Essence
Part Eleven
By Lady AngelFiren



When I came to I knew I was in a hospital without having to think very hard about much of anything. The feeling of sick pain was all through me, it made my limbs ache faintly and left a nagging feeling in the back of my head. I had a mild headache, nothing I couldn't deal with. I opened my eyes slowly and tried to figure out just where I was. Well I knew it was the same hospital...but was I anywhere near Heero?

Sitting up slowly and looking around the nondescript room, I decided that I was okay to walk, so I got up. I was still in my own clotheswell Heero's clothes, whatever. It was afternoon by the looks of the sun, which was shining into the window from the south-western sky. I went over to the window and looked down. I was not on the same floor as Heero, I was closer to the ground. And I was on the wrong side of the hospital.

I left my room and walked out of the ward, hoping that nobody would think I was trying to escape or something. I had to find Heero. I went to the elevators and got off on the floor where I knew his room was supposed to be, although when I thought about what had happened I doubted he would still be in the same room. I went to his previous room, and was surprised to find him there. That had been a lot easier than I thought I would beunfortunately he had a sitter.

Up until this point, I thought that sitters were only for psych patients, but obviously I was wrong. The door was open, and a woman who looked to be about fifty was seated in a chair with a blanket over her lap and a magazine in her hands. She looked up as I came into the room and smiled at me. I glared at her and went over to Heero, who was busily glaring at his lap and trying not to let me read his thoughts. I could easily feel fear off of himalthough at this point I couldn't place it.

The wall was still cracked, but the window had been fixed. The beepy machines were still around, but everything in the room was now bolted down, so that it couldn't be moved by just anyone. I strode into the room without knocking and looked at Heero rather warily, then glared at the sitter some more, and went to sit on his bed. He looked at me unhappily and went back to staring at nothing. He was thinking about what he had seen before passing out, and about when he had awoken a few hours later to find that he would be kept under surveillance for the next seventy-two hours. A sitter. No cameras or anything, just some old lady in the room that probably didn't even speak English, just to act as an authority figure in case he got out of line.

She was looking at me, then she went back to reading her magazine. I could feel that she wanted to give us some privacy, but it was her job to sit there and watch, so she couldn't leave.

"Hi Heero." I said quietly, wondering if the words would have come out the same way had I been in my own body. I was getting used to being inside Heero's body by now, it felt like normal to me. He looked tired. His skin was deathly pale and his hair was a big mess. He was in a gown still, not yet having had any chance to put on some of his own clothes. He was propped up by the bed and his hands were at his sides. His lips were pale and cracked, matching well with the dark circles under his eyes. He looked dead. His arms were bare, as the gown was short-sleeved. They were full of scratches that were finally starting to heal a little. In the back of his mind he wanted to scratch at his arms, but he was more disciplined than his body, he resigned himself to sitting as still as possible instead of scratching his stitched up, healing skin.

"Duo," he said quietly, his voice cracking a little since he spoke lower than this particular voice accommodated for.

I took one of his hands in mine. His skin was cool. "How are you feeling?" I asked him. This situation was turning out to be a lot more solemn than I was planning for. He frowned at me.

"You already knowhow are you feeling?"

"OK I guessmaybe kind of confusedbut after that I'm fine."

"I was afraid I might have hit you with somethingI don't really remember too well, I passed out."

"I knowis it safe to talk with the extra ears in the room?"

"You already know that tooprobably better than I do."

"Ahcan we go for a walk or something?"

"I'm not sure if they would let me yetafter what happened yesterday afternoon and all..."

"Well find out, I wanna take you out for some fresh air, we could go for a walk in that park behind the hospital or whatever."

Heero asked the lady who was sitting in the room. As I thought, she didn't understand English. I heard her thoughts clear as day, but that's only because telepathy and empathy are beyond language. I understood that she couldn't understand a word I was saying. Heero spoke to her in Russian. I didn't even know he spoke Russian. She replied that it was fine if we went outside, but that she would have to come with us. She smiled at Heero and said that she would walk a little behind so that we had some privacy, and he thanked her. Me, I was just glad for the telepathy, or I would've been totally lost in the conversation, my Russian is kind of non-existent.

I got the chair from behind where the Russian lady was sitting and opened it up, then put the bed down and rolled the chair over. Heero glared at me furiously.

"DuoI don't want you helping me."

"Can you do it by yourself?"

