~~~*~~~
By the time they arrived for dinner, the dinning area was a swarm of activity. The delicious aroma from the dishes being served by a sharply dressed serving staff teased Cordelia's empty belly. The mixed sounds of clinking silverware and voices filled the room, along with the occasional wail from one of the smaller guests.
Angel unconsciously placed his hand on Cordelia's back, as she held Conner to her. He had a moment of trepidation as he witnessed all the activity in front of him. He knew that there would be other families here, he just hadn't expected so much noise, or movement. Looking down at Cordelia she gave him one of her special eye blinding, heart melting smiles that she reserved only for him and Conner.
Tammy had seen them enter the room and instead of greeting them right away she watched for a moment instead. If she hadn't known that Angel was a vampire she would swear that they were just like every other family in the room. She couldn't miss the protective or loving way Angel placed his hand on the lower part of Cordelia's back. Or the love that radiated from her smile. The stories she had heard of Angelus as a child seemed almost silly now as she watched the little family unit together. She couldn't imagine that Angel could have been responsible for all the terror and mayhem he had caused in Europe.
Catching John's scowl at the couple, she gave him a sharp nudge and went to greet their newest guests. "Angel, Cordelia, I was getting worried that you'd miss dinner." Cordelia smiled in greeting, shifting Conner from one hip to the other. "There's a table over this way."
Once again Tammy led the way, occasionally greeting guests as she went. Stopping in front of one of the table in the center of the room, she introduced the families to one another. "I've found your missing dinner companions. This is Angel and Cordelia O'Connell, and this little guy is Connor."
The other two couples at the table smiled and made their hellos. Tammy pulled out a highchair from under the table and went on. "This is Ben and Denise Wilson, and their daughter Emily." Angel reached over and shook hands with Ben, reminding himself not to squeeze too hard. "And last but not least this is Timothy and Kara Olsen, and their son Timmy." Angel shook the other man's hand. "If you will all excuse me, I'll let your server know that you've arrived."
Cordelia busied herself with placing Connor in the highchair as Angel put an assortment of small toys on the tray. Pulling out Cordelia's chair and waiting for her to take a seat to push it in. Both Angel and Cordelia missed the jealous expressions from the other two females at the table.
The silence at the table was awkward, and Angle reached under the table to take Cordelia's small hand into his. He could already tell that this was going to be one long night.
~~*~~
"So was Conner's birth natural?" The question came from left field, halting the fork that was halfway to Cordelia's mouth.
"Natural?" Angel asked nervously, looking from Kara who had asked the question to Conner.
"Did you have an epidural or was it natural?" Giving Cordelia and Angel a questioning glance as she picked up her howling son.
"Oh, natural, riiight." Placing her fork back on her plate, Cordelia all of a sudden felt completely out of her element. "You could say his birth was drug free." And it had been, maybe not quiet natural but defiantly drug free.
"I think I have met the first female who hasn't gone on for hours of the horrors of labor." Tim raised his glass in a mock salute toward Cordelia, only making her feel more uncomfortable.
"That's my Cora." Angel reached under the table to give her hand a quick squeeze.
"So how long have you two been married?" Angel and Cordelia turned their attention to Ben, feeling as though they had avoided one set of headlights, only to get caught by another on coming car.
"We've a..."
"Six years." Angel recovered Cordelia's blunder only to have her glare in his direction.
"Wow you must have married young." Denise smiled sweetly as she studied Cordelia.
Angel picked up his glass of water and tried to ignore Cordelia's snort. "My *husband* is mistaken. We've known each other for six years. We've only been married for three."
The two couples exchanged a look.
As the luck would have it Conner took that time to get fussy, giving Angel something to focus his attention on. Taking Conner out of his high chair, Angel reached under the table for the diaper bag, where earlier that night he had placed one of Conner's bottles.
"Oh you bottle feed." The words were dripping with repulsion, as Kara watched as Angel place the nipple at Conner's eager mouth. "I've breastfeed all three of my children."
At any other time Cordelia would've had a wonderfully scathing reply. Something that would leave that catty, pompous know it all at a loss for words. Well she would have, hadn't the other woman taken that very moment to prove just how well she breastfed her son. So it was actually Cordelia who was at a loss for words as she tried to train her eyes on something else. ANYTHING else.
Angel on the other hand had a sudden flash of Cordelia nursing Conner. The sweet picture that it would make. He realized that he was staring and in his rush to find something else to rest his eyes on he made the mistake of picking Cordelia's ample breast to look at. Clearing his throat he tried finding something else, but each time his eyes went back to the same spot.
