Summary: Xander needs to escape Sunnydale after his failed attempt at
marriage and bonds with an unlikely source.
Disclaimer: All characters Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon and the angry lawyers who protect him from the evil fanfic writers.
Author's Note: I changed the time line a bit to suit my needs. Takes place after Hells Bells (the wedding episode) on Buffy (HEAVY SPOILERS, you have been warned)
But right after Couplet and before Loyalty on Angel.
Why you ask? Because it's fanfic and I can.
Thanks: This idea popped into my head, but I'm borrowing a concept from a fic that Xandman did, hope you don't mind.
PG-13
Does this make us friends now?
Xander walked the seemingly long distance between his car and the hotel. It wasn't like he had parked far away. But what he'd been through the today made even the shortest trips seem like centuries. When he finally reached the door he didn't even bother knocking, he just stepped inside.
The hotel was quite. He stepped into the main lobby. No one had noticed him yet. Typical.
"Anybody in here?" he called out.
A figure stepped out of the shadows and said, "Hi, this is," but stopped in mid-sentence when he recognized him. "Xander."
"No, that's me. This is Angel investigations."
"That it is," Angel replied. Half a beat. "Big danger?"
"Cut to the chase why don't ya?" Xander teased, but his heart wasn't in it. "Actually, no. I just needed to get out of Sunnydale for a little while but I don't want to pay for a hotel room."
"So you were hoping to stay here," Angel interjected for him, narrowing his eyes.
"What'd ya say? Got any open rooms?" Xander gestured with his hand around the hotel.
Angel could sense he was troubled. Xander had always carried himself in an optimistic, lighthearted way. Now he was downtrodden and covered in despair. Whatever had prompted him to take off, it had been a big deal. And Angel knew that Xander hadn't come here for a free stay, he needed help that he couldn't get from the Scoobies. Angel also knew how bad things must be for Xander to turn to him, of all people, for that help.
"Always room for an old friend," Angel replied.
"Yeah, but what about me?" Xander shot back. He had to keep appearances up, for a while.
"You," Angel smiled just a bit, "have to earn your keep."
Xander smiled slightly and followed Angel to his room.
A few hour later, after a long nap Xander came out of his room. He followed the sound of Angel's voice to a nursery, complete with baby.
"Hey Xander," Angel said, hearing his footsteps before he was even close to the room.
"Yours," Xander teased.
"Actually," Angel said. He thought he could literally hear Xander's jaw hit the floor.
"How? When? How?" Xander mumbled.
"It's a long story," Angel sighed and went to get Connor his bottle.
"I'm not going back to Sunnydale anytime soon," Xander replied, not able to take his eyes off the child.
"Xander, meet Connor," Angel said. "It happened like this…" Angel spent the next few hours telling Xander Connor's story. Xander listened, unable to fathom how this had happened, despite Angel's best efforts to make him understand. He also noticed how much Angel had changed since he had moved to L.A. He was happy. He had a purpose and someone to love more than anything else. Xander found a lot of his hostility toward Angel wore away during the course of the tale.
"That's one helluva story you got there," Xander said when Angel had finished.
"That's mine. How about yours," Angel laid the sleeping Connor down in his crib and lead Xander to the lobby.
Xander sighed. "Where are the others?"
"Wesley has locked himself in his office, hitting the books hard, trying to find anything on the prophecy. Gunn and Fred are, well I don't know where but not here. And Cordy," Angel's voice dropped, despite his best efforts to keep a steady tone, "went off to have a nice romantic vacation with Groo."
Xander didn't miss Angel's hitch when he talked about Cordelia, but decided to let it alone. "Angel, you do realize I have no idea who Fred and Groo are, right?"
Angel chuckled. "Right."
"It's not important right now," Xander sighed again. Here we go, he thought. "I was supposed to get married."
Now it was Angel's turn to be shocked. "Married?"
"Married," Xander nodded.
"You?"
"Me."
"Married?"
"You can stop saying that anytime now," Xander said harshly.
"Sorry, it's just."
"No, I get it," Xander backed off apologetically.
"I didn't get invited."
