Xander's eyes widened in shock. "Me? Buffy's guardian angel?"
The three nodded at the same time.
The one with the red jewel said, "We have been waiting for a very long time for you to come. We've had others watching over her, but none yet who really care for her the way you do."
Xander rubbed a hand over his face, trying to absorb this. "So I'm going to be watching over Buffy and making sure nothing happens to her?"
"That's right," the one with the yellow jewel said.
"So I really am dead then, huh?" Xander took a deep breath. He suddenly realized that he was never going to be the same again. He might be able to see his friends but they wouldn't be able to see him. He would never get to train with Buffy, get scolded at by Giles, make Willow laugh, marry and love Anya…Anya.
"Where's Anya?" he demanded.
The three looked at him blankly.
"Anya? She died the same day I did?"
"Full name please," yellow jewel said.
"Uh…well she called herself Anya Emerson, but I guess, maybe Anyanka?"
They three widened their eyes and gasped.
"That demon? She is in hell of course!"
"What?" Xander took a step toward them. "What do you mean?"
"She was a demon. She is in our hell, not the demonic one."
"B-but no!" Xander cried, taking another step towards them. "She's not a demon anymore! She was human."
Red jewel shook its head. "No. She never atoned for her sins, unlike the vampire with a soul. She showed no regret for the wrongs she did to men for over a century."
Xander looked at the ground in disbelief. A tear trailed down his cheek and fell to the ground, only to be swallowed up by the mist.
"Is there any way I can get her out of there?" Xander asked. "Please. I- I'll switch places with her."
They shook their heads.
"Once one enters, one cannot leave," the blue jewel told him.
Xander closed his eyes.
"Soon your pain will fade," yellow jewel said. "Right now, you have a job to do."
"No way," Xander spat at them. "Not until you let Anya out."
"Sorry, nothing can be done. You will go back to earth. They will not see or hear you, yet you will be able to see and hear them. Protect her and guide her. Return to us often."
With that, Xander felt himself falling. He landed on hard ground this time.
"Ouch." He looked around and realized he was in his own apartment. He saw Giles and Buffy sitting on the couch, reading something. "Hey-" He remembered that they wouldn't hear him and sighed. He came to stand beside Buffy and looked down at the paper. His own eyes welled up when he realized what it was.
+++
The Will of Alexander Harris.
Hey, you guys. You know, this isn't a professional will, just something I'm writing while on my "discovering myself" journey. Cause, you know, I realized that if I die soon, you guys will never know how I really feel (and who's going to get my stuff!)
If you're reading this, then I'm dead. Giles, nice going, you found it. I hope you didn't freak out too much when I told you about this will. I'm not trying to be morbid, but it's just something I think I should be doing.
So, let's see. I'll probably be adding to this later on, but right now, here's what I have to say:
I sure hope I went out good. In battle, not something dumb like not looking both ways before crossing the street, or something.
Here's my little messages in no particular order (don't cry too much, I'm really not worth it)
Willow: You are the best friend I ever had and I love you for always being there for me and not getting annoyed with me like all my teachers did. You know, I don't have a lot of friends. In elementary school, I did, but now, in high school, they all seem to have drifted away. For a long time, it was just you and Jesse and now that he's gone, it's just you. But that's okay.
Make sure you never lose what you have with Tara. It seems pretty special-by the way, too bad I never learned anything naughty about the two of you!
Anyway, enough of the sap, here's the part I know you want to hear-I want you to go into my closet and find the blue box. That's for you.
I'll miss you so much, but don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
Giles: G-man! I know, I know, you're amazed that I'm still bothering you, even when I'm not alive. Listen, I just want to let you know how much I wanted to call you Dad all these years. After all, you're pretty much the only real father I've ever known. So thanks for that. Thanks for listening to all my problems and for taking me in at night when my parents got especially drunk.
Don't worry, I got stuff for you too! There's a couple of dusty old books that I thought you might like somewhere under my bed. You can also have all my old albums-they're probably collectors items now.
Take care of the others for me. Make sure they don't get too crazy.
Buffy: You changed me so much. You gave me a reason to live and I don't think I could ever truly thank you for that. Don't ever give up if the slaying gets hard. Keep on going, for me, for Dawn, for everyone. You're one of the bravest people I know, and I know, even if you lost your slaying powers, you'd still be fighting the good fight. Dawn told me what you said and I agree-the hardest thing in life is to live, but keep on doing that.
Buff, we've had some scary experiences, but (major confession here) I don't think I've ever stopped loving you throughout it all. I know, I know, you love Angel but I just wanted you to know that.
