DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God. All hail Paramount. They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go. All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).
COURTING DISASTER
CHAPTER TWO: FLEETING SHADOWS
"I'm reading a coherent tetrion beam scanning us."
"The wave will intercept us in twelve seconds."
"Brace for impact!"
"She's dead."
"We're on the other side of the galaxy."
"Sending you back is terribly complicated. Don't you understand?"
"If you destroy the array, we'll have no way to get home."
"We never asked to be involved, Tuvok, but we are."
"Ready the tricobalt devices."
"What do you think you're doing? That array is the only way we have to get back home!"
"I'm not willing to trade the lives of the Ocampa for our convenience."
"Who is she to be making this decision for all of us?"
"She's the Captain."
"Fire."
The word echoed in her ears as the Captain let out a scream and sat up in bed drenched with cold sweat. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she drew her knees towards her and rested her arms on them, putting her head in her trembling hands. She could hear her heart thumping in her ears, and her breathing was rapid and irregular as she gulped in air. Waves of sudden emotions descended on her -- panic, regret, sadness, fear. Her shoulders shook with a sob and she squeezed her eyes shut to try and block out the overwhelming sensations. She tried to take slow, deep breaths and calm down.
She looked up suddenly as the significance of her dream began to dawn on her. She had recognized people, she had known herself…she had remembered everything. She struggled to remember now, but it was quickly slipping away. It was there, she could sense it, almost see it, but it seemed to get dimmer the more she tried to remember. She pounded a pillow with her fist in frustration. It was gone now, but while she was dreaming it had all come back.
Although trying to remember who she was proved futile, parts of her dream remained with her…and they were disturbing. She could only remember images, flashes, and emotions, but even those left her deeply unsettled.
Something terrible had happened…and she had been responsible.
Knowing that sleep would be impossible, at least for the moment, she got out of bed and made her way to the main living area. Naomi was still sleeping soundly on the couch, and the Captain looked at her enviously. She looked so peaceful, so innocent, apparently undisturbed by nightmares.
She was startled from her examination of Naomi when the door chimed. She was too surprised to make any reply for a moment, but she finally walked over to the door and opened it to reveal Chakotay.
"Are you all right?" he asked, stepping in and looking at her carefully.
Needing comfort right then, she moved towards him and buried her face in his shoulder, putting her arms around his waist. He was surprised for a moment, but then put his arms around her, stroking her hair.
She remained in his embrace until she became aware that she could feel the heat from his body and she quickly stepped away. He was wearing sleepwear, a blue-grey shirt with matching pants, and she was still wearing her blue nightgown which did very little to conceal her figure.
She crossed her arms self-consciously as he pretended not to notice how she was dressed. "I -- I'm sorry," she stammered. "I wasn't thinking, I…"
"Don't worry about it," he said quietly. He examined her face carefully. "I was awake and heard you scream."
"It was nothing," she said, embarrassed. "I had a nightmare, that's all."
"It doesn't sound like nothing. You're as white as a sheet."
She wavered, but stood her ground. "I'm fine, really."
Although she was unaware of it, her hands were still trembling. "You're not fine," he said, stepping forward and putting his hands over hers.
She gave in, finally letting her agitation show. "No, I'm not," she admitted quietly.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She glanced over her shoulder at Naomi. "Not here," she said quietly, inclining her head towards the bedroom. "I don't want to wake her up."
He nodded and followed her to the bedroom, where she crawled up onto the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest with her arms around her legs. He sat nearby with his legs crossed.
"Tell me about your dream," he began quietly when they were settled.
"I don't remember much. Images, mostly. It all faded so fast." She looked at him plaintively. "I remembered," she said. "I knew everything -- who I was, who all of you were. Where I was from, what I was doing on this ship. My whole life. But when I woke up…it was gone in an instant."
He took a deep breath and reached over, putting his hand on her knee momentarily. "Try to focus on the events and other people in the dream instead."
She took a moment to remember as much as she could. "Something…terrible had happened. People were hurt, dead. We were…lost."
"We? Do you remember who else was there?"
She closed her eyes, trying to picture faces. "A young woman, dark hair, and an older man with grey hair…they died."
"Grey hair? Was he the man from the photograph?"
She squinted, her eyes still closed. "No."
"Who else?"
She concentrated, then opened her eyes suddenly. "The young man with dark hair…uh…Three of Eight. He was there."
"Do you remember anything about him?"
She shook her head. "No, just that he was there." She closed her eyes again. "An old man…mysterious, evasive, powerful. We…wanted something from him."
"Do you recognize him?"
"No. He wouldn't give us what we wanted…and I…I…had to do something." Her eyes flew open again. "She was angry with me."
"Who?"
"The woman from engineering…with the forehead ridges."
"Why was she angry with you?"
"She…she didn't…" It was there, but it was elusive and she just couldn't grasp it. "I can't remember," she sighed in frustration.
"It's all right, don't force it. What else can you remember?"
She looked at him suddenly, seeing him in a new light. "You were there," she whispered. "You…" Her expression changed, softened. "You stood up for me."
He smiled. "Good. Not that I think you're incapable of standing up for yourself."
She returned his smile for a moment, but it faded again as she tried to remember more. "I was responsible," she said quietly after a moment.
"For what?"
She looked down at her hands. "I don't know…and I'm not sure I want to."
They were silent for a few minutes before he spoke up quietly. "I had a dream too."
She looked up. "Oh? How much do you remember?"
"Less than you."
"While you were dreaming, did you know who you were?"
He nodded. "And when I woke up it was gone, just like you."
"What was the dream about?"
"I don't remember," he admitted. "I was…in a desert, or something. There were houses that looked like they had been burned to the ground. Bodies everywhere. Everything was destroyed."
