Buffy and Willow stood stunned for a moment, staring at Xander's still form crumpled on the carpet. Lisa looked up at them, mirth and red sparks flashing in her eyes. "Well, would you look at that…" she said flippantly.
"You managed that rather well. Kudos," Laura said from beside Buffy. Willow squeaked in disbelief. Buffy stayed silent.
"You killed him!" Willow gasped.
"Actually, no. He's much more useful alive. This is just more convenient for us, since he can't squirm around," Gina said.
"…Or talk," Lisa added.
Willow looked up at the three girls surrounding them. "What did you do that for?" she asked petulantly.
"Oh, fun, mostly," Gina said.
"You killed those three people, didn't you," Buffy said quietly, surveying the situation.
"Lookee here girls, we have a winner," Laura said calmly. "Didn't really mean to, but you know, these things happen."
"What are you?" Buffy asked.
"Can't tell you that. It'd take all the fun out of everything," Gina said in the same sing-song voice.
"You can't just kill people!" Willow said. "It's wrong!"
"Well, duh," Laura said. "Congratulations, girlie, you just won the Cliche Statement of the Year Award."
Gina waltzed over to Willow, who stood paralyzed with fear. "And for your prize…" she whispered in her ear, as she dealt the girl a sound thump on the head. Willow crumpled into a heap on the floor. Buffy stared at her friend.
"Tie them both up. We don't want them getting away," Laura snickered. Buffy turned to face the redhead. She suddenly lunged forward at Laura, who was just as suddenly no longer there. Buffy turned around and saw the girl grinning at her.
"Nice. Unfortunately, sneaky moves only work on those that aren't just as sneaky." Laura suddenly grabbed Buffy's shoulder and in a quick series of movements, slammed her to the ground.
"Is everything all right? I heard a thump…" Mrs. Summers suddenly appeared in the doorway, her voice trailing off as she saw two bodies lying on her sitting room floor and her daughter pinned to the ground. Lisa turned to face the woman and smiled.
"Oh, everything's fine, Mrs. Summers," she said, waving a hand in front of her face. "Isn't it?"
"Yes…fine…" the woman replied dazedly.
"Yes, absolutely fine. Aren't you glad Buffy has friends like us to tell her when she's in danger?"
"Yes…glad…"
"Now, weren't you about to go into town for some new…" Lisa snapped her fingers in an attempt to think of something to fill the gap.
"Dishwashing detergent?" Gina supplied helpfully.
"…Dishwashing detergent?" Lisa finished.
"Detergent…" Mrs. Summers said. She suddenly snapped out of her trance and smiled at Buffy, who was staring at her incredulously from the floor. "I'm so glad you've got such nice friends, honey. Now, I'm going to be gone for a while, I've got to go into town to get some dishwashing detergent. Are you going to be okay?"
"Mom! Hel-lo, Jedi mind tricks!" Buffy said, exasperated. She clenched her teeth as Laura dug a knee a little deeper into her back.
"Oh, you'll be fine. I'm sure Laura and Lisa and Gina will take good care of you," Mrs. Summers said as she rummaged through the hall closet for a jacket. "Now, you girls have fun!"
"We will, Mrs. Summers! Thanks," Laura smiled, pulling Buffy's left arm a little higher behind her back. Buffy groaned a little.
"…Oh! I almost forgot; there are some oatmeal cookies in the kitchen, you girls take some before you go," Mrs. Summers said as she walked out of the door.
"You have such a…" Laura began, pinning Buffy's arms behind her, "nice…" she slammed Buffy's head into the floor a few times, "mom," she finished, slamming her head down once more for effect. Laura checked to make sure the Slayer was still breathing. "Good. Tie her up too."
"Hey! You could help, you know!" Lisa shouted as Laura ventured into the kitchen. She came out a few seconds later. "Ooh. Good cookies," she said, her mouth full. "We really must remember to send Mrs. Summers a thank-you card."
