A/n: Hey! SuZyLooSnNoO (Suzanne from LunarWerewolfOfLight's fic "Stupid
Cupid") and LunarWerewolfOfLight speaking. The two of us wrote this fic. We
decided to try something new. We each were supposed to write every other
line, so that's how it goes! We may write a sequel if there's enough
reviews *hint hint* Okay, read and enjoy!
What Happens When Merton Gets Really Pissed Off
By: cbpatches2001 and SuZyLooShNoO
1 Scene: Pleasantville High
Merton: Hey Tommy.
Tommy: Hey Merton. What's up?
Merton: Oh nothing. But um does this count? I just met the girl of my dreams!
Tommy: Let me guess… she was in your dreams?
Merton: Not this time.
Merton: She is the most perfect girl in the whole world! She is just like an Allison-Suzanne combination!
Merton: Plus I found out that she has magical powers!
Tommy: Yeah, how did you find that out?
Merton: Well, I was kinda . . . snooping in her house . . . and I found a certain diary.
Tommy: You tend to do that a lot, don't you?
Merton: Hey, I resent that! Your diary said that you didn't think I snooped, which I don't!
Tommy: so you've been in my diary too?!
Merton{nervously}: D-I-- Did I say diary? I meant your, er, peace loving maturity to tell me your deepest secrets! *smiles nervously*
Tommy: Right... well, what are her powers?
Merton: Well, it seems she has a knack for attracting young males, making them submit to her every will, though she does her actions unintentionally.
Tommy: Oh, I see
Merton: You know what's strange?
Tommy: What?
Merton: You actually understood what I said without a single clueless look.
Tommy: *confused* What were we talkin about again?
Merton: *sigh* We were talking about the girl of my dreams, remember?
Tommy: Oh yeah, now I do
Merton: So what are we going to do now?
Tommy: Wanna go to the Hungry Bucket?
Merton: Tommy, we just found out that a current resident of Pleasantville is a Siren and you want to go eat high cholesterol chicken at a fast food restaurant?
Tommy: A Siren?
Tommy: How can a person be a light on top of a police car?
Merton: Actually, you're thinking of a siren light. What I'm talking about is an old legend. They say that on deserted islands, beautiful young women sit there and use their call that no man can resist, even if it means dying in order to reach them.
Merton: I was speaking figuratively.
Tommy: Whoa, dude!
{Tommy points to a girl walking down the street towards Tommy: is that your dream-girl?
Merton: Hm? *turns around to see girl behind him*
Merton: Cassie!
Cassie: Hey. *gives Merton a peck on the cheek*
Tommy: This is your dream girl? Man, what I'd give for--
Merton: Hey! Keep your eyes to yourself. Heh heh.
Cassie: Don't worry, I'm used to it.
Merton: *murmuring* I kinda figured that
Tommy{ignoring Merton}: Hey, Cassie, how about we get together and, you know, have something to eat or maybe hang out . . . them}
Merton: Tommy! Are you forgetting something?!
Tommy: Like what?
Merton: Cassie's mine!
Cassie: What do you mean, I'm yours? We never agreed to any date! We hardly know each other!
Merton: Well, I-- and with the kiss-- and the--
Cassie: Listen, if you're going to act like I'm a prize, I should just go. *walks off screen*
Merton: Great job, Tommy! Now look what you've done!
Tommy: What have I done? You scared her off!
Merton: Mwah? Nu-uh! You did, wolf-boy!
Tommy: Oh come on, she was totally all over me!
Merton: Oh, please! I'm the one she kissed when she said hey!
Tommy: That doesn't prove anything. Girls do that all the time!
Merton: Of course you would know. You've dated possibly every girl in Pleasantville! You couldn't just let me have one chance with a girl?! What, are you jealous?
Tommy: Me, jealous? I can prove to you that she likes me better. By the end of this week, I'll have a date with her.
Merton: Fine, you're on!
