Authors Note: Again, feedback fills my soul. This is dedicated to all the people who have reviewed the story
thus far (totally cool thing happened - an author whose stories I LOVE reviewed this story, how neat?! :))
UConn lost tonight :( (hey, it's my story, read my musings before you get to the good stuff, okay?!) so I'm
bummed . .but I got to see Mike :) ahh, totally cute . . anyway. Tell me what you think, as always. Not completely
sure how I'm going to go about Monday morning - I think the next chapter will probably be her telling
Sloane. I have a really really good idea (okay, it was part suggestion . . ) for about two chapters from now.
Shutting up now . . enjoy the story. Oh, and the Chapters Title is kind of a joke (even if only I get it) - you
know, the show airs on Sunday nights at 9 on the East & West Coasts :)
Sunday night. Sydney sat in her living room with Francie, Charlie, Will and Amy. The siblings were bickering over the value of Will's Scrabble word. It was a relaxing evening, and even though she certainly enjoyed the company of her friends part of her wished that Vaughn was there . . . that she could share the simple things in her life with him, and that he could share the simple things in his life with her. She trusted so much in one person, the scope of her honest rose and set on him, and yet she knew so very little about him. All the professional information she knew, sure, but aside from that, so much was still a mystery.
"You know, it's watching these two that make me only want to have one child." Francie said to Sydney with an amused grin. Sydney could do little else but smile back at her, not entirely sure how to take Francie's remark. It had been nearly a day since she had told Vaughn, and he hadn't contacted her for professional or personal reasons - not that she had expected him to, but part of her was still dissapointed. "Are you okay Syd?"
"I'm fine." she insisted, smiling at Francie. By then Amy and Will had finished their arguing and Charlie was working on forming a word. She watched her friend and smiled, yet a thought still nagged at her. She was worried about telling her boss . . and terrified of telling Devlin, although she knew by silent agreement that no one would be told the child was her handlers . . . but that wasn't the thought had haunted her all day. . .
How could she be a mother when all she ever knew about her own Mother was a lie? Would she lie to her own child the way her parents had to her? Would her child ever know it's Father? Would her child ever be able to be as proud and in awe of his or her Father, just as she knew Vaughn had grown up admiring the late William Vaughn.
"Syd? Syd you okay?" Will asked concerned, waving a hand in front of her face as Sydney shook her head and saw Francie, Charlie, Amy and Will all looking at her in great concern.
"Excuse me." she said, standing and rushing to the bathroom.
"See Will, I told you that new cologne was horrible." Amy teased as Will gave her a look that could kill.
"Is she okay?" Will asked Francie, who just shrugged and walked to the bathroom. She stood outside the bathroom door, hearing Sydney get sick followed by the sound of the water running.
"Are you okay in there Syd?" Francie called, concerned. Her friend hadn't been acting right for a few days and she was beginning to become seriously concerned. Maybe Wills right, Francie mused, and Sydney should just quit the bank.
"I'm okay." she called through the door, splashing cool water on her face. Tommorow morning she was going to have to tell Sloane . . . and of course Dixon, although she was hoping to find some support in her partner. This was, afterall, a miracle. Dixon had a daughter, she hoped he would understand and appreciate that.
"Do you need anything?" Francie continued, still not comfortable with leaving Sydney alone.
"I'm fine, really." she insisted, opening the door and smiling at her friend. It was a lie that passed nearly effortlessly off of her tongue. The last thing she was at that very moment was fine. It was absurd, she told herself silently as she joined her friends in the living room. The thought of life-threatening missions, betraying not only very dangerous people but a very dangerous group didn't scare her at all, but the thought of having a child was completely numbing.
Sydney lost to Will at Scrabble - a rare occurence that only made Francie even more concerned. Sydney's mind kept wandering, wondering why she was the one who kept getting hurt because she was doing the right thing. It seemed to her that even her own Mother, who as much as she hated to think about it was simply a horrible person, had had it easier then she did.
"Syd, are you sure your alright?" Francie asked one more time as Sydney walked her guests out.
"I will be." she reassured her friend, hugging Francie. "Promise."
"Okay. If you need anything, just call, okay?" she said as Sydney nodded. "I'll call you tommorow?"
"Sure." Sydney agreed, smiling and waving at everyone one more time before walking back into the house. "I really need to get a cat." she said to herself as she picked up the Scrabble board and realized how quiet it was.
Sometime later Sydney sat in her bedroom, watching TV with her hands resting protectively on her stomach. Her own thoughts were such a jumble that she had no idea which emotion to consider first. How could she risk the life of her unborn miracle? Vaughn had been right there, as much as she didn't want to admit it, she couldn't jeopardize this. Maybe a family had never been something she'd given much thought to, but now that she had a chance at it, no matter how bleak it looked, she wasn't sure she could let it go.