***
"Now, joo are playing wiz ze Cecelia Song tonight, yes?"
"Um,yes, and I was wondering if--"
"Oh, joo just let Jacques work. You will love zis!"
"Well, actually, if I could suggest--"
"Sst--Nani, get ze platinum number quince--"
"Excuse me? No no, I don't think platinum is the way to go--"
"Now joo just sit back and relax, Monsieur Giles…"
***
"That silly little witch broke one of my nails," Gina muttered, examining her manicure as the three girls walked down the street. Lisa snickered, and then raised an eyebrow as she saw Laura unwrap another lollipop and begin chomping on it.
"Aren't most things you put in your mouth lit at one end?" she asked. Laura glanced at her and took the candy out of her mouth.
"Trying to quit," she stated simply and put the lollipop back in.
"Ah. Have anything to do with a health-conscious Englishman?"
"Absolutely not, how ludicrous."
"You know you'll have to leave him."
"Yeah, shut up."
"Oh, don't tease her, Lisa," Gina spoke up. "It's not her fault she's head-over-heels in love with an old crusty tweedy UK man."
"You shut up too."
Gina grinned.
"We should have taken our car," Lisa said. The other girls nodded in agreement.
"But we got to beat up some little kids, that was fun, right?" Laura asked. The other two nodded emphatically. "And we got to put them in the requisite drippy cavernous abandoned warehouse, so I'd say we're doing all right."
"I don't know, I felt extraordinarily dirty and cliché about that. We should've left them in, like, a preschool. No one's done that before, I'll wager," Lisa mused. "Tortured them with A Little Mermaid and dancing teapots. Yes."
"We're not that evil," Gina laughed.
"We're marginally bad, but we make up for it by being incredibly indifferent," Lisa said.
"Hear, hear," said Laura.
***
She could feel something on her head. Hitting right at the back; a tiny impact, traveling down to her neck and then coldly across her skin, absorbing into her cotton shirt.
Willow's eyes suddenly snapped open, darting from one end of the room to the other. She screamed.
Groans from either side of her told her she wasn't alone. She craned her head slightly and saw Buffy and Xander on either side of her, in the same position: arms and ankles bound firmly to steel support beams.
"Hey! Hey, you guys okay?" she asked, relieved that she wasn't all by herself. Neither of her two friends answered. "Guys?" Willow sighed after another moment's silence. "You want something done, you got to do it yourself," she grumbled. "Liberate," she said, touching her fingers to the ropes, which completely failed to disappear. "What?" she wondered aloud. The sound of her small word echoed through the room. "Liberate!" Again, nothing. "Liberate, dammit! Let my fingers go!" she yelled, struggling against the ropes. To the left of her, Buffy stirred and once again fell silent. Willow's eyes grew wide with a sudden realization.
"Oh my God. Oz…"
***
"Oh my God! Oz!" Gina shrieked, skipping up to the grinning young man. "Your hair looks amazing!" she said, patting his newly-coiffed and –dyed hair in surprise. The other two girls walked toward the two men sitting on the bench outside Jacques' salon.
Oz's hair was no longer red. It was, instead, on almost the other end of the color spectrum as a deep Prussian blue. Lisa stared at his new 'do in amazement.
"How is that possible?"
"Ask Jacques. Lots of bottles of strange-smelling stuff," Oz grinned, letting Lisa run a tentative hand through his hair. "You like?" he asked.
"Most definitely. You look very cool and quirky and fun," she said, nodding authoritatively.
Laura was busy gaping at Giles, who had stood when he saw the girls approaching.
"Hey, way to be subtle, there, kid," Gina whispered to her.
Giles didn't have blue hair. His hair was, however, a slight bit shorter and a slight bit blonder and had more than a slight bit more gel in it. And he was decidedly without glasses. And he had an earring. And…whoa. Laura gaped some more as Giles walked toward her, grinning, evidently pleased with her reaction.
"You didn't always have an earring, did you?" Laura managed to ask after a few minutes.