She reached over sympathetically to touch his hand.
"I was…looking for somebody, or someplace."
"Did you find it?"
"I don't remember. I don't think so."
"Were any of us there?"
"No. I was alone. I think it was…a long time ago. Before I was here, on this ship. Before I met you."
He said the last part with such certainty and affection that she was transfixed for a moment looking at his face, but she shook it off. "Do you think these were just dreams?"
He looked at her with a penetrating gaze before he slowly shook his head. "It felt too real to be just a dream."
She nodded in agreement. They fell into silence again, and they were only interrupted by Naomi padding into the bedroom.
"Is everything okay?" she asked quietly.
"Everything's fine," the Captain assured her. "I'm sorry -- did we wake you?"
"No. I had a bad dream."
She and Chakotay glanced at each other.
"Do you remember your dream?" asked Chakotay.
Naomi frowned and walked over to the bed, where she climbed up and sat next to the Captain. "I was talking to a woman on a screen. I missed her, and I was worried about her."
"Do you remember her face?" asked the Captain softly, brushing Naomi's hair back over her shoulders.
"She had blond hair, and she was scared. I wanted her to come back." She looked up at the Captain. "Was it my mom?"
"Maybe," smiled the Captain.
"I had a bad dream too," offered Chakotay to take her mind of her parents. "And so did Kathryn."
"What was yours?" she asked the Captain.
She considered how much she should tell her. "I was lost," was all she admitted.
"What about you?"
"I was…looking for something," said Chakotay evasively.
Despite their meager descriptions, Naomi was satisfied.
"You should get back to sleep, young lady."
Naomi wavered. "What if I…" She seemed to gather courage, and started to crawl off the bed.
"You know," said Janeway, "I might have another bad dream. Would it be all right with you to stay in here with me instead?"
Chakotay concealed a smile at Naomi's obvious relief. She hadn't wanted to appear scared, so she was glad that the suggestion came from the Captain instead. "If you want me to," she said, affecting seriousness.
The Captain smiled and put a hand on her shoulder as she rose from the bed. "I'll be right back."
Chakotay followed her to the door, but stopped before he left.
"Are you sure you'll be all right? I could sleep on the couch."
"I'll be fine, I promise."
"Well, if you change your mind you know where to find me."
"I wonder…"
"What?"
She smiled. "Are you this overprotective of me all the time or just because we've lost our memories?"
He chuckled and turned around to leave.
"Chakotay?"
He was too surprised at the name to wonder what she was going to say. "Is that what you've decided to call me?"
She was surprised too, her use of the name not having struck her. "I…It was in the book."
The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile, showing his dimples. "And what makes you think it was a present from me?"
"Nothing," she admitted. "I just…know that it's your name."
He accepted this. "I guess it'll have to do," he said jokingly. He turned to leave, but remembered that he had never answered her. "What were you going to say?"
She held out her hand, and he took it. "Thank you."
He looked down at their clasped hands, and moved his thumb slowly back and forth over her fingers. Looking back at her, he saw she was looking at their hands as well but then met his gaze. "You're welcome, Kathryn," he said. He reached up with his other hand and rested it on her face, running his thumb over her cheek without breaking eye contact.
"Good night," he said finally, removing his hand from her face and stepping back.
"Good night."
He left, and she reached up to her cheek where his hand had been resting. She stood there with her hand on her face for a few moments before she took a deep breath and moved back towards the bedroom, fervently hoping for at least a few hours sleep before they had to report to the command center at 0800.
* * *
"I can't just leave and go looking for the child."
"And I'd never consider letting you go into a Kazon Nistrim stronghold by yourself. If we do this, we do it together."
"Do you think it's a trap?"
"We can't just stay on this course and wait to see what they have in store for us."
"Two more Kazon ships approaching."
"I'm showing power failures all over the ship."
"All three Kazon ships are concentrating their fire on us now."
"We're being boarded through the shuttle bays."
"Initiate self-destruct sequence."
"You will be given no more respect than any Kazon woman now that your ship and technology are mine. I will tell you when you may speak."
"Allow my crew to live. They were only following my orders."
"A fitting end for a people who would not share their technology. Let's see if you manage to survive without it."
"Our job is to make sure his death is the last one for a very long time. I will not let this planet destroy my crew!"
For the second time that night, the Captain bolted upright in bed, gasping for breath. Cold sweat drenched her body, and her nightgown clung tightly to her clammy skin. As soon as her initial disorientation passed, she frantically grasped at something, anything, that remained with her from the dream. What had been there seconds before had evaporated, disappeared. She squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. As with the other dream she had already experienced that night, she could remember vague images and words from the dream itself, but nothing about the context -- what was happening, what she was doing and why. Who she was. She pulled her knees up to her chest and ran her fingers through her hair.
She lost track of time as she sat motionless on the bed, her fingers still intertwined in her hair. She eventually came out of her trance and crawled back under the covers, rolling over on to her side. She wished now that she had taken Chakotay up on his offer to sleep on the couch, because she could certainly use somebody to talk to right about now. She glanced over at Naomi next to her on the bed, still sound asleep. She had also had another nightmare, but at least it hadn't taken her long to fall back asleep.
She glanced at the chronometer and noticed with a frown that it was nearly 0710. She threw the covers off with a sigh. There was no point in going back to sleep when she had to report to the command center in less than an hour.
Naomi woke up a few seconds after she was dressed.
"How did you sleep?" asked the Captain, sitting down on the bed next to her.
"I didn't have any more nightmares after the last one."
"Good. I have to go to the command center now. Will you be all right?"
Naomi nodded, stretching and pushing the covers off herself. "I'll get dressed then go help in the kitchen again. The furry man said he could use some help chopping vegetables."
