Authors Note: Thank you for all the positive feedback. I think I fixed the messed up format from
Chapter 1. Please send me feedback again - I LIVE off the stuff :) I'm really glad to be getting
positive feedback too, since I wasn't sure how well this would be accepted. I'm trying my best
to do the plot - and the brilliant characters - justice. Anyway, all the info's in Pt.1. I don't
own them, I'm just using them for fun, and if anyone ANYONE feels like dropping me a line
(especially about UConn . . or Jake Voskuhl . . c'mon, I'm TRYING to get over it!) I'm
LoveUConnBasketball@yahoo.com
Sydney stood gazing out at the pier and at the lights that were on in the city across the water. It was nearly midnight and the usual Saturday night crowds were starting to dissapear. Mostly teenagers, the occasional older couple, out relaxing on a Saturday night in June. Syd watched them over her shoulder, subconciously looking for either Vaughn or a tail, whichever she spotted first. She had been careful though, and she was nearly certain that she hadn't been followed. That was imperative for this, that much she knew, that their conversation be kept far far away from SD-6 for the time being.
She recognized his footsteps as he approached the pier and stood a few feet away from her, far enough so they looked as if they weren't speaking to anyone who might be watching. They stood in silence for a few minutes, she felt him sneak a concerned glance at her. Sydney continued to study the water and listen to the sounds of the oblivious citizens who floated around them . . . citizens who were able to go on and make something of their personal, private lives without worrying about how it could possibly affect national security.
"I was starting to get worried about you." Vaughn finally spoke in a gentle yet stern voice, conveying to her just how sincerely concerned he was.
"I'm sorry. I lost track of time . . with the party and all." she explained, shrugging as she saw him nod out of the corner of her eye.
"How was the party?"
"Beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the wedding. I swear, with Charlie Francie . . she just sparkles." she finished, smiling at the thought.
"They sound like wonderful people." he said softly. She knew he wished he could of been at the party with her . . and probably even with her at Francie's wedding a year ago . . . she wished he could of been too. She knew Francie and Charlie would like him, and Will would eventually get over his fantasies of her and like him too. Then again, Sydney couldn't imagine someone not liking the company of Michael Vaughn. "Are you okay?" he asked as her face noticably paled.
"No." she said, taking a deep breathe. "I don't . . I don't think you're going to like what I'm going to tell you." she said softly. It broke her heart to know that this wasn't going to be the blessing that it would be for most people . . . . and in all sincerity, after all she had put her body through over the past decade, it was in many ways a miracle for her. . .
"Whenever we meet out here, it's usually not good news." he reminded her in a gruff mummble, the wind ruffling his hair as she looked over to briefly study his profile. He looked tense and worried as he studied the water. The crowds passed around them oblivious, and she wondered not for the first time if he wished the two of them could be just two unknown people in a crowd. "Syd, I really don't want to have to guess-" he started.
"I'm pregnant." she said softly, cutting him off. Sydney couldn't even bring herself to look at him, but she could feel his eyes upon her as she studied the lights across the pier. "I don't know what I expect you to say . . or do." she whispered a few minutes later, needing to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them. Silences in Vaughn's company had always been something she enjoyed . . it was usually a companionable, safe silence, but that was not that case on that night.
"Who else knows?" he asked finally.
"No one." she confessed. "I had . . I had to tell you first. I guess telling you . . telling you makes it real. I just . . I don't know who to tell . . who not to tell. I mean, I can't tell my Father or Sloane-"
"You have to." he cut her off as she dared to lock eyes with him. His green eyes were firm and showed no signs of giving in. "You *have* to Sydney, this is a child we're talking about-"
"I know what we're talking about!" she hissed. "What am I supposed to do? retire from the CIA and tell Sloane I need out of SD-6-"
"If that's what it takes, yes." Vaughn stated, nodded. To him there was no questions involved, there was no way he was going to willingly let her expose the unborn child to even the slightest risk . . he shuddered to think of what the unborn might of been exposed to before Sydney realized she was pregnant.
