Buffy went to the bookstore the next day still mulling over the last nights conversation
with Spike in her head. A baby.....when she let her heart do the thinking it said
yes you should have a child, her head told her that maybe it wasn't such a good
idea. At lunch she found herself outside a baby store staring in the window at the
cribs and colorful layette sets. She went back to the bookstore and went online -
searching for sites about infertility and adoption. She wanted to go over all of
her options. After reading about various procedures and finding the address of the
local adoption agency she said goodnight to Albert and went home with her
information to share it with Spike.
"Hello, luv. I've made supper." Spike through a dishtowel over his shoulder as he
lightly kissed his wife on the cheek, "You have a good day?"
Buffy grinned at him, "Umm....smells good. And yeah it was a good day. I did
a bit of research........about what we discussed last night." She handed him
the information she had printed out.
He smiled as he took the papers from her, "So you have been thinking about it, then?"
"Yes, I have. Let's eat and we can look over this information." She started to set
the table as Spike glanced at the papers she had handed him.
"These procedures are all pretty expensive." Buffy told him as they ate supper.
"It would be worth it, pet. If you could have a baby." Spike reached across the table
and took her hand.
"It would be worth it, but I'm not so sure how I feel about it. How do you feel
about it?" Buffy shook her head, "Its alot to think about."
"Buffy, I want you happy. I just wish we didn't have to look at all of these options.
I wish we could just do it the old fashioned way - like everyone else. Even Peaches
got to make a baby, with Darla of all people. Doesn't seem quite fair does it." Spike
sulked.
Buffy frowned at the mention of Darla. Even though she was long over her relationship with Angel,
the mention of Darla always seemed to aggravate her. "No, I agree with you it really doesn't seem
fair. But we can deal with it, we always deal with everything that gets thrown at us. We'll just look
at everything and then we'll decide what to do." She smiled then and squeezed his hand.
"Yes, we always deal. " Spike said lovingly, "I think alot of this decision rests on your shoulders though?
Do you want to the whole deal, carrying and delivering a baby or do you just want a baby?"
"But it's not just up to me Spike. You are an equal partner in this." Buffy smiled
at him, "I can't honestly answer you right now about the pregnancy thing, we've got lots of stuff to look at
and I have lots of adoption information too."
"We'll look at all of it, we aren't in a hurry, a decision doesn't have to be made this
minute." Spike winked at her as he stood and began to clear the dishes.
Buffy joined him in the kitchen and after supper was cleaned up, they sat down togther on
the couch and looked over all of her information. "You know it's kind of nice to think that if we
had a child that after I'm gone, you would have some one still. Wouldn't you like that?"
Spike's face grew serious, "I don't like to think about you being gone, Buffy. I went through that
once, nearly didn't survive it."
Buffy lay her hand on his cheek, "I know, I'm sorry. But it will happen someday, and wouldn't you
like to have a child that was ours to keep you company then?"
"Actually I thought that the next time you leave me, I get to go with you." He gave her a wry smile.
Buffy's eyes grew very wide, "You.....you plan on dusting yourself when I die?"
He reached for the hand that still lay on his cheek and brought it to his lips placing a gentle kiss in her palm,
"Yes luv, that's my plan."
"But.....no I don't want you to do that." Tears filled her eyes.
"Sorry, pet. But losing you once was enough for me." Spike gave her hand a quick squeeze.
"If we had a child though....you wouldn't do that right? I mean you wouldn't let a child lose both parents?" She
let go of his hand and clasped hers together, "It's hard enough to lose one."
"I'm sorry, luv, I know you still miss your mum. I do too. And to answer your question, if we had a child. no
sweetheart, as much as I would grieve for you, I wouldn't leave a child parentless." He put his arm around
her and she lay her head on his shoulder.
"Good." She replied softly.
"You really are serious about this aren't you?"
She tilted her head towards him, "Aren't you? I don't want you doing this just for me. You have to want it too."
"I would love to have a child with you, Buffy. But I would be lying if I said that I thought this was going to be easy,
our child is going to have to deal with so many things that other children don't. Like why daddy is so allergic to the
sun for one thing. I don't even know if I know how to be a dad," he sighed.
"I can understand that. Lets put this stuff away for now, like you said we don't have to decide anything now. But
I can assure you that if we do have a child we'll deal with all of those questions that come up and it will be okay."
She grinned as she lay the papers on the table and stood taking Spike by the hand, "All this serious talk,
has me ready for some fun." They were giggling as they made their way to the bedroom.
***
Two weeks later
"Yes, Dawn we have you cell number." Buffy assured her sister as she walked her to the door.
"She likes to be rocked to sleep." Dawn said as she kissed the baby's downy head one more time. The car
horn honked outside.
"You better go or Jordan and Will are going to leave for the circus without you. Leah will be fine." Buffy
waved as she watched her sister get into the car.
"She is absolutely beautiful, isn't she?" Spike smiled as she sat down next to Buffy where she held Leah
giving her a bottle.
"She really is, she's so perfect. Those tiny fingers and teensy toes." Buffy smiled as the baby made slurpy
noises around the nipple on the bottle.
"It's hard to believe that just over two weeks ago, she was safe inside of Dawn. It's a miracle it really is." He
took off a small pink bootie and looked at the tiny pink toes.
"Makes me really want to have one." Buffy sighed.
