Disclaimer:  My disclaimer has a first name, it's N-O-T-M ine.

Warnings:  La la, spoilers, brief Tasuki language, Chiriko angst—for you, Kyra!  And, dinnae fret, this is but the tip of the tyke's angsty iceberg. ^_~.

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4.  Return.

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He'd been sitting cross-legged beneath the window, a book he'd already read through several times resting in his lap, when the knock came.  It was short and rhythmic, a measured thud-thud-thud that belied a patience and wisdom far above the majority of his companions.  And, that meant...

"Come in, Chichiri-san," the boy called.  His back was to the door, but he could practically see the monk as he entered--bluish hair springing up from his scalp, dangling over the scarred eye that was so rarely covered anymore; prayer beads clacking together against his chest; gilded staff held loosely in his fingers. 

After a measured pause, Chiriko drew the book closed, lifted it into his hands, and set it on the floor.  He was just tensing his leg muscles, preparing to hoist himself into a standing position and greet the elder seishi properly, when Chichiri spoke.

"We missed you at lunch no da."

The boy's shoulders tensed; his hands dropped into his lap.  "I wasn't hungry."

"Chiriko...have you even seen Nuriko no da?"

"N...Not yet."  His voice was small.  "I've been busy...reading up on some things."

There was a rustle of movement from behind him; a moment later, something warm and heavy dropped onto his shoulder.  "Doushite no da?  He's alive again.  Isn't that what you wanted?"

"H-Hai, of course."  Cautiously, he turned his head, offered the seishi who knelt just behind him a wan smile.  "I'm glad it worked.  Nuriko-san didn't...deserve to die like that."

Chichiri's voice was uncharacteristically soft.  "Iya, he didn't no da." 

There was a slight pause, during which Chiriko shrugged gently away from the hand still resting on his shoulder, rose to his feet.  A moment later, he was standing in front of the room's only window, gazing out into the light mist of snow.  "Is he all right, Chichiri-san?" he whispered.  "I heard him...screaming."

 "Tasuki said it was just a bad dream no da."

"But, there's something more to it than that, isn't there, Chichiri-san?"  Chiriko closed his eyes, brought two small fingers up to press against the bridge of his nose.  "There's something...wrong with him."

"What makes you say that no da?"

His hands dropped from his face, fell onto the window sill and gripped it hard.  "Because," he said with some difficulty, "he and Tasuki-san were arguing.  They never argue.  Not like...not like that."  Abruptly, the boy spun around--his eyes were wide and brimming with tears.  "It's my fault, Chichiri-san!  I know that.  But, don't say that I shoudn't have brought him back, because I'm glad that I did!  I'm glad that he's alive again!"

The monk studied him for a moment, then stood and regarded him with one narrowed eye.  "When was the last time you slept no da?"

Startled by the sudden subject change, the boy turned bloodshot eyes to the floor, studied the tensing of his toes against the wood.  "I'm not sure, Chichiri-san."

"And, when was the last time you ate?"

"I-I can't be sure.  I've been busy..."

"Chiriko." 

It was the sternness to the voice that caught his attention; the sternness that drew his gaze up from the floor, trapped him in the monk's gentle stare. 

Chichiri's face was solemn, his voice low and tense.  "I won't pretend to know why you did this no da, even though I'm sure there's a good reason.  But, whatever the reason no da...you can't go on like this.  Nuriko's death was hard on us, hai, but he's started living again.  It's time for you to do the same thing no da."

The boy said nothing.  The tears that had been building in his eyes trickled down over his cheeks, and he slumped to his knees on the floor; Chichiri held him until, exhausted, he drifted into sleep.

~*~

The two of them broke it to Nuriko a few hours later, clustered around his bed like a dying man's last visitors.  Despite what they'd been expecting, he took it surprisingly well.

"What?!" he demanded.  "Go back to Konan, now, when there's a shinzaho to find and Suzaku to summon?  Are you insane??  I'm a Suzaku no shichiseishi!  I can't afford to go back to Konan at a time like this!!  What kind of man would I be, abandoning my miko like that??"

"Daijobu na no da," Chichiri put in hastily.  The mask was pressed tightly to his face, his voice high and cheery and false.  "Miaka-chan's going back, too no da, along with the first shinzaho."

"Hai," rumbled Mitsukake.  "And, without your strength to guard them, they might both fall into the hands of the Seiryuu shichiseishi."

The monk glanced to his companion in surprise, a slight smile drawing at his lips beneath the mask...and, then, he turned back to Nuriko, studied the younger man closely for a moment.  The rosy-violet eyes were narrowed and thoughtful, the slender fingers folded neatly on a blanketed lap.  For a moment, it seemed he was going to refuse again, demand to be taken along to retrieve the other shinzaho...but, then, finally, he let out a soft sigh and nodded.  "All right," Nuriko said at last.  "If it's for Miaka...I'll go back to Konan.  Besides."  He frowned, shifted a little uneasily on the bed.  "It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed again."

