Your Mission Should You Chose to Accept It

"Hi! This is Deadpool. Mercenary for hire. Murder and mayhem is my specialty. Leave a message at the sound of the beep." BEEP.

"Hello Deadpool, this is William Quesda. I have a job for you. If you want to make a couple million bucks come to Jersey City, tomorrow. You know the building." BEEP.

"Pool, answer the fucking phone. This is Vinny. My prostitutes don`t come cheap and I want my fucking money. Pay me or Else." BEEP.

"Hi baby. Remember me, Its candy. I just wanted to call you. I had a great time last night. The things you did to me was amazing. I especially liked that thing you did with the whip cream and tic tacs. Call me back Baby pleasee, I`m home alone naked just waiting to hear from you."

Just as that last message finishes Deadpool gets out of the toilet, and decides to go see his buddy Billy Quesda. After putting on his clothes he is figuring out what guns to take with him.

"Enny, Minny, Minni, Moe, catch a gun by its toe," He sings while choosing between a double barrel shotgun, a AK-47, and his trusty Tommy gun. Eventually he settles on the Shotgun, with 2 magnums as backup.

"I feel safe now. Time to go visit the armpit of this earth New Jersey."

After an uneventful ride where he got into a firefight with 4 carjackers, 2 priests, and jersey city police he eventually got to where he was going.

"Hello Deadpool, how was your ride."

"The usual, Billy, shootouts, coughing my lungs up, normal jersey stuff. So what is this big job. I hope its worth it cause I don`t like coming to this hell hole unless its worth it. I thought Bed-Stuy was bad, but Jersey is just horrible. I think we should just nuke it and turn it into a parking lot for New York."

"HaHa, very funny. Almost as funny as that blood that is dripping on my carpet. Tell me, do you always bleed on your employer's carpets"

"Very funny. You know the priests in Jersey are dangerous. Now please what is this job you want. Do you want me to video tape Britney and Justin`s sexual activities. I hear she says she`s a virgin but I heard rumors she got more miles on that body then interns in clinton`s white house."

"Well I don`t really care about Britney. What I want from you is a tape of a fantastic couple."

"I`ve been breathing the jersey air for over an hour. Break it down into simpler terms por favor."

"Fine, I have a buyer who is willing to pay alot of money for a sex tape of Mr. and Ms. Fantastic..." he said mater of factly as Deadpool gave a silent whistle. "Sources have told me that everything in the Baxter Building is video tapped, so it is logical that there is a tape of those too making love somewhere in the building. I want you to break into the Baxter Building and get the tape."

"Break into the Baxter Building, are you crazy. I`d have an easier time trying to peel open Iron Man`s armor with a can opener then trying to break into the Baxter Building," replied Deadpool

"Well Mr. Pool if you feel you arn`t up to the job, I can hire Taskmaster for this assignment."

"Whoa, slow down sparky. I`m up to this."

"Good."

"Now this job is going to be tricky. I want 2 million right now..." said Pool

"And if you bring me the tape I will add on an extra 3 million" said Quesda.

"Excuse, I`m not done making demands, I also want you to pay off a pimp named Vinny, and I want a 50 pound bag of skittles."

"Ok so for bringing me the tape you get 5 million dollars, I pay off your pimp and you get the bag of skittles. Nice doing business with you Mr. Deadpool. Now let me get your 2 million and I will let you go so you can attend to your job.

To Be Continued