Essence
Part Seven
By Lady AngelFiren


I glanced over at Heero as we trekked along the quaint little walkway that lead to our school. He had a distinct, unhappy frown on his face and he kept looking across the long play of lawn that yawned down a gentle slope to the road where we'd been dropped off at. I fuckin' swear, this 'quaint little path' musta been four kilometers long! What, they don't want all the nice children to ever make it back to real civilization? Jesus, you'd think they'd at least send us a butler or whatever to get the bags, they weighed a ton!

Ok, so maybe I was just a tad grumpy as we scuttled up the hill, but seriously, can you blame me? I meanschool? I thought I was occupied enough without actually having to go to school, but no, I had to go and get my ass twisted up in this dumb idea of school. Stupid school

Anyway, Heero was way more depressed than me, and it didn't help that I actually _had_ hurt his hand when I'd pulled him off the bed the day before. It wasn't broken, but something was unhappily protesting my grip on it by swelling up painfully. Poor dude, and he'd been sick from eating so many burgers too. The funny part is that he was still hungry later, even after eating himself nauseous. He'd looked at me like 'you inhuman bottomless pit, how am I ever gonna keep this stupid body fed?' and then decided to have a snack. It was seriously amusing.

After I stopped giggling over the food thing, Heero had insisted we plan a 'routine' for learning about each other's abilities and strengths. He was convinced I didn't have any. I know this, because of the god-damned telepathy or whatever it is. Figures it would only get stronger with time. I find that the comfortable silence I like to keep in my head is gone, replaced by this loud-ass jumble of shit that just seeps in from everyone around me.

The most disturbing thing was Solo. After Heero told me about what my dead friend said to him, I swore I could 'feel' him hovering around me almost all the time. I wondered if he'd ever talk to me. Actually, I was upset that he hadn't. If he'd spoken to Heero, why wouldn't he want to talk to me? I still loved him, even though he'd been dead for almost ten years, and I desperately wanted to hear him, feel him. He did hover around me, but he had a tendency to focus on Heero. Ok, so I was kind of jealous, but it was more than that. Did Solo not feel close to me anymore? Didn't he still love me? I found myself reaching out and trying to communicate with him, but he would mostly just pulse warmly at me, then evaporate. It was driving me in horrible, frustrated circles, and I didn't know what to do. Aside from Solo, there were really strong impressions from Heero (figures) and occasionally someone'd walk by me or whatever and I swear I could read their every thought and feeling. Very strange.

Yeah, so not like I was going off on a tangent there or anything, but Heero and I were walking up the endless pathway, when we finally reached the school. It was this big old building, but looked pretty nice, like they'd kept it up for its whole life span. Some old dude who appeared to be the principle was standing there waiting for us. It occurred to me that Heero and I hadn't decided who was gonna be who, as in would the kids here at the new school call me Heero or Duo? Should we make up names? Arrghh! How could we forget something like that? I quickly turned to Heero and whispered in his ear.

"I'll be Duo, ok? Just keep your own name, its not like it matters unless we find people we know. We don't know people, so it doesn't matter. I like my name, and I don't want people calling me 'Heero.' Besides, I like watching how much it annoys you when people say Heerow 'cause they can't pronounce it the right way. It brings me great joy and stuff. You want me to carry that?" I reached out my hand so he could give me his heavy bag; he seemed to be having trouble with it.

"I can handle it Duo."

I knew he was lying, the weight of the bag was seriously too much for him as he was, limited to using one hand and all, but there was a nasty stubbornness in his voice and mindset that told me to just back the fuck off, so I did. I was too grumpy to be bothersome anyway. We reached the old dude, who had a full head of thick steel hair cropped short all over and combed back neatly. He was wearing a dark blue pair of dress slacks and a light blue shirt with long sleeves. A dark silk tie hung down his chest. He smiled at us as we approached and I could hear him groan mentally.