{both walk separate ways off screen}
{Tommy and Merton walk to their lockers from opposite directions, still mad at each other.}
Merton: Hello, so called *hand quotes* "prince charming".
Tommy: Oh, c'mon, Merton! You're not still mad at me are you?
Tommy v.o.: not that I'm not still mad at you.
Merton: You were hitting on my lady! My pride! My joy! My--
Tommy: Please, she said so herself that she wasn't yours!
Merton: Did she say she was yours? Noooo. It just means something was holding her back from you. That would be . . . *pause as he outs on a superior face* mwha.
Tommy: whatever you say. {bell rings and they separate to go to their classes}
2 Scene: Cassie's Locker
{Both Tommy and Merton walk up to each side of her at the exact same time. they then look at each other and give each other dirty looks.}
Cassie: Hey, Merton.
Merton: Hey. {Cassie turns back to facing her locker.}
Merton {turns to Tommy and whispers}: Ha! You see that? She said "Hi Merton," not Tommy!
Cassie: Hey, Tommy.
Tommy: Hey. {turns to Merton} Heh heh. First is the worst second is the best.
Merton{whispering}: Puh-lease. You couldn't remember a cliche saying even if it bit you in the nose and hung around for a few minutes.
Cassie: Huh? Merton, did you say something?
Merton: Um, nothing. Listen, how would you like to come with me to the park? The stars are supposed to shine fifty times brighter because of the alignment of the planets. Or so I heard.
Tommy: Or how would you like to come with me to the Hungry Bucket? I heard tonight you "Buy one bucket get one free." Plus, free refills.
Cassie: Um, I'd love to go with both of you, but . . . Well, Merton asked first, so I'll go with him. Sorry, Tommy, maybe tomorrow.
Merton: Yes! Er- I mean sorry Tommy.
Tommy{through clenched teeth}: No prob . . . Er, buddy.
{Cassie and Merton walk off screen, Merton's arm around Cassie}
Tommy v.o.: Great. The first girl in months that actually means something to me besides Lori and Merton gets her. Well, I had a little plan for jealousy of my own . . .
{Tommy walks off screen.}
3 Scene: The Park, that night
{Merton and Cassie are laying on their backs, looking up at the stars}
Merton: See, look at those two bright stars over there. Those were named after an ancient astrologer by the name of Cassie Barns. They called it the Cassie Mist.
Cassie: Aww.. I love it when you tell me these things.
{Tommy walks on screen with a cheerleader, purposely walking right past Merton and Cassie, acting lovey dovey.}
Merton{trying to be very patient}: Excuse me, Tommy, but you and your friend are blocking our view.
Tommy: It's a free country, isn't it? Maybe Kathy and I wanted to watch the stars too.
Merton{standing up now and raising his voice}: Well, maybe Cassie and I were here first.
Kathy: Um, Tommy, how about we just pick another spot--
Tommy: No! They don't own this park.
Merton: Tommy, you couldn't win a debate even if your opponent was cross eyed! We were here first, so beat it!
Cassie: Merton! This spot is big enough for all of us.
Merton: Apparently Tommy's head is getting so full of hot air that this park is too small for all of us. Tommy, we finish this right now! *holds up fists*
Tommy: Oh, c'mon Merton! All of us here know that you wouldn't and couldn't hurt a fly!
{Merton punches Tommy in the face.}
Tommy: Ow! Dude, I think you just gave me a bloody nose! *looks at hand, which is turning into a paw*
Merton {looks at Tommy's paw}: Seem's like that's not all I gave you.
Tommy: Merton, next time I see you, I am so getting you back! *runs off screen*
Merton: I'll be waiting! Well, looks like I took care of tha-{Turns to Cassie, who is now walking fast towards the park exit.}
Cassie: Merton, you insensitive little jerk!