"Sorry about that. I thought it'd be awkward all around, you seeing Buffy, me seeing Cordy. Of course, it couldn't have possibly made things worse."
"What happened?" Angel asked, genuinely concerned.
"Well, had a visit from myself. Well, actually my future self. Well, actually a demon posing as my future self. Anyway," Xander shook his head, "basically he showed me what my future with Anya would be like."
"Why?"
"Well, it sort of had a crush on Anya, but that's beside the point. It showed me the future, and it wasn't pretty."
"So you called off the wedding?" Angel asked.
"Not at first. At first I told Anya I was having some doubts and wanted to think about things. She went a little off the deep end, and started to act just like I had seen in my future vision. So then I got really scared and wanted to talk to her and push the wedding back. She went and told all her demon friends at the wedding, things got ugly, and basically there was an all out brawl between the humans and the demons. It was all Buffy could do to get me out of there alive. I didn't really know what to do then, so I took off. Grabbed my honeymoon bag and just started driving. It took me here."
Angel studied the man for a while. He too had changed since Angel left for LA. He had managed to mature from the goofy young man with a crush on Buffy to a, well still a goofy but mature man who was in a lot of pain.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too. I needed to get away. Away from Anya, away from Sunnydale."
"Won't Buffy and Willow be worried?"
"I doubt either one will notice I'm gone."
"What makes you say that?"
"Willow is dealing with her magic addiction. She's not the Willow we knew. Somewhere along the way she changed, and I stood still. She had all this power and lost control of it. She's kinda scary actually. But she's dealing, so hopefully things can get back to normal."
"What about Buffy?" Angel asked.
"Buffy, is well, let me ask you, did you notice anything about Buffy when you guys had your secret clandestine meeting?"
Angel thought for a moment. "She was stressed out. It was intense to see her again. Really intense."
"Not needing intimate details here," Xander said.
"Sorry. Nothing strange. I mean aside from being dead and than alive again and all."
"Did she tell you about heaven?"
Angel was silent for a long time. "No," he said finally, a note of sadness in his voice.
"That's where she was, we ripped her away."
There was another long pause. "She's not dealing well."
"She's not dealing. Period."
"Explain."
"She's turned herself off from the world. Everyone. Except, Spike. I worry one day he'll take advantage of her, if he hasn't already."
Angel growled but remained silent.
"She's not the same. And I feel all this guilt for bringing her back, but I'm not sure what to do. I want to help her, but I was so busy planning the marriage that didn't happen, I've abandoned her."
"I doubt that."
"Huh?"
"Xander, ever since I've known you I've known you loved Buffy. You've always been the one to be there for her. That doesn't just go away, trust me, I know."
"I haven't felt that way about her in a long time," Xander said.
"It's still in there," Angel confirmed. "You moved on, did what you thought was best, but deep inside there is always a part of your heart she'll own."
"Who are we talking about here?"
"Why did you hate me?" Angel changed tactics.
"I never, well hate is a strong, yeah okay I hated you."
"Why?"
"Vampire in a town of vampires. Pretty obvious."
"Come on, lying isn't going to help you out here."
"Fine," Xander growled, "I hated you because I was in love with Buffy and she chose you over me even though you were a vampire."
"You still loved her, even after that."
"I've grown out of it since then."
"Okay," Angel backed off, seeing he was pushing Xander too far.
They sat in silence for a while before Xander spoke up quietly. "It hurts and it's really hard."
"Talk things out with Anya, maybe you can smooth things out."
"Not what I meant."
"Oh," Angel said quietly, not sure where Xander was headed with this. "What did you mean?"
"Watching as the woman you love chooses someone else."
"It wasn't a personal thing to hurt you."
"You're missing the point," Xander chuckled. "I saw the look in you eyes when you mentioned Cordy and that Groo guy. I'm assuming Groo's a guy or else Cordy pulled a Willow on me, in which case I may then need intensive therapy."
"Don't waste your money, Groo's a guy," Angel chuckled. "And there was no look."
"Please, I of all people know the look of unrequited love when I see it."
