Yup, that's right... I WROTE THE NEXT PART OF "OF CABBAGES AND KINGS"!!! (took me long enough)
Ok, nobody belongs to me. I don't own Eminem (thank god) if you can even tell he's in here. I am not, nor do I own Dr. Seuss or any books he wrote.
Right, onward!
***
Of Cabbages and Kings 2
The tree stood alone in the middle of the courtyard. ~Funny,~ he mused, ~weren't there more people here? Have I always been a tree? Wasn't I a... a... a something else? A... baron?~ The tree laughed. ~Stupid, he told himself, you're a tree. Go back to sleep.~
The walrus (who was not really a walrus, merely a delusional human back from the dead) reappeared in the walkway in front of the tree (who was not really a tree, but actually an ex-thief married to a fierce warrior-maid) and honked indignantly. "Of all the stupid tricks to play!" he complained. "First I'm a walrus, then I'm in the abyss of nothingness – which is very boring, let me tell you – and now I'm back again, with no one to fight!" He snorted. "AND, I'm hungry!" he added petulantly.
Two cats (neither one of which really was a cat, one being a god and the other a confused and rage filled female) fell on his head. "Aff!" he yelled indistinctly. One of the cat's tails was in his mouth, and the other in his ear (if walruses even have ears).
A tall human walked up the drive. "Ahem?" he said experimentally into the bullhorn he carried. The walrus looked confused as the man said, "Hi! My name is..."
"Huh?"
"My name is..."
"What?"
"My name is Dr. Seuss. Do you like green eggs and ham?"
"Go away," The large, white persian said coldly. "Go away before I... before I... before I... do something... something large... and furry... and... oh, just go away!"
"Geeze, Alanna, can't you take a joke?" Numair whined.
"I don't think cats understand jokes," Alanna (because that's who the white cat really was, silly) said. "Do they, Faithful? Understand jokes, I mean," she added to the black cat sitting beside her.
:Depends on the cat,: Faithful said snobbily. :I, for one, am entirely civilised and understand every joke that comes along, as well as sarcasm, irony, satire, and forms of humour humans haven't even heard of yet. So there.:
This appeared to interest Numair and he got into a long, boring, and snobby conversation with Faithful about how stupid most humans are. He was so engrossed in the conversation that he didn't even notice when Roger and Alanna (working together for the first time in their strange lives) turned him into a ladybug.
He noticed, however, when Faithful pounced on the bug, and ate him.
:Yummy,: Faithful said, purring, :though a bit dry.:
From inside Faithful's stomach tinny cries of "Help! Let me out! I'm being digested aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive..." could be heard. The crowd of assorted creatures ignored them.
Then they all died, because the author got tired of writing this stupid story.
They might be back.
No promises, though.
Ok, nobody belongs to me. I don't own Eminem (thank god) if you can even tell he's in here. I am not, nor do I own Dr. Seuss or any books he wrote.
Right, onward!
***
Of Cabbages and Kings 2
The tree stood alone in the middle of the courtyard. ~Funny,~ he mused, ~weren't there more people here? Have I always been a tree? Wasn't I a... a... a something else? A... baron?~ The tree laughed. ~Stupid, he told himself, you're a tree. Go back to sleep.~
The walrus (who was not really a walrus, merely a delusional human back from the dead) reappeared in the walkway in front of the tree (who was not really a tree, but actually an ex-thief married to a fierce warrior-maid) and honked indignantly. "Of all the stupid tricks to play!" he complained. "First I'm a walrus, then I'm in the abyss of nothingness – which is very boring, let me tell you – and now I'm back again, with no one to fight!" He snorted. "AND, I'm hungry!" he added petulantly.
Two cats (neither one of which really was a cat, one being a god and the other a confused and rage filled female) fell on his head. "Aff!" he yelled indistinctly. One of the cat's tails was in his mouth, and the other in his ear (if walruses even have ears).
A tall human walked up the drive. "Ahem?" he said experimentally into the bullhorn he carried. The walrus looked confused as the man said, "Hi! My name is..."
"Huh?"
"My name is..."
"What?"
"My name is Dr. Seuss. Do you like green eggs and ham?"
"Go away," The large, white persian said coldly. "Go away before I... before I... before I... do something... something large... and furry... and... oh, just go away!"
"Geeze, Alanna, can't you take a joke?" Numair whined.
"I don't think cats understand jokes," Alanna (because that's who the white cat really was, silly) said. "Do they, Faithful? Understand jokes, I mean," she added to the black cat sitting beside her.
:Depends on the cat,: Faithful said snobbily. :I, for one, am entirely civilised and understand every joke that comes along, as well as sarcasm, irony, satire, and forms of humour humans haven't even heard of yet. So there.:
This appeared to interest Numair and he got into a long, boring, and snobby conversation with Faithful about how stupid most humans are. He was so engrossed in the conversation that he didn't even notice when Roger and Alanna (working together for the first time in their strange lives) turned him into a ladybug.
He noticed, however, when Faithful pounced on the bug, and ate him.
:Yummy,: Faithful said, purring, :though a bit dry.:
From inside Faithful's stomach tinny cries of "Help! Let me out! I'm being digested aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive..." could be heard. The crowd of assorted creatures ignored them.
Then they all died, because the author got tired of writing this stupid story.
They might be back.
No promises, though.