Merton {eyes turning wide}: But- they- and Tommy-
Cassie: You know, before I go, there's just one little thing that would make me feel better. *walks up to Merton and slaps him, then walks away off screen*
Merton: *feels face with his mouth open as if going to say something* *pause* Ow!
Kathy: Um, why do I have the feeling that something was going on without me?
Merton: Are you still here?! {walks off screen in the opposite direction.}
{Kathy shrugs her shoulders and walks the other way.}
Tommy v.o.: Well my plan worked and Cassie was mad at Merton, but now came the worst part . . . I felt guilty. Of course, that brought on the wolfiness . . . and Merton wasn't going to be doing an haikus for me any time soon.
Tommy: Ok, Tommy. We can try to do this. It's not that hard. Um... Cats are so fuzzy. Cats have paws that rip up furniture. No! That's nine syllables! Argh!
{Screen swerves from the woods to the lair and Merton is steaming.}
Merton: Tommy always gets what he wants! Tommy always wins! Well, not this time he's not! *runs out of lair*
{Merton is running down the street and runs into Tommy who is still wolfed- out}
Merton and Tommy: You!
Tommy: Merton, what are you doing here?
Merton: Well I don't know. Maybe I own the streets too!
Tommy: Listen, if this is about the park, then you should be apologizing!
Merton: Mwha?! Apologize?! You're the one that pushed me so far to have to hit you! And no one's ever pissed me off that much! And to tell you the truth, I enjoyed it, and I'll do it again too!
Tommy: Merton, everyone knows you're not going to hit me aga--
{Merton punches Tommy in the stomach}
Merton: Oh, no?
Tommy: Okay, that one wasn't fair!
{Tommy punches Merton in the jaw.}
Merton : Ow! *starts steaming up* And stealing my girlfriend was fair?! *gives Tommy an uppercut* That's for Cassie!
Merton: Even though she slapped me.
Tommy: Yeah, well this is for hitting me! *punches Merton in the stomach*
Merton: *coughs* *gasping for air*
Tommy: Are you ok?
{Merton punches him in the face again.}
Merton: He he. You fall for anything!
Tommy: Yeah, well take this! *tries to punch Merton in the face again, but Merton moves out of the way*
{This causes Tommy to go right into a tree, face first}
Merton: Boo ya! Take dat, homey!
Tommy{to himself}: Take that homey?
Merton: It's slang.
Tommy: Yeah, I know. But I was expecting you to do your little *does hand quotes* hand quotes.
Merton: Am I really that predictable? I don't use *hand quotes* "hand quotes"!
Tommy: See? There! You just did it again.
Merton: *mumbling* Well, yeah, but . . . I still whooped your butt back there!
Tommy: Nuh-uh! *pause* Ok, fine. Maybe just a little bit.
Merton: Ha! You admitted it! I whooped your butt, you little pisser!
Tommy: Yeah, well it kinda took you 18 years to come out with that whooping. Now, thanks to me, you can whoop any one's butt!
Merton: Yeah, but I'm a good-natured person. I don't whoop anyone's butt but the ones of pissers like you. Now I can say pissers all I want and it feels good! Pissers! Pissers! Pissers!
Tommy: Let's never fight, or let a girl come between our friendship again.
Merton: *pause* I don't know, you did hit me back there . . .
Tommy: Only because you hit me first.
Merton: *sigh* Yeah. On one condition.
Tommy: Yeah, what's that?
Merton: You leave Cassie alone.
Tommy: Tough, but fair.
{Merton and Tommy smile and shake hands.}
Merton: Now, *puts arm around Tommy's shoulders* What do you say we go to the Hungry Bucket?
Tommy: I don't think I can eat after being punched in the stomach several times.
Merton: Hey, if you throw up, we throw up together, right?
Tommy: Right.
{They both walk towards the Hungry Bucket.}
{As they do, there is this pretty girl sitting at a table. Merton and Tommy's eyes go wide. They look at each other.}
Tommy: Merton, remember what we agreed on?