"Nobut I can call a nurse"

"Fuck it, I can do it. You can stuff your wounded pride, you're my best friend and I don't give a fuck if you can walk or not, but when you can't drop the soldier act for three seconds and let me help you into the chair then that is really sad Heero"

"It isn't like that"

"Yes it is."

"Hn."

I glared at him and then gave a triumphant little grin as I yanked his blankets off and hoisted him easily into my arms. Now I have lived in that body most of my life and until I met Heero I didn't think I was too pathetic in the strength department, especially considering the fact that I barely broke 110, and most of that was braid. But when it comes to how strong Heero's body isnothing really compares. Definitely something that has been tweaked with a lot, because I literally could have lifted a fridge in that body and not had any trouble with it. Heero weighed practically less than nothing to me. I set him easily in the chair and flipped the brake on with my foot. I handed him his blanket after he was finished hoisting the dead weight of his legs onto the footrests, and he pulled it over himself. The Russian lady stood up and left her magazine and her blanket on the chair. She followed us out of the room and into the elevator.

Once we were outside, I grinned up at the sun and pushed Heero along the path with me so we could talk. The lady dropped several meters behind us, but I knew she didn't understand us anyway, so I wasn't too worried about her. I was just glad we were out here as opposed to being in the hospital where there was glass to be broken by unseen forces and possibly surveillance equipment I didn't know about.

"Duo, do you now what happened yesterday?" Heero asked me as soon as he had decided we were safe to talk.

"I'm not sure.well there was our dorm being broken intobut I'm guessing you mean what happened when I told youwell from what I remember the window went and cracked by itself and that big heavy Lay-Z-Boy got shoved into the wall hard enough to crack the plaster.but nothing pushed it. So I guess there are a few pieces missing from the puzzle.you wouldn't happen to have them would you?"

"Ahsome of them."

"Do tell."

"There isn't much to tellit was telekinesismental force. That's how the window broke, and that's how the chair got pushed."

"And that's a total load of craptelekinesis isn't real."

"Duoyou know I'm telling the truthright?"

"Well"

"And supposedly telepathy, and empathy aren't real eitherright?"

"I see where you're going with this Heero, I'm not quite as dumb as I look."

"I know that. But this could end up badlythe hospital is willing to be quiet about it this time, but what about the next timethey are keeping me for awhileits bound to happen again."

"Heero, you of all people should be able to learn some control, don't you think?"

"In timebut right now.all I can say is that I've never been so angry as I was thenyou saw me.it wasn't a sane thing. And it had already happened once that dayI got mad at my wheelchair and I made the brake move without touching it."

I thought this over for a minute.

"But what was the differencethe first timedid you want the brake to move?"

"Ahmy arms wouldn't reachI got really frustrated and my vision started to get patchy. I saw the brake move and then I passed out. Later, when you showed me the noteI was madI wanted to kill something.the glass broke and the chair movedbut I don't know exactly why or howit was different, but it was the same power that affected both situations."

"Rage?"

"Telekinesis."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I paused. The notewhat had happened to the note? Duo clearly sensed my hesitation, because he asked me what was wrong.

"Duoafter I passed outI was holding the notewhat happened to it?"

He bit his lip and looked worried. "Shit Heero, I don't know I thought you had it. Afterwell when the window shattered I kinda lost it, I got myself sedated I was so worked up. Guess the nurses thought I was a little off my rocker or something so they just figured that if I was unconscious I wouldn't be hurting anything. I know I didn't have itmaybe its on the floor somewhere or something."

"I think its gone Duothey sweep under the bed everyday and throw everything out unless it looks importantthat was just a note scribbled on a sticky paperI think its gone."

I glared at my legs, wondering if and when they would be useful again. I thought about what the note had said, and what the thief had stolen from our room. This was very badanyone who had hold of my laptop would most likely get caught up in all the encoding and dummy files and passwords.but if whoever it was had enough intelligence to successfully pull off their plan, then I seriously doubted that anything I could do would keep them out of my files for very long. There were schematics for the Gundams in there, the core intelligence program that made the ZERO system possiblealong with a lot of other stuff that I didn't particularly want floating around with just anybody. At all costs, I would have to get things together and find a way to retrieve the lost information before it was hacked.

Duo put a hand on my shoulder. "Heero do you remember what the note said.I memorized it after the first time I read it, I was pretty mad, and I didn't want anything to happen to itit's the only clue we have. But I thought that you might be able to get something off of it that I didn't see was there anything that you can rememberanything that might help us find out who wrote that note?"

