+++++
Track Three
Ryuuichi hated Japanese hotel room towels. They were coarse and much too small. In America he had become accustomated to big, fluffy towels that could easily be used as blankets. It was sheer heaven to wrap himself into one of those after a long shower or a bath. For now, though, it seemed that he just had to manage with the Japanese.
Ryuuichi gave his hair one last scrub and then rinsed the shampoo off, pausing in his singing when the water ran down his face. Even if his voice was hoarse and especially high notes hurt like hell, he wouldn't give up his habit of singing the latest j-rock hits in the shower.
He turned the shower off and stepped out of the spacious bathroom, skipping the bath this time. Someone had once told him that you shouldn't take a bath when you have the flu, and Ryuuichi wouldn't risk it. He didn't feel like lying in the hot water like an udon noodle, anyway.
He reached out to grab the uncomfortable towel while meeting his own eyes in the mirror on the opposite wall. He looked like hell. Ryuuichi rubbed his hair dry briskily and then wrapped the towel around his waist. He went back to his big hotel room bed and slumped down on his back, cuddling Kumagorou which had patiently waited for him to shower, extremely relieved to lie down and rest again.
*Aauuhh. Feel awful... where the hell is that thermometer?*
He clicked the tv on without even glancing at it and reached out to the nightstand by the bed. He found his mobile phone and the thermometer he had been looking for. The time on his mobile display said 9:07 AM, which gave him exactly fifty-three minutes to get up, get dressed and prepare for the interview to a teen magazine, and somehow heal from the bad cold in the process.
He slipped the thermometer under his arm and called K, his one and only connection with the interviewer.
"This has better be the announcement that you're up and about and ready for the interview," K answered. "It's a hell of a mess in here. Tell me you're not hung over."
Ryuuichi rubbed his eyes wearily and then closed them altogether. Too bright. He fumbled for the remote and switched off the lights. "What? What mess?"
K's tone changed. "You sound awful. Better grab an aspirin and head over here, I'll explain it to you once we're all set-- "
"No," Ryuuichi protested, "I appreciate your help and also that you arranged this interview, but listen, I'm really not feeling well right now. I have a temperature of - hang on, I'll check-- "
"Ryuuichi, this is no longer about the Hirakawa Ayami rumor. You might want to comment on their latest invention."
Ryuuichi sighed, not really wanting to know. "What's that?" That he only ate lettuce? That he wore women's underwear?
"What did I tell you? It was female reporters' dream come true when you arrived at the concert with that Uesugi guy. They turned it into a modern day fairy story: a famous pop singer, dating an ordinary boy next door..."
Ryuuichi bit his lower lip and held his breath, feeling his heart suddenly starting to pump ice water instead of blood. "No way. Tell me you're kidding."
He knew K was *never* kidding when it came to work.
"I'm dead serious. I just had my own interview with the same reporter, and she asked me some pretty daring questions."
"I guess it can't be helped, then," Ryuuichi said under his breath.
Why did it feel like the little energy he had had just been drained from him? It felt impossible to even sit up, let alone brave the nosy interviewer.
"I'll tell them you'll be here in twenty minutes," K said and ended the conversation.
+
After fifteen minutes, Ryuuichi was standing in front of the tall hotel building, waiting for the taxi he had called to arrive. He was shivering slightly, but perhaps nobody would notice. It was a beautiful day, however, and he tried to find the lighter side to the situation as he put on his sunglasses and stepped onto the street.
*It's only a matter of an hour or two. After that I can return to the hotel room and sleep for a week. Nothing urgent on the schedule for at least half a month.*
He ran a hand through his shower-fresh hair and sighed. *I can only blame myself for this situation. It was definitely the worst time to get funny ideas. How could I not see it? After everything they've already made up of me... Aw, I feel so useless! Can't I even go out once and have fun without someone getting hurt?*
Ryuuichi checked the time again. He would be late soon. Where was the damn taxi?
He raised Kumagorou up and rubbed noses with it. "Hey, do you think I'm a bad person?"
"Of course not! You're my best friend in the whole world!" the bunny immediately replied and promptly hugged him.
"But I mean towards other people..."
Ryuuichi retreated back into shade and leaned against the wall so that he could converse with Kumagorou in peace. People looked at him funny when he talked with the bunny and he didn't want that right now.
Kumagorou thinked for a while before slowly answering, "I think Ryuu-chan isn't bad on purpose."
Ryuuichi smiled sadly and petted the bunny's ears. "Really? I think I was not being very nice at Tatsuha-kun last night. Bad Ryuu-chan! I should've thought of what I did. Now he's pulled into all this mess and it's my fault. You know, I just can't help feeling that something was left hanging in the air, something that maybe I should've finished... or at least done something about..."
He turned his eyes skywards, his voice trailing away. Kumagorou rested comfortingly against his chest, but Ryuuichi felt that for the first time, it didn't understand him.
