Essence
Part Two
By Lady AngelFiren

Duo got out of the cab first and I quickly followed. I was somewhat distracted by the prominent fear rolling off our driver, and an impression of Dr. J continued to plague me from his mind. I didn't really want to know what had given the severely obese man such a scare, so I didn't listen to what came off of him. Duo was giving off even more nervous, tense confusion than normal. He was scared, almost to the point of panicking, and I wished I could simply tell him not to be afraid, that I would protect him, but I was too busy preparing myself to receive the doctors. They have a tendency to test my limits and plant as many negative things in my head as possible, although I can't figure out why it makes them so happy. I think that they really are just sick, twisted old men, and that is the main reason my life turned out this way. I suppose I'd feel vulnerable without my skills, but there are times when I wish I could just live in blissful ignorance like the rest of humanity. I think I'd rather be preserving humanity, however, as opposed to just living alongside everyone else. But I'm getting off topic. Have to stay focussed, be ready for them to make their move.

I felt the steel strength that was Dr. J's carefully guarded, specially prepared mind approaching before I even stepped out of the car. He made it known to me through a series of projected thought-forms that I should be on my best behaviour, and there would be severe consequences should I stray from his rule. I shuddered inwardly and blocked him out, turning my attentions to Professor G, the scientist who'd trained and taught Duo. He didn't give much of anything off, only a cool stream of superiority. I decided to feed off of it, and was pleased to be able to stand up and look both old men straight in the face, more or less fearlessly as they shuffled towards us.

Dr. J started off the conversation, his mind basking in his feeling of power. It was like a drug for him, and it went so far as to give him physical pleasure. I suddenly wished I could not feel and hear him so clearly, it wasunnerving. My fearless stance did not waver, but I felt weakened inside as J spoke.

"Heero, my boy. Good to see you've come back here. Always were an obedient little pet, just like I taught you, eh?" He smiled maliciously, signaling that Duo and I follow him through an uncomfortably thick metal door and into the complex that served as his lab. We did, and I gave his back my best glare, although I really didn't feel up to it. I was getting a thick, slow feeling through my whole body, like I would curl up and drop unconscious any minute. I still had time to wonder what Duo would think if he knew how scared I was, before J continued talking in that sickly voice. I wasn't really listening to him, I already knew most of what he was going to say, because he had been thinking it over with dark excitement, even as he tried to project something different to me when we arrived.

Instead Duo had drawn my attention. He feared for himself, yes, especially the possibility that G would test drugs on him or cut off his hair, but there was a much stronger feeling, one for me. It almost broke through the laughter of one part of him and the frightened protests of another as the third dragged his feet down the hall beside me. I didn't want to see the things his mind had conjured, results of his lack of information. I never told him anything about myself if I could avoid it, but he was perceptive, and knew that I had experienced some sort of frightening, belittling torture in the past. I saw a picture, very clear, of myself strapped to a wall while J poked me with sharp knives and I cried. I was younger in the thought, although I looked much the same. What really hit home was the fact that the exact thing he was picturing had happened before. I was wearing different clothing, and the surroundings were different, yes, but J used to strap me to a wall and slowly draw knives over my whole body until I passed out from blood loss, and the re-creation of those actions that played in Duo's mind was alarmingly accurate. I even have scars in the exact places Duo pictured. I shivered and kept walking. No good to let it get to me, it's over, I can't change what happened to me, I may as well try to keep it from ever happening to others.

"You boys are both here for a few tests," G explained, "We've been working together on a new experiment, and I have agreed to volunteer you," he looked at Duo, who gave a little cringe mentally but did not waver in stance or step, "And Doctor J has provided the technology and equipment for our little game. Heero, you're in this too." G smiled, his face hidden mostly by a sweep of gray hair. He chuckled mentally and let a picture of two cylindrical metal tubes flash from his mind before he caught himself and closed up. I glared at him, and he laughed out loud at me. Then something happened that I completely did not expect, something I had hoped would never happen.

"You caught that did you boy?" G looked at me, "Well, I guess you'll see more in a short while anyway, but I wonder, will you always keep that power of yours? I have been working especially hard to rid you of it, but I'd also like to study it further. Perhaps J will release you into my care for awhile and I can find out what makes you see, hmmm? Oh, and we'll learn a lot about it in the next few days, hopefully enough to be able to control it. I don't like you hearing my thoughts, boy. We'll get rid of that soon enough though." He chuckled to himself, but I didn't catch what he was thinking because Duo's surprise bowled over all the other thoughts and impressions in the area.

