Title: If Only
Author: Sempai de Tonberry
Genre: Romance/Drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Short fic about Hirokazu and someone he loves very dearly.
It was a beautiful day.
The sun had been shining, and the sand from the endless stretches of the Digital World drifted in the surprisingly calm breezes like friendly wisps of tan smoke.
So why did he feel so sad?
Guardromon's brass armor was warm from the sun, and Hirokazu's tan hands pressed firmly against the metal, even in the blistering heat, because inside he was shivering.
The boy's skin was so tan now that it almost matched his sandy brown hair, which flapped like a soft spiky flag in the winds.
Everything seemed normal, at first glance.
Lee and Takato were in the front of the group, but they weren't talking as normal. Lee's hand rested comfortingly on his friend's shoulder, because Takato was shaking, trying hard to stop himself from sobbing.
Terriermon rested on Guilmon's head, between his two flappy ears. The monster's button bright eyes stared sadly at the ground. Guilmon's red tail dragged mournfully in the sand, making wavy patterns the way a snake does.
Ruki was silent, as usual. The light of fierce determination burned in her sapphire eyes, as though she was trying hard to forget about something. Renamon was following her, as were Juri and Leomon, a lonely little parade. If you listened closely, it became obvious what Ruki was trying to ignore-Juri's uncontrollable sniffling as she buried her face into her gentle guardian's shaggy mane.
And last as usual was Hirokazu, riding Guardromon, but his eyes were not alight with the flame of competition and wild joy. They seemed dim, as though something had been taken away. Something very dear to him.
"'Kazu"
"Yeah? What is it?"
"I just wanted to tell you something"
The memories were coming faster, and the boy's eyes slammed shut like a door that should have been left closed. Kazu fought to keep tears from spilling out from his eyes, to no avail. As they slid down his heavily sunburned face they burned like acid, whispering to him over and over.
Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault
"It was NOT my fault" he whispered in defiance, banging a fist on his Digimon's unfeeling armor. The clang that echoed from the impact only reminded him how much he wished he had a soft, furry digimon like Lee had, one he could hold in his arms and squeeze tightly, one that would make him feel better.
A green one. With big green eyes. And a loving smile, and a shy, but beautiful face, one that hid so many secrets that he had been unable to see, until it was too late.
No! Don't think about that. Don't think about him
"I"
"C'mon, Kenta, spill it already."
"II love you, Hirokazu!"
Two more spiteful tears escaped and raced down his barren face. How could he be so vain, so uncaring, to have done what he did? How could he disregard his best friend in the whole world? Why couldn't he see clearly
Because memories clouded his vision. All of them bad.
"Is this some kind of joke?"
""
"It better be a joke."
""
"Kenta! What the hell do you think you're saying?"
"I don'tI don't"
"Hah, well, very funny. C'mon, what did you really want to tell me?"
"It's not a joke, Kazu."
""
"I love you."
"Don't say that!"
"I love you!"
"No you don't!"
"But I do! I love you, I adore you, I need you!"
"No! You can't!"
"I love you, Hirokazu!"
Shame flooded his mind like a murky fog. If only he could take it backif only
Why did he have to yell at Kenta?
Why did he have to glare at him as though he was the dirtiest scum on the face of the earth?
Why did he have to punch him?
"Hirokazu"
".."
"Why did you do that..?"
"Kenta! You asshole! Don't you dare.."
"Don't hit me again"
"What-"
"Please don't, Kazu, I love you!"
And now Kenta was gone, and though it was an accident, though nothing could prevent, all Hirokazu could think of was what if he had been kinder, what if
If only
And then Kenta had fallen, like an angel, a hurt and lost look in his eyes, a hand reaching out to grab onto something, but there was nothing there.
If only he could take it all back
If only
"I love you too, Kenta."
But his words were lost to the warm winds.