"I'll check in on you later."
"Will you tell me if you find my parents?"
"Of course. You'll be the first to know, I promise."
* * *
From the looks of the rest of the command group when she arrived in the conference room, their sleep had been as unrewarding as hers. Fortunately, someone had thought to bring a pot of coffee from the kitchen, and she gratefully poured herself a cup as she sat down. She took a sip, letting the warm liquid slide down her throat with her eyes closed.
"It's that good?" said a voice quietly next to her ear.
Startled, she nearly dropped her mug and her eyes shot open. She turned around to see Chakotay in the seat next to her with a grin on his face.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."
She noticed his tired expression. "Rough night?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Try the coffee. It'll wake you up."
Tom Paris and Harry Kim entered, both looking like they hadn't gotten very much sleep. They were the last to arrive.
Tuvok looked around the table with a raised eyebrow. "Perhaps we can make some progress on the main computer now that you have all had your required sleep."
"Speak for yourself," muttered Paris as he sat down.
"What's the matter?" smirked B'Elanna. "Bed not comfortable enough for you?"
"I'll have you know it's quite comfortable. I just kept having these nightmares."
The Captain and Chakotay glanced at each other and she leaned forward with her elbows on the table. "Nightmares?"
"Yeah. I barely got any sleep last night."
"Do you remember anything about them?"
He looked puzzled. "Not really."
Harry leaned forward as well. "I had nightmares too. I couldn't remember very much either."
"Did anyone else have nightmares last night?"
"I did," said Ensign Ashmore. "And I've heard of a few other people that did as well."
"I had bad dreams too," she said. "I seem to have remembered more than the rest of you…and while I was dreaming, I knew who I was."
"You what?" said B'Elanna.
"I could remember everything -- my name, what we're doing on this ship, who all of you are, but when I woke up it was gone."
"The same thing happened to me," said Chakotay.
"It could be our memories resurfacing subconsciously," said Ensign Sharr.
"It might help if we all shared our dreams. Who wants to go first?"
Seven interrupted him. "Discussing our…dreams…is irrelevant. We should concentrate our efforts on --"
"They're not just dreams," said the Captain. "They could be memories. Talking about them might help us remember something."
Seven looked displeased but didn't object further.
There was a silence for a few seconds before Tom Paris spoke up. "I can only remember one of my dreams. I was underwater."
"Underwater?" repeated the Captain.
"Were you drowning?" asked Harry.
"No. I was in a…ship, I think."
"A ship? Underwater? What kind of ship?" said Harry.
"I…I don't remember."
"What else do you remember?" asked the Captain.
"I was…trying to destroy something."
"A weapon of some sort?" asked Tuvok.
"I don't remember." He looked at Seven suddenly and stared at her for a few seconds. She shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. "You were there," he said suddenly. "In the ship."
The Captain leaned forward excitedly. "Anyone else?"
Tom looked around the table, and his gaze fell on Harry next to him. "You."
"Me?" said Harry.
"You were in my dream too," said the Captain.
"Can you remember anything else?" asked Chakotay.
Tom shook his head. "Sorry."
The Captain turned to B'Elanna opposite her. "What about you?"
B'Elanna frowned. "I can't remember. It's all just a mess of images."
Ensign Ashmore spoke up next. "I was…on this ship, I think. I was trying to fix something, but I didn't want to. I was being forced."
"Forced?"
"They were…large, tall aliens. They had scaly skin. They were forcing me to do things for them."
"You mean they had control of the ship?"
"They may have…I can't remember it all."
"Were any of us there?" asked Chakotay.
"Not that I can remember."
"What about you?" Tom asked Harry.
"We were somewhere dark and quiet," he said.
"We?" said Ensign Sharr. "Who was with you?"
Harry frowned and looked around the table. "It…it might have been some of you. I don't remember."
"What else can you tell us?"
"We were nervous. We had weapons. It was like we were hunting something."
"Hunting?" repeated B'Elanna. "Hunting what?"
"I don't know, but whatever it was, it found us." He reached his hand up to his chest. "I…was injured. It was painful. That's all I remember."
"What do you remember?" Torres asked the Captain.
"In the first dream I had, we were lost. People were killed. There was this old man that we wanted something from, but he wouldn't give it to us, so I had to do…something."
"What?"
"I can't remember, but it made the others angry. In the second…" She paused. Her second dream was not as clear as the first. "We were in danger. It was…some kind of trap. The ship was boarded."
Ensign Ashmore sat forward eagerly. "Did they have pale, scaly skin with horns on their foreheads?"
She shook her head. "No. They were dark skinned. Not scaly at all. I can't remember anything else."
"Anyone else?" asked Tom.
"What about you?" the Captain asked Tuvok.
"If I experienced nightmares, I do not recall them."
Vorik also denied dreaming.
"You didn't dream either?" Harry asked Seven.
She shifted, obviously uncomfortable. "I did have an…unpleasant dream."
"Tell us," said the Captain.
"I believe I was younger. I was…frightened. Terrified. I was hiding from someone. There were men chasing me. They were going to hurt me." Despite her attempts to appear unflustered, the Captain could see she was quite upset. "It was…disconcerting."
She realized that everyone except Chakotay had mentioned their dreams. "Did you have any more dreams?" she asked him.
"Not that I can remember."
Her eyes narrowed -- she could tell he was lying, or at the very least keeping something from them. She decided to pursue it later.
"We should move on to the issue of restoring main computer functions," said Seven. She nodded to Harry to begin.
"We've analyzed the bio-neural component of the ship's computer. As far as we can find, there's nothing wrong with them."