I thought about it for a secondit had been pretty nondescript but there was one thing.

"What thingtell me. We'll never catch them if we don't both know."

"Duo, take a breath or somethingI can only think so fast. And not everyone here is a telepath. Ok. Whoever wrote the note is left-handed. That's what was different about the writing. They wrote with their left hand, and it seemed convincing enough, they weren't switching hands on a whim, this person is actually left handed. So if we get a list of suspects put together, make sure they are left handed, or at least try and find out if they are. That's the only thing I could tell from looking at it. If we hadn't switched I might be able to tell more." I didn't bother finishing that last sentence, self-pity is not something I intend to make a habit for myself.

"Are you sure?" Duo sounded suspicious, apparently handwriting analysis had not been any part of his training.

"Ah. Because of the direction that the letters are slanted in, and the places that the writer started each letter. Left-handed tendencies."

"Ok, well at least that's a start. But I don't think that asking people to write stuff for us will help us figure out who did it."

"The easiest way to find out if a person is guilty is to ask them questions that they would know have something to do with the crime, and just read their thoughts"

"Yeah but isn't that kind of wrong Heero?"

"Isn't it kind of worth going against your morals to catch the thief?"

"Yeah but still.you seem like you did that a lot.reading people's minds, I mean."

"I did. Constantly."

"Heero that isn't right."

"I don't need a lecture, we should probably go back inside now, its going to rain." I looked up at the sky. It was pretty clear, but there were a few clouds here and there that looked suspicious, like they were just waiting for the right person to dump a shower on top of. I hoped it wouldn't be me. Duo looked up too, but he kept pushing me along the little path.

"Whatever I don't care if we get rained on. You were good with changing the subject, but we never finished our little discussion about what actually happened beforewhen the window broke in you room. You say 'telekinesis did it' and then expect me to just accept it as fact? No way. What the hell are you talking aboutthat's bullshit."

"We already had this discussion."

"And we'll have it again and again until I believe what you tell me. There is more to the story than you're letting on."

"Ah. I'm not the one who should be moving things with their mindyou are. It isn't my power at all, its yours."

Duo hesitated in pushing me along, then kept going. He didn't say anything, I assume he was trying to read my mind. I couldn't see his face from my position but I knew it wouldn't be in a happy Duo-ish grin.

"Solo told me."

The chair abruptly stopped moving, and Duo walked around it so he could face me while he spoke. His brows had drawn low on his face, he was angry, hurt. I think there were tears in his eyes. "Why does he talk to you and not me?"

"I don't know Duo." I looked at him steadily through the curtain of bangs and long hair that was constantly in my eyes. I like having it there, something to hide my overly-expressive face with. Of course that wouldn't stop Duo from knowing my thoughts, and it was useless to try being on guard from him all the time, so blocking him out wasn't really a good solution. Duo seemed furious that I didn't have more to tell him.

"Heero that's fucking stupid! He's DEAD! He CAN'T talk to youbut I know he's there.always around youwatching you. He.when you got hurt he showed me what was happening and led me to you.but only to save you. Why the hell are you so important to a dead guy anyway?"

I glared at Duo. He glared at me. Behind us, I knew that the nice Russian lady was probably wondering whether or not to interfere. The trees seemed like a hallucination quite suddenly, everything but Duo and myself felt unreal, like it was made of plastic. I clenched my teeth and broke our staring contest, looking at the sky where the cloud were quickly gathering together and preparing themselves to soak us as thoroughly as they could. Tension built in the air and it felt like something was going to slip, or crack, or something. I wanted to hit DuoSolo hadn't done anything wrong. Duo was acting like a child who is ready to throw a tantrum if that's what it takes to get their way. I hate children.

Everyone has bad timing on occasion.I don't think Solo could have picked a worse time to show up. I felt him come into existence all around me, surrounding my body with heat. I knew he was hugging me, I could feel it. Duo could to, he was looking incredibly disgusted at the moment.

"Tell him to leave Heero"

".Duo that isn't fair. Stop being jealous."

Duo was spitting mad. He turned his back on me and walked away, out of my sights, back to the hospital, leaving me with Solo. The Russian lady watched Duo warily as he stalked off, then came over to me and asked if I wanted her to talk me back in. I asked her for a few minutes and she agreed, taking a seat on a bench in the grass after moving me so I wasn't dead center in people's way.