"Well I tried breastfeeding but it hurt too much." Denise softly spoke the words, trying to comb over the tension at the table.
"Well I guess it's not for everyone. At least you tried." Giving a sickeningly sweet smile, Kara changed her son from one breast to the other.
Crumpling her napkin in her hand, Cordelia told herself to keep her mouth closed. That this weekend was for Angel and Conner. She just needed to ignore the anal-retentive she bitch, with the naked boobies that were practically sitting on the table.
Sensing that Cordelia was at her breaking point, and not just because it did wonderful things to her heaving chest, Angel placed Conner into her arms. Watching as she pointedly took the bottle from his hand and offered it to the squirming infant. After a minute he saw that his son worked his miracle on Cordelia's frazzled nerves.
"Can I have everyone's attention?" Tammy's voice filled the room. "I'd like to thank all of you for joining us this weekend. This will hopefully be an adventure you'll cherish for the rest of your lives, not only will you learn some very valuable ways to communicate with your small miracles but with your spouses as well. In each of your rooms is an itinerary, with the classes your family is enrolled in. Breakfast is at seven, but I'm sure with your early little risers that you're all probably up at the crack of dawn."
"Seven?" Leaning into Angel, Cordelia's voice was a mixture of horror and disbelief. "Did she just say seven?" Giving her a sharp nudge, Angel couldn't help but smile. Cordelia Chase up before noon, what were the chances?
"Please feel free to explore the grounds, and I will see you all in the morning." Tammy gave a cheerful smile as she walked from the front of the room back to the table she occupied.
"Well I don't know about the rest of you, but after our long trip here I think we're going to head off to bed." Denise yawned, as her husband Ben gathered up their daughter. "It was nice meeting all of you." With a wave goodbye the couple left the table.
Faking a huge yawn herself, Cordelia stood with Conner still in her arms. "Angel *sweetheart* I'm a little wiped out myself. Ready?" Flashing him her sugary sweet smile guaranteed to give a cavity or two, she was happy to see that she wouldn't have to give him any other hints.
"Sure *honey*." Playing along with a smirk, Angel made a grab for Conner's diaper bag, barely getting out their goodbyes as Cordelia dragged him off.
"Well that was defiantly an eye opening experience." He muttered under his breath as soon as they were safely out of earshot.
"What? The breasts ala Carte? Or the Nazi Mother from hell attitude?" Angel ignored her raised brow and her breasts as they walked down the hall toward their room. "Just the way she said bottle-feeding like it was some horrible thing. Like we had a choice, you know?"
Angel opened the door to their room as Cordelia continued to rant. "Oh you *bottle* feed." Her voice mimicked. "Then she goes and bares it all to see! They make blankets for a reason you know."
Taking Conner from her arms, Angel fought the smile that was creeping up on his lips. It amused him when she got like this. Her eyes would literally sparkle, her body movements more pronounced. "Oh and did you hear the way she went on and on and on about what hell her labor was? She was acting like she should have won some award because she did it naturally. Darla stuck a stake through her heart, without drugs. I'm sorry, I never really liked the blonde blood guzzling ho, but that's love."
Grabbing a tank top and a pair of drawstring pants out of her suitcase she stormed into the bathroom. Angel heard her slamming around behind the closed door and gave Conner a reassuring look. "Don't worry, she gets this way sometimes. But we still love her huh? Just a bit of advice, stay quiet, nod a lot and she'll stop sooner or later. Oh and never laugh or smile, it only adds fuel" Kissing the top off Conner's peach covered head, he was rewarded with a happy squeal from the little tike.
Cordelia stood in front of the mirror taking deep breaths. She needed to get a grip. Sure that Kara woman was irritating to say the least, but Cordelia Chase could handle irritating. She dated Xander hadn't she? It was the all the talk about pregnancy, and labor that got to her.
Basically it all boiled down to the fact that she was a fraud, a big fat loser of a fraud. She may wish desperately that Conner were hers every time she held him close. Inhaled his sweet scent. Held his tiny hand in hers. But he wasn't her child. He was Angel and Darla's. With everyday that passed it got harder to distinguish that fact. Because it was her that bathed him and feed him, soothed away his tears .
But tonight was just a reminder how much he wasn't hers. There were no memories of morning sickness, mood swings, or the baby's first kick. No swollen belly to rub, or back pains to endure. She didn't get to experience any of these things, and most likely never would. Not when she was a captive to the emotions that she had for the tiny baby and his father.
