Mulder still stood next to the door with the panic look on his face. He
looked toward the nursery and hoped that Ophelia wouldn't cry at all for an
hour or two. Hopefully, that was enough time to gather his thoughts and
calm down a little bit. Unfortunately, she started crying as soon as he
hoped she wouldn't cry.
He walked to the door of his old office, which had been redone into the nursery. Mulder poked his head around the frame of the door, but still had most of his body by the wall. He saw Ophelia crying loudly, but he was like a scared little boy and couldn't move.
Finally, he went into the room and picked Ophelia up.
"Quit crying," he whispered. She still cried. "Please?" Mulder lifted her up higher so he could look at her diaper. "Are you wet? No, guess not. Now what else did Scully say to do?…Maybe I should try distracting her."
Mulder carried Ophelia over to one of her toys. She stopped crying and played with her toy. "Phew," Mulder thought. He sat on the floor beside her, watching her be amazed at the music that played when she kicked all the buttons.
"Well, Conspiria," he said, "I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you about conspiracy and all the cover-ups the American government has made over the years. First of all, and probably the most interesting and most important, is the John F. Kennedy assassination. Now my theory is-"
Ophelia screeched.
Mulder thought that she was screaming because of the music, so he went on, "Is that the government had to have covered something up. There were lots of gunshots, but where the government says the gunshots came from, doesn't make any sense. Some people think different things about it. Such as Lee Harvey Oswald, that's the guy who supposedly shot JFK, was supposed to have run down six flights of stairs in two minutes. I know I can't do that, you'd get tired after a while and wouldn't be able to make it. See Conspiria, there was this book depository and-"
She screamed. Ophelia was glaring at him as if she meant to say she didn't care and to let her play with her cool toy in peace.
"I guess your mom has already started brainwashing you. Just like your mom," he said. Ophelia continued to play. "Fine, I'll tell you when you turn five. Maybe then you'll appreciate what all the conspiracies really are."
Now Mulder felt at ease with the baby and wasn't worried anymore. He got up and quickly ran to get a drink, then came back. While he was walking back, he tripped on a stray baby toy lying on the floor. Mulder felt himself falling forward and there was nothing to grab onto. He tilted his Coke so that none of it would hit Ophelia. Then Mulder felt himself hit the floor and felt the Coke spill all over his arms and back.
"Crap," he muttered.
Ophelia giggled.
"So you think this is funny, huh?"
She smiled.
"Well I'll just leave this mess for your mom to clean up since she left me here with you…Not that that's a bad thing Conspiria."
She looked at him blankly. He sighed.
"Want to watch some TV?"
Mulder took off his shirt, dried himself off with a part of it that wasn't wet, and picked Ophelia up. He walked to the couch, sat down, and then turned the TV on. It was on the FOX network and they were having FBI night.
"Oh great…they better not be playing that COPS episode."
Commercials were on and Mulder decided to try to play with Ophelia when he heard what was coming on in an hour…the movie based on the x-files that starred Tea Lioni as Scully and Gary Shandling as Mulder.
"Great," Mulder said. "Conspiria, you can now see the 'documentary' on the x-files. None of that happened. They twisted everything and-" she screamed. "And I'll stop talking about it since it bothers you so much, your highness. You just wait and see for yourself."
Suddenly Mulder saw his own face on the TV.
"Nooo! Not COPS!" he shook his head. Ophelia giggled.
So there they sat for the rest of the hour, watching COPS until that heard someone at the door. Scully walked in.
"Well, I see that neither one of you are dead, so I take it that all went well?" she asked.
"Yeah," Mulder replied, "But you should see what's on the TV."
"What?"
"That movie about the x-files."
"That stupid thing?"
"You got it. Do you want to watch it? You'll have a good laugh if nothing else."
Scully shook her head. "That movie is not funny."
"Come on," Mulder prodded, "We'll laugh at how stupid it is."
Scully rolled her eyes. "Okay Mulder." Then she smiled and they walked hand in hand back to the living room and watched the movie.
The End
He walked to the door of his old office, which had been redone into the nursery. Mulder poked his head around the frame of the door, but still had most of his body by the wall. He saw Ophelia crying loudly, but he was like a scared little boy and couldn't move.
Finally, he went into the room and picked Ophelia up.
"Quit crying," he whispered. She still cried. "Please?" Mulder lifted her up higher so he could look at her diaper. "Are you wet? No, guess not. Now what else did Scully say to do?…Maybe I should try distracting her."
Mulder carried Ophelia over to one of her toys. She stopped crying and played with her toy. "Phew," Mulder thought. He sat on the floor beside her, watching her be amazed at the music that played when she kicked all the buttons.
"Well, Conspiria," he said, "I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you about conspiracy and all the cover-ups the American government has made over the years. First of all, and probably the most interesting and most important, is the John F. Kennedy assassination. Now my theory is-"
Ophelia screeched.
Mulder thought that she was screaming because of the music, so he went on, "Is that the government had to have covered something up. There were lots of gunshots, but where the government says the gunshots came from, doesn't make any sense. Some people think different things about it. Such as Lee Harvey Oswald, that's the guy who supposedly shot JFK, was supposed to have run down six flights of stairs in two minutes. I know I can't do that, you'd get tired after a while and wouldn't be able to make it. See Conspiria, there was this book depository and-"
She screamed. Ophelia was glaring at him as if she meant to say she didn't care and to let her play with her cool toy in peace.
"I guess your mom has already started brainwashing you. Just like your mom," he said. Ophelia continued to play. "Fine, I'll tell you when you turn five. Maybe then you'll appreciate what all the conspiracies really are."
Now Mulder felt at ease with the baby and wasn't worried anymore. He got up and quickly ran to get a drink, then came back. While he was walking back, he tripped on a stray baby toy lying on the floor. Mulder felt himself falling forward and there was nothing to grab onto. He tilted his Coke so that none of it would hit Ophelia. Then Mulder felt himself hit the floor and felt the Coke spill all over his arms and back.
"Crap," he muttered.
Ophelia giggled.
"So you think this is funny, huh?"
She smiled.
"Well I'll just leave this mess for your mom to clean up since she left me here with you…Not that that's a bad thing Conspiria."
She looked at him blankly. He sighed.
"Want to watch some TV?"
Mulder took off his shirt, dried himself off with a part of it that wasn't wet, and picked Ophelia up. He walked to the couch, sat down, and then turned the TV on. It was on the FOX network and they were having FBI night.
"Oh great…they better not be playing that COPS episode."
Commercials were on and Mulder decided to try to play with Ophelia when he heard what was coming on in an hour…the movie based on the x-files that starred Tea Lioni as Scully and Gary Shandling as Mulder.
"Great," Mulder said. "Conspiria, you can now see the 'documentary' on the x-files. None of that happened. They twisted everything and-" she screamed. "And I'll stop talking about it since it bothers you so much, your highness. You just wait and see for yourself."
Suddenly Mulder saw his own face on the TV.
"Nooo! Not COPS!" he shook his head. Ophelia giggled.
So there they sat for the rest of the hour, watching COPS until that heard someone at the door. Scully walked in.
"Well, I see that neither one of you are dead, so I take it that all went well?" she asked.
"Yeah," Mulder replied, "But you should see what's on the TV."
"What?"
"That movie about the x-files."
"That stupid thing?"
"You got it. Do you want to watch it? You'll have a good laugh if nothing else."
Scully shook her head. "That movie is not funny."
"Come on," Mulder prodded, "We'll laugh at how stupid it is."
Scully rolled her eyes. "Okay Mulder." Then she smiled and they walked hand in hand back to the living room and watched the movie.
The End