"No, not always. The Council doesn't look too highly on…unconventional jewelry," Giles said flippantly, remembering only after he had finished his thought just who he was speaking to. He winced and looked at Laura, who didn't seem fazed.
"You're the Watcher?"
"Yes."
"Should've guessed. Explains the library gig. And I find it incredibly ironic that a group of guys whose job is to stop demons is concerned with a dress code."
'You know, I had that exact thought," Giles smiled at her. "Do you approve of Jacques' handiwork, then?" he asked the group.
"Oh yes. He didn't frighten you too badly, did he?"
"Well, there was a scare involving platinum hair dye," to the side Gina pouted over a few harsh memories involving a certain platinum-haired man, "but in the end it turned out all right. Did you manage to find Buffy?"
"Yeah. She wasn't too keen on the idea of us being your messengers. Territorial, that one," Lisa grumbled, "but she said she'd look into the deaths. I don't think she wanted to come to the show very much anyway."
"Her loss," Gina said, playing with Oz's hair.
"I'd love to see her expression when she found out her Watcher was a dead sexy guitar-playing type," Laura grinned. Giles smiled, embarrassed, as he rubbed the back of his neck. They both took a moment to grin at each other in a very sickening manner. There was the sudden unmistakable sound of three pairs of eyes being simultaneously rolled.
"Yikes, look at the time," Gina said, holding out Oz's wristwatch. "Hate to break up the little nausea-inducing moment, but we should get to the club and set up." The others glanced at her in gratitude. Laura and Giles frowned for a moment, and then trailed after the others to the convertible.
***
There was something new in the air in Sunnydale. Angel couldn't quite figure out what it was; the vampires and assorted collection of perma-demons had been buzzing about a new force in town. Angel sighed. It seemed that these new forces came extremely often. Usually on a weekly basis. Not so much during the summer…but that was only because something extremely evil always seemed to happen during the third week of May.
Whoever coined the phrase "merry month of May" was an idiot, Angel decided.
But…May meant Buffy wore less clothes. So maybe not.
But…May meant lots of angsty sexual tension because of Scantily-Clad Buffy. So…
Angel hated May.
Good thing it was just April.
He walked through downtown Sunnydale, feeling a little uncomfortable since there were still streaks of pink sunlight on the horizon, but feeling, nonetheless, remarkably well. Something interesting was just bound to happen tonight.
The Bronze had a show. Buffy hadn't shown up for Patrol yet, so maybe he could stop by…
***
"Whichever one tied us up was a Boy Scout," Xander said firmly. "Although I think very much that they lied during the recitation of the 'On My Honor' part," he mused as he examined the complicated knot above his head. "Can't see them getting cats out of trees," he grumbled, struggling against the ropes, "or helping old ladies across the street."
"Unless the old lady has a Watcher named Giles," Buffy muttered. "Then they'd help her into the street just as a Mack truck was turning the corner."
"Yeah, that's—"
"I mean, 'mother figure'? What the hell?" she griped. "And I don't have a twisted fantasy family thing! Hello, Giles is my Watcher!"
"Yeah. If we could just move past the psychological issues and concentrate on the being-tied-up issues, I'd be one happy guy," Xander said sardonically as Buffy struggled against the ropes.
"Workin' on 'em," Buffy grumbled as she tried to gain freedom. Beside Xander, Willow was attempting to loosen the bonds by magic.
"Um…emancipate? Liberate? Shoot," Willow said as the ropes remained unaffected. "Hey, you guys don't know any Latin-sounding synonyms for 'let go', do you?"
"Syno-what?" Xander asked as he stared up at the configuration of ropes. Buffy let out a cry of frustration as she grappled with the ropes.
"God! I swear I'll kill those girls!"
"While attached to a metal pole? This I gotta see," Xander said.
"Could you maybe stop being sarcastic for a minute?" Buffy griped as she tried to claw the ropes apart. Both Willow and Xander turned to look at her, astonishment written on their faces in very vivid colors. For a minute, all was still as the three regarded each other.