"Look, what look, there was no look. I didn't make a look."
"You have to tell her. It's only fair."
"Only fair?" Angel questioned. "What, you mean I have to suffer through it like you did?" Anger rising in him, not caring he was being revealed.
Xander's eyes darkened a bit, but he blew out a deep breath. "Down Dea- Angel," Xander caught himself. "It's only fair to Cordy."
"What are you talking about?"
"She has to know her options. I mean maybe she feels the same way but doesn't know you do, so she moved on. Or she thinks Buffy still has a hold on your heart. Or she thinks you can't be in a relationship because of the curse, how are you planning on getting around that by the way. Nevermind I don't want to know. Look, the point is you have to tell her. As much for her as for you."
Angel took this all in. He looked Xander dead in the eyes and asked, "How did you do it all those years?"
Xander shrugged. "It wasn't easy. I wasn't exactly oozing maturity back then either, so that didn't help. But, if you tell her and she makes her choice, you suck it up and say to yourself: Self I still love this woman and I'd rather torture myself being her friend while watching her with another man than know the torment of not having her in my life at all."
"You've had a long time to work on that, haven't you?"
"Maybe," Xander cracked a small smile. "But you can't keep it inside. She has to know."
"Thanks," Angel nodded.
"Well, I'm going to hit the hay, all this heavy thinking has hurt my precious head," Xander stood up and went back to his room.
The next few days were uneventful. Xander met Fred and saw how happy she and Gunn were. Xander really liked Gunn. If things had been really different, he knew he and Gunn could have been best friends. They were a lot alike. Coming from shattered backgrounds, meeting up with PTB champions and fighting the forces of darkness without super powers. Plus, they both had a good sense of humor.
Wesley was even more high strung than Xander remembered. Angel had assured him he'd mellowed out, but Wes seemed to be ready to snap like a dry twig.
Then there was Lorne. What a trip, Xander had thought. There were two things no force on Earth could ever get Xander to do. First was telling The Fabulous Ladies Night Club stripping story. Second, was to sing at Lorne's bar. Mostly for fear Lorne would see the stripping story in his aura.
Xander and Angel had another talk about Anya. Xander came to realize that the reason his future with her scared him so much, was because she wasn't the one he was meant to be with. He did have feelings for her, but she wasn't his true love. He had never had that one special moment with her, where it all clicked and he was sure. It had been a comfort relationship more than anything else.
This realization helped Xander to deal with his battered and bruised feelings. A week after Xander had moved in, Angel entered his room for the next big talk.
"Hey," Xander offered, flipping the TV off.
"I just got off the phone."
"O-o-okay. And this concerns me how?"
"It was from Buffy."
"Oh." Xander suddenly became very interested in the floor.
"She was calling to see if I could help her find you. She was worried about you and wants to hear from you. I told her I'd see if my contacts had any info. You don't have to go back, just call her, tell her you're okay.
"You didn't tell her I was here?" Xander asked, surprised quite a bit.
"It's not my secret to tell," Angel said simply. "But you should call her."
"How did she," Xander started.
"She sounds better. I think she's putting things together a little. But she's not all the way yet"
"I know."
"Xander," Angel took a deep breath. "Do you know what I regret most in my life?"
"Killing all those people? Sorry, low blow," Xander admitted.
"Leaving Sunnydale. I thought I could never be with a woman again. Now I think I can find a way around the curse. I hope. But I left her thinking it'd be better and I don't think it was. But I can never go back to her. I can't fix things that have transpired between us. She's moved on. And so have I. You're right, I am in love with Cordy."
"I know," Xander said a bit smugly.
"I've talked to you for a good week now. You don't want to marry Anya."
"I know," Xander said with no trace of smugness and exhaled. It was hard to admit he didn't want Anya anymore, she'd been there for him when no one else had. But she just wasn't the one and he knew.
"The thing we've never nailed down is why?"
"She isn't the one," he shrugged.
"Who is?"
"I hope she's out there for me," he told the vampire.
"As much as it pains me to say this, you've already met her."
"What?"
"Come on Xander, you aren't that dense."
