Barnes & Noble was a magnificent bookstore. Sauron was impressed by it.
"I am impressed by this," he said aloud as he entered. All the customers looked at him inquisitively. This was becoming a theme. A young girl pointed and laughed at him. He ignored her at that moment, knowing that when the armies of darkness overran the Earth once more, she would be turned into something. He didn't know what, but it would definitely not wear pink overalls and pigtails. He began browsing the bookstore.
A large poster on a nearby bookstand caught his eye. He recognized the place that was depicted by it. The text of the poster proclaimed, "Lord of the Rings. Starts Dec. 19." He looked down at the books, and he saw the name "Tolkien."
'This must be what the jewelry merchant spoke of,' he thought. Picking up a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring, he turned to the first page.
"...what? Hobbits? Boring drivel."
He flipped through several pages until the Black Riders made their entrance. He read those pages with absorbed attention, especially the stabbing of Frodo with the Morgul-knife. He cried, "Sheer poetry!" with tears in his eyes as he slammed the book shut and held it to his chest, face high as he sung the anthem of Mordor in the original tongue. Those who were in the bookstore stood watching in disbelief, while more and more people came to see what was going on. Soon, Sauron had an entire crowd gathered around him. When he finished the last notes of his song, the manager was standing next to him, an impatient, cross, pudgy little man in a white and magenta striped suit.
"Can I HELP you?"
"I'd like to buy this book, sir."
The man pointed listlessly towards the counters. Sauron pushed through the slowly dispersing crowd and made his way to the front. A smartly dressed woman in her mid thirties greeted him less than pleasantly.
"Can I see some form of I.D., please, sir?"
"I.D.? I'm Sauron, the Lord of Mordor and creator of the One Ring! What kind of I.D. do you want?"
"Look, buddy, you're not fooling anyone. What's your real name, and do you have any means by which you can prove that the government has verified this?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY NAME'S NOT SAURON!?" He exploded with anger in the front of the store. "I carry with me the currency of Gondor, though it once burned me to speak its name! Does this prove my identification?"
Sauron slapped all the Gondor coins in his pocket down on the counter. She picked up one of the coins and flipped it around twice, looking it over.
"Where'd you pick these up, the World Fair?"
"NO, you idiot! This is the authentic currency of Gondor! That's what I've been trying to tell you! I swear to you, when I reclaim my Dark Throne once again in Mordor, you will be transformed into a gill-less fish!"
With that, Sauron reclaimed his pile of currency and stormed out of Barnes & Noble.
"I am impressed by this," he said aloud as he entered. All the customers looked at him inquisitively. This was becoming a theme. A young girl pointed and laughed at him. He ignored her at that moment, knowing that when the armies of darkness overran the Earth once more, she would be turned into something. He didn't know what, but it would definitely not wear pink overalls and pigtails. He began browsing the bookstore.
A large poster on a nearby bookstand caught his eye. He recognized the place that was depicted by it. The text of the poster proclaimed, "Lord of the Rings. Starts Dec. 19." He looked down at the books, and he saw the name "Tolkien."
'This must be what the jewelry merchant spoke of,' he thought. Picking up a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring, he turned to the first page.
"...what? Hobbits? Boring drivel."
He flipped through several pages until the Black Riders made their entrance. He read those pages with absorbed attention, especially the stabbing of Frodo with the Morgul-knife. He cried, "Sheer poetry!" with tears in his eyes as he slammed the book shut and held it to his chest, face high as he sung the anthem of Mordor in the original tongue. Those who were in the bookstore stood watching in disbelief, while more and more people came to see what was going on. Soon, Sauron had an entire crowd gathered around him. When he finished the last notes of his song, the manager was standing next to him, an impatient, cross, pudgy little man in a white and magenta striped suit.
"Can I HELP you?"
"I'd like to buy this book, sir."
The man pointed listlessly towards the counters. Sauron pushed through the slowly dispersing crowd and made his way to the front. A smartly dressed woman in her mid thirties greeted him less than pleasantly.
"Can I see some form of I.D., please, sir?"
"I.D.? I'm Sauron, the Lord of Mordor and creator of the One Ring! What kind of I.D. do you want?"
"Look, buddy, you're not fooling anyone. What's your real name, and do you have any means by which you can prove that the government has verified this?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY NAME'S NOT SAURON!?" He exploded with anger in the front of the store. "I carry with me the currency of Gondor, though it once burned me to speak its name! Does this prove my identification?"
Sauron slapped all the Gondor coins in his pocket down on the counter. She picked up one of the coins and flipped it around twice, looking it over.
"Where'd you pick these up, the World Fair?"
"NO, you idiot! This is the authentic currency of Gondor! That's what I've been trying to tell you! I swear to you, when I reclaim my Dark Throne once again in Mordor, you will be transformed into a gill-less fish!"
With that, Sauron reclaimed his pile of currency and stormed out of Barnes & Noble.