"Nothing wrong with them?" repeated B'Elanna. "Then why the hell is the computer still down?"
He sighed, obviously asking himself the same question.
"We have not been able to ascertain the cause of the computer malfunctions," said Seven.
"As far as we can tell," added Harry, "There's nothing wrong with them mechanically."
"But there may be something wrong with the biological component," continued B'Elanna eagerly.
"Exactly."
The Captain's eyes lit up. "Then maybe we need to find ourselves somebody who can tell us what's wrong with them biologically."
Her comment gained her the attention of the entire group, but it was Chakotay who finished the thought. "The interactive matrix we found in Sickbay," he said. "If we can get it up and running, we might be able to use it to analyze the gelpacks, or even us, to determine what caused all this."
"We met a man yesterday in the mess hall who seemed to have some engineering expertise," added the Captain. "I asked him to take a look at it first thing this morning. Perhaps some of the engineering team could give him a hand."
"Two of Eight and I will proceed with our attempt to restore the defenses of this vessel," said Seven. She turned to Torres and Vorik. "You will create designations for yourselves when you recruit your team to examine the Sickbay computers. Three and Seven of Eight can assist you if necessary."
B'Elanna looked like she was about to object, but a warning glance from Harry across the table stopped her and she settled for rolling her eyes.
"Four and Five of Eight, is there any part of the ship that hasn't been surveyed?"
"We covered everything yesterday," said Chakotay.
"I'd like to get started on getting access to the personnel files," said the Captain. "Failing that, we should start a detailed search of the ship. If we gather enough reports and personal items we might be able to make some sense of all this."
Seven considered for a moment. "Agreed," she said finally. "Recruit others to assist you as necessary."
With that, she ended the meeting and they all dispersed.
* * *
"Okay, try accessing it."
The Captain frowned as the computer beeped at her, indicating failure. She leaned down to look at Chakotay laying on his back under the Ops console. "Nothing. Try the next processor relay."
"Try it now."
She growled in frustration as the computer refused to respond. "This is hopeless," she sighed, glancing down at him as he pushed himself up. "We've tried bypassing every system, every processor, and still nothing."
"Maybe we should forget this until somebody figures out what's wrong with the computer."
Crewman Celes tentatively approached the pair as they were working. "Excuse me…are you Kathryn?"
The Captain looked up in surprise. "Yes."
"They said I should come talk to you. That little girl in the mess hall, she's staying with you?"
"That's right."
"Well, when I chose quarters last night I was so tired that I didn't look around very much, but this morning when I got up I realized that I probably should, because there could be personal items or something that would tell us whose quarters they were, or anything about us since we haven't been able to -- "
The Captain stopped her excited rambling with a raised hand. "Did you find something?"
"Yes. I saw the girl in the kitchen this morning, and since they said she's staying with you, I thought you might want to see this. "
She passed the Captain a holo-image. As soon as she saw it, Janeway sat up straight and her eyes widened.
"What is it?" asked Chakotay, pulling himself off the floor.
Her lips parted slightly, but she made no reply other than to slowly turn the image around to face him. It was a photo of Samantha and Naomi Wildman. Naomi was younger, but she hadn't changed much. She had her arms around her Flotter doll, and Samantha had her arms around Naomi, her chin resting lightly on her shoulder.
"Do you recognize her?" asked the Captain, referring to Samantha.
Chakotay considered for a moment. "I think she was in the science lab yesterday. We could try there first."
The Captain took the photo back. "Not yet. I have a promise to keep."
Naomi in tow, they followed Celes to her quarters. The young girl clutched the Captain's hand tightly as they entered the room.
"Does it look familiar?" asked Janeway, looking around.
Naomi shook her head nervously, squeezing her hand tighter. The Captain noticed immediately something that was different from her quarters -- it looked like a child lived there. There was the occasional doll, or toy, or drawing that didn't look like they belonged in the quarters of someone who lived alone.
Chakotay had begun walking around the room, and something on the wall drew his eye. "Kathryn?"
She and Naomi walked over to where he was looking at a drawing on the wall. It looked like it might be some kind of portrait, with stick figures drawn in crayon, obviously by a child. Each of the three figures had names written above them.
Naomi walked closer to the drawing, finally relinquishing her hold on the Captain's hand. "Is that mine?"
"Looks like it," said the Captain absentmindedly as she examined the drawing. The drawing was crude, but she thought it could be made out. The person on the right appeared to be a woman with a pile of yellow on her head that must be hair. She appeared to be wearing blue, and had the word "Mommy" scrawled above her in a childish hand.
"The woman in the science lab wore a blue uniform," said Chakotay quietly over her shoulder. She nodded.
The figure drawn to the left of the woman was obviously a child, drawn with similar blond hair and wearing a dress. She appeared to be holding something, but it couldn't be identified as anything more than a blue blob. "Me" was written above the caricature, revealing no information about her young companion's name.
There was somebody else drawn to the left of the little girl. His clothes were a mesh of brightly colored crayon, with the word "Neelix" written above him.
"Is that my father?" asked Naomi.
"I don't think so," said Chakotay. "If he were, I doubt it would say his name. Maybe he's your uncle or something."
The Captain reached up and removed the drawing from the wall to turn it over.
"Naomi, age 3, stardate 52647," she said softly, reading the flowing handwriting in the bottom corner of the paper. She turned to her young companion. "Naomi," she repeated. "Does that sound familiar?"
She shook her head. "Is that my name?"
"It might be. There aren't any other children on board, so this is probably your family."
Naomi turned around to Celes and held her hand out for the photo of her and Samantha. Her hand shook as she examined it. "You really think this is my…my mom?" she whispered. She looked up at them with tears in her eyes.