Merton: Yep. But you couldn't possibly be interested in her too, right?
Tommy: Nah.
{They both look at each other, then race towards the girl.}
4 THE END
A/n: Well? Tell us what you think! Thanks.
What Happens When Merton Gets Really Pissed Off
By: cbpatches2001 and SuZyLooShNoO
1 Scene: Pleasantville High
Merton: Hey Tommy.
Tommy: Hey Merton. What's up?
Merton: Oh nothing. But um does this count? I just met the girl of my dreams!
Tommy: Let me guess… she was in your dreams?
Merton: Not this time.
Merton: She is the most perfect girl in the whole world! She is just like an Allison-Suzanne combination!
Merton: Plus I found out that she has magical powers!
Tommy: Yeah, how did you find that out?
Merton: Well, I was kinda . . . snooping in her house . . . and I found a certain diary.
Tommy: You tend to do that a lot, don't you?
Merton: Hey, I resent that! Your diary said that you didn't think I snooped, which I don't!
Tommy: so you've been in my diary too?!
Merton{nervously}: D-I-- Did I say diary? I meant your, er, peace loving maturity to tell me your deepest secrets! *smiles nervously*
Tommy: Right... well, what are her powers?
Merton: Well, it seems she has a knack for attracting young males, making them submit to her every will, though she does her actions unintentionally.
Tommy: Oh, I see
Merton: You know what's strange?
Tommy: What?
Merton: You actually understood what I said without a single clueless look.
Tommy: *confused* What were we talkin about again?
Merton: *sigh* We were talking about the girl of my dreams, remember?
Tommy: Oh yeah, now I do
Merton: So what are we going to do now?
Tommy: Wanna go to the Hungry Bucket?
Merton: Tommy, we just found out that a current resident of Pleasantville is a Siren and you want to go eat high cholesterol chicken at a fast food restaurant?
Tommy: A Siren?
Tommy: How can a person be a light on top of a police car?
Merton: Actually, you're thinking of a siren light. What I'm talking about is an old legend. They say that on deserted islands, beautiful young women sit there and use their call that no man can resist, even if it means dying in order to reach them.
Merton: I was speaking figuratively.
Tommy: Whoa, dude!
{Tommy points to a girl walking down the street towards Tommy: is that your dream-girl?
Merton: Hm? *turns around to see girl behind him*
Merton: Cassie!
Cassie: Hey. *gives Merton a peck on the cheek*
Tommy: This is your dream girl? Man, what I'd give for--
Merton: Hey! Keep your eyes to yourself. Heh heh.
Cassie: Don't worry, I'm used to it.
Merton: *murmuring* I kinda figured that
Tommy{ignoring Merton}: Hey, Cassie, how about we get together and, you know, have something to eat or maybe hang out . . . them}
Merton: Tommy! Are you forgetting something?!
Tommy: Like what?
Merton: Cassie's mine!
Cassie: What do you mean, I'm yours? We never agreed to any date! We hardly know each other!
Merton: Well, I-- and with the kiss-- and the--
Cassie: Listen, if you're going to act like I'm a prize, I should just go. *walks off screen*
Merton: Great job, Tommy! Now look what you've done!
Tommy: What have I done? You scared her off!
Merton: Mwah? Nu-uh! You did, wolf-boy!
Tommy: Oh come on, she was totally all over me!
Merton: Oh, please! I'm the one she kissed when she said hey!
Tommy: That doesn't prove anything. Girls do that all the time!
Merton: Of course you would know. You've dated possibly every girl in Pleasantville! You couldn't just let me have one chance with a girl?! What, are you jealous?
Tommy: Me, jealous? I can prove to you that she likes me better. By the end of this week, I'll have a date with her.
Merton: Fine, you're on!
{both walk separate ways off screen}
{Tommy and Merton walk to their lockers from opposite directions, still mad at each other.}
Merton: Hello, so called *hand quotes* "prince charming".