I sauntered forward, giving a faint smile and trying not to do anything that would set me out in his mind. I think it worked, his thoughts barely flickered over me, rather they were concentrated on Heero. He had chosen to wear his-my-hair down, so it swept luxuriously around his waist and spread in the airy breeze. We didn't have school uniforms yet (duh) so he had on a pair of faded jeans and a black T-shirt with 'I am God' scrawled across it in scratchy letters. Ok, lemme explain the shirt thing. Heero is normally taller than me, and the only clothes he owned were stupid shorts and tank tops and one pair of jeans. I had lots of clothes, but he refused to wear the priest stuff, and all my other tops were either the button down Hawaiian variety or had profanity on them. So he was stuck with that one, 'cause I wouldn't wear a green tank top and he only had one other shirt that wasn't a fuckin' tank top. I had on his jeans and that one shirt, just a plain black tee. Gee, is it just me or was that really confusing?

So, I think the point of all that was Heero looked really strange, with his long hair and rebellious message and whatnot. The pissed off scowl he'd so easily perfected after such a short time was also present, and his appearance literally screamed 'THIS FUCKIN SUCKS!' His thoughts weren't much different.

The principal frowned at Heero and coaxed a smile back onto his face before greeting us.

"Good morning, I'm Mr. Jackson, principal here at the St. James' Secondary Academy, welcome." He held out a hand to me as his mind whispered caution of Heero. I almost giggled as I took the offered hand. It occurred to me that Heero's Japanese name would not match up with my body and vice versa, but I brushed that out of my head; people's names and cultures were so mixed up now that it didn't really matter.

"Duo Maxwell, Hi!" I shook the pro-offered hand enthusiastically and stepped just a little back so Heero could follow my lead. He looked into Mr. Jackson's eyes and quietly muttered his name, then stepped back to hover just behind me. His mind was angry and confused that he couldn't even get a first impression from the man, much less read what he thought of us. I wanted to somehow send him comfort, but we were quickly ushered into the school. I chuckled to myself over the old dude's reaction to Heero's voice. With all that hair, I completely understood how easily people would mistake him for a girl, and how funny it was when they realized he wasn't.

We were brought to the 'Office,' where an attractive young woman helped us to get organized. She told us that there just happened to be a few choices as far as dorms were concerned, and that we could choose to room separately or together. Heero quickly swatted my hand away from the little checklist of available rooms she'd offered, taking the pen from my fingers with graceful ease and checking off one of the two double dorms. I had been about to pick a nice single for myself, thoughts of pleasant quiet and pleasant, peaceful aloneness running through my mind, when Heero just up and decided we'd room together. I glared briefly at him, but caught his silent plea for company. I think he was actually sending me the thought, because he looked directly at me with a question burning just under his eyes. I slowly nodded and thoughtlessly handed our selection back to the chick, who was watching our intense little wordless discussion with avid interest.

After another period of silence, she coughed and shifted in her chair, breaking the stretch of quiet study. "Alright Heero, Duo. I'll call one of our other students to take you to your room and get you settled in. If you'd just wait in the chairs outside the office, someone will get you shortly." With that polite dismissal, the pretty chick returned to whatever else she had to do and Heero followed me out to the hall.

~*~*~*~

"So what's up with you dude? I get that you're grumpy and all, but seriously, you're acting weird. And why the double room? I'dda thought that you, of all people, would want your own room." I sprawled in one of the chairs, tossing my bag down at my feet. Ok, maybe it wasn't a toss, more like I set it a gently as I could so that no guns would fire or anything, but I wasn't really paying attention to that. Heero was being weird. He put his bag on the chair beside me and stayed standing.

"We should stay together," he commented quietly, shifting from one foot to the other and looking around, over his shoulder, into the office, and finally at me. I caught myself wondering if the pretty indigo gleam of his eyes was attractive or not. Did he change the way I looked enough so that people would see that it was not me? I thought so. He actually looked really good, especially with the long, shimmery hair falling softly around his torso. I didn't feel like I was looking at myself anymore. My hair seemed lighter when it was unbound, more blond than brunette, but it was dark enough to contrast with the pale skin I had so hated when I was in my own form. Now it just looked creamy and fey, lending depth and sparkle to Heero's eyes.

