AN:  Whoever thought it was a good idea to put "You are on the Favorites List of ____ members" should be brought to justice.  It makes me feel all unloved.  Either that or just like giving the computer a raspberry, and the saliva flecks are not good for a keyboard.

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Leather was good for two things, and two things only in Logan's mind.  One, to house a steak, and two, to house female forms.  Seeing as he was neither a cow nor a girl, he yanked and pulled at the collar of his uniform.  "Hey Cyke, didn't you get a uniform in my size?"

"That is your size, Logan."

"No, it ain't."  He dashed off a wink to Marie.  "I'm…bigger than this."

"Your ego certainly is."

"Did you say something, Storm?"

Flashing a good-natured smile, Ororo turned around to face Logan.  "I said, buckle in, it is time for takeoff." 

As the engines roared to life, and flared up, the duo of Cyclops and Storm maneuvered the Blackbird out of the hanger to face Magneto and the Brotherhood.  All of the X-Men (or, at least the ones Uncreative Author cared to mention) were present:  Cyclops, Storm, Jean, Logan, and Marie.  Coasting over the expansive ocean, Cyclops flicked the autopilot switch, and unbuckled his seat belt in order to address the team.  "Alright, people.  Here's the drill.  I want you in teams for the battle.  Wolverine, Storm, and Rogue, I want you to cover Magneto and Sabertooth.  Jean and I will handle Toad and Mystique.  Any questions?"

Storm waved.  "Why not switch the order?  Why send Rogue out against Magneto?  Have you forgotten his desire for her?"

"Because we need a climatic showdown between the two men vying for Rogue: Logan and Magneto."

Ororo just rolled her eyes and turned back to the controls, muttering something that resembled switching sides.  Cyclops resumed his seat, and began guiding the plane to its destination.  About this time, a song suddenly piped over the Blackbird's speakers, momentarily stunning the X-Men.  When the distinctive guitar could be made out, Logan's ears perked up.  The words fit perfectly for his and Marie's situation. 

"Marie?  Whatever happens, I want you to know this."  He tilted his head to indicate the song, and Marie sat back in her chair to listen. 

Every breath you take, every move you make

Every vow you break, every claim you stake,

I'll be watching you…

Oh can't you see, you belong to me…

Breaking into the song, Ororo sighed.  "Logan, please explain why you are singing a stalker song to Marie?"

Marie shook her head violently.  "It's not a stalker song.  It's about love.  I belong to him."

"Whatever.  And the song 'Master and Servant' is about slavery."

Cyclops' authoritative voice commanded attention.  "Alright, look alert.  We're here.  Storm, set us down."  The high-pitched beeps and clicks indicated Storm's work, and as the plane landed with a bit of a jolt, everyone let out a collective held breath.  The hydraulic door kicked into action, lowering the ramp for exit.  "X-Men, go!"  In haste, everyone left the plane and broke into their respective teams.

Immediately, Logan went dashing off after Sabertooth, bloodlust ringing in his ears.  Ororo followed after, hoping to make Sabertooth do a little screaming himself, and yelled for Marie to follow.  Unfortunately, Magneto had been lying in wait, and when the two older X-Men left, he appeared to Rogue.

"Hello, dear.  Fancy seeing you here."

"Get away from me, you old freak!"

Magento's face scrunched up into a mess of confusion at Rogue's outburst.  "I could have sworn you had an accent last time we met."

"Yeah, and if ya don't get your slimy hands offa me, I'm gonna scream for Wolverine!"

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Over in the battle with Sabertooth, Wolverine was having a cakewalk with the larger cat.  After all, he is a god, and despite the years of their battling, now he fought for his "woman."  After sticking his claws deep into Sabertooth's belly, Wolverine threw him off the conveniently placed cliff, and went back to find Marie. 

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Some stuff happened with Scott and Jean, but the author deemed that Not Important™ because it didn't deal with Wolverine or Marie in any direct fashion.

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With a maniacal laugh and a swish of his cape, Magneto finished strapping Rogue down to the new device, designed to…do something really bad.  What didn't matter, though, because it would hurt Rogue.  "And now, when I flip this switch, the really bad thing will happen, and I will rule the world!" 

Stalling for time, Rogue declared, "But first, you must tell me the secrets of your plan in an extended fashion!"

"No, I don't.  What do you take me for, a two-bit villain hack?"

"Point taken."

And then, with pure light shining down from heaven (Ororo had given him a sun backlight), Logan appeared, claws extended and ready for battle.  "Let her go!"

Magneto rolled his eyes.  "Yes, your insistence has swayed me.  I'm going to let her go because you told me to.  Right."  He then turned back to the console, revving up the generator. 

A primal scream broke forth, and Logan ran at the Master of Magnetism, knocking him over.  Magneto managed to roll over, and smack the switch to the Device O' Evil, beginning a countdown.  "You have thirty seconds, Wolverine.  Can you save her?"

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Some more stuff happened with Jean, Scott, and Ororo.  But who cares?

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Wolverine looked over at the helpless Rogue, and something switched in his head, causing him to turn animalistic with rage.  And no, it wasn't the news about a truckload of Canadian beer being delayed for a week.  Seeing his damsel in distress tore the last shred of self-restraint, and he charged Magneto, hacking and slashing.  Magneto was thrown off balance, and tumbled off the cliff, falling to his untimely end. 

With seconds remaining, Logan sliced through the restraints holding Rogue, and pulled her free.  "Darlin', you alright?"

"I'm fine, now that you're here."  She smiled up at her rescuer, and both leaned closer together as the sun set on the horizon. 

"I could never lose you, you are my heart."

"And you are mine."

Scott, Jean, and Ororo arrived in time to see Logan pull a piece of a silk scarf from who-knows-where, place it over Marie's lips, and kiss her. 

Jean sighed from the romance of it all, Scott smiled, and Ororo cocked her head to the side.  "I think I understand what Marie is to Logan at last."

Jean turned to her friend.  "What's that, Storm?"

"In the vernacular?  Jailbait."

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AN2:  *flashes "V for victory" sign*  Thanks for everyone's support.  My humor bug's come back through this little slice of insanity, and now it's just a fun choice of what I want to lampoon next.

There is one cliché that I messed up, and that's the non-existent Storm.  I needed a straight person, though, and she fit so well.

Thanks to Stormfreak for shoving me to do this, and to everyone's reviews that made me crack up. 

I'm playing with the idea of MSTing this work, but I'd need a co-person to help that isn't afraid of being toasted.  Just leave me the indication in your review, and if I get the inclination to do so in the future, I'll contact you.