The Captain looked at Chakotay and then back at Naomi, then nodded slowly.
Chakotay reached out and took her by the hand. "Come on. Let's go see if she's in the science lab."
Her eyes widened and she froze in her tracks. She glanced at the Captain, who smiled reassuringly and took Naomi's other hand.
With Naomi in between them, Chakotay and the Captain left the quarters and headed down the hall towards the science lab.
* * *
It took them nearly a half an hour to track down Ensign Wildman. They checked the science lab, the mess hall, the bridge, and engineering before someone recognized the holo-image and said that she had been recruited to help out in Sickbay until they restored the interactive matrix in the computer.
Naomi was still holding their hands when they reached Sickbay, but she had relaxed her grip a little. The color drained from her face, though, when she saw Samantha from across the room.
Janeway inclined her head in Sam's direction, and Chakotay nodded and went over to give her some idea of the shock she was about to get while the Captain and Naomi went to the Doctor's office to wait. The Captain sat in the chair behind the desk, and Naomi climbed up on her lap, still squeezing her hand. She ran her fingers through Naomi's hair to reassure her.
"Do you think she's nice?" asked Naomi thoughtfully.
"I'm sure she is."
"Do…you think she'll be glad to see me?"
The Captain paused. In the main part of Sickbay, she could see Chakotay and Samantha Wildman in deep conversation. She looked back at Naomi. "I think she might be…a little surprised at first. She probably hasn't even considered the possibility that she has a daughter." Seeing the crushed expression on Naomi's face she added, "She'll probably just need a little time to get used to the idea."
Chakotay and Samantha began making their way towards the office, and Naomi tensed up and climbed off the Captain's lap, although she still held her hand tightly.
The Captain searched Chakotay's face for some idea of what to expect from the meeting. His expression was noncommittal, and he merely raised an eyebrow.
"Hello," said Samantha, folding her hands in front of her.
"Hi," said Naomi cautiously.
Samantha opened her mouth and then closed it again, unable to think of something to say.
Naomi managed a small smile and fingered the protrusions on her forehead. "I guess I didn't get these from you," she said.
The tension was visibly relieved. "I guess not," chuckled Samantha.
"She has your eyes," said the Captain softly, examining the other woman's features.
Startled, Samantha glanced at her before looking back at Naomi. A small smile slowly spread across her face. "Yes. She does. You're a very beautiful girl, Naomi."
Naomi beamed at her mother's acceptance and praise.
"I'm trying to learn how to use some of the medical equipment in case anybody is injured," continued Samantha. "I could use another pair of hands."
Her eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically. She started to follow Samantha out of the office, but turned back towards the Captain.
"Thank you."
Janeway smiled broadly. "You're welcome, Naomi. Come and find me if you need anything."
"I will." With that, she eagerly followed Samantha across Sickbay.
The Captain watched her in silence for a few minutes before she cleared her throat and turned back to Chakotay.
"Should we return to cursing the processor relays?"
He smiled. "Well, if you insist…but maybe it's time for us to try another approach."
"You want to start a search of all the quarters?"
He nodded.
She sighed. "That will take days, if not weeks."
"Not if we get some help. Why don't we go up to the common area and see if we can find some volunteers."
* * *
In a corner of the mess hall, the Captain addressed the twenty volunteers they had recruited for the search of the ship.
"We'll pair up into teams of two, and each pair will take a deck," she explained, distributing PADDs to the gathered officers. "Chakotay and I will cover the remaining decks with no living quarters."
"What exactly do you want us to do?" asked Ensign Culhane.
"Photos and data storage devices," she said, holding up a PADD, "Will be your key objectives. Finding pictures should tell us who the quarters belong to, and any reports lying around may give us some indication of who we are, or shed some light on the command structure."
Ensign Jenkins shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "I'm not sure I feel right about snooping through somebody else's belongings."
"Me neither," added Ensign McCormick. "I wouldn't want somebody rifling through my personal things."
"If we do this, maybe you'll actually know where your personal things are," smirked Crewman Henley.
"I think the situation warrants a little violation of privacy," added Lieutenant Ayala.
The Captain held up her hand. "Let's not go too far here. I think you've raised a valid point," she said to Jenkins. "Your inspection of the quarters doesn't have to be more than superficial. It's likely that any images or files that could help us are out in the open, so there's no need to go rifling through every drawer and checking under the beds. Be thorough, but not intrusive." She gave them a lopsided grin. "I'm sure when we get our memories back, we're all going to be a little upset that someone was going through our quarters, so let's not be too disruptive. Try to leave things as you find them."
The group seemed satisfied, and many of them smiled at her attempted humor.
She nodded. "All right, let's get to it. You have your assigned decks and designations. Make a record of everything you find that might be relevant. If you find something that can't wait, hail us. Otherwise, report back here at 1900 hours."
"What if we aren't finished by 1900 hours?" asked Crewman Larson.
"Well, I assume you'll want to eat, so come back here anyways and give us a status report over dinner."
The group chuckled.
"When Chakotay and I are finished, we'll make a circuit of the ship and see how you're doing. Dismissed."
The group moved off, and Chakotay moved over to the Captain, PADD in hand. "You handled that well."
She took the PADD from him and looked up. "Handled what well?"
"Getting everyone organized and resolving their disputes. You're a natural leader."
"I just did what anyone would have done."
He raised an eyebrow but didn't argue with her.
* * *
Chakotay stopped in the middle of their turn around cargo bay 2 and turned back towards the regeneration alcoves. He frowned, examining the sharp contrast of the alien technology with the rest of the cargo bay.
The Captain noticed that he was no longer following her, and she moved over to stand beside him. She followed his gaze to the regeneration alcoves then looked up at him. "What is it?"