"For what? So I can say I've spent the last two and a half years of my life doing nothing? working to take down the people I despise just to quit? What about Danny's death? how can I let that be in vain?" she asked him in an angry hiss. She knew she had crossed a line as his eyes shut at the mention of her late fiance. Vaughn turned his gaze out onto the water, wondering just how cold it would be if he dived in right then and there. "I'm sorry . . . I just don't know if I can walk away."
"Then you don't walk away, but you stop going on these damned missions. You average a few a month, that's not healthy for you or the baby." he reminded her, still not able to look at her. Vaughn knew how much Sydney had loved Danny - and her slip of the tongue had just been a bitter reminder straight into his heart. A reminder of what he could never be to her, no matter how long he'd know her . . no matter what became of them in the future . . no matter how wonderful of a life they might have together . . he couldn't compete with Danny. He couldn't compete with Sydney's nearly perfect memories of the deceased doctor. "Do you want this?"
"Yes . . no . . I don't know." she admited, trying not to cry as she ran her fingers through her hair and let out a heavy sigh. "I never thought I could . . I was so sure I couldn't that I never even . . " she trailed off.
They stood there in silence, neither sure what to say. Sydney hadn't meant to hurt him with her reference to Danny, it just slipped. Vaughn, on the other hand, was still reeling from her news and trying to determine how to keep her safe. This was something neither had expected or planned for . . during his years as Sydney's handler, Vaughn had invented several very intricate and intelligent ways to keep Sydney safe and out of harm . . but this was one situation he had never dreamed of.
"Vaughn . . I'm so so sorry. . " she whispered, looking over at him with tearful eyes. Vaughn again wished they had met in the warehouse, because it broke his heart to see her there, so obviously in pain, and to not be able to take her into his arms.
"Don't be sorry Sydney." he reassured her quietly, meaning it. "This isn't your fault . . it's no one's fault . . and I'm not mad." he finished softly as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue, handing it to her with an awkward look on his face.
"Thank you." she said, taking his tissue and wiping her eyes. She ws more emotional then she usually was, and she hated it. "I just . . I wanted to tell you first . . and even . . even if things aren't the way they are . . I have no one else to talk to." she said, the tears continuing their trek down her pale face as she tried in vain to stop them.
"That's what I'm here for," Vaughn whispered to her softly, daring to make brief eye contact, trying to convey his feelings to her as she nodded. "I'll schedule a meeting with Devlin . . and you . . you need to talk to Sloane."
"No, no I can't-" she started, panic rising in her throat. Sydney never remembered her fear rising as fast as it was at that moment.
"Syd, you *have* to." he said, leaning over to grab her and and look her in the eyes. For a brief moment it mattered very little to him who saw them, all that mattered was that Sydney understand the importance of the situation. "Promise me, it is *so* important. They can't and won't do anything to you. Your Father won't let that happen, and anyway Sloane-"
"Thinks of me like a daughter, I know." she finished for him, letting out a disgusted snort as he gave her a small smile.
"You have to tell them though, be honest."
"Completely honest?" she asked playfully with a raised eyebrow as he let out a small chuckle.
"You know what I mean." Vaughn said as she nodded and her expression turned serious.
"What do I tell my friends?"
"Whatever you want. I know you must want to tell Francie and Charlie . . and Will and Amy." he finished as she nodded.
"They're going to ask . . ask who the Father is." Sydney said softly as Vaughn released her hand and looked out at the water. "What . . what do I say?"
"Whatever you want to say." he said softly, not able to look at her.
Michael Vaughn wasn't a dumb man, he knew when everything started to happen that this was never going to completely be the life he wanted . . . he had grown up seeing how much his Father and Mother loved eachother, how devoted they were to eachother, and in awe of how strong his Mother was for picking up the pieces without his Father. Vaughn had also had a wonderful relationship with his Father, and continued to have one with his Mother. . . . his was close to his family, including his older sister, and he remembered the joy in his brother in law's face when his sister and brother in law announced that they'd be having a family. Vaughn's eyes shut tightly, knowing he'd never be able to tell his family his good news . . or see what sort of reaction Jack Bristow would have to the news . . . it didn't seem fair to him, to them, or to the unborn life growing inside of Sydney, but he also knew there was very little he could do to change it.