Her worst nightmare, that woke her up in the middle of the night sick to her stomach, was Angel getting his Shanshu. That he'd take Conner and live his mortal life with Buffy. Leaving her behind with all these overwhelming emotions that she couldn't make heads or tails of. Losing them would be like losing the ability to breathe.
"Cordy you okay in there?" Angel's soft knock on the door brought her out of her stupor.
"Yeah hold on." Turning on the sink facet and running her hands under the water to wash away her tears, she took a deep breath and stepped back from the mirror to examine the damage. Reassuring herself that Angel would be non the wiser to her childish tears, she opened the door to find Angel leaning against the doorjamb waiting.
"Conner fell asleep in the swing, he missed his afternoon nap." Studying her face, Angel wiped away one of the wet strands of hair that was plastered to her cheek. "I'm pretty tired myself. Why don't you get him ready for bed while I get the couch ready?"
"Why?"
Angel paused for a moment. "If you don't want to get him ready..."
"Not that, I love getting him ready for bed. Why get the couch ready?" Already walking over to the swinging contraption, she gingerly stopped the swing in midair.
"Well one bed." Crossing his arms across his broad chest, his eyes went to the king sized bed back to Cordelia.
"So, it's not like we haven't slept with each other before. Or is my morning breath so terrible that you'd risk sleeping on a lumpy couch?" Taking the sleeping baby over to the changing table, she tried to take off Conner's outfit without waking him.
"I-I just thought that..." Clearly caught off guard Angel didn't want to push his luck, but at the same time wanted to give Cordelia an easy out. Of course he wanted her by his side through out the night, but it didn't matter what he wanted. It was what Cordelia was comfortable with.
"You're being a dork." Picking Conner off the table and tip toeing over to the crib, she lowered him down slowly. With one final kiss she made sure the covers were tucked around him before whispering goodnight.
Walking past Angel to the bed she let out a yawn before slipping under the covers. "You're not sleeping in that? Are you?"
Angel was still waiting for her to change her mind, but seeing her fluffing her pillow he headed for the bathroom. This was going to be a long torture filled night. Sure they had slept together in the past, with Conner between them. He could do this.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~
By the time they arrived for dinner, the dinning area was a swarm of activity. The delicious aroma from the dishes being served by a sharply dressed serving staff teased Cordelia's empty belly. The mixed sounds of clinking silverware and voices filled the room, along with the occasional wail from one of the smaller guests.
Angel unconsciously placed his hand on Cordelia's back, as she held Conner to her. He had a moment of trepidation as he witnessed all the activity in front of him. He knew that there would be other families here, he just hadn't expected so much noise, or movement. Looking down at Cordelia she gave him one of her special eye blinding, heart melting smiles that she reserved only for him and Conner.
Tammy had seen them enter the room and instead of greeting them right away she watched for a moment instead. If she hadn't known that Angel was a vampire she would swear that they were just like every other family in the room. She couldn't miss the protective or loving way Angel placed his hand on the lower part of Cordelia's back. Or the love that radiated from her smile. The stories she had heard of Angelus as a child seemed almost silly now as she watched the little family unit together. She couldn't imagine that Angel could have been responsible for all the terror and mayhem he had caused in Europe.
Catching John's scowl at the couple, she gave him a sharp nudge and went to greet their newest guests. "Angel, Cordelia, I was getting worried that you'd miss dinner." Cordelia smiled in greeting, shifting Conner from one hip to the other. "There's a table over this way."
Once again Tammy led the way, occasionally greeting guests as she went. Stopping in front of one of the table in the center of the room, she introduced the families to one another. "I've found your missing dinner companions. This is Angel and Cordelia O'Connell, and this little guy is Connor."
The other two couples at the table smiled and made their hellos. Tammy pulled out a highchair from under the table and went on. "This is Ben and Denise Wilson, and their daughter Emily." Angel reached over and shook hands with Ben, reminding himself not to squeeze too hard. "And last but not least this is Timothy and Kara Olsen, and their son Timmy." Angel shook the other man's hand. "If you will all excuse me, I'll let your server know that you've arrived."
Cordelia busied herself with placing Connor in the highchair as Angel put an assortment of small toys on the tray. Pulling out Cordelia's chair and waiting for her to take a seat to push it in. Both Angel and Cordelia missed the jealous expressions from the other two females at the table.