For you, I've got plenty. Give Dawn my stereo and TV-she'll enjoy it. You can take whatever else you want from my place. Give the rest to charity, will ya?
Anya: New love is scary but you kept me sane throughout it. Even with your crazy ways and I love you for that. I hope you're okay without me. Try to find someone new, okay? It shouldn't be too hard-you're a beautiful person, inside and out. I love you so much and I only wish we could have binded that love on our wedding day.
I bought a wedding band for you. It's in a small gray box on the shelf in the closet. You don't have to wear it, but just keep it so you don't forget me.
Spike: Yes even you're included here. Watch over everyone. Keep them in line especially Dawn. Oh yeah, and you can take the lamp.
Alright, I guess that's all the most important people in my life. Take care, keep on going or else I'll have to haunt you.
+++
Buffy had never been so moved in her entire life. She cried silently as Giles carefully folded up the paper and put it back in the envelope. Then he pulled her into a hug. She felt a dampness on her forehead and realized Giles was crying too.
"It wasn't fair," Buffy whispered. "He was so brave and good. Why did he have to die?"
"I know," Giles replied. "But life isn't fair. It was his time, and I only wish we could bring him back. But we can't."
"Let's go," Buffy said suddenly. "I-I don't want to stay in here anymore."
Giles nodded and followed her to the car.
Xander watched them go, tears streaming down his face. He didn't think he had ever cried this much in his life, except for when Buffy had died. He sank to the ground, putting his head in his arms, crying not only for his friends, but also for himself. For all that he had lost, that he would never get to experience.
"I hate this!" he shouted, looking up. "Why can't you just let me stay in heaven?"
"Because you are the only one who can look after her," a voice replied. "Now go after them."
Xander wiped his eyes and sniffled. "Fine. I'll protect her. But I'm only doing this for her, not for you guys."
He got to his feet and glanced out the window to see Buffy and Giles in a car, driving away. "Now how am I supposed to catch up with them?"
And suddenly, he was in the car with them, Buffy's golden hair blowing in his face. Xander shifted. "Okay, that works."
"You will always be drawn to her, no matter where she is," the voice told him.
"I still kind of feel like he's still around, you know?" Buffy was saying to Giles. "Like, if I call him, he'll answer the phone."
Giles nodded. "I know what you mean."
They drove on in silence until they reached Buffy's house. Xander climbed out of the car with them and was their shadow as they walked up the walk and went inside the house.
Willow was sitting on the couch and Dawn was in the chair. She had her legs tucked up under her and she was staring into space, rather than the magazine in her hands. Willow was silently surfing the web on her computer. Tara sat next to her, glancing every so often at what was on the screen.
"Hey," Buffy said. The three girls looked up.
"Did you find the will?" Tara asked.
Buffy nodded and handed it to Willow.
"Does it say anything in there about me?" Dawn asked, turning around in her chair.
Buffy nodded and gave her a tiny smile. "You get his stereo and TV."
"I-I do?"
"Yeah."
Dawn shook her head and turned back around. "I don't want it."
Willow opened the will and began reading. Xander suddenly wished he had made his message to her a bit more light hearted as tears began streaming down the Wicca's face.
"Wow," she whispered once she finished.
"Sorry we didn't get any of the stuff," Buffy said. "But I-I just couldn't…"
"It's okay," Willow said. She wiped her tears away. "Too bad Anya won't be able to read this."
"Yes." Giles took off his glasses and cleared his throat. "Um I will go back there later and retrieve whatever I can."
"Thanks," Willow replied.
There was silence.
"So," Buffy said in an unnaturally loud voice. "We were thinking about going to the funeral parlor to get some information. You know, pick out caskets, get the tombstone made, that sort of thing."
Xander suddenly realized that they were going to have his funeral soon. He had to stay and protect Buffy, which meant…
"No," he said aloud. "No, I'm not going to my own funeral!" He stared up at the ceiling. "Get someone else to watch over her then because I can't go to my own funeral!"
The voice responded, "You must stay by her side always."
Xander shook his head. "I'm not going to watch myself get buried. I-I can't. It's already hard enough dealing with the fact that I'm…" He trailed off, not wanting to say the words.
"But you know that you are. You do not have to see yourself if you do not wish to. Just keep your eyes on her."
Xander closed his eyes, sliding down the wall to the floor. He hated this. He wished that he was just a normal guy who would go to heaven. He had been normal his whole life. Why did it have to change now?