After a moment of thoughtless daydreaming, Ryuuichi heard a car stop nearby and turned around to see that his taxi had arrived.
"Ryuu-chan, hurry up!" Kumagorou exclaimed, "The taxi is here!"
Ryuuichi nodded and stepped back into the sunlight. "Yeah. We'd better go, right?"
On the way to the trendy cafe where the interview was to take place, he took two pills, one painkiller and one to lower his temperature. He prayed it would be enough to keep him up and moderately healthy-looking through the interview.
+
Tatsuha woke up to the smell of coffee. He opened one eye just in time to see Shuuichi hopping past in baggy pants and a sleeveless shirt. He stared at the floor for a little while, to assure his brain that this was indeed the reality. His dream lingered at the corner of his mind. He had the headphones on and the CD was still playing, which made it feel even more dream-like. Sakuma Ryuuichi's soft voice crooned in his ear about lost love and falling raindrops. Although Tatsuha for some reason couldn't remember his dream, it wasn't hard to guess what kind of a dream it had been, especially since he found curious white goo splashed over his thighs.
*Oh, great. Not another one of those... I swear, do I have some sort of fetish for Namida to Ame or what? Well, I blame those pleading sounds Ryuuichi makes at the end of the song for everything...*
Blushing and thanking whatever god might be listening for the sleeping bag, he reached out sleepily for his backpack, hoping no one would notice he was awake for a moment yet. He needed a minute to collect himself.
He pressed the Stop button on the discman and the sounds of the real world returned. He heard Shuuichi try to charm out his brother in the kitchen.
"Now can I wake him? Please? Please?"
"Let him be and sit still for a minute," Eiri muttered.
"How can you be so, so CALM AND COLLECTED?" Shuuichi almost screeched in disbelief.
Tatsuha pulled on a clean pair of briefs and jumped in his jeans as he crawled out of the sleeping bag. He didn't button the jeans up, since he was planning to head to the shower as soon as possible.
"I'm awake," he called out to Shuuichi.
In one second, Shuuichi was yelling at his face, "WELLFINALLY! WAITTILYOUSEEWHATYUKIFOUNDATTHECONVENIENCESTORETHISMORNING!!"
"Hey, hey! Time out! Slow down, dammit, I only just woke up!" Tatsuha said and yawned, scratching his messy coal-black hair.
"But you really gotta see it!" Shuuichi stressed, following him as he walked lazily to the kitchen.
"See what?" Tatsuha grinned tiredly at some random part of his dream which popped into his head. Tired and hungry was not a good combination. It made him think pervy thoughts.
Eiri was just leaving the room with his standard cup of cappuccino when Shuuichi and Tatsuha came to the kitchen. He was already fully dressed and his glasses hung from the collar of his shirt.
"It's on the table," he said, making Tatsuha even more confused. "Please don't even bother trying to explain it to me."
Tatsuha practically flew into the kitchen and to the table. He looked around and blinked in confusion. "What? I can't see anything but some bagels and the morning papers."
Shuuichi shoved the magazine from the top of the mail pile under his nose. "Yuki found it this morning when he went over to the convenience store to buy the paper. Look at the lower right corner!"
Tatsuha did as told. All colour fled his face and he almost ripped the magazine into shreds. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"
It was a small picture, and not even a good one since it was badly overexposured, but he recognised his own face when he saw it. Under it there was a provocative text "NITTLE GRASPER SINGER SAKUMA RYUUICHI DENIES ANY ROMANTIC INTEREST IN HIS WORK ASSOCIATE HIRAKAWA AYAMI! IS THIS THE REASON?!".
"There must be some mistake," Tatsuha blurted out instinctively.
Shuuichi attacked the coffee machine. "So that IS you? That's really you there in the picture with Sakuma-san? I was sure it was someone else, but Yuki insisted that it was you!"
Tatsuha slowly slumped down on the chair, still staring at the cover of the magazine. And he had been *sure* the dream was over...
He noted a page number at the corner of the picture and quickly looked it up. The article wasn't big, only one and a half pages, but half of it consisted of a photo of Sakuma Ryuuichi taking him by the hand. The singer was smiling cheerfully as always and pushing some reporter out of his way. Tatsuha himself looked like a lost puppy in the middle of the curious reporters. As he stared at the picture in mortification, Tatsuha recalled the moment startlingly clearly; he could remember how Sakuma's hand felt around his own and what the people around them had been inquiring. It had been such an enchanted moment, and now here it was, printed on a paper with ridiculous sidenotes, where *anyone could see it...*
"Isn't it cool?" Shuuichi beamed at him from the other side of the table.
"COOL?!" Tatsuha couldn't believe his ears. "It's not true! They made this whole thing up! Oh god, just as he told me they would..." He ran his hands through his hair in desperation.