The silence at the table was awkward, and Angle reached under the table to take Cordelia's small hand into his. He could already tell that this was going to be one long night.
~~*~~
"So was Conner's birth natural?" The question came from left field, halting the fork that was halfway to Cordelia's mouth.
"Natural?" Angel asked nervously, looking from Kara who had asked the question to Conner.
"Did you have an epidural or was it natural?" Giving Cordelia and Angel a questioning glance as she picked up her howling son.
"Oh, natural, riiight." Placing her fork back on her plate, Cordelia all of a sudden felt completely out of her element. "You could say his birth was drug free." And it had been, maybe not quiet natural but defiantly drug free.
"I think I have met the first female who hasn't gone on for hours of the horrors of labor." Tim raised his glass in a mock salute toward Cordelia, only making her feel more uncomfortable.
"That's my Cora." Angel reached under the table to give her hand a quick squeeze.
"So how long have you two been married?" Angel and Cordelia turned their attention to Ben, feeling as though they had avoided one set of headlights, only to get caught by another on coming car.
"We've a..."
"Six years." Angel recovered Cordelia's blunder only to have her glare in his direction.
"Wow you must have married young." Denise smiled sweetly as she studied Cordelia.
Angel picked up his glass of water and tried to ignore Cordelia's snort. "My *husband* is mistaken. We've known each other for six years. We've only been married for three."
The two couples exchanged a look.
As the luck would have it Conner took that time to get fussy, giving Angel something to focus his attention on. Taking Conner out of his high chair, Angel reached under the table for the diaper bag, where earlier that night he had placed one of Conner's bottles.
"Oh you bottle feed." The words were dripping with repulsion, as Kara watched as Angel place the nipple at Conner's eager mouth. "I've breastfeed all three of my children."
At any other time Cordelia would've had a wonderfully scathing reply. Something that would leave that catty, pompous know it all at a loss for words. Well she would have, hadn't the other woman taken that very moment to prove just how well she breastfed her son. So it was actually Cordelia who was at a loss for words as she tried to train her eyes on something else. ANYTHING else.
Angel on the other hand had a sudden flash of Cordelia nursing Conner. The sweet picture that it would make. He realized that he was staring and in his rush to find something else to rest his eyes on he made the mistake of picking Cordelia's ample breast to look at. Clearing his throat he tried finding something else, but each time his eyes went back to the same spot.
"Well I tried breastfeeding but it hurt too much." Denise softly spoke the words, trying to comb over the tension at the table.
"Well I guess it's not for everyone. At least you tried." Giving a sickeningly sweet smile, Kara changed her son from one breast to the other.
Crumpling her napkin in her hand, Cordelia told herself to keep her mouth closed. That this weekend was for Angel and Conner. She just needed to ignore the anal-retentive she bitch, with the naked boobies that were practically sitting on the table.
Sensing that Cordelia was at her breaking point, and not just because it did wonderful things to her heaving chest, Angel placed Conner into her arms. Watching as she pointedly took the bottle from his hand and offered it to the squirming infant. After a minute he saw that his son worked his miracle on Cordelia's frazzled nerves.
"Can I have everyone's attention?" Tammy's voice filled the room. "I'd like to thank all of you for joining us this weekend. This will hopefully be an adventure you'll cherish for the rest of your lives, not only will you learn some very valuable ways to communicate with your small miracles but with your spouses as well. In each of your rooms is an itinerary, with the classes your family is enrolled in. Breakfast is at seven, but I'm sure with your early little risers that you're all probably up at the crack of dawn."
"Seven?" Leaning into Angel, Cordelia's voice was a mixture of horror and disbelief. "Did she just say seven?" Giving her a sharp nudge, Angel couldn't help but smile. Cordelia Chase up before noon, what were the chances?
"Please feel free to explore the grounds, and I will see you all in the morning." Tammy gave a cheerful smile as she walked from the front of the room back to the table she occupied.
"Well I don't know about the rest of you, but after our long trip here I think we're going to head off to bed." Denise yawned, as her husband Ben gathered up their daughter. "It was nice meeting all of you." With a wave goodbye the couple left the table.
Faking a huge yawn herself, Cordelia stood with Conner still in her arms. "Angel *sweetheart* I'm a little wiped out myself. Ready?" Flashing him her sugary sweet smile guaranteed to give a cavity or two, she was happy to see that she wouldn't have to give him any other hints.
"Sure *honey*." Playing along with a smirk, Angel made a grab for Conner's diaper bag, barely getting out their goodbyes as Cordelia dragged him off.