Xander stared at him for a moment. "Nope. No way."
"Yes."
"No."
"Xander, I'm going to say this one time and one time only: You are the only man I'd ever trust to be with Buffy. You can help bring her back to life, this time emotionally instead of physically. I know you'll treat her right, and deep down that's why you couldn't marry Anya, Buffy still has too much of your heart."
Xander didn't say anything for a long time. "Let's say you're right and I do still love her. She's made it perfectly clear- Xander Harris is not boyfriend material."
"When was the last time you asked her?"
"Well," Xander paused. "I suppose it was the Spring Fling back in sophomore year."
"You're kidding?"
"Well, hey!" Xander stood up and pointed angrily in Angel's direction. "Who wants to follow that. Okay, after Parker there was a chance for us and she showed no interest in me, well except when she went all cave slayer and told me I smelled nice, but that's not the point. She fell for Riley not Xander. So I moved on to Anya. Then we broke up and now I'm here. And here is at the ex's hotel complete with the ex himself telling me to go after her."
"Well so are you!" Angel shot back. They both stopped and considered this for a moment. Angel started to laugh. Soon, Xander joined him. Before they knew what had happened they were rolling on the ground laughing.
"Oh God," Xander exclaimed. "What the hell is wrong with us?"
"We fight evil for fun, that's what."
"Good point. Must have taken one to many blows to the old noggin," Xander pointed to his head, still rolling on the floor.
"Are you two okay?" Wesley asked from the doorway. "You're making enough noise to raise the dead."
"Ah," Xander waved his hand dismissively at Wes. "They rise on their own, don't need help from us."
"Well, at least enough to wake Connor," Lorne said, appearing suddenly with a crying baby boy.
"I'll take him," Angel jumped to his feet and began attending to his child.
"This is going to be incredibly hard and awkward," Xander said, sitting up and looking at Angel.
"Be honest with them, both of them. Things will pan out."
"What if she doesn't feel the same way?"
Angel took a breath he didn't need, then decided to blow it playfully in Connor's face instead of brood. It was his new lease on life. "Yeah you are my big guy," he said in baby talk. "Xander, you're everything Buffy ever wanted in a guy, she just never got a chance to notice you were a guy before. You're normal, there for her no matter what, alive, and you love her more than anything, enough to throw away a good relationship for her."
"Was that a pep talk or a put down?"
"A pep talk," Angel said, not realizing Xander had taken some of what he had said the wrong way. Xander had to smile at that, it reminded him of times he had completely ignored insults rather than engage in a test of wits.
"Well, thank you," Xander replied and stood up. "I think I have some packing to do."
"Aren't you going to call her?"
"Nah. Surprises are more fun. Speaking of which, do you want your little one kept?"
"For now. I want to tell her when the time is right."
"I understand," Xander replied and began packing.
Xander brought his suitcase down to the lobby and said his goodbyes to Wes, Gunn and Fred.
"Tell Cordy I said hello," Xander informed Wesley.
"I'll do that," he said distractedly. Something was up with him, but Xander decided to let things
be.
"It was nice to meet you," Fred said shyly.
"Same here," Xander smiled brightly in return.
Gun came over and shook Xander's hand. "It was great to see you. Maybe next time you can stay longer. We'll take you out on patrol. We'll party."
"Sounds like a plan," Xander smiled warmly back at Gunn.
The others left Xander to make his way home.
"Good luck," Angel said, appearing suddenly from the shadows, much as he had done a week before.
"You too," Xander replied.
"Thank you Xander."
"Same here."
"She'll see you. I know she will."
"I hope so," Xander nodded and grabbed his bag. "But I'm going to go find out. Back to the gates of hell."
Angel waved back, knowing exactly how Xander was feeling, because he was feeling it himself.
"Does this make us friends now?" Xander asked as he headed towards the door.
"Let's not push it," Angel said, though he had a large smile on his face.
"I didn't think so, just checking," Xander replied, also with a large smile on his face.
He was almost out the door when Angel called, "Xander, the door is always open."