Tommy: Oh, c'mon, Merton! You're not still mad at me are you?
Tommy v.o.: not that I'm not still mad at you.
Merton: You were hitting on my lady! My pride! My joy! My--
Tommy: Please, she said so herself that she wasn't yours!
Merton: Did she say she was yours? Noooo. It just means something was holding her back from you. That would be . . . *pause as he outs on a superior face* mwha.
Tommy: whatever you say. {bell rings and they separate to go to their classes}
2 Scene: Cassie's Locker
{Both Tommy and Merton walk up to each side of her at the exact same time. they then look at each other and give each other dirty looks.}
Cassie: Hey, Merton.
Merton: Hey. {Cassie turns back to facing her locker.}
Merton {turns to Tommy and whispers}: Ha! You see that? She said "Hi Merton," not Tommy!
Cassie: Hey, Tommy.
Tommy: Hey. {turns to Merton} Heh heh. First is the worst second is the best.
Merton{whispering}: Puh-lease. You couldn't remember a cliche saying even if it bit you in the nose and hung around for a few minutes.
Cassie: Huh? Merton, did you say something?
Merton: Um, nothing. Listen, how would you like to come with me to the park? The stars are supposed to shine fifty times brighter because of the alignment of the planets. Or so I heard.
Tommy: Or how would you like to come with me to the Hungry Bucket? I heard tonight you "Buy one bucket get one free." Plus, free refills.
Cassie: Um, I'd love to go with both of you, but . . . Well, Merton asked first, so I'll go with him. Sorry, Tommy, maybe tomorrow.
Merton: Yes! Er- I mean sorry Tommy.
Tommy{through clenched teeth}: No prob . . . Er, buddy.
{Cassie and Merton walk off screen, Merton's arm around Cassie}
Tommy v.o.: Great. The first girl in months that actually means something to me besides Lori and Merton gets her. Well, I had a little plan for jealousy of my own . . .
{Tommy walks off screen.}
3 Scene: The Park, that night
{Merton and Cassie are laying on their backs, looking up at the stars}
Merton: See, look at those two bright stars over there. Those were named after an ancient astrologer by the name of Cassie Barns. They called it the Cassie Mist.
Cassie: Aww.. I love it when you tell me these things.
{Tommy walks on screen with a cheerleader, purposely walking right past Merton and Cassie, acting lovey dovey.}
Merton{trying to be very patient}: Excuse me, Tommy, but you and your friend are blocking our view.
Tommy: It's a free country, isn't it? Maybe Kathy and I wanted to watch the stars too.
Merton{standing up now and raising his voice}: Well, maybe Cassie and I were here first.
Kathy: Um, Tommy, how about we just pick another spot--
Tommy: No! They don't own this park.
Merton: Tommy, you couldn't win a debate even if your opponent was cross eyed! We were here first, so beat it!
Cassie: Merton! This spot is big enough for all of us.
Merton: Apparently Tommy's head is getting so full of hot air that this park is too small for all of us. Tommy, we finish this right now! *holds up fists*
Tommy: Oh, c'mon Merton! All of us here know that you wouldn't and couldn't hurt a fly!
{Merton punches Tommy in the face.}
Tommy: Ow! Dude, I think you just gave me a bloody nose! *looks at hand, which is turning into a paw*
Merton {looks at Tommy's paw}: Seem's like that's not all I gave you.
Tommy: Merton, next time I see you, I am so getting you back! *runs off screen*
Merton: I'll be waiting! Well, looks like I took care of tha-{Turns to Cassie, who is now walking fast towards the park exit.}
Cassie: Merton, you insensitive little jerk!
Merton {eyes turning wide}: But- they- and Tommy-
Cassie: You know, before I go, there's just one little thing that would make me feel better. *walks up to Merton and slaps him, then walks away off screen*
Merton: *feels face with his mouth open as if going to say something* *pause* Ow!
Kathy: Um, why do I have the feeling that something was going on without me?