He answered without taking his eyes off the far wall. "They look out of place, don't they."
She looked back at the alcoves. "They're unlike anything in the rest of the ship," she agreed.
Deep in concentration, he didn't answer. He eventually tore his eyes away from the alcoves and looked around the cargo bay. He was suddenly able to picture it in his mind, but it was a far cry from the room he was standing in now. It appeared dark, lit only with a dull green glow. Shafts of light broke through the almost menacing haze that hung in the air, and he could hear an electrical crackling noise in the distance. Alien technology was everywhere, and there were people walking around with strange, almost robotic motions, and they appeared to be part machine.
"Chakotay? What is it?"
Startled out of his reverie, he looked over at the Captain and saw her looking at him with concern, her hand on his shoulder.
"This place…I could see it, but it was different."
"Different? How?"
He gave her a brief description of what he had seen.
She stepped in front of him excitedly, her hand still on his arm. "Can you remember anything else?"
"No. It's gone now."
She sighed, then looked over her shoulder at the cargo bay before returning to him. "I guess that's a good sign. Maybe our memories are returning."
Survey team beta to team leaders, came Ensign Jenkins' voice over the comm.
"Go ahead," said the Captain, tapping her commbadge.
Is Chakotay with you?
"Yes."
We've got something here he might want to see.
"What's your location?"
Deck three, section twelve.
She and Chakotay started for the door. "We're on our way."
* * *
They entered the quarters on deck three and saw Crewman Larson sitting at a desk, scanning a pile of PADDs. Ensign Jenkins was reading over his shoulder, and looked up when the Captain and Chakotay walked in.
"What have you found?" asked the Captain.
Jenkins picked up a piece of stone sitting next to the pile of PADDs and stepped around the desk as they approached. "I found this on the dresser."
Chakotay reached out and took it from her, holding it so the Captain could see it as well. The stone was of an orange hue, and it had designs and patterns carved on the surface. The one that quickly drew their eyes was tucked far away in the corner -- it was the same design as Chakotay's tattoo.
"I didn't recognize it at first," continued Jenkins, tilting her head to get a better view of the side of Chakotay's face. "But it looks like I was right."
The Captain nodded and looked up over her shoulder, examining his tattoo herself. "It's the same design." She looked back at the stone and reached out to run her fingers over carved lines. After tracing the outline of the tattoo on the stone, she withdrew her hand and stepped away to look around the room.
"These must be your quarters," she said, looking around.
Crewman Larson finished his examination of the reports and stood up. "I'm afraid there's nothing here that will help us," he said, moving over to join them. "They're pretty dry for the most part -- just personnel evaluations and status reports. Over half of them are marked for the attention of Commander Chakotay."
The Captain looked back over her shoulder as a smile spread across her face. "See? I told you I was right."
Larson and Jenkins excused themselves to finish surveying the rest of the deck, and the Captain followed Chakotay into the bedroom.
"There aren't any photos," she said, surveying the room. She picked up a wood carving that was sitting on a nearby shelf. "Lots of knick knacks, though."
"I must like the outdoors," he muttered, picking up another rock that had carvings in it.
The Captain noticed a bundle on the floor next to the dresser. She picked it up, unrolled it on the bed and sat next to it. It was a piece of white fur with a few items inside, resting on a brown piece of leathery animal skin.
Chakotay came over and sat on the bed on the other side of the bundle.
"What do you think it is?" she asked, picking up the stone sitting in the middle of the piece of fur. She passed him the stone, and he turned it over in his hand.
"It's smooth," he said.
The Captain picked up the akoonah. "I wonder what this is."
"For meditating." He hadn't thought before speaking, and they looked up at each other in surprise.
"How…"
He answered her question with a shake of his head before she finished getting the words out of her mouth. "I don't know how I remembered that."
"Do you remember using it?"
"No, I just know what it's for." He looked up at her with a grin. "Kind of like chicken. You remember what it tastes like but you don't remember ever having eaten it."
She chuckled and picked up the blackbird wing. "It's a pity you can't tell me the story behind this," she said with a raised eyebrow.
He smiled and they continued looking around his quarters.
* * *
"The recipe I found called it angla-bosque," said Neelix as he scooped food onto plates for the Captain and Chakotay.
"It smells…interesting," said Chakotay.
Neelix seemed to take it as a complement and was about to start listing off the spices he had added but was preempted when they grabbed their plates and left, the Captain looking down to hide her grin.
They moved towards the table where their survey teams were gathered and took seats at the head of the long table.
"Are there any teams who didn't get through their assigned deck?" she asked as she sat down. Nobody spoke up, and she smiled. "Good work. Alpha team? Anything on deck two?"
"We managed to assign four of the quarters using photos we found."
"Nothing that would shed light on our mission?"
"No, ma'am."
She nodded. "Beta team? Did you find anything after we left?"
"Nothing substantial. We assigned a total of thirteen quarters on the entire deck."
"Well done. Gamma team?"
Ensign Culhane grinned proudly. "Yes, ma'am. We assigned six quarters…and we found these." He had a small stack of three PADDs in his hands, and he passed them down the table. "They're letters from home."
The Captain's eyes widened and her head shot up before she even started to read the PADD. "From…home?"
"Yes, ma'am. One for Lieutenant Tom Paris, one for Lieutenant Joe Carey, and one for Ensign Amanda Harper."
"Letters? That's rather personal."
Culhane nodded. "That was my reaction. I wouldn't have read any more of Lieutenant Paris' after I realized what it was, but something caught my attention. I read the other two to confirm it."
Lieutenant Hargrove, Culhane's partner, spoke up. "I know it seems like a violation of their privacy, ma'am, but we think it's important that you read them."