Xander nodded, ever so slightly and stepped out the door with the sole purpose of winning the girl of his heart.
Disclaimer: All characters Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon and the angry lawyers who protect him from the evil fanfic writers.
Author's Note: I changed the time line a bit to suit my needs. Takes place after Hells Bells (the wedding episode) on Buffy (HEAVY SPOILERS, you have been warned)
But right after Couplet and before Loyalty on Angel.
Why you ask? Because it's fanfic and I can.
Thanks: This idea popped into my head, but I'm borrowing a concept from a fic that Xandman did, hope you don't mind.
PG-13
Does this make us friends now?
Xander walked the seemingly long distance between his car and the hotel. It wasn't like he had parked far away. But what he'd been through the today made even the shortest trips seem like centuries. When he finally reached the door he didn't even bother knocking, he just stepped inside.
The hotel was quite. He stepped into the main lobby. No one had noticed him yet. Typical.
"Anybody in here?" he called out.
A figure stepped out of the shadows and said, "Hi, this is," but stopped in mid-sentence when he recognized him. "Xander."
"No, that's me. This is Angel investigations."
"That it is," Angel replied. Half a beat. "Big danger?"
"Cut to the chase why don't ya?" Xander teased, but his heart wasn't in it. "Actually, no. I just needed to get out of Sunnydale for a little while but I don't want to pay for a hotel room."
"So you were hoping to stay here," Angel interjected for him, narrowing his eyes.
"What'd ya say? Got any open rooms?" Xander gestured with his hand around the hotel.
Angel could sense he was troubled. Xander had always carried himself in an optimistic, lighthearted way. Now he was downtrodden and covered in despair. Whatever had prompted him to take off, it had been a big deal. And Angel knew that Xander hadn't come here for a free stay, he needed help that he couldn't get from the Scoobies. Angel also knew how bad things must be for Xander to turn to him, of all people, for that help.
"Always room for an old friend," Angel replied.
"Yeah, but what about me?" Xander shot back. He had to keep appearances up, for a while.
"You," Angel smiled just a bit, "have to earn your keep."
Xander smiled slightly and followed Angel to his room.
A few hour later, after a long nap Xander came out of his room. He followed the sound of Angel's voice to a nursery, complete with baby.
"Hey Xander," Angel said, hearing his footsteps before he was even close to the room.
"Yours," Xander teased.
"Actually," Angel said. He thought he could literally hear Xander's jaw hit the floor.
"How? When? How?" Xander mumbled.
"It's a long story," Angel sighed and went to get Connor his bottle.
"I'm not going back to Sunnydale anytime soon," Xander replied, not able to take his eyes off the child.
"Xander, meet Connor," Angel said. "It happened like this…" Angel spent the next few hours telling Xander Connor's story. Xander listened, unable to fathom how this had happened, despite Angel's best efforts to make him understand. He also noticed how much Angel had changed since he had moved to L.A. He was happy. He had a purpose and someone to love more than anything else. Xander found a lot of his hostility toward Angel wore away during the course of the tale.
"That's one helluva story you got there," Xander said when Angel had finished.
"That's mine. How about yours," Angel laid the sleeping Connor down in his crib and lead Xander to the lobby.
Xander sighed. "Where are the others?"
"Wesley has locked himself in his office, hitting the books hard, trying to find anything on the prophecy. Gunn and Fred are, well I don't know where but not here. And Cordy," Angel's voice dropped, despite his best efforts to keep a steady tone, "went off to have a nice romantic vacation with Groo."
Xander didn't miss Angel's hitch when he talked about Cordelia, but decided to let it alone. "Angel, you do realize I have no idea who Fred and Groo are, right?"
Angel chuckled. "Right."
"It's not important right now," Xander sighed again. Here we go, he thought. "I was supposed to get married."
Now it was Angel's turn to be shocked. "Married?"
"Married," Xander nodded.
"You?"
"Me."
"Married?"
"You can stop saying that anytime now," Xander said harshly.
"Sorry, it's just."
"No, I get it," Xander backed off apologetically.
"I didn't get invited."