Something cold trickled into the elder seishi's stomach, churned there for a moment.

What will happen when you go into that room no da?  Filled with mementos of your life as a woman, your dresses still hanging in the closets just where you left them...  Will it help you remember no da?  Or, will it drive you insane?

He snapped from his thoughts a moment later, realizing that Nuriko had spoken again.  Luckily, however, Mitsukake seemed to be paying more attention, and fielded the question without pause.

"Iya, it'll just be you, Miaka, and Chiriko."

Nuriko's lips pursed; the hands in his lap lifted, kneaded together for a moment.  "When do we leave?"

"As soon as you're ready to no da.  The trip will only take a few seconds no da, since I'll be using my magic.  So, as soon as you're ready, come to Miaka's room no da."

The younger seishi gave a weary nod; his eyes slid closed.  "Hai, all right.  I'll just...get dressed and get my things together."

Chichiri nodded, exchanged glances with Mitsukake.  A moment later, the two had left Nuriko's bedside, slipped out through the doorway, and were standing in the inn's second floor hallway.  It wasn't until the door had clicked shut behind them that either dared speak.

"Have you contacted Hotohori-sama, Chichiri?" the healer asked in a low voice.  His dark eyebrows cinched together on his brow.   "Does he know what to expect?"

In one swift motion, Chichiri had drawn the mask from his face and tucked it into his fingers.  "Iie," he replied softly.  "I've already been using my magic too much no da.  Nakago must have an idea as to where we are by now.  I don't want to jeopardize Miaka or the shinzaho when we're so close to getting them safely into Konan no da...so I'll just have to explain to Hotohori-sama when we get there.  I...doubt it will be easy for him no da."

Mitsukake smiled, very slightly.  "You talk as if it has been easy for the rest of us."

"Hai, I know," he returned, matching the smile.  "But...Nuriko was never in love with any of us no da."

The healer shook his head, eyes drifting closed in something that looked like anguish to the concerned monk.  "I can't say I understand it," he rumbled.  "There's a saying in my village.  'A love that is forgotten was never a love at all.'"

Chichiri was silent for a moment.  A few doors down, there was the sound of Tasuki's high-pitched laughter, punctuated by the unmistakable sound of Tamahome's low, growling words--the monk smiled softly.  It was good to hear signs of mirth again in the other seishi.  Ever since Nuriko's death, there'd been nothing but silence and heartache and that horrible unsatisfiable weariness; Chiriko spent his days and nights bent over books, Tasuki stormed around and rarely laughed, Tamahome and Miaka barely spoke.  It had been like Nuriko was the common glue that held them all together, kept them alive and functioning as they were meant to be.  With his death, everything had started to fall apart.

But, maybe it's not just him no da.  Maybe...maybe it's any of the seishi.  Without all seven, we're just not whole no da.

"Mitsukake," Chichiri said slowly, thoughtfully, "did you feel it, when Nuriko was injured no da?"

The larger man winced.  "Hai.  We all did."

"And, did you feel it when he died no da?"

"Hai."

"So.  When he came back...did you feel anything, Mitsukake?"

The dark eyes went wide.  "Hai.  I...I did feel something.  Like...like..."

"Like a bright light," Chichiri whispered.  "A bright light where there was only darkness no da."

"So," the healer continued quietly, "whatever else might be inside of him, he is the shichiseishi Nuriko."

Chichiri nodded.  "He has to be.  If he weren't, we wouldn't have felt him return no da.  So, it...it must be."  At length, the monk leaned his back against the smooth wood of the wall, closed his eye and let out a soft sigh.  "But, what else is going on with him no da?  Why can't he remember certain things, but can remember everything else so clearly?  It doesn't make sense no da."

"I wish I knew.  Maybe Hotohori-sama will be able to help him."

He was bein' fuckin' -weird-, 'Chiri, talkin' like he didn't love Hotohori-sama and never fuckin' had.  Gave me the fuckin' -creeps-!  Shit, man, what the hell's wrong with him?  Called ME a fuckin' okama.  ME!!

"Maybe no da," Chichiri murmured.  "Maybe."

~*~

Notes:  This is but the first half of chapter four, posted here because it's written and I'm too exhausted to finish writing it before I'm off to bed. ^_~.  However, you'll notice that I'm doing my best to finish this fic ASAP, as it seems that logic has finally kicked in and told me that the only way to ensure that I finish a fic is to devote all my time and energy to it and get it done before my mind wanders to other projects.  So!  Hopefully, this fic will be completed shortly, possibly even tomorrow. ^^;  Howevvvvvver, don't let that stop you from reviewing, neeeeee? ^____^.