Merton: Are you still here?! {walks off screen in the opposite direction.}
{Kathy shrugs her shoulders and walks the other way.}
Tommy v.o.: Well my plan worked and Cassie was mad at Merton, but now came the worst part . . . I felt guilty. Of course, that brought on the wolfiness . . . and Merton wasn't going to be doing an haikus for me any time soon.
Tommy: Ok, Tommy. We can try to do this. It's not that hard. Um... Cats are so fuzzy. Cats have paws that rip up furniture. No! That's nine syllables! Argh!
{Screen swerves from the woods to the lair and Merton is steaming.}
Merton: Tommy always gets what he wants! Tommy always wins! Well, not this time he's not! *runs out of lair*
{Merton is running down the street and runs into Tommy who is still wolfed- out}
Merton and Tommy: You!
Tommy: Merton, what are you doing here?
Merton: Well I don't know. Maybe I own the streets too!
Tommy: Listen, if this is about the park, then you should be apologizing!
Merton: Mwha?! Apologize?! You're the one that pushed me so far to have to hit you! And no one's ever pissed me off that much! And to tell you the truth, I enjoyed it, and I'll do it again too!
Tommy: Merton, everyone knows you're not going to hit me aga--
{Merton punches Tommy in the stomach}
Merton: Oh, no?
Tommy: Okay, that one wasn't fair!
{Tommy punches Merton in the jaw.}
Merton : Ow! *starts steaming up* And stealing my girlfriend was fair?! *gives Tommy an uppercut* That's for Cassie!
Merton: Even though she slapped me.
Tommy: Yeah, well this is for hitting me! *punches Merton in the stomach*
Merton: *coughs* *gasping for air*
Tommy: Are you ok?
{Merton punches him in the face again.}
Merton: He he. You fall for anything!
Tommy: Yeah, well take this! *tries to punch Merton in the face again, but Merton moves out of the way*
{This causes Tommy to go right into a tree, face first}
Merton: Boo ya! Take dat, homey!
Tommy{to himself}: Take that homey?
Merton: It's slang.
Tommy: Yeah, I know. But I was expecting you to do your little *does hand quotes* hand quotes.
Merton: Am I really that predictable? I don't use *hand quotes* "hand quotes"!
Tommy: See? There! You just did it again.
Merton: *mumbling* Well, yeah, but . . . I still whooped your butt back there!
Tommy: Nuh-uh! *pause* Ok, fine. Maybe just a little bit.
Merton: Ha! You admitted it! I whooped your butt, you little pisser!
Tommy: Yeah, well it kinda took you 18 years to come out with that whooping. Now, thanks to me, you can whoop any one's butt!
Merton: Yeah, but I'm a good-natured person. I don't whoop anyone's butt but the ones of pissers like you. Now I can say pissers all I want and it feels good! Pissers! Pissers! Pissers!
Tommy: Let's never fight, or let a girl come between our friendship again.
Merton: *pause* I don't know, you did hit me back there . . .
Tommy: Only because you hit me first.
Merton: *sigh* Yeah. On one condition.
Tommy: Yeah, what's that?
Merton: You leave Cassie alone.
Tommy: Tough, but fair.
{Merton and Tommy smile and shake hands.}
Merton: Now, *puts arm around Tommy's shoulders* What do you say we go to the Hungry Bucket?
Tommy: I don't think I can eat after being punched in the stomach several times.
Merton: Hey, if you throw up, we throw up together, right?
Tommy: Right.
{They both walk towards the Hungry Bucket.}
{As they do, there is this pretty girl sitting at a table. Merton and Tommy's eyes go wide. They look at each other.}
Tommy: Merton, remember what we agreed on?
Merton: Yep. But you couldn't possibly be interested in her too, right?
Tommy: Nah.
{They both look at each other, then race towards the girl.}
4 THE END
A/n: Well? Tell us what you think! Thanks.