"I don't want to do this alone." she said softly. He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, her expression broke her heart.
"I don't want you to do this alone either . . but I don't know any other way right now." he whispered. "This isn't . . this isn't how I planned this Syd." he whispered quietly, trying to apologize for a crime he hadn't even commited. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't be there for her, holding her hand through all of this, and he knew that she knew that. However that didn't make him feel any better.
"I'm so . . I'm so scared." Sydney admitted, feeling like a lost child as she held the tissue tightly against her face. "How can I have a child when I know how horrible a world this is? when I know how horrible . . " she said, the tears cutting her off as she let herself cry briefly before working to compose herself. "How do I have this child and explain to it one day that his or her grandmother killed his or her grandfather?" she asked him in a childlike voice, desperately seeking an answer.
"I don't know Syd . . I don't know." he said softly. Sydney reached out and took his hand, needing to be connected to him for some brief moment. "But .. when the time comes, we'll figure it out." he promised her as she looked at him, needing him to confirm the tiniest of hopes she had in her heart. "We'll figure it out together." he restated. "Maybe we can even take the baby to a Kings game one day." he teased in a low voice as she laughed.
Vaughn's heart lifted, no matter how brief, he was pleased he had made her smile. She was probably his best friend, and he knew that she was hers. So much between them was still unspoken, so much relied simply on looks and brief touches, and yet neither one felt as if they lacked anything. He knew he wanted more of her in his life, he was greedy about that, but would take what he could get. He knew he took what he could get because when he was with her, she fufilled everything and anything he could ever want.
"You need to go home." he said softly as Sydney let go of his hand and nodded. "Just go home . . rest. Monday I'll arrange a meeting with Devlin and . . and I really think you need to tell Sloane."
"Okay." she said softly, nodded. "You'll-"
"Yes." he said, cutting her off before she could even say the words. Vaughn knew his agent well enough to know what she was going to ask - he'd call her via Joey's Pizza if he needed anything urgent and if it was personal . . well, he always found away to talk to her about that too. "Take care of yourself." he whispered, wanting to say so much more then that. Sydney nodded and walked away from the pier, heading towards her car.
Chapter 1. Please send me feedback again - I LIVE off the stuff :) I'm really glad to be getting
positive feedback too, since I wasn't sure how well this would be accepted. I'm trying my best
to do the plot - and the brilliant characters - justice. Anyway, all the info's in Pt.1. I don't
own them, I'm just using them for fun, and if anyone ANYONE feels like dropping me a line
(especially about UConn . . or Jake Voskuhl . . c'mon, I'm TRYING to get over it!) I'm
LoveUConnBasketball@yahoo.com
Sydney stood gazing out at the pier and at the lights that were on in the city across the water. It was nearly midnight and the usual Saturday night crowds were starting to dissapear. Mostly teenagers, the occasional older couple, out relaxing on a Saturday night in June. Syd watched them over her shoulder, subconciously looking for either Vaughn or a tail, whichever she spotted first. She had been careful though, and she was nearly certain that she hadn't been followed. That was imperative for this, that much she knew, that their conversation be kept far far away from SD-6 for the time being.
She recognized his footsteps as he approached the pier and stood a few feet away from her, far enough so they looked as if they weren't speaking to anyone who might be watching. They stood in silence for a few minutes, she felt him sneak a concerned glance at her. Sydney continued to study the water and listen to the sounds of the oblivious citizens who floated around them . . . citizens who were able to go on and make something of their personal, private lives without worrying about how it could possibly affect national security.
"I was starting to get worried about you." Vaughn finally spoke in a gentle yet stern voice, conveying to her just how sincerely concerned he was.
"I'm sorry. I lost track of time . . with the party and all." she explained, shrugging as she saw him nod out of the corner of her eye.
"How was the party?"
"Beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the wedding. I swear, with Charlie Francie . . she just sparkles." she finished, smiling at the thought.
"They sound like wonderful people." he said softly. She knew he wished he could of been at the party with her . . and probably even with her at Francie's wedding a year ago . . . she wished he could of been too. She knew Francie and Charlie would like him, and Will would eventually get over his fantasies of her and like him too. Then again, Sydney couldn't imagine someone not liking the company of Michael Vaughn. "Are you okay?" he asked as her face noticably paled.