"Sorry about that. I thought it'd be awkward all around, you seeing Buffy, me seeing Cordy. Of course, it couldn't have possibly made things worse."
"What happened?" Angel asked, genuinely concerned.
"Well, had a visit from myself. Well, actually my future self. Well, actually a demon posing as my future self. Anyway," Xander shook his head, "basically he showed me what my future with Anya would be like."
"Why?"
"Well, it sort of had a crush on Anya, but that's beside the point. It showed me the future, and it wasn't pretty."
"So you called off the wedding?" Angel asked.
"Not at first. At first I told Anya I was having some doubts and wanted to think about things. She went a little off the deep end, and started to act just like I had seen in my future vision. So then I got really scared and wanted to talk to her and push the wedding back. She went and told all her demon friends at the wedding, things got ugly, and basically there was an all out brawl between the humans and the demons. It was all Buffy could do to get me out of there alive. I didn't really know what to do then, so I took off. Grabbed my honeymoon bag and just started driving. It took me here."
Angel studied the man for a while. He too had changed since Angel left for LA. He had managed to mature from the goofy young man with a crush on Buffy to a, well still a goofy but mature man who was in a lot of pain.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too. I needed to get away. Away from Anya, away from Sunnydale."
"Won't Buffy and Willow be worried?"
"I doubt either one will notice I'm gone."
"What makes you say that?"
"Willow is dealing with her magic addiction. She's not the Willow we knew. Somewhere along the way she changed, and I stood still. She had all this power and lost control of it. She's kinda scary actually. But she's dealing, so hopefully things can get back to normal."
"What about Buffy?" Angel asked.
"Buffy, is well, let me ask you, did you notice anything about Buffy when you guys had your secret clandestine meeting?"
Angel thought for a moment. "She was stressed out. It was intense to see her again. Really intense."
"Not needing intimate details here," Xander said.
"Sorry. Nothing strange. I mean aside from being dead and than alive again and all."
"Did she tell you about heaven?"
Angel was silent for a long time. "No," he said finally, a note of sadness in his voice.
"That's where she was, we ripped her away."
There was another long pause. "She's not dealing well."
"She's not dealing. Period."
"Explain."
"She's turned herself off from the world. Everyone. Except, Spike. I worry one day he'll take advantage of her, if he hasn't already."
Angel growled but remained silent.
"She's not the same. And I feel all this guilt for bringing her back, but I'm not sure what to do. I want to help her, but I was so busy planning the marriage that didn't happen, I've abandoned her."
"I doubt that."
"Huh?"
"Xander, ever since I've known you I've known you loved Buffy. You've always been the one to be there for her. That doesn't just go away, trust me, I know."
"I haven't felt that way about her in a long time," Xander said.
"It's still in there," Angel confirmed. "You moved on, did what you thought was best, but deep inside there is always a part of your heart she'll own."
"Who are we talking about here?"
"Why did you hate me?" Angel changed tactics.
"I never, well hate is a strong, yeah okay I hated you."
"Why?"
"Vampire in a town of vampires. Pretty obvious."
"Come on, lying isn't going to help you out here."
"Fine," Xander growled, "I hated you because I was in love with Buffy and she chose you over me even though you were a vampire."
"You still loved her, even after that."
"I've grown out of it since then."
"Okay," Angel backed off, seeing he was pushing Xander too far.
They sat in silence for a while before Xander spoke up quietly. "It hurts and it's really hard."
"Talk things out with Anya, maybe you can smooth things out."
"Not what I meant."
"Oh," Angel said quietly, not sure where Xander was headed with this. "What did you mean?"
"Watching as the woman you love chooses someone else."
"It wasn't a personal thing to hurt you."
"You're missing the point," Xander chuckled. "I saw the look in you eyes when you mentioned Cordy and that Groo guy. I'm assuming Groo's a guy or else Cordy pulled a Willow on me, in which case I may then need intensive therapy."
"Don't waste your money, Groo's a guy," Angel chuckled. "And there was no look."
"Please, I of all people know the look of unrequited love when I see it."
"Look, what look, there was no look. I didn't make a look."