"Who? Sakuma-san? Did you really get to drive in his car?" Shuuichi inquired.
"Go ahead and ask me something else, will you?! Hell, you're almost as bad as the stupid bitch who wrote this crap!" Tatsuha ranted, smoke almost rising from his ears.
He checked the name of the reporter from the bottom of the page: Ikai Natsue. Tatsuha started planning her bloody death, but then slumped down on the table, hitting his forehead against it and covering his head with his hands.
*Would someone please just kill me right at this very instant...*
"I still think it's kinda cool," Shuuichi insisted. "I mean, it's *Sakuma-san*, right? Won't your friends be jealous when they hear you got into a picture with him!"
"Don't remind me! You think I want everyone in my school to think I'm some kinda - *pet boy* of pop stars?!" Tatsuha wailed, not raising his head. "You wouldn't believe the amount of shit I get for being Ryuuichi's fan! They all used to call me fag before, what do you think they'll make out of THIS?" He paused and raised his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean that-- "
"But you like Sakuma-san a lot, don't you?" Shuuichi smiled widely.
"Don't you start." Tatsuha bit his lip and turned as red as a tomato. "And what does it matter anyway?"
Shuuichi shrugged carelessly. "Maybe nothing, I dunno. But *you're* the one who told me it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman when I was worried that Yuki might not like me after all since I'm a guy."
"Yeah? Hm... maybe I did, at that." Tatsuha smiled and looked at Shuuichi, then ruffled his hair. "I said that 'cause I like you better than any of those girls that have fallen swooning at Eiri's feet. You've made him alive again. That's real good."
Shuuichi smiled brightly back at him. "So don't stress, Tatsuha-kun! The press'll forget this whole shebang soon enough! In the meantime, you wanna come with us to the studio again? Who knows, K might bring Sakuma-san with h-- "
"NO!" Tatsuha yelled, his features darkening again. He jumped up and hit his fist on the table. "You out of your fuckin' MIND? How could I ever face him after something like this? And he'll probably be pissed, since I - since they-- "
Shuuichi put his coffee cup down and threw his bag over one shoulder, leaving the table. "Really, I thought you'd be glad, Tatsuha-kun."
"It's not true," Tatsuha murmured. "It's all a big lie. The truth is... I've only caused him extra trouble, after all that he did for me. He made my dream come true, and I... Ah, it doesn't matter! I hope he'll forget about it soon!"
"But Sakuma-san is so cool!" Shuuichi exclaimed. "I know he's not angry with you! He's always so nice to others. Once when I was down he gave me this yo-yo, see?" Shuuichi fished the object from his pocket and presented it to Tatsuha. "I'm keeping it in my pocket as a lucky charm!" He winked.
Only a week ago, Tatsuha would have thrown himself at the wooden yo-yo and begged for Shuuichi to let him touch it, but now anything that reminded him of Sakuma Ryuuichi made him feel awful.
He held his head. "I think I need a shower".
In order to get to the bathroom, he had to walk past his brother's study. The door was wide open and Tatsuha could hear Eiri's typing all the way to the corridor.
*I wonder what he thought when he saw that article? Thank god he's not likely to call Dad about it...*
Tatsuha stopped at the doorway. "Uh, Eiri?"
"I said, don't give me your explanations," Eiri replied without pausing in his typing.
"I know, and I won't! I just - what do you-- " Tatsuha stammered.
"Think about it? Isn't that your own business? That's what you've kept telling me."
"But do you think it was true? That I'm... like that? That Ryuuichi is?"
Eiri glanced at him over the screen of his laptop. "You seem to have a god-awful problem with this whole gay thing, don't you."
Tatsuha frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Eiri turned his eyes back to his work. "That you're making this a bigger problem than it really is. I think it's not that big a deal. That's what I think. Now if you're satisfied, get lost and let me work."
This gave Tatsuha lots to think while he showered. Mika's voice from three years ago echoed in his mind: *Your brother might not always sound like it, but he only wants your best...*
Tatsuha laughed and shook the water off his choppy black hair. *I hate to admit it, but she might have a point. And Eiri, too - I'm making this a bigger problem than it really is. It's good three weeks before school starts, everyone will forget all about it by then. And as for Ryuuichi... well, he'll probably forget it even sooner. He's got a lot more important things to take care of, now that he's back in business with Nittle Grasper.*
*That's right... everything will be fine. Everything will return to normal.*
+
Tatsuha dressed in his jeans again, not bothering to get a shirt since it was a hot day and he didn't plan on leaving the house that day. Better to keep a low profile. He wanted to believe that the article would just vanish if he refused to believe in it.
Tatsuha returned to the living-room and sat down on his still open sleeping bag.
*Now to find something to occupy myself with... But first, where did I put that Discman?*
He rummaged around in his corner of the room and finally found the Discman under his makeshift pillow.
*Okay, now I'll just listen to