"No." she said, taking a deep breathe. "I don't . . I don't think you're going to like what I'm going to tell you." she said softly. It broke her heart to know that this wasn't going to be the blessing that it would be for most people . . . . and in all sincerity, after all she had put her body through over the past decade, it was in many ways a miracle for her. . .
"Whenever we meet out here, it's usually not good news." he reminded her in a gruff mummble, the wind ruffling his hair as she looked over to briefly study his profile. He looked tense and worried as he studied the water. The crowds passed around them oblivious, and she wondered not for the first time if he wished the two of them could be just two unknown people in a crowd. "Syd, I really don't want to have to guess-" he started.
"I'm pregnant." she said softly, cutting him off. Sydney couldn't even bring herself to look at him, but she could feel his eyes upon her as she studied the lights across the pier. "I don't know what I expect you to say . . or do." she whispered a few minutes later, needing to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them. Silences in Vaughn's company had always been something she enjoyed . . it was usually a companionable, safe silence, but that was not that case on that night.
"Who else knows?" he asked finally.
"No one." she confessed. "I had . . I had to tell you first. I guess telling you . . telling you makes it real. I just . . I don't know who to tell . . who not to tell. I mean, I can't tell my Father or Sloane-"
"You have to." he cut her off as she dared to lock eyes with him. His green eyes were firm and showed no signs of giving in. "You *have* to Sydney, this is a child we're talking about-"
"I know what we're talking about!" she hissed. "What am I supposed to do? retire from the CIA and tell Sloane I need out of SD-6-"
"If that's what it takes, yes." Vaughn stated, nodded. To him there was no questions involved, there was no way he was going to willingly let her expose the unborn child to even the slightest risk . . he shuddered to think of what the unborn might of been exposed to before Sydney realized she was pregnant.
"For what? So I can say I've spent the last two and a half years of my life doing nothing? working to take down the people I despise just to quit? What about Danny's death? how can I let that be in vain?" she asked him in an angry hiss. She knew she had crossed a line as his eyes shut at the mention of her late fiance. Vaughn turned his gaze out onto the water, wondering just how cold it would be if he dived in right then and there. "I'm sorry . . . I just don't know if I can walk away."
"Then you don't walk away, but you stop going on these damned missions. You average a few a month, that's not healthy for you or the baby." he reminded her, still not able to look at her. Vaughn knew how much Sydney had loved Danny - and her slip of the tongue had just been a bitter reminder straight into his heart. A reminder of what he could never be to her, no matter how long he'd know her . . no matter what became of them in the future . . no matter how wonderful of a life they might have together . . he couldn't compete with Danny. He couldn't compete with Sydney's nearly perfect memories of the deceased doctor. "Do you want this?"
"Yes . . no . . I don't know." she admited, trying not to cry as she ran her fingers through her hair and let out a heavy sigh. "I never thought I could . . I was so sure I couldn't that I never even . . " she trailed off.
They stood there in silence, neither sure what to say. Sydney hadn't meant to hurt him with her reference to Danny, it just slipped. Vaughn, on the other hand, was still reeling from her news and trying to determine how to keep her safe. This was something neither had expected or planned for . . during his years as Sydney's handler, Vaughn had invented several very intricate and intelligent ways to keep Sydney safe and out of harm . . but this was one situation he had never dreamed of.
"Vaughn . . I'm so so sorry. . " she whispered, looking over at him with tearful eyes. Vaughn again wished they had met in the warehouse, because it broke his heart to see her there, so obviously in pain, and to not be able to take her into his arms.
"Don't be sorry Sydney." he reassured her quietly, meaning it. "This isn't your fault . . it's no one's fault . . and I'm not mad." he finished softly as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue, handing it to her with an awkward look on his face.
"Thank you." she said, taking his tissue and wiping her eyes. She ws more emotional then she usually was, and she hated it. "I just . . I wanted to tell you first . . and even . . even if things aren't the way they are . . I have no one else to talk to." she said, the tears continuing their trek down her pale face as she tried in vain to stop them.
