Disclaimer: I own an orange Mister Donut cup and a bottle of green gatorade. Fushigi Yuugi, alas, is not among my assets.
Warnings: Extremely minor shounen ai implications, angst [surprise --;;], and a great big bucketload of Chiriko monologue. ^_~. Oh, and just so you know: "Heeee" is not pronounced as it's spelled. :P It sounds like, "Hehhhhh," and it's an expression of surprise or startlement (the pitch goes up--Miaka's said it before a few times, I believe). Anyway. Just so you're aware. ^.^;
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6. Resolution (II)
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For a long moment, it was as if he couldn't breathe.
Admit that you love him...that you love him...you love him...love him...
...you love him.
He shook his head, took a slightly-unsteady step backwards. "I...no!" He frowned hard. "No, I don't. I don't. Not like that."
Houki didn't move, only raised one slim eyebrow and asked,
"Honto desu ka?"
"Hai, of course!"
Her eyes narrowed, and her voice was firm and quiet. "Then, why me, Heika?" She took a small step forward, stared up at him with fire and starlight in her eyes. "Why now? Why did you wait until he was dead before you showed any interest at all in anyone else? And why, Heika, if you don't care for him, does the fact that he doesn't remember loving you hurt you so much?"
He turned away, stalked to another section of the walkway and slammed his hands down onto it. "It isn't that," he said in a low, ardent voice. His eyes were cast at the ground, his knuckles white over the rail. "It's what else he's forgotten. He's forgotten his sister, and his...his entire history at the palace. That's what upsets me."
"Are you sure?" Houki said softly. "When I told you about his sister, you said that it should never have happened. And, now, in his mind, it hasn't. Isn't it better this way?"
His eyes squeezed shut. "No. No. It's not better this way. He's forgotten so much... It's as if he isn't even Nuriko anymore."
A warm, delicate hand touched his shoulder, gave it a gentle squeeze. "Look into his eyes," Houki whispered. "Then, you'll know who he is."
And, with that, the young woman turned, folded her arms respectfully in front of her, and walked away.
~*~
Fork dangling loosely in her fingers, Miaka sighed.
There hadn't been much in the way of conversation since Hotohori had left, despite the fact that she'd been trying her hardest to start some. She'd dabbled in at least seven different inane topics since their dessert had arrived, exercising all the ice-breaking skills she'd gathered over her fifteen years, but none of them had developed beyond two or three exchanges before fizzling out. But, ne, at least she was trying. It was Chiriko who was being abrupt and unresponsive, Chiriko who was sitting there shovelling spoonful after spoonful of the custard-like dessert into his mouth like he didn't even know she was there.
Try one more time, ne, Miaka? One more time.
"So, Chiriko!" she said brightly. "That was some weather in Hokkan, wasn't it? Had you ever seen snow before then?"
Much to her surprise, that seemed to jar the boy from his
stupor--the spoon paused in front of his lips, and his eyes widened, just
slightly. After a moment, he lowered
the spoon back to the bowl, turned towards her, and nodded. "Hai," he answered quietly. "Once."
A small explosion went off in her mind. Bingo! "Ah, honto ni? When was that?"
Those wide green eyes studied her for a moment, and she got the impression that he was struggling with something, perhaps trying to decide whether to tell her something or not... Whatever the case, though, after a moment he gave a slight nod, sat up straight in his chair, and folded his hands on the tabletop. It wasn't until he started to speak that she realized it was to keep them from shaking.
"Four years ago," he said in a soft voice,
"my older brother Tarou took me to Hokkan. He was seventeen, and he was going to visit Maia, who was his
fiancée." He smiled slightly. "Okaasan didn't want me to go, since it
was such a long journey and I was so small, but I wanted to very badly, and so
Tarou convinced her to let me."
Miaka leaned her chin onto her hand. "Heeeee, I didn't know you had an older
brother, Chiriko!"
A soft smile bent at the boy's lips--he nodded. "Hai.
After I was born, my mother had to go back to work, and so Tarou was the
one who raised me. He taught me
history, literature, math equations...
Okaasan was so proud of him, for being so smart, so I spent most of my
childhood trying to be like him. But,
even with all his intelligence, I don't think he understood why I wanted to go
with him to Hokkan so badly. It's
likely he thought it was because I was tired of studying and wanted to see
other countries, which was partly true, but that wasn't the entire
reason."
She shook her head. "What was it?"
The boy glanced to the side; strands of pinkish hair brushed over his eyes with the motion. "I didn't want him to marry Maia," he admitted softly. "I thought that if I went along, then I could find something wrong with her and stop him from marrying her. I didn't want him to leave me, Miaka-san. It was selfish, hai, but I wanted him to stay--if he married Maia, I knew he would live in Hokkan and I would never see him again. So, I went along to stop him." He shook his head slightly. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that I was helping him. But, I was only being selfish and stupid."