"I know." Spike kissed her on the cheek, "I know."
***
with Spike in her head. A baby.....when she let her heart do the thinking it said
yes you should have a child, her head told her that maybe it wasn't such a good
idea. At lunch she found herself outside a baby store staring in the window at the
cribs and colorful layette sets. She went back to the bookstore and went online -
searching for sites about infertility and adoption. She wanted to go over all of
her options. After reading about various procedures and finding the address of the
local adoption agency she said goodnight to Albert and went home with her
information to share it with Spike.
"Hello, luv. I've made supper." Spike through a dishtowel over his shoulder as he
lightly kissed his wife on the cheek, "You have a good day?"
Buffy grinned at him, "Umm....smells good. And yeah it was a good day. I did
a bit of research........about what we discussed last night." She handed him
the information she had printed out.
He smiled as he took the papers from her, "So you have been thinking about it, then?"
"Yes, I have. Let's eat and we can look over this information." She started to set
the table as Spike glanced at the papers she had handed him.
"These procedures are all pretty expensive." Buffy told him as they ate supper.
"It would be worth it, pet. If you could have a baby." Spike reached across the table
and took her hand.
"It would be worth it, but I'm not so sure how I feel about it. How do you feel
about it?" Buffy shook her head, "Its alot to think about."
"Buffy, I want you happy. I just wish we didn't have to look at all of these options.
I wish we could just do it the old fashioned way - like everyone else. Even Peaches
got to make a baby, with Darla of all people. Doesn't seem quite fair does it." Spike
sulked.
Buffy frowned at the mention of Darla. Even though she was long over her relationship with Angel,
the mention of Darla always seemed to aggravate her. "No, I agree with you it really doesn't seem
fair. But we can deal with it, we always deal with everything that gets thrown at us. We'll just look
at everything and then we'll decide what to do." She smiled then and squeezed his hand.
"Yes, we always deal. " Spike said lovingly, "I think alot of this decision rests on your shoulders though?
Do you want to the whole deal, carrying and delivering a baby or do you just want a baby?"
"But it's not just up to me Spike. You are an equal partner in this." Buffy smiled
at him, "I can't honestly answer you right now about the pregnancy thing, we've got lots of stuff to look at
and I have lots of adoption information too."
"We'll look at all of it, we aren't in a hurry, a decision doesn't have to be made this
minute." Spike winked at her as he stood and began to clear the dishes.
Buffy joined him in the kitchen and after supper was cleaned up, they sat down togther on
the couch and looked over all of her information. "You know it's kind of nice to think that if we
had a child that after I'm gone, you would have some one still. Wouldn't you like that?"
Spike's face grew serious, "I don't like to think about you being gone, Buffy. I went through that
once, nearly didn't survive it."
Buffy lay her hand on his cheek, "I know, I'm sorry. But it will happen someday, and wouldn't you
like to have a child that was ours to keep you company then?"
"Actually I thought that the next time you leave me, I get to go with you." He gave her a wry smile.
Buffy's eyes grew very wide, "You.....you plan on dusting yourself when I die?"
He reached for the hand that still lay on his cheek and brought it to his lips placing a gentle kiss in her palm,
"Yes luv, that's my plan."
"But.....no I don't want you to do that." Tears filled her eyes.
"Sorry, pet. But losing you once was enough for me." Spike gave her hand a quick squeeze.
"If we had a child though....you wouldn't do that right? I mean you wouldn't let a child lose both parents?" She
let go of his hand and clasped hers together, "It's hard enough to lose one."
"I'm sorry, luv, I know you still miss your mum. I do too. And to answer your question, if we had a child. no
sweetheart, as much as I would grieve for you, I wouldn't leave a child parentless." He put his arm around
her and she lay her head on his shoulder.
"Good." She replied softly.
"You really are serious about this aren't you?"
She tilted her head towards him, "Aren't you? I don't want you doing this just for me. You have to want it too."
"I would love to have a child with you, Buffy. But I would be lying if I said that I thought this was going to be easy,
our child is going to have to deal with so many things that other children don't. Like why daddy is so allergic to the
sun for one thing. I don't even know if I know how to be a dad," he sighed.
"I can understand that. Lets put this stuff away for now, like you said we don't have to decide anything now. But
I can assure you that if we do have a child we'll deal with all of those questions that come up and it will be okay."
She grinned as she lay the papers on the table and stood taking Spike by the hand, "All this serious talk,
has me ready for some fun." They were giggling as they made their way to the bedroom.
***
Two weeks later
"Yes, Dawn we have you cell number." Buffy assured her sister as she walked her to the door.
"She likes to be rocked to sleep." Dawn said as she kissed the baby's downy head one more time. The car
horn honked outside.
"You better go or Jordan and Will are going to leave for the circus without you. Leah will be fine." Buffy
waved as she watched her sister get into the car.
"She is absolutely beautiful, isn't she?" Spike smiled as she sat down next to Buffy where she held Leah
giving her a bottle.
"She really is, she's so perfect. Those tiny fingers and teensy toes." Buffy smiled as the baby made slurpy
noises around the nipple on the bottle.
"It's hard to believe that just over two weeks ago, she was safe inside of Dawn. It's a miracle it really is." He
took off a small pink bootie and looked at the tiny pink toes.
"Makes me really want to have one." Buffy sighed.
"I know." Spike kissed her on the cheek, "I know."
***