He knew better than to speak out of line in the presence of these 'people,' but I suppose his curiosity got the better of him, because he gave me an inquiring look, and then spoke up, although his voice lacked in confidence. It solidified the hold they had over us, made it a reality, to see Duo lowered. I didn't like that at all.

"What? What do you mean he hears your thoughts?"

"Oh, he hasn't told you eh? Well, good, I trained him well enough, wasn't hard at all. You see, Heero is gifted. He hears and sees thoughts, and gets emotional impressions from people around him. I have been trying to control this ability for years, and it almost hindered me from going through with his full training, but it has proven only to make him a better soldier, and so I allowed him to proceed. However, I have still not discovered exactly how these receptive qualities work, and so I find myself delving ever deeper towards more extravagant ideas to get to the bottom of his ability. I _will_ control it, no matter how long it takes me."

I was mildly shocked to hear J's aspirations, and horribly embarrassed that Duo had to know about me. I glared as hatefully as I could at J, and he didn't even flinch. In fact, his mind laughed openly at me, which only extended my humiliation. Then the full impact of his words sank in and I realized with more certainty than ever before that I really would never be free. I was doomed to be a lab rat, even if I survived the war. I would never know what could be like to lead a semi-normal life, maybe have a family or even some normal friends. Its extremely depressing to come to that conclusion. It made me want to just self-destruct right there.

"What?!" That would be Duo. Great, now I had to face him too. If I knew how to show embarrassment on the outside, I would have. Instead I just tried not to lash out and kill either of the scientists, who were chuckling amongst themselves, as I heard the questions pour forth from the abashed American's mind, although he had only voiced a single word. He had every right to be angry and confused, but I really didn't want it to be in front of the doctors. Fortunately, we came to the end of our trudge through the non-descript metal corridor, and were led into a cold steel room and locked in. There was no escape, although I didn't have the heart to persue freedom at the time anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I let J's words hit me, and pondered them over in my head for a few seconds before I could make myself react. I really didn't know what to say. I mean, how do you go about asking someone if they've been listening in on your thoughts for the past year? Not easy. So I went for astonished and shocked, which was exactly how I felt.

"What?!"

Nobody answered me. Instead Heero and I were dumped into some airless, colourless metal room and the door was shut tight. I knew there was no escaping, and besides, what was I supposed to do, just leave? These people taught me everything I know, there's no way I'm gonna escape them. I had been surprised when we arrived and no big goons came to shackle us before we got moving. Figures, there's probably gas circulating throughout the building, we'd never have a chance to get out, cause it'd take about five seconds to stop us, even with augmented resistance. Ok, yeah, so I tried to think of something to say to Heero, but until we reached the room nothing would come out of my mouth but that one startled word, and after that it was speechlessness until we were both locked up.

Light came from the corners of the room, like all the seams where the walls were supposed to be glued together had been swapped for lights instead. It was a pretty cool effect, in all honesty. The temperature was like a hospital, just a degree or two too cool for comfort, but not life-threatening or anything. I noticed little gas thingies in each corner of the room. Well, at least we'd have no trouble sleeping, whether we wanted to or not. There were normal beds, ok, they were more like cots, and had all been chained and bolted so that it would be too much trouble to even bother freeing them, although why we would want to change the furniture around was beyond me. Ok, ok, I know its for safety or whatever, but c'mon, can't I make up my own reasons for stupid precautionary measures for once? So we got shoved in the slammer and the old guys left. That meant I was alone with Heero until further notice. Great. How do you start a conversation with _him?_

And then my mind finally zoomed back to the juicy little tidbit I'd managed to all but forget in my assessment of our surroundings. Heero was psychic? Telepathic? Empathic? Huh? This did not make sense. You hear me? Not computing! Heero, of all people, is the last I'd pick to be any of those things. I mean, aren't empaths, like, emotional and caring and feeling? Ok, something not right here

"What the hell was he talking about Heero!?" Hey, what else could I say, I wanted answers. So I was a little rude I just hoped he'd answer me. As much of a conversationalist as he is and all...

"You heard him." Ground out like he was word constipated or something. Shit, justshit.