"Well that was defiantly an eye opening experience." He muttered under his breath as soon as they were safely out of earshot.
"What? The breasts ala Carte? Or the Nazi Mother from hell attitude?" Angel ignored her raised brow and her breasts as they walked down the hall toward their room. "Just the way she said bottle-feeding like it was some horrible thing. Like we had a choice, you know?"
Angel opened the door to their room as Cordelia continued to rant. "Oh you *bottle* feed." Her voice mimicked. "Then she goes and bares it all to see! They make blankets for a reason you know."
Taking Conner from her arms, Angel fought the smile that was creeping up on his lips. It amused him when she got like this. Her eyes would literally sparkle, her body movements more pronounced. "Oh and did you hear the way she went on and on and on about what hell her labor was? She was acting like she should have won some award because she did it naturally. Darla stuck a stake through her heart, without drugs. I'm sorry, I never really liked the blonde blood guzzling ho, but that's love."
Grabbing a tank top and a pair of drawstring pants out of her suitcase she stormed into the bathroom. Angel heard her slamming around behind the closed door and gave Conner a reassuring look. "Don't worry, she gets this way sometimes. But we still love her huh? Just a bit of advice, stay quiet, nod a lot and she'll stop sooner or later. Oh and never laugh or smile, it only adds fuel" Kissing the top off Conner's peach covered head, he was rewarded with a happy squeal from the little tike.
Cordelia stood in front of the mirror taking deep breaths. She needed to get a grip. Sure that Kara woman was irritating to say the least, but Cordelia Chase could handle irritating. She dated Xander hadn't she? It was the all the talk about pregnancy, and labor that got to her.
Basically it all boiled down to the fact that she was a fraud, a big fat loser of a fraud. She may wish desperately that Conner were hers every time she held him close. Inhaled his sweet scent. Held his tiny hand in hers. But he wasn't her child. He was Angel and Darla's. With everyday that passed it got harder to distinguish that fact. Because it was her that bathed him and feed him, soothed away his tears .
But tonight was just a reminder how much he wasn't hers. There were no memories of morning sickness, mood swings, or the baby's first kick. No swollen belly to rub, or back pains to endure. She didn't get to experience any of these things, and most likely never would. Not when she was a captive to the emotions that she had for the tiny baby and his father.
Her worst nightmare, that woke her up in the middle of the night sick to her stomach, was Angel getting his Shanshu. That he'd take Conner and live his mortal life with Buffy. Leaving her behind with all these overwhelming emotions that she couldn't make heads or tails of. Losing them would be like losing the ability to breathe.
"Cordy you okay in there?" Angel's soft knock on the door brought her out of her stupor.
"Yeah hold on." Turning on the sink facet and running her hands under the water to wash away her tears, she took a deep breath and stepped back from the mirror to examine the damage. Reassuring herself that Angel would be non the wiser to her childish tears, she opened the door to find Angel leaning against the doorjamb waiting.
"Conner fell asleep in the swing, he missed his afternoon nap." Studying her face, Angel wiped away one of the wet strands of hair that was plastered to her cheek. "I'm pretty tired myself. Why don't you get him ready for bed while I get the couch ready?"
"Why?"
Angel paused for a moment. "If you don't want to get him ready..."
"Not that, I love getting him ready for bed. Why get the couch ready?" Already walking over to the swinging contraption, she gingerly stopped the swing in midair.
"Well one bed." Crossing his arms across his broad chest, his eyes went to the king sized bed back to Cordelia.
"So, it's not like we haven't slept with each other before. Or is my morning breath so terrible that you'd risk sleeping on a lumpy couch?" Taking the sleeping baby over to the changing table, she tried to take off Conner's outfit without waking him.
"I-I just thought that..." Clearly caught off guard Angel didn't want to push his luck, but at the same time wanted to give Cordelia an easy out. Of course he wanted her by his side through out the night, but it didn't matter what he wanted. It was what Cordelia was comfortable with.
"You're being a dork." Picking Conner off the table and tip toeing over to the crib, she lowered him down slowly. With one final kiss she made sure the covers were tucked around him before whispering goodnight.
Walking past Angel to the bed she let out a yawn before slipping under the covers. "You're not sleeping in that? Are you?"
Angel was still waiting for her to change her mind, but seeing her fluffing her pillow he headed for the bathroom. This was going to be a long torture filled night. Sure they had slept together in the past, with Conner between them. He could do this.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~