How could she have a child though, another part of her questioned, when she knew first hand the ugliness in the world. For heaven sakes, this baby's maternal grandmother killed it's paternal grandfather - how could she possibly explain that to a child one day? Sydney wondered if she could one day look into her child's eyes - briefly wondering if the baby would have Vaughn's beautiful green eyes - and lie to it? Sew a yarn about what she did for a living . . lead her child to believe that it's Grandfather sold airplane parts . . . would her child be led to believe it's Father had abandoned them? She vigorously shook her head at the thought, she wouldn't let that happen, and she knew Vaughn would never let that happen either.
The unborn child represented everything that she was never supposed to want . . and certainly never supposed to have. Sydney didn't know if she could walk away from SD-6 - she got such a rush from taking down SD-6, from the excitement of knowing she was working for the good guys. In an odd way, the absolute terror of her job excited her. Danny . . she had loved him, and she knew her references to him hurt Vaughn dearly. At the same time she wasn't sure she could just walk away from her quest, it had become one of her lifes passions to take down the horrible people who had ruined her life. However she didn't want to just give up any chances she might have at a normal life.
A normal life with Vaughn . . . Danny was gone, and despite the guilt she still carried around, she had grieved enough to know that it was okay to want to love someone again . . to see a lifetime with someone other then Danny. She had spent countless afternoons at Danny's graveside, talking to him inside of her head, hoping somehow he'd hear her. Danny had loved her though, as Francie had quietly reminded her so many times, and would only want her happiness.
Sydney also knew that she didn't have it in her to willingly hurt her baby. . . her baby with a man that she loved. She had never told him that, she realized with a shake of her head. He had never told her either, but she never once questioned his feelings, and she knew he didn't question hers. Their jobs however left little time to speak or act upon any emotions they had, and instead their personal relationship was brief, passionate and wonderful. It was also a burden - they both knew they risked their lives when they met for work. Bringing in any sort of personal relationship only served to complicate things, but even with that in mind she didn't regret it.
I'm going to go through with this, she vowed silently to the tiny life living inside of her. Sydney was going to do the right thing - she had absolutely no idea what that was, but she knew it involved telling Sloane and Devlin very soon . . and dealing with what she was sure would be negative reprocussions for her actions. She was going to do the right thing for her child, she had no real choice, despite her intense desire to bring down SD-6, the love for her unborn child already ran deeper then she imagined.
Some people would be happy for her . . Vaughn was happy, at least as happy as she could of expected. Sydney wondered if their child would ever get to meet Vaughn's Mother or sister - two women he continued to be close to and love even at that point in his life. Francie and Charlie would support her, and she knew Will would as well although he'd be full of questions. It was going to be alright . . at least that's what she convinced herself before she rolled over and went to sleep.
thus far (totally cool thing happened - an author whose stories I LOVE reviewed this story, how neat?! :))
UConn lost tonight :( (hey, it's my story, read my musings before you get to the good stuff, okay?!) so I'm
bummed . .but I got to see Mike :) ahh, totally cute . . anyway. Tell me what you think, as always. Not completely
sure how I'm going to go about Monday morning - I think the next chapter will probably be her telling
Sloane. I have a really really good idea (okay, it was part suggestion . . ) for about two chapters from now.
Shutting up now . . enjoy the story. Oh, and the Chapters Title is kind of a joke (even if only I get it) - you
know, the show airs on Sunday nights at 9 on the East & West Coasts :)
Sunday night. Sydney sat in her living room with Francie, Charlie, Will and Amy. The siblings were bickering over the value of Will's Scrabble word. It was a relaxing evening, and even though she certainly enjoyed the company of her friends part of her wished that Vaughn was there . . . that she could share the simple things in her life with him, and that he could share the simple things in his life with her. She trusted so much in one person, the scope of her honest rose and set on him, and yet she knew so very little about him. All the professional information she knew, sure, but aside from that, so much was still a mystery.
"You know, it's watching these two that make me only want to have one child." Francie said to Sydney with an amused grin. Sydney could do little else but smile back at her, not entirely sure how to take Francie's remark. It had been nearly a day since she had told Vaughn, and he hadn't contacted her for professional or personal reasons - not that she had expected him to, but part of her was still dissapointed. "Are you okay Syd?"
"I'm fine." she insisted, smiling at Francie. By then Amy and Will had finished their arguing and Charlie was working on forming a word. She watched her friend and smiled, yet a thought still nagged at her. She was worried about telling her boss . . and terrified of telling Devlin, although she knew by silent agreement that no one would be told the child was her handlers . . . but that wasn't the thought had haunted her all day. . .
How could she be a mother when all she ever knew about her own Mother was a lie? Would she lie to her own child the way her parents had to her? Would her child ever know it's Father? Would her child ever be able to be as proud and in awe of his or her Father, just as she knew Vaughn had grown up admiring the late William Vaughn.
"Syd? Syd you okay?" Will asked concerned, waving a hand in front of her face as Sydney shook her head and saw Francie, Charlie, Amy and Will all looking at her in great concern.
"Excuse me." she said, standing and rushing to the bathroom.
"See Will, I told you that new cologne was horrible." Amy teased as Will gave her a look that could kill.
