked nonchalantly
"Don't play innocent with me, I know you like her! So why don't you just ask her out?" I asked
"Lu I have no idea…" he started
"Dorothy!" I almost screamed at him.
Now he turned a brilliant shade of red "I…I…"
"I know you're not allowed to tell a lie so just ask the woman out Quatre…imagine an ex gundam pilot scared of asking someone out." I said poking his arm with my finger.
"Fine! I'll do it." He said his blush lowered to a pale pink.
I smiled as I watched him walked down to his office while I moved over to the vase right outside his door I feigned innocent and organized the vase that stood on the end table outside his office. When I heard the vid phone ring shrilly I almost knocked over the crystal vase but caught it and replaced it onto the end table. I listened as I heard a familiar voice…it was Milliardo! I listened as discreetly as I could.
"She's coming back?" Quatre asked in disbelief
"Yes the doctors are going to release Relena for good behavior." Milliardo confirmed.
I gasped and stepped back. The crystal vase fell and smashed into a million pieces like an omen of bad things to come.
TBC
Wow longer than normal *_* that's so sad about Noin's past I know, but on the show or in any of the mangas I've read they don't really give her a past and so here's one for her I thought that it may fit her character. Uh I was gonna have this up yesterday but FF.net was acting funky and I remembered the last time it was acting like that, it didn't upload any of my stories. -_- So what do ya think like it??? CRITICIZE and praise please.