"Ne, don't say that! It wasn't stupid to want your brother to stay with you."
Chiriko went on as if he hadn't heard her. "The journey to Hokkan was the best week
of my life. By the time we reached
Maia's village, I was having too much fun to remember that I hated her. But, while we were there, Tarou...announced
that they were going to get married in only a few days. He hadn't told our mother because he knew
she didn't approve of him moving so far away, but he said that he was glad I'd
come along, because...he wanted me to be a part of the ceremony."
The boy's voice sank. "I was devastated, Miaka-san. I didn't answer him. Instead, I turned and ran out of the room and out of the house and down into the woods--I didn't stop running until I tripped over a root and twisted my ankle, and even then, I kept trying to run. I don't know where I thought I was going to, but I was so upset...and miserable. It had been difficult enough, knowing that he was going to be leaving in a few months. But, a few days? I couldn't believe it.
"About ten minutes later, Tarou found me, but I...I didn't want to see him, so I got up and started trying to run away again, but my ankle was twisted and so I didn't get very far. I...I remember it very vividly, stumbling away and hearing him calling after me, and then turning my head a little bit so I could see if he was still following me and--" He broke off.
Miaka realized she'd been holding her breath and released it, sat up so straight in her chair that she towered above Chiriko. "What?" she exclaimed. "What happened next?"
He hadn't been looking as her as he'd spoken the rest of the story--his eyes had been fixed on the far wall, or on the jellied remains of his custard, or on his fingers. Now, though, Chiriko turned back to face her, and she was startled to find a mist of tears swimming in his eyes.
"There was a wolf," he whispered. "Tarou was...trying to catch up to me, and so he didn't hear it coming up behind him until it..." He swallowed; a slim trail of moisture trickled down his cheek. "It attacked him. I...I wanted to try to help him, so I grabbed a tree branch and tried to get to him, but it was still so hard to walk with my twisted ankle, and...I couldn't get to him. Maia's father came, then, and killed the wolf, but...but, Tarou was already dead.
"I couldn't save him, Miaka-san. He was my brother, and I couldn't save him. So, after that...I started living my life the way he'd lived his. He'd always wanted to be a government official, so I studied night and day, learned all I could and worked towards that goal. I owed him something, Miaka-san. It was my fault that he died, and so the least I could do was devote my life towards living as he would have."
This...this sounds familiar...
Miaka pressed a trembling hand to her mouth, stared at Chiriko with the beginnings of comprehension clawing at her mind. "Chiriko...you..."
The boy gave her a small, bittersweet smile. "Chichiri-san was the only one who knew about Tarou at first. And, so, he told me...about Nuriko-san, and what happened with his sister. We talked about it, Miaka-san. On the boat to Hokkan, before the three of you were washed overboard, Nuriko-san and I talked about it, and for the first time since Tarou died, I felt like there was someone who understood." He sighed softly. "My family fell apart after my brother died, and it's never been the same since. But, as a Suzaku seishi, I found a new family, and new brothers to take the place of the one I lost. I couldn't save Tarou, Miaka-san, but I could save Nuriko. I did. I had to."
She was silent for a long time, the echoes of the words and
images swimming in her vision, echoing in her ears. Soo ka. Soo ka.
I understand. Finally...I
understand. But... "But, that's not Nuriko," she
whispered. "He looks the same,
hai, and he has the same power, but...but, it's not him."
Chiriko tilted his head.
"Iie, Miaka-san. Sumimasen,
demo...you're wrong. That is Nuriko-san. Since we arrived, I've been doing some research in the palace
library, and I think that I know what happened."
A jolt of reluctant hope shot into her with the boy's
soft-spoken confidence, and it was all she could do to gather enough breath to
speak. "Wh...what?"
"Nuriko-san's soul was brought back from the Sky, Miaka-san. Paradise. But, he doesn't remember it at all! He remembers fighting, and he remembers dying, but afterwards, he has no memory at all--and, the reason for that is because he's not allowed to remember. If he does, the longing to return to that paradise will be too strong for him to bear, and it will be difficult for him to live without longing for death. And, I'm not...certain how it happened, but someone was able to block the memories of that paradise from his mind, so that he would be able to live after being brought back. But, since he was reunited with his sister after his death, it would be next to impossible for him to remember her without also remembering the afterworld that they existed in together. So, someone has completely blocked Nuriko-san's memories of his sister, so that he isn't able to remember. But, Miaka-san..." He smiled. "Miaka. That is Nuriko. He's alive, and even though a part of him is missing, he's still the same person. Ne?"
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Notes: Ahhhhh, just one more chapter to go!! *gasp* ^__^.