************************************************************************
Comments always welcome and desired! Next chapter up soon!
The three nodded at the same time.
The one with the red jewel said, "We have been waiting for a very long time for you to come. We've had others watching over her, but none yet who really care for her the way you do."
Xander rubbed a hand over his face, trying to absorb this. "So I'm going to be watching over Buffy and making sure nothing happens to her?"
"That's right," the one with the yellow jewel said.
"So I really am dead then, huh?" Xander took a deep breath. He suddenly realized that he was never going to be the same again. He might be able to see his friends but they wouldn't be able to see him. He would never get to train with Buffy, get scolded at by Giles, make Willow laugh, marry and love Anya…Anya.
"Where's Anya?" he demanded.
The three looked at him blankly.
"Anya? She died the same day I did?"
"Full name please," yellow jewel said.
"Uh…well she called herself Anya Emerson, but I guess, maybe Anyanka?"
They three widened their eyes and gasped.
"That demon? She is in hell of course!"
"What?" Xander took a step toward them. "What do you mean?"
"She was a demon. She is in our hell, not the demonic one."
"B-but no!" Xander cried, taking another step towards them. "She's not a demon anymore! She was human."
Red jewel shook its head. "No. She never atoned for her sins, unlike the vampire with a soul. She showed no regret for the wrongs she did to men for over a century."
Xander looked at the ground in disbelief. A tear trailed down his cheek and fell to the ground, only to be swallowed up by the mist.
"Is there any way I can get her out of there?" Xander asked. "Please. I- I'll switch places with her."
They shook their heads.
"Once one enters, one cannot leave," the blue jewel told him.
Xander closed his eyes.
"Soon your pain will fade," yellow jewel said. "Right now, you have a job to do."
"No way," Xander spat at them. "Not until you let Anya out."
"Sorry, nothing can be done. You will go back to earth. They will not see or hear you, yet you will be able to see and hear them. Protect her and guide her. Return to us often."
With that, Xander felt himself falling. He landed on hard ground this time.
"Ouch." He looked around and realized he was in his own apartment. He saw Giles and Buffy sitting on the couch, reading something. "Hey-" He remembered that they wouldn't hear him and sighed. He came to stand beside Buffy and looked down at the paper. His own eyes welled up when he realized what it was.
+++
The Will of Alexander Harris.
Hey, you guys. You know, this isn't a professional will, just something I'm writing while on my "discovering myself" journey. Cause, you know, I realized that if I die soon, you guys will never know how I really feel (and who's going to get my stuff!)
If you're reading this, then I'm dead. Giles, nice going, you found it. I hope you didn't freak out too much when I told you about this will. I'm not trying to be morbid, but it's just something I think I should be doing.
So, let's see. I'll probably be adding to this later on, but right now, here's what I have to say:
I sure hope I went out good. In battle, not something dumb like not looking both ways before crossing the street, or something.
Here's my little messages in no particular order (don't cry too much, I'm really not worth it)
Willow: You are the best friend I ever had and I love you for always being there for me and not getting annoyed with me like all my teachers did. You know, I don't have a lot of friends. In elementary school, I did, but now, in high school, they all seem to have drifted away. For a long time, it was just you and Jesse and now that he's gone, it's just you. But that's okay.
Make sure you never lose what you have with Tara. It seems pretty special-by the way, too bad I never learned anything naughty about the two of you!
Anyway, enough of the sap, here's the part I know you want to hear-I want you to go into my closet and find the blue box. That's for you.
I'll miss you so much, but don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
Giles: G-man! I know, I know, you're amazed that I'm still bothering you, even when I'm not alive. Listen, I just want to let you know how much I wanted to call you Dad all these years. After all, you're pretty much the only real father I've ever known. So thanks for that. Thanks for listening to all my problems and for taking me in at night when my parents got especially drunk.
Don't worry, I got stuff for you too! There's a couple of dusty old books that I thought you might like somewhere under my bed. You can also have all my old albums-they're probably collectors items now.
Take care of the others for me. Make sure they don't get too crazy.
Buffy: You changed me so much. You gave me a reason to live and I don't think I could ever truly thank you for that. Don't ever give up if the slaying gets hard. Keep on going, for me, for Dawn, for everyone. You're one of the bravest people I know, and I know, even if you lost your slaying powers, you'd still be fighting the good fight. Dawn told me what you said and I agree-the hardest thing in life is to live, but keep on doing that.
Buff, we've had some scary experiences, but (major confession here) I don't think I've ever stopped loving you throughout it all. I know, I know, you love Angel but I just wanted you to know that.