/Jesus, I'm admiring my own body, what a fuckin' egomaniac. Just stop it Duo, shut up./ I grinned at Heero and he just kept staring at me, putting out impressions of feeling small and helpless and confused. I didn't even need to talk to him, I already knew that he was disturbed and upset. But I didn't get the double dorm thing.

"We'd be together even if we were in different rooms. What's the real reason?" I pressed.

"Its too quiet now."

"What? Wouldn't you _like_ some quiet?"

"Hn."

"Seriously Heero, I can feel that you're upset, but I don't know why. Its more than the school, even more than your missing sense. What is really wrong with you?"

A thousand different thoughts went through his head, but they were quiet, too small to pick up. He finally just frowned at me and said nothing. He turned around and waited, masking his thoughts almost completely from me.

It was INFURIATING!! He just completely shut me out and tuned me away like he'd slammed an iron door in my face! I folded my arms over my chest and chewed on my lip, trying very hard not to get up and hit him. I would have done it if I were in my real body, but now I was stronger and I'd already hurt him by accident, I didn't want to do any real damage. Have you ever had to _really_ try not to hit someone? It sucks, 'cause its nearly impossible. I was twitching I wanted to do it so badly.

After a few minutes of silence, there was a sudden, surprised squeak and I heard the sound of feet rushing forward. I schooled my face into a small smile of pleasant greeting and looked at whoever was coming.

"HEERO! I can't believe you're here!" Relena Peacecraft, of all people, was practically flying at me, her arms reaching forward and her breasts bouncing along merrily as she went. She wore a school uniform (blue-gray skirt and blazer with a white, button-up shirt beneath it), but she'd spiced it up a little by adding PINK nylons and chunky black shoes. Her hair was tied up in a sporty-looking ponytail, high on the back of her head with a pink scrunchie, and I could see a silver Hello Kitty watch jangling on her wrist.

My eyes widened in surprise and the smile dropped away from my face as I quickly pushed it into what I hoped was a stoic glare. I stood, just because it was the right thing to do, and she slammed into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her head and breasts into my chest. I didn't exactly know how to react, so I just kinda stood there, hoping she'd eventually let go.

Surprisingly her embrace was brief, and she released me quickly, shock emanating from her mind. She was astonished at her own forwardness, actually, and stepped back to a more comfortable distance after only a moment. I picked up my bag and looked over to Heero, who was staring at me with worry plain on his face. He didn't know what I was going to say or do in Relena's presence, but he was very, very worried about it.

"Relena." I said in a polite voice that merely acknowledged her, it wasn't angry or annoyed, more like neutral.

Her eyes widened, and I could feel a spike of tense anxiety from Heero, as she looked at me closely, then smiled. "Uhh, I guess I'll show you where your room is and stuff," she said finally, not trying to grab onto me or anything, just turning around and looking back to see if we were following. "This is a really nice school, I'm staying here to get out of Sank and mostly 'cause I want to be away from politics for awhile. The people are nice too, very friendly and smart. Hope you'll like it." There was something she wasn't saying, but I didn't really want to press her for information at the moment, this was the first time I'd had to really interact with Relena, and all I knew about her was that she liked Heero and peace and politics. It still ate at me, as we walked down the hall, that she was keeping something from us, but I really couldn't tell what. He mind was all over the place, and it was nearly impossible to pick up anything from her in the crazy jumble. What in the hell was she hiding?

"Here we are, room 213." She said in a cheerful tone, smiling blankly at me. It had only taken a few minutes to get here, but I was wound up from being around her already. "My room is just below this one, all the classes are upstairs on the third floor and in the other building. Breakfast is from seven-thirty to eight and classes start at eight-thirty. Dinner is at six, and lights are out at ten-thirty. You actually get a room key for each of you, so you can lock the door whenever you want, but the staff has a key too, and they're aloud in whenever. They never come to your room unless you're new or in trouble though. Hmmm, what elseoh. The showers are communal, they're at the end of the hall, and the caf is right above the office. All the guys dorms are on this floor, and the girls are on the first floor. And duh, its Saturday, so there aren't any classes today or tomorrow. Anything else?"