"You have to tell her. It's only fair."
"Only fair?" Angel questioned. "What, you mean I have to suffer through it like you did?" Anger rising in him, not caring he was being revealed.
Xander's eyes darkened a bit, but he blew out a deep breath. "Down Dea- Angel," Xander caught himself. "It's only fair to Cordy."
"What are you talking about?"
"She has to know her options. I mean maybe she feels the same way but doesn't know you do, so she moved on. Or she thinks Buffy still has a hold on your heart. Or she thinks you can't be in a relationship because of the curse, how are you planning on getting around that by the way. Nevermind I don't want to know. Look, the point is you have to tell her. As much for her as for you."
Angel took this all in. He looked Xander dead in the eyes and asked, "How did you do it all those years?"
Xander shrugged. "It wasn't easy. I wasn't exactly oozing maturity back then either, so that didn't help. But, if you tell her and she makes her choice, you suck it up and say to yourself: Self I still love this woman and I'd rather torture myself being her friend while watching her with another man than know the torment of not having her in my life at all."
"You've had a long time to work on that, haven't you?"
"Maybe," Xander cracked a small smile. "But you can't keep it inside. She has to know."
"Thanks," Angel nodded.
"Well, I'm going to hit the hay, all this heavy thinking has hurt my precious head," Xander stood up and went back to his room.
The next few days were uneventful. Xander met Fred and saw how happy she and Gunn were. Xander really liked Gunn. If things had been really different, he knew he and Gunn could have been best friends. They were a lot alike. Coming from shattered backgrounds, meeting up with PTB champions and fighting the forces of darkness without super powers. Plus, they both had a good sense of humor.
Wesley was even more high strung than Xander remembered. Angel had assured him he'd mellowed out, but Wes seemed to be ready to snap like a dry twig.
Then there was Lorne. What a trip, Xander had thought. There were two things no force on Earth could ever get Xander to do. First was telling The Fabulous Ladies Night Club stripping story. Second, was to sing at Lorne's bar. Mostly for fear Lorne would see the stripping story in his aura.
Xander and Angel had another talk about Anya. Xander came to realize that the reason his future with her scared him so much, was because she wasn't the one he was meant to be with. He did have feelings for her, but she wasn't his true love. He had never had that one special moment with her, where it all clicked and he was sure. It had been a comfort relationship more than anything else.
This realization helped Xander to deal with his battered and bruised feelings. A week after Xander had moved in, Angel entered his room for the next big talk.
"Hey," Xander offered, flipping the TV off.
"I just got off the phone."
"O-o-okay. And this concerns me how?"
"It was from Buffy."
"Oh." Xander suddenly became very interested in the floor.
"She was calling to see if I could help her find you. She was worried about you and wants to hear from you. I told her I'd see if my contacts had any info. You don't have to go back, just call her, tell her you're okay.
"You didn't tell her I was here?" Xander asked, surprised quite a bit.
"It's not my secret to tell," Angel said simply. "But you should call her."
"How did she," Xander started.
"She sounds better. I think she's putting things together a little. But she's not all the way yet"
"I know."
"Xander," Angel took a deep breath. "Do you know what I regret most in my life?"
"Killing all those people? Sorry, low blow," Xander admitted.
"Leaving Sunnydale. I thought I could never be with a woman again. Now I think I can find a way around the curse. I hope. But I left her thinking it'd be better and I don't think it was. But I can never go back to her. I can't fix things that have transpired between us. She's moved on. And so have I. You're right, I am in love with Cordy."
"I know," Xander said a bit smugly.
"I've talked to you for a good week now. You don't want to marry Anya."
"I know," Xander said with no trace of smugness and exhaled. It was hard to admit he didn't want Anya anymore, she'd been there for him when no one else had. But she just wasn't the one and he knew.
"The thing we've never nailed down is why?"
"She isn't the one," he shrugged.
"Who is?"
"I hope she's out there for me," he told the vampire.
"As much as it pains me to say this, you've already met her."
"What?"
"Come on Xander, you aren't that dense."
Xander stared at him for a moment. "Nope. No way."