"That's what I'm here for," Vaughn whispered to her softly, daring to make brief eye contact, trying to convey his feelings to her as she nodded. "I'll schedule a meeting with Devlin . . and you . . you need to talk to Sloane."
"No, no I can't-" she started, panic rising in her throat. Sydney never remembered her fear rising as fast as it was at that moment.
"Syd, you *have* to." he said, leaning over to grab her and and look her in the eyes. For a brief moment it mattered very little to him who saw them, all that mattered was that Sydney understand the importance of the situation. "Promise me, it is *so* important. They can't and won't do anything to you. Your Father won't let that happen, and anyway Sloane-"
"Thinks of me like a daughter, I know." she finished for him, letting out a disgusted snort as he gave her a small smile.
"You have to tell them though, be honest."
"Completely honest?" she asked playfully with a raised eyebrow as he let out a small chuckle.
"You know what I mean." Vaughn said as she nodded and her expression turned serious.
"What do I tell my friends?"
"Whatever you want. I know you must want to tell Francie and Charlie . . and Will and Amy." he finished as she nodded.
"They're going to ask . . ask who the Father is." Sydney said softly as Vaughn released her hand and looked out at the water. "What . . what do I say?"
"Whatever you want to say." he said softly, not able to look at her.
Michael Vaughn wasn't a dumb man, he knew when everything started to happen that this was never going to completely be the life he wanted . . . he had grown up seeing how much his Father and Mother loved eachother, how devoted they were to eachother, and in awe of how strong his Mother was for picking up the pieces without his Father. Vaughn had also had a wonderful relationship with his Father, and continued to have one with his Mother. . . . his was close to his family, including his older sister, and he remembered the joy in his brother in law's face when his sister and brother in law announced that they'd be having a family. Vaughn's eyes shut tightly, knowing he'd never be able to tell his family his good news . . or see what sort of reaction Jack Bristow would have to the news . . . it didn't seem fair to him, to them, or to the unborn life growing inside of Sydney, but he also knew there was very little he could do to change it.
"I don't want to do this alone." she said softly. He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, her expression broke her heart.
"I don't want you to do this alone either . . but I don't know any other way right now." he whispered. "This isn't . . this isn't how I planned this Syd." he whispered quietly, trying to apologize for a crime he hadn't even commited. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't be there for her, holding her hand through all of this, and he knew that she knew that. However that didn't make him feel any better.
"I'm so . . I'm so scared." Sydney admitted, feeling like a lost child as she held the tissue tightly against her face. "How can I have a child when I know how horrible a world this is? when I know how horrible . . " she said, the tears cutting her off as she let herself cry briefly before working to compose herself. "How do I have this child and explain to it one day that his or her grandmother killed his or her grandfather?" she asked him in a childlike voice, desperately seeking an answer.
"I don't know Syd . . I don't know." he said softly. Sydney reached out and took his hand, needing to be connected to him for some brief moment. "But .. when the time comes, we'll figure it out." he promised her as she looked at him, needing him to confirm the tiniest of hopes she had in her heart. "We'll figure it out together." he restated. "Maybe we can even take the baby to a Kings game one day." he teased in a low voice as she laughed.
Vaughn's heart lifted, no matter how brief, he was pleased he had made her smile. She was probably his best friend, and he knew that she was hers. So much between them was still unspoken, so much relied simply on looks and brief touches, and yet neither one felt as if they lacked anything. He knew he wanted more of her in his life, he was greedy about that, but would take what he could get. He knew he took what he could get because when he was with her, she fufilled everything and anything he could ever want.
"You need to go home." he said softly as Sydney let go of his hand and nodded. "Just go home . . rest. Monday I'll arrange a meeting with Devlin and . . and I really think you need to tell Sloane."
"Okay." she said softly, nodded. "You'll-"
"Yes." he said, cutting her off before she could even say the words. Vaughn knew his agent well enough to know what she was going to ask - he'd call her via Joey's Pizza if he needed anything urgent and if it was personal . . well, he always found away to talk to her about that too. "Take care of yourself." he whispered, wanting to say so much more then that. Sydney nodded and walked away from the pier, heading towards her car.