"Where are our keys?" Heero asked quietly, sending off waves of nervousness. He was noticing the strange way Relena was acting, very bubbly and not at all clingy. It was getting to him, making him more uncomfortable than it would have if she were hanging off my arm and talking solely to me.

Relena turned around and looked at him, then smiled sheepishly. "Oops. At the office. Want me to go get them? I'll be right back." She started to go, but he caught her arm and stopped her.

"I'll go."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I let go of Relena's arm and whirled around, walking back down the hall. I went down the stairs she'd taken us up, backtracking her original route to get to the office. Relief flooded me, and I actually stopped to stand in the cool stairwell, shivering. I was cold, but on the inside. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished that I could stop feeling alone and empty, even if it was only for a second. It wasn't really Relena, she'd just topped everything off, the icing on the cake. And she hadn't even done anything! I didn't know what was wrong, why I had wanted a double dorm, why I felt like I was watching the world fly past me from the confines of a dark cave, or even why I had wanted my hair loose today.

I slid down, pressing my back to the plain white wall and crouching on my heels. I put my face into my hands, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. Soft hair curtained over the backs of my palms, feeling light and airy against the cold skin. I could feel the beginning of tears, and I bit my lip to stop them, holding on to the small pain and forcing myself to concentrate on it. Frowning, I told myself not to cry and reached out with my sore heart to find some comfort. Of course, nothing came, and of course, the lump in my throat only got bigger.

~~Heero, you're ok, you're alright. Don't cryplease?~~

Looking up in surprise and fear, I couldn't see anyone around, but I knew I'd heard a voice. Who was talking? I listened, but heard nothing. Then I felt a sweep of warmth in my chest. It wasn't coming from around me, it was _in_ me. Soothing my insides and rubbing away the fearful cold, smiling sunnily at my heart.

/What the hell?/

~~You're ok, Heero. Please don't be sad ny'more, don't be cold. I'm here~~

"Solo?" I said quietly, noticing how alien my voice sounded out loud compared to the gentle tone that was coming into my head.

~~I'm here~~ His warm touch pulsed tenderly along with his words.

/How are you doing this?/

~~I don't know. I can't stay longTalk to Duo, he wants to listen to you.~~

/Shouldn't you be talking to him? I don't even know you./

~~Duo doesn't need me. He and I died a long time ago, even if he doesn't think so. I do love'im, but I'm here for you, not him. I gotta go now, don't be sad ny'more, ok? Its gettin' easier to talk to you, but 'm tired. You don't need your sense to hear me, feel me. That was just what helped me find you. I'll be watching out for you, just try to be ok.~~

Solo's presence evaporated and I was alone again.

I sucked in a cold breath and got up, thankful that I was able to push the tears back. I still had some control, at least. I gave myself a minute to breathe, remembering the warmth of Solo's ghostly touch only seconds before, then went back to the office and got the keys without incident.

~*~*~*~

Relena was gone when I got back to the dorm and Duo was already inside, putting his stuff away and looking around the room. He opened the door before I had a chance to get the key in the lock and glared at me angrily.

"What the hell happened!?" he growled, taking my wrist and pulling me into the room as he firmly shut the door behind him. He twisted the lock and turned to me, eyes flashing.

I looked at him, confused, and told myself to just stay calm, that whatever had him so angry could be explained. I absently rubbed my wrist and asked him what he was talking about.

"What happened in the stairwell? I could feelyou know what I felt." He looked at me, and the anger slowly drained out of his eyes, leaving him looking old and sad, nothing more. He closed them and swallowed carefully, then turned around and went to lay on one of the beds, throwing an arm over his eyes. Messy dark brown hair fell away from his face, exposing a smooth bit of forehead. He sighed and rolled over on his side to face the wall.

I looked at him, letting the surprise show clearly on my face, then went over to where he lay and sat down carefully. I didn't really have anything in my mind to say, so I just sat for a bit, thinking over what had happened, knowing that he was reading the little thought-film as I made it. I brought my mind back to Relena and how strangely uninterested in him she had seemed, mulling over what she'd said and not coming to any conclusions.