"Yeah, he said you hear thoughts. He said you feel other people's emotions. He said you see shit. What the hell was he talking about? I think I'd have noticed if you were reading my mind, I mean, you'd know everything about me! That is just not cool! He wasn'tserious or anything, right?"

I looked up at him from where I'd taken a seat on one of the cots, and saw nothing but sincerity in his glare. Have I mentioned he's tense? He really had the whole clenched fist thing down!

"You're serious? Like, for real?!"

Nod. Ok, more of a half-nod, like a little bow of the head. He never broke our gaze.

My mind went into overload. Heero could hear me thinking? He sawinside? Oh not good, _so_ very not good! I twiddled my thumbs and stood up, pacing the little walkway that was formed by our two beds. /Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,/ was all that went through my head. Heero cleared his throat like he was going to speak, like he was trying really hard to make himself say something, and I forced myself to sit down, although there was no way I was gonna stay still.

"Duo" he stopped speaking, and I was dismayed to know how hard this conversation was gonna be. None of that flowing, togetherness I'd so like to have.

"Yes, you what?" Just a little sarcastic, mostly upset.

"You don't have todon't be upset. I just" He trailed again, not able to go any further with the speech thing I guess, which really sucked.

"So you can actually hear everything I'm thinking? All the time? Whenever you want to? Do you know how _wrong_ that is?! Its none of your damned business what I think! Who gave you that authority to listen in?" So I was mad, gimme a break! You try finding out your thoughts aren't private and see how you react!

"I don't think you understandI don't just-"

"You don't just what?! Huh! C'mon, tell me!"

He got a determined, challenged flash in his eyes, but still struggled with the words. They wouldn't come to him, not like they did to me. He just couldn't compete in this way, I'd win, 'cause he'd never get a word in. But if I'll be damned if I thought for even a second that he wasn't gonna try his damnedest to get at least a little defense out. Heero is no pushover. He doesn't give up without a fight.

"Duo, I don't justhear you all the timeI block lots of it out. HnAnd there's other people too, not just you. Don't get so mad. You don't even know what you're talking about."

Now _that_ got my attention! Not only is that one of the longest little speeches I'd had from him in awhile (more like ever), but when he goes tells me what I _don't_ know, I just don't see that as fair play. Ok, Mr. Perfect Soldier much? Not to mention presumptuous and _rude!_ But really, I knew he was right. I really didn't know what I was talking about. But this meant I had to let down my pride and go admitting I was wrong and shit, just so I could listen to him correct me? Somehow I don't see the fairness in that

"Its not about fairness, baka." Stern tone, a little more confidence now. It made me mad like you would not believe.

"Stay outta my head Yuy! I don't know how you do that, but just don't!" really I was more afraid of him, of this new and unexplored power, but if he thought he was _ever_ getting me to admit that one, _boy_ did he have another thing comin!

"I don't want you to be afr-JUST STOP IT DUO!!"

I had never, _ever,_ and I mean EVER, hear him yell before. Sure, in battle or something, but out of anger? Stress? Nuh unh, it didn't happen. Heero Yuy glowers at people, he mumbles sometimes, he even gives orders, but he does _not_ raise his voice. So I sat down on the bed and looked at him and got myself all ready and willing to listen to what he had to say.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I didn't know what else to do. I just couldn't deal with the wave of angry confusion that was veritably _gushing_ off of him, so I let it get to me. Some of his anger started to poke at my insides, and I got mad, mad enough to yell. The sound of my own voice leaving me at such a level was astonishing, and as he sat, so did I, simply because I was bewildered. He was ready to listen now, I could read that from him even through everything else. And I wasn't getting much by way of concern or distraction from the rest of the building, although I was so focussed on my argument that I had probably overlooked some important details.

I took a deep breath and tried to regain my calm before I started speaking. I didn't know what I was going to tell him or how long I would be able to talk before my voice just wouldn't go anymore, so I thought about it first, using the impressions I was getting off of Duo to answer his biggest questions in my head, then plan out how I would put that into words. Its much harder than I thought it would be to explain my sense.

"Duo I can hear you thinking, but its not that easy. No, I don't tune into you and listen to everything you think. I getimpressions, like a picture and a thought and a feeling all at once. But they come from everyone I meet, not just you. J taught me to tune a lot of it out, so I'm not constantly listening to people think, but I do feel and hear a lot of it, especially from you because I'm familiar with your thought patterns and I spend so much time in your presence. However, I don't usually know what you're thinking, because you have a veryunique mind, and I don't understand you. You send off so many combinations of different impressions that I feel like I'm sensing three people in you rather than the average two that are present in most people."