"Is she okay?" Will asked Francie, who just shrugged and walked to the bathroom. She stood outside the bathroom door, hearing Sydney get sick followed by the sound of the water running.
"Are you okay in there Syd?" Francie called, concerned. Her friend hadn't been acting right for a few days and she was beginning to become seriously concerned. Maybe Wills right, Francie mused, and Sydney should just quit the bank.
"I'm okay." she called through the door, splashing cool water on her face. Tommorow morning she was going to have to tell Sloane . . . and of course Dixon, although she was hoping to find some support in her partner. This was, afterall, a miracle. Dixon had a daughter, she hoped he would understand and appreciate that.
"Do you need anything?" Francie continued, still not comfortable with leaving Sydney alone.
"I'm fine, really." she insisted, opening the door and smiling at her friend. It was a lie that passed nearly effortlessly off of her tongue. The last thing she was at that very moment was fine. It was absurd, she told herself silently as she joined her friends in the living room. The thought of life-threatening missions, betraying not only very dangerous people but a very dangerous group didn't scare her at all, but the thought of having a child was completely numbing.
Sydney lost to Will at Scrabble - a rare occurence that only made Francie even more concerned. Sydney's mind kept wandering, wondering why she was the one who kept getting hurt because she was doing the right thing. It seemed to her that even her own Mother, who as much as she hated to think about it was simply a horrible person, had had it easier then she did.
"Syd, are you sure your alright?" Francie asked one more time as Sydney walked her guests out.
"I will be." she reassured her friend, hugging Francie. "Promise."
"Okay. If you need anything, just call, okay?" she said as Sydney nodded. "I'll call you tommorow?"
"Sure." Sydney agreed, smiling and waving at everyone one more time before walking back into the house. "I really need to get a cat." she said to herself as she picked up the Scrabble board and realized how quiet it was.
Sometime later Sydney sat in her bedroom, watching TV with her hands resting protectively on her stomach. Her own thoughts were such a jumble that she had no idea which emotion to consider first. How could she risk the life of her unborn miracle? Vaughn had been right there, as much as she didn't want to admit it, she couldn't jeopardize this. Maybe a family had never been something she'd given much thought to, but now that she had a chance at it, no matter how bleak it looked, she wasn't sure she could let it go.
How could she have a child though, another part of her questioned, when she knew first hand the ugliness in the world. For heaven sakes, this baby's maternal grandmother killed it's paternal grandfather - how could she possibly explain that to a child one day? Sydney wondered if she could one day look into her child's eyes - briefly wondering if the baby would have Vaughn's beautiful green eyes - and lie to it? Sew a yarn about what she did for a living . . lead her child to believe that it's Grandfather sold airplane parts . . . would her child be led to believe it's Father had abandoned them? She vigorously shook her head at the thought, she wouldn't let that happen, and she knew Vaughn would never let that happen either.
The unborn child represented everything that she was never supposed to want . . and certainly never supposed to have. Sydney didn't know if she could walk away from SD-6 - she got such a rush from taking down SD-6, from the excitement of knowing she was working for the good guys. In an odd way, the absolute terror of her job excited her. Danny . . she had loved him, and she knew her references to him hurt Vaughn dearly. At the same time she wasn't sure she could just walk away from her quest, it had become one of her lifes passions to take down the horrible people who had ruined her life. However she didn't want to just give up any chances she might have at a normal life.
A normal life with Vaughn . . . Danny was gone, and despite the guilt she still carried around, she had grieved enough to know that it was okay to want to love someone again . . to see a lifetime with someone other then Danny. She had spent countless afternoons at Danny's graveside, talking to him inside of her head, hoping somehow he'd hear her. Danny had loved her though, as Francie had quietly reminded her so many times, and would only want her happiness.
Sydney also knew that she didn't have it in her to willingly hurt her baby. . . her baby with a man that she loved. She had never told him that, she realized with a shake of her head. He had never told her either, but she never once questioned his feelings, and she knew he didn't question hers. Their jobs however left little time to speak or act upon any emotions they had, and instead their personal relationship was brief, passionate and wonderful. It was also a burden - they both knew they risked their lives when they met for work. Bringing in any sort of personal relationship only served to complicate things, but even with that in mind she didn't regret it.
I'm going to go through with this, she vowed silently to the tiny life living inside of her. Sydney was going to do the right thing - she had absolutely no idea what that was, but she knew it involved telling Sloane and Devlin very soon . . and dealing with what she was sure would be negative reprocussions for her actions. She was going to do the right thing for her child, she had no real choice, despite her intense desire to bring down SD-6, the love for her unborn child already ran deeper then she imagined.
Some people would be happy for her . . Vaughn was happy, at least as happy as she could of expected. Sydney wondered if their child would ever get to meet Vaughn's Mother or sister - two women he continued to be close to and love even at that point in his life. Francie and Charlie would support her, and she knew Will would as well although he'd be full of questions. It was going to be alright . . at least that's what she convinced herself before she rolled over and went to sleep.