"Yes."
"No."
"Xander, I'm going to say this one time and one time only: You are the only man I'd ever trust to be with Buffy. You can help bring her back to life, this time emotionally instead of physically. I know you'll treat her right, and deep down that's why you couldn't marry Anya, Buffy still has too much of your heart."
Xander didn't say anything for a long time. "Let's say you're right and I do still love her. She's made it perfectly clear- Xander Harris is not boyfriend material."
"When was the last time you asked her?"
"Well," Xander paused. "I suppose it was the Spring Fling back in sophomore year."
"You're kidding?"
"Well, hey!" Xander stood up and pointed angrily in Angel's direction. "Who wants to follow that. Okay, after Parker there was a chance for us and she showed no interest in me, well except when she went all cave slayer and told me I smelled nice, but that's not the point. She fell for Riley not Xander. So I moved on to Anya. Then we broke up and now I'm here. And here is at the ex's hotel complete with the ex himself telling me to go after her."
"Well so are you!" Angel shot back. They both stopped and considered this for a moment. Angel started to laugh. Soon, Xander joined him. Before they knew what had happened they were rolling on the ground laughing.
"Oh God," Xander exclaimed. "What the hell is wrong with us?"
"We fight evil for fun, that's what."
"Good point. Must have taken one to many blows to the old noggin," Xander pointed to his head, still rolling on the floor.
"Are you two okay?" Wesley asked from the doorway. "You're making enough noise to raise the dead."
"Ah," Xander waved his hand dismissively at Wes. "They rise on their own, don't need help from us."
"Well, at least enough to wake Connor," Lorne said, appearing suddenly with a crying baby boy.
"I'll take him," Angel jumped to his feet and began attending to his child.
"This is going to be incredibly hard and awkward," Xander said, sitting up and looking at Angel.
"Be honest with them, both of them. Things will pan out."
"What if she doesn't feel the same way?"
Angel took a breath he didn't need, then decided to blow it playfully in Connor's face instead of brood. It was his new lease on life. "Yeah you are my big guy," he said in baby talk. "Xander, you're everything Buffy ever wanted in a guy, she just never got a chance to notice you were a guy before. You're normal, there for her no matter what, alive, and you love her more than anything, enough to throw away a good relationship for her."
"Was that a pep talk or a put down?"
"A pep talk," Angel said, not realizing Xander had taken some of what he had said the wrong way. Xander had to smile at that, it reminded him of times he had completely ignored insults rather than engage in a test of wits.
"Well, thank you," Xander replied and stood up. "I think I have some packing to do."
"Aren't you going to call her?"
"Nah. Surprises are more fun. Speaking of which, do you want your little one kept?"
"For now. I want to tell her when the time is right."
"I understand," Xander replied and began packing.
Xander brought his suitcase down to the lobby and said his goodbyes to Wes, Gunn and Fred.
"Tell Cordy I said hello," Xander informed Wesley.
"I'll do that," he said distractedly. Something was up with him, but Xander decided to let things
be.
"It was nice to meet you," Fred said shyly.
"Same here," Xander smiled brightly in return.
Gun came over and shook Xander's hand. "It was great to see you. Maybe next time you can stay longer. We'll take you out on patrol. We'll party."
"Sounds like a plan," Xander smiled warmly back at Gunn.
The others left Xander to make his way home.
"Good luck," Angel said, appearing suddenly from the shadows, much as he had done a week before.
"You too," Xander replied.
"Thank you Xander."
"Same here."
"She'll see you. I know she will."
"I hope so," Xander nodded and grabbed his bag. "But I'm going to go find out. Back to the gates of hell."
Angel waved back, knowing exactly how Xander was feeling, because he was feeling it himself.
"Does this make us friends now?" Xander asked as he headed towards the door.
"Let's not push it," Angel said, though he had a large smile on his face.
"I didn't think so, just checking," Xander replied, also with a large smile on his face.
He was almost out the door when Angel called, "Xander, the door is always open."
Xander nodded, ever so slightly and stepped out the door with the sole purpose of winning the girl of his heart.