I wanted to go on, but I couldn't. I really could not form anymore words. What I'd just said was possibly my longest speech at one time in several years, and I was exhausted mentally from the strain and of speaking at such length. I had tried my hardest to be less harsh, but I wasn't sure how well I'd succeeded.

Duo was looking at me with something between surprise, fear and confusion on his face, like he couldn't make himself react. I could hear his Laughter side trying to think of a witty remark as his Depressive side told him to stay away from me, because I could be dangerous. I could hurt him. The Other side, the one I really couldn't understand, carefully thought out an approach and pushed the rest of Duo to follow through. It was not like he consciously acknowledged these three presences in his mind, but he did let them lead him, and he was very much a part of each of them.

"So, this is real? I guess I have to believe you. The old guys said it and all." He gave a moment of silence, and Laughter won out, lending him at least a light attitude, for lack of actual humour. "Hunh. Who'd'a thunk it. Heero Yuy, of all people, knows about emotions, and actually _feels_ them. Well, I think I've had enough surprises forohhhh, lets say the next _month_! Heh heh, so you can hear what's goin on in here right now?" He tapped his head and grinned at me sadistically. I almost grinned myself when I got his thought.

"Hentai." I muttered, laying down on one of the cots although I did not plan to sleep. I wasn't actually tired, but my mind was, from assessing so many dangerously familiar people all in one day. I really didn't want to hear anyone else I knew, it'd be easier to just listen to the general ambience of the colony and fall into a nice restful sleep. Of course that was doomed to failure with Duo around. I watched him intently, seeing how animated he was as if I'd never noticed. He moved constantly, twitching and making all sorts of facial expressions and just generally being active. He moved enough for three people, and with the jumble of thoughts I was getting from him, its more like he _was_ three people, each discussing the present situation with the others. It was so confusing, and I was suddenly very glad that I didn't have his hyper energy.

I had just started to drift into a dreamy, trance-like state when Dr J's voice sounded into our room with piercing clarity, making the gravelly quality of his particular tone evident. I knew he wasn't very close to us in the building, however, because although his voice was loud and clear, his thoughts were too far off to hear. He chuckled lightly, and I was tempted to sit up and ask him what the hell was always so damned funny. I think I've been listening to Duo's thoughts too much lately.

"Hello boys, before we run our big test, we have to do a few minor ones. This one, I think you'll enjoyto a certain extent. Especially you, Maxwell." He laughed over the speaker again. "We have to test your bodies abilities to resist and process various substances before we do anything. You've both grown and changed quite a lot since the last time we evaluated you, and as teenagers your metabolisms and the balance of different hormones in your bodies has changed. We wouldn't want to end up killing you, now what would be the fun in that?" He laughed madly for a moment, and I was reminded of how crazy he really was. It wasn't a comforting thought. "All you have to do is drink up, and keep drinking until you either pass out or we tell you to stop. Go on now, and fell free to do whatever you like while under the influence, we know all about your little 'flings.' " He laughed again, and a panel opened on the wall. Out slid a forty of whisky and a pair of little metal shot glasses, probably made from that particular material so that we couldn't break and kill ourselves with them instead of following their little experiments.

I cringed when J mentioned flings. That is not what they were! But, really, how could I call what I had with Duo anything else? It was entirely my fault we had ended up with that sort of relationship in the first place, because I was too scared to do anything other than fuck him. But I really, didn't want to think about that right then, I was too busy wondering why, WHY! J wanted to get us drunk. I didn't really want to know.

I looked over to Duo and saw that he was getting off his cot and going over to where the drinks had come out of the wall. As I watched he poured himself a shot and tossed it down with a grimace. Before his next he gave me a dark look and signaled that I come over to where he was, which I promptly did. There was something not right about this, the way we didn't seem to have a choice in our lives, not just this situation; but I agreed with Duo's present state of mind, which he pointlessly clarified for me in spoken speech.

"Well, if we have to be lab rats, may as well be drunk lab rats. At least its more fun that way, ne Heero?"

With that he handed me a shot and poured himself one, and we proceeded to follow our 'orders.'