For you, I've got plenty. Give Dawn my stereo and TV-she'll enjoy it. You can take whatever else you want from my place. Give the rest to charity, will ya?
Anya: New love is scary but you kept me sane throughout it. Even with your crazy ways and I love you for that. I hope you're okay without me. Try to find someone new, okay? It shouldn't be too hard-you're a beautiful person, inside and out. I love you so much and I only wish we could have binded that love on our wedding day.
I bought a wedding band for you. It's in a small gray box on the shelf in the closet. You don't have to wear it, but just keep it so you don't forget me.
Spike: Yes even you're included here. Watch over everyone. Keep them in line especially Dawn. Oh yeah, and you can take the lamp.
Alright, I guess that's all the most important people in my life. Take care, keep on going or else I'll have to haunt you.
+++
Buffy had never been so moved in her entire life. She cried silently as Giles carefully folded up the paper and put it back in the envelope. Then he pulled her into a hug. She felt a dampness on her forehead and realized Giles was crying too.
"It wasn't fair," Buffy whispered. "He was so brave and good. Why did he have to die?"
"I know," Giles replied. "But life isn't fair. It was his time, and I only wish we could bring him back. But we can't."
"Let's go," Buffy said suddenly. "I-I don't want to stay in here anymore."
Giles nodded and followed her to the car.
Xander watched them go, tears streaming down his face. He didn't think he had ever cried this much in his life, except for when Buffy had died. He sank to the ground, putting his head in his arms, crying not only for his friends, but also for himself. For all that he had lost, that he would never get to experience.
"I hate this!" he shouted, looking up. "Why can't you just let me stay in heaven?"
"Because you are the only one who can look after her," a voice replied. "Now go after them."
Xander wiped his eyes and sniffled. "Fine. I'll protect her. But I'm only doing this for her, not for you guys."
He got to his feet and glanced out the window to see Buffy and Giles in a car, driving away. "Now how am I supposed to catch up with them?"
And suddenly, he was in the car with them, Buffy's golden hair blowing in his face. Xander shifted. "Okay, that works."
"You will always be drawn to her, no matter where she is," the voice told him.
"I still kind of feel like he's still around, you know?" Buffy was saying to Giles. "Like, if I call him, he'll answer the phone."
Giles nodded. "I know what you mean."
They drove on in silence until they reached Buffy's house. Xander climbed out of the car with them and was their shadow as they walked up the walk and went inside the house.
Willow was sitting on the couch and Dawn was in the chair. She had her legs tucked up under her and she was staring into space, rather than the magazine in her hands. Willow was silently surfing the web on her computer. Tara sat next to her, glancing every so often at what was on the screen.
"Hey," Buffy said. The three girls looked up.
"Did you find the will?" Tara asked.
Buffy nodded and handed it to Willow.
"Does it say anything in there about me?" Dawn asked, turning around in her chair.
Buffy nodded and gave her a tiny smile. "You get his stereo and TV."
"I-I do?"
"Yeah."
Dawn shook her head and turned back around. "I don't want it."
Willow opened the will and began reading. Xander suddenly wished he had made his message to her a bit more light hearted as tears began streaming down the Wicca's face.
"Wow," she whispered once she finished.
"Sorry we didn't get any of the stuff," Buffy said. "But I-I just couldn't…"
"It's okay," Willow said. She wiped her tears away. "Too bad Anya won't be able to read this."
"Yes." Giles took off his glasses and cleared his throat. "Um I will go back there later and retrieve whatever I can."
"Thanks," Willow replied.
There was silence.
"So," Buffy said in an unnaturally loud voice. "We were thinking about going to the funeral parlor to get some information. You know, pick out caskets, get the tombstone made, that sort of thing."
Xander suddenly realized that they were going to have his funeral soon. He had to stay and protect Buffy, which meant…
"No," he said aloud. "No, I'm not going to my own funeral!" He stared up at the ceiling. "Get someone else to watch over her then because I can't go to my own funeral!"
The voice responded, "You must stay by her side always."
Xander shook his head. "I'm not going to watch myself get buried. I-I can't. It's already hard enough dealing with the fact that I'm…" He trailed off, not wanting to say the words.
"But you know that you are. You do not have to see yourself if you do not wish to. Just keep your eyes on her."
Xander closed his eyes, sliding down the wall to the floor. He hated this. He wished that he was just a normal guy who would go to heaven. He had been normal his whole life. Why did it have to change now?
************************************************************************
Comments always welcome and desired! Next chapter up soon!