She nodded and put them aside. "All right. Delta team?"
None of the other teams had found anything substantial, and when they had heard all the teams reports and gathered their written data, Chakotay followed the Captain out the mess hall doors and down the corridor.
"I guess we should have a look at these," she said, examining the survey reports in her hands.
"We've got all evening. What do you say we relax for a while first. Take our minds off all this."
Before she had a chance to answer, they were interrupted over the comm.
All members of the command collective, report to deck one immediately for briefing.
Chakotay sighed as they turned around and headed back towards the turbolift. "I guess it'll have to wait."
The Captain rolled her eyes. "'The command collective?' Remind me who put that woman in charge."
He chuckled as they entered a turbolift and took it to the bridge. When they arrived in the conference room, Seven, Tuvok, Tom, and Ensign Sharr were already there. When Harry and the remaining three engineers arrived, Seven started with them.
"Have you made any progress restoring the interactive matrix?"
"No," said Ashmore. "We've been able to find some of the subroutines, but we haven't even come close to reactivating it."
"But we do know what it is," said B'Elanna. "It's not just an interactive database -- it's a hologram."
"A hologram?" said Ensign Sharr.
"We discovered holographic projectors in Sickbay," explained Ashmore. "They're linked directly to the interactive program."
"And," said B'Elanna, "We found this." She held up the EMH's mobile emitter.
"What is it?" asked Tuvok.
"It's some kind of portable holographic projector."
Harry leaned forward. "If we're right and that program in the Sickbay computer is a holographic doctor, this would allow it to go anywhere on the ship."
"But you have not succeeded in activating this hologram?" asked Seven.
"No," admitted B'Elanna. "There's just not enough power in the computer right now without those bio-neural gelpacks. It can't handle a program of that size."
"There are a few isolinear circuits," said Harry, "But they're only enough for us to examine some of the subroutines."
"It's a paradox," said the Captain. "We can't activate the program without the gelpacks, and we can't fix the gelpacks without the program."
"Exactly," said B'Elanna.
"If activating this hologram is a paradox," said Seven, "Then it is futile to attempt it. We should concentrate our efforts somewhere else."
"I don't think it's futile yet," said Harry. "We made a lot of progress today. We should know more about it by tomorrow."
"Very well. Four and Five of Eight, have you uncovered anything in your survey of this vessel?"
"We've managed to assign over a third of the quarters based on photos our teams found. From all the reports they found laying around, I think we should be able to construct a rough guess of the command structure. It looks like all the reports for ship security eventually get to a Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. That could very well be you," she told the Vulcan. "All the ones for Engineering go to a Lieutenant Torres. And the Captain's name is Janeway."
"Now all we need to do is put faces to those names," said Harry.
"Our team on deck four found some personal letters they said contain some information about where we're from. We haven't had a chance to go over them yet."
Seven nodded, satisfied. "We have used the limited isolinear circuitry to completely restore this vessel's defenses."
"Our next priority should be restoring the main computer processor," said B'Elanna. "I think our best chance of that is still the hologram in Sickbay."
"Agreed. We will reconvene at 0800 hours tomorrow and decide the most efficient way to proceed."
* * *
Entering her quarters, the Captain sat down on the couch and Chakotay joined her.
"All right, she said, rifling through the stack of PADDs. "Let's have a look at those letters they found on deck four." She found the three she was looking for. She looked at the one on the top. "This is for…Lieutenant Tom Paris. Shall we?"
"By all means."
She looked back at the PADD and after a deep breath, began to read. "Tom, it was so good to hear from you. I wish you would send us a letter in every datastream, although between your duties, B'Elanna, and playing with your little holo-programs it's no wonder you don't get the time. Can't you even manage to write something once a month for old times' sake?"
"It sounds like we're not in constant contact with home."
She nodded and continued reading. "You never were good at writing letters, even in prison when you had all the time in the world." She raised an eyebrow but kept going. "We hear about you from Dad a lot, but it's different hearing from you myself -- you never were very talkative in your letters to Dad, and you know how he is when you want information from him. Since he's my only source, you can imagine how little I know about what your life on Voyager is really like. I'd love to hear more about B'Elanna -- she sounds wonderful, and I'm glad to hear you two are so serious about each other. Dad mentioned that they're working on a way to establish a real-time communication link. I had better be one of the first people you call, Tom, or you're going to regret it when you get home. Jenny and I will gang up on you if we have to, just like when we were kids. And I know Mom will never speak to you again if she's not near the top of your list. For your crew's sake, and their families, I hope it works. Dad seems about as optimistic as he ever gets. He'd never admit it, but I know he misses you a lot." She looked up. "This seems quite personal."
"They seemed to think there was some important information in here. Keep going."
The Captain raised her eyebrows but returned to the letter. "It seems like you two are getting along better. I'm glad for both of you…it's too bad this is what it took to bring you two closer. I know you wanted to get as far away from him as possible, but I'm sure…" Her voice faltered as she read the next few words.
"What is it?"
She took a deep breath and continued. "But I'm sure being thrown halfway across the galaxy…wasn't what you had in mind." Her voice broke again and she had to take a moment before she could continue. "It's obvious how proud of you Dad is. You should have seen his face when he read one of the Captain's letters telling him that without you they would never have been able to get the ship 30,000 light years closer to home in such a short time." She reread the paragraph to herself before she looked up.
Neither of them said a word, and she slowly set the PADD down on the table in front of her.
"Thrown halfway across the galaxy," she whispered, her hand over her mouth.
"That would explain why we didn't detect any ships that matched our hull configuration."
"And why no one has tried to contact us. If we were in our home territory, somebody would have noticed us missing."
He reached for the other two PADDs next to him on the couch. "Do you want to read the others?"