"Xander? …N-not be sarcastic?" Willow's tremulous voice echoed around the room.
"What are you trying to do, Buff? Destroy her entire world?" Xander whispered angrily, his eyebrows furrowed in a frown.
There was another moment's pause as the three teenagers stared incredulously at each other.
Buffy groaned and returned to struggling with the rope. "Forget it. You guys are insane."
"We're insane? You're the one who said I should stop being sarcastic," Xander spat. Willow glanced fearfully at both Buffy and Xander.
"But Xander has to be sarcastic. It's who he is. Sarcastic Man!" she said earnestly. "The world just wouldn't make sense if Xander weren't sarcastic!"
"Fine. Xander, make all the stupid comments you want. And Willow, when I get us free, I'm seriously taking you for some heavy-duty therapy." Buffy said flatly as she tried to wrench her hand from its binds.
"Good," Willow smiled, perfectly content.
"Stupid comments. My comments are never stupid! They're witty and clever!" Xander announced angrily. "Besides, you're just mad some other girls kicked your Slayer behind!"
"They didn't kick my behind! There was no behind-kicking!" Buffy barked defensively.
"Well, I saw someone's behind getting kicked, and it certainly wasn't mine!"
"That's because you were unconscious!"
Willow began to giggle. Both Xander and Buffy glared at her as they shouted in unison "What?"
"You sound like seven-year-olds."
Buffy and Xander glared at Willow, and then at each other. After a few moments of glaring, the trio went back to trying to undo the ropes in their own unique ways.
Ten very unsuccessful minutes later, Xander began to chuckle.
"What could be funny about this situation?" Buffy wondered sardonically.
"I got tied up by three really hot rocker chicks, and I can't tell anyone because there's a chance they might be evil demons."
"Ooh, that is funny," Willow agreed. "Kinda like an O. Henry story."
"Yeah, isn't it? And I think it's even better that they tied me up with real leather instead of rope. Heightens the irony."
"You got leather? We didn't get leather!" Willow complained.
"Well, I guess they just don't find you as stunningly attractive as they do me," Xander said smugly.
"So you're proud of the fact that some girls found you sexy enough to tie up with leather bands and…oh. Ohhhh. Dang!"
Xander smirked as Willow looked crestfallen.
"Guys," Buffy said exasperatedly, "could we please concentrate on the task at hand?"
"Because we've made so much progress so far," Xander remarked. Buffy glared at him.
"Shut. Up. Xander," Buffy said levelly, finally losing her temper completely.
"What?"
"You heard me."
Xander stared at her incredulously for a moment, and then began to scowl. "You know, I'm sick and tired of being your second banana to kick around, Buffy. 'Ooh, something's gone wrong, let's yell at Xander.' That's not how it works! You know, I'd rather face Cecelia Song than be tied up with you!"
A light suddenly illuminated Xander and the room was filled with an unearthly music. It quickly vanished, along with the bonds on Xander's wrists. He brought his arms down and stared at his hands for a moment. Buffy and Willow stared at him in amazement.
"Damn. Why, when wishes come true, does the wisher always wish for something that's not fun?"
"Quick, untie us, Xander!" Buffy said in her best Slayer do-what-I-say-or-die voice. Xander glanced up at her, his eyes glittering strangely, and slowly broke into a grin.
"Can't kick me around now, can ya?"
Willow stared at Xander fearfully. "Xander? Xander, are you all right?"
"Perfectly fine, Will. Perfectly fine. You know, I had a thought a minute ago. I wonder why I hadn't thought of it before, actually. You see, I'm not your sidekick, Slayer," he said, glaring at Buffy with a malevolence she had never seen, "so you can just figure this one out by yourself," he smiled as he slowly walked away from his two best friends. Buffy and Willow stared speechlessly at his retreating figure and winced as the door to the factory slammed behind him.