I felt the heat wrapping tightly around me, and Solo was real it seemed, if I closed my eyes, he was a real live person. But I knew that wasn't true, and even if it were I hadn't known Solo in life. From Duo's recent reaction to Solo's decidedly strange manner of sneaking up on me and giving me attention at the worst times, I guessed that maybe Solo had changed some between Duo's time with him and my own.

The sun was dappled in leafy patterns over my face and skin, and over the white hospital blanket that was keeping my legs warm. It shone down brilliantly through the trees over everything, warming me up and making me feel like maybe I should learn to smile. However, the sun couldn't hold a candle to the full, lively grin that was in Solo's heart.

~~Hi Heero.miss me?~~ he asked jovially, as if he really didn't care that his presence had just caused Duo to storm off almost in tears. I closed my eyes to the bright sun.

/Ah.but there's a problem/

~~I know, he's all jealous and shitcan't blame'im heh heh. Next time he gets like that you should try an make him understand that I'm dead.what happened in life is over for me.Heero to tell you the honest truth I don't remember being alive much at all. S'fine by me, I have a different life now. Duo jes doesn't understand that yetWhen I died I got changedI guess I'm an angel, although I think that's kind of exaggerating things. I couldn't talk to Duo even if I wanted to, only to you since you're the one I'm lookin' out for. If you can get Duo to understand that then maybe he will stop trying to resurrect something that has been run over by a car. Repeatedly.~~

I waited in silence, shocked by the harshness to Solo's words.he wanted me just to tell Duo that it was over for them and that was it? Made sense to me, on a personal level, but I knew then and there that Duo would never take those words as an explanation without an explanation for the explanation. Why couldn't Solo remember his life? Was that supposed to happen, or had there been a mistake? How had he ended up as my angel when Duo loved him? I didn't need people.or angels, but Duo did. He was more human than I would ever be, and he deserved Solo's affections & protection. I felt like I was taking this away from duo with my existence, but I doubted that it would be intelligent to take my own life for any of these reasons, and I was in Duo's body to boot. Definitely not something I could do at the present.

/Solo.you don't remember Duo?/

~~Oh I remember him.just not the same as I should.its like.when I became this way suddenly my whole world focussed on you. I didn't know who I was guarding at first. I thought it was Duo.I followed him, but I couldn't make him hear me. So then I found you. This was before you two knew each other, but then when you were together things got different, I started to forget things about Duo when you were around.like there was something concentrating me on you so I had no choice but to follow you and bother you because you were everything..like an intense obsession put in my head by somebody else. Now I can't help it.I love you and I'll follow you anywhere, I'll protect you if I can. I have to.~~

As Solo Spoke into my head I felt traces of anger starting to collect in me, I didn't want another disaster, especially not with anyone watching.

/Did you get forced against your will into guarding me?/

~~No.~~

/So it was your choice?/

~~No. It was meant to be. My purpose was to lead a short life, die, and be around when you need me. I don't think I was supposed to fall in love while I was still alive. That's why Duo is getting hurt now. Because he still remembers like it was yesterday.its still in him.I don't want to hurt him anymore, but I can't help it.~~

/I don't believe in fate. You are being controlled./

~~I am in my place. Stop thinking about me and concentrate on your own problems. You have to stop the person who wrote that letter.dangerous person.stop them before they stop you, and Duo.~~

/They are going to hurt us? Personally?/

~~As opposed to what?~~

/Hurting innocents./

~~No, you don't have to worry about innocents, just yourself, and Duo. Especially Duo, in fact he shouldn't be alone at all~~

/How an I supposed to help anyone like this? I can't even piss by myself./

~~Fortunately you don't have to pee on anyone to succeed Heero.~~

/Hn.You're worse than Duo, this isn't funny./

~~Hey, I could just not show up and let you get into more trouble than you already are.~

/Wow. Thanks for your concern.I'll be going in now/

I had to stop thinking about Solo for a little while. The bright sunlight on top of the grass and trees and everything else was making me squint. Guess it never rained, I really thought it was going to.

Asking the Russian lady to take me back inside, I turned my thoughts inward after Solo made his little exit, leaving me with a sense like I was grasping for something that wasn't there, I had only imagined it moments before.

Protect Duo.Solo had said Duo was in danger.but who could stop a fully trained Gundam pilot who knew they had every reason to be on the lookout for suspicious activity? Something nagging my insides was making the answer to that question my very top priority.