I finally decided that he wasn't going to talk and went to unpack my bag. I was cold again, not to the point that my teeth chattered, but nearly. And hungry too, which was a bad combination. I took off the jeans and changed into a pair of Duo's sweatpants, which would never have fit me in my normal form. They were just plain gray, but very comfortable and fuzzy on the inside, so I instantly felt warmer. Fishing through the worn duffel I'd stuffed all my things plus most of Duo's clothes into, I retrieved the black hoodie he'd told me to wear the day before and gratefully shrugged it on. I found the dresser that wasn't already filled with things and put the rest of my stuff in it. My laptop I placed in the desk drawer.

I was tense. I was upset and confused and tense, and I knew I should find something to calm me down. Of course, listening to people think for awhile was no longer an option, and Duo didn't seem in the mood to talk, so I pulled the duffel onto my bed and carefully drew out my favorite handgun. I emptied out the ammo and started oiling it reverently, stroking the cool metal with my fingers and then rubbing away the prints gently. I spent a very long time doing this, drawing the cloth over every part of the piece several times before I decided it was clean and in perfect working order. I re-loaded it and set it under my pillow, careful to leave the safety on. I pulled a second weapon from the bag and did the same to this one. It took me longer, because I didn't normally pay so much attention to this particular gun, and it hadn't been oiled recently. I normally didn't take this much time out to get myself calm and collected. I normally didn't sit for very long at all, just doing some simple, mindless task.

I was finally getting settled down, when a knock at the door startled me out of my trance-like state and destroyed the time I'd spent getting there. I quickly shoved the gun into the bag and pushed the bag under my bed, then pulled to comforter over the other things I had strewn on the bed, namely the explosive-tip bullets. It probably wasn't a terribly brilliant idea to just leave them there, but I didn't have a choice.

I realized in the back of my head how strange I looked with a giant black hoodie and baggy gray sweat pants to go along with the unnaturally long hair and bare feet, but I didn't think much of it as I opened the door. Mr. Jackson stood there, looking very neutral. His expression darkened some when he saw me, and he stepped boldly into the room without invitation.

"Afternoon, Heero," he said tonelessly as he looked around. His eyes fell on Duo, who I knew couldn't possibly be asleep for real. They lingered there for a moment, then turned back to me. "Everything going alright? You start classes on Monday, I expect to see you there. Here is a list of your courses and the room number for each. Duo's courses are on the second paper. Lights out is ten-thirty, eleven on Fridays and Saturdays. Tomorrow you can sleep in, but I expect you to be sharp on Monday morning. Understood?"

I nodded, wondering why this man seemed to despise me, when he hadn't even known me for more than a few hours. He moved around the room in a slow circle as he spoke, and finally lighted on my bed, seating himself inches from where the bullets lay, and less than three feet from the gun under my pillow. I forced myself not to look at the place that made me so nervous, and looked instead at the floor, then into Mr. Jackson's face. If you looked people in the face when you spoke, they were more likely to believe that you were being honest and open with them, but I don't think he bought it.

"Was there something else, sir?" I said quietly, trying to indicate confusion. Why was he sitting on my bed?

Jackson looked over to where Duo 'slept' and let a distinct frown show on his face. He placed his palms on the bed, making me nearly twitch with anxiety. If he felt anything He drew his feet in so that they were just a little under the bed, nearly touching the duffel that held the gun I'd been polishing, as well as a few other very illegal, dangerous things. I waited for him to say somethinganything. He was looking at me now, running his eyes over my hair and face, and down to my feet, which scrunched reflexively into the carpet.

"You a fag, Heero?" Jackson said suddenly, looking me straight in the eyes with no expression.

"What?" I asked, purely surprised by his question and the scorn beneath it. Yeah, I was gay, but I really didn't like the way he was asking me about it.

He looked at me, his face a mask of nothing and his eyes as steely as his hair. "What, you mute? Answer me."

I really didn't know what to say. Obviously this man was not fond of gays, and he had a pretty good idea that I was exactly that. He would not like it if I lied to him, but he would really harass me, and more important, remember me, if he knew for sure that I was.

"I think its time for you to leave, Mr. Jackson. Thank you for my course sheets, I'll be in class, eight-thirty Monday morning. Goodbye, sir." I stood and ushered him out the door, shutting and locking it the second he was through. I pulled the blanket off my bed and the duffel out from under it, re-loading the second gun and stuffing it back into the bag, which I put back under my bed as a temporary hiding place. I'd find a better, more secure stash later, but for now all I could bring myself to do was curl up under he covers and try to sleep away the confusion and anger in my head and heart.

~*~*~*~

"Heero? Wake up, I'm sorry."

I opened my eyes to see Duo sitting on the edge of my bed with a hand on my chest and a worried frown on his lips. He absently pushed messy brown locks out of his eyes, blinking down at me as he waited for me to wake up. The hand on my chest was gentle, just barely pressing; a comforting touch.

I set my face to 'stoic' and blinked back at him, trying to wake up. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"Yeah I did. I was an asshole to you when you came in, and then I just let that fucker push you around, when you knew damnwell that I was awake. I shouldda at least got up and backed you, I mean If he's gonna beat on you for your sexual orientation, he could at least beat on me, too. I'm just a gay as you are, and you know it. Why the fuck should he care anyway? Can't we sue him for that or something? FUCK! I fuckin HATE people like that! Makes me wanna step on him with Deathscythe." Duo's hand on my chest turned into a fist as he scraped it shut none-too-gently. He looked down at what he was doing when I drew in a sharp breath, and the hand was immediately gone. "Jesus Heero, I'm sorryagain. I can't seem to control this strength, and I keep hurting you! Lemme see your wrist, the one I grabbed before."

"I'm fine."

"Right. Just lemme see it."

I drew my arm out from under the blanket and let him pull back the excessive black sleeve that covered it. There was a nasty blue-purple bruise all the way around it, like a pain bracelet in the shape of a handprint. He bit his lip and very gently took my arm in his warm hands. I tried not to wince at the flash of hurt that his timid poke at the wound made, and was successful, to a degree. I was studying his face, wondering if I was still attracted to him. I never really thought about what my own body looked like before I saw Duo in it, but I had to admit that it wasn't all bad. I actually had a nice smile, and I thought that my eyes were kind of pretty, too. Duo brought a whole new light to them, and I told myself that it was his magic that made things worth looking at.

I pulled my arm gently back to me and sat up, looking him in the eyes the whole time. I know he knew what I was going to do, but he let me take his lips to mine without protest. I wrapped one arm around his neck and the other around his waist, feeling him respond with two arms around my waist. I leaned close so that out chests were pressing together and brought my lips up to meet his, loving the heat that came off his body and actually savoring his smell. It had been different to me when it was my body, but now Duo's masculine, exotic scent filled my nostrils and went straight to my pants. Pheromones

Our lips crushed together, and he opened his mouth to invite my tongue in without me even pressing entrance. I plunged into the familiar taste of that mouth, bringing my arm off his shoulders and pushing my fingers deeply into the short hair at the back of his neck. It was new, but comforting at the same time. I didn't even know why I was kissing him, I just wanted to. Partially to prove that I wasn't really hurt by Jackson's remarks, and partially because it occurred to me that I had never just kissed Duo because I wanted to let him know he was appreciated before. I wanted to show him that he hadn't hurt me or scared me with his newfound, awkward strength.

He pressed his chest into mine more firmly and pushed his tongue into my mouth. I accepted it hungrily, sucking on it and letting him push me back onto the bed. My hair was spread all around, and he fisted some of it as one of his hands began to drag down the side of my body, but it did not venture further.

He finally broke the kiss for air, and I sucked the precious gas into my lungs with greedy need. I closed my eyes and let him lay down beside me, draping an arm bonelessly over my stomach.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, the deep tone of his voice purring into my ear.

"I guess so, lets just lay here for awhile, I'm not cold anymore."

"Ok. Heero?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you talk to me later?"

"Hnok." I replied quietly, letting myself drift in comfortable warmth for the first time since this had happened.