She continued staring blankly ahead in silence.
"Kathryn?"
Startled, she turned towards him. "Hm?"
"Do you want to read the other letters?"
She reached her hand out, and he handed Joe Carey's letter to her. She read it in silence, then set it down and looked at him.
He raised his eyebrows in question.
"It's the same," she said quietly. "They talk about him being far from home, they miss him, they wish he could see his children."
"I wonder how long we've been away from home?"
She didn't answer him and reached for Ensign Harper's letter. When she was about halfway through it, she frowned.
"What is it?"
"They mention…everyone thought we were dead." She looked up. "And the other letter said we were thrown halfway across the galaxy. Obviously exploring this part of space wasn't something we planned."
He nodded, and watched her as she rose from the couch and walked over to the window. She stared out at the unfamiliar stars that greeted her, wondering for the first time if they had always been unfamiliar to her.
"We're alone," she said finally, in so quiet a voice that he had to strain to hear her. She turned to face him. "I thought maybe we could find our home planet, or another ship like us who would be able to tell us who we are and help us find out what happened to us, but…we're alone."
"We're not alone. We have each other."
The barest hint of a smile pulled at her lips. "Each other…do you mean the crew, or us?"
"Both."
Her smile deepened, and she returned to join him on the couch.
"You never told me about your dreams."
He looked at her in surprise.
"I could tell you were hiding something at the meeting this morning. You did remember your dreams, didn't you."
He nodded. "I wouldn't have felt right sharing them."
"Oh."
He immediately realized that she had misunderstood. "With the others. Not with you."
"Why?"
"Because you were in them."
"Me?"
He nodded.
She smiled and edged closer to him on the couch, resting her elbow on the back of the couch. "Tell me."
"There were two after we spoke last night. The first one was strange."
"How?"
"We were traveling through space, but there was nothing in it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean it was just empty space. No nebulas, no stars, no planets. The crew was restless. Unhappy."
"The crew? You remember them?"
"No. Just you. You were…" He frowned. "I don't know how to describe it. Not depressed, exactly. You blamed yourself."
Her lips parted. She had a sinking feeling what he was referring to. "My dream," she whispered. "I was responsible. That woman was angry with me, she blamed me."
"I was worried about you, but you wouldn't listen to me. You wanted to…" He sighed. "I don't remember now…but I was terrified I was going to lose you."
"What was the other dream?" she asked quietly.
He looked at her face, then reached over to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "We were alone somewhere. You had…longer hair."
"Like in that picture we found?"
"No…it was loose. It fell all the way down your back."
He slid closer to her and gently turned her around so her back was facing him. He ran his fingers through her hair, then gathered it up and pushed it over her shoulder. Some of it fell back, but he didn't notice. Gently at first, then with more firmness, he began to massage her shoulders. She closed her eyes and gasped softly.
Realizing what he was doing, he quickly removed his hands.
She turned to face him. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have done that."
"Why not? You're quite good at it."
"It was inappropriate. We don't know each other."
She smiled. "That doesn't matter. I would trust you with my life."
"You…you mean that." It was a statement, not a question. He knew she was serious. "I feel the same way." He reached over and gently laid his hand on the side of her arm.
She gasped sharply and jumped back, staring at his hand with her mouth hanging open. It took her a few seconds to realize that Chakotay was calling her name.
"Kathryn? What is it?"
She couldn't tear her eyes away from his hand. "That…felt familiar. Our touching." She finally looked up at him. "It's the first thing that has."
He looked at her in puzzlement.
"You didn't feel it?"
He shook his head. She slid closer to him and slowly reached her hand out, laying it gently on his chest. She looked at her hand for a few seconds before lifting her eyes to his face. She watched his expression change as he looked at her hand.
Slowly, deliberately, he reached down and lifted her hand off his chest. He held her hand in his for a moment before he slowly brought the palms of their hands together and intertwined his fingers with hers. She gasped, staring at their hands locked together. She looked up at him.
"We've done this before."
"This was in my dream," he said quietly.
She leaned towards him, placing her lips inches from his ear. "What else did we do in your dream?"
He turned his head, searching her eyes. "I don't remember."
He reached over and put his hand lightly under her chin, lifting it up and pulling her closer. She closed her eyes slowly and put her hand on the back of his head as he kissed her tenderly. He began to pull away, but she tightened her grip on the back of his head and pulled him back to her. That kiss was followed by another, then another, until one was indistinguishable from the next.
She moaned softly in the back of her throat as his hands moved to her uniform jacket. She removed her hands from his head long enough to get her jacket off, then started working on his. As she started to open the front of his uniform, he grabbed her hands and pulled away from her, chest heaving.
She looked at him with a question in her eyes, wondering why he had pulled away.
His eyes asked their own question, searching her face. She knew instantly what he was thinking and marveled at how easily she could read someone else's thoughts when she was barely able to predict her own.
She stood up and stepped past him away from the couch. His face fell, thinking she had reconsidered, but when he saw her hand outstretched in front of his face he turned around to look at her.
She was standing next to him, holding out her hand with a beguiling smile on her face. "I'm sure."
Cautiously, he reached out and took her hand, and she slowly backed in the direction of the bedroom, pulling him closer to her. She slipped her hands inside his uniform jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. They were locked together now, still moving towards the bedroom. He leaned down to kiss the base of her neck gently.
"This could be a huge mistake," he mumbled, his voice muffled by her neck. "We don't know who we are."
She put her mouth next to his ear and whispered. "I know you."
In the tumult of what followed, one small detail stood out from everything else in her mind. He had whispered "Kathryn" repeatedly in her ear.
She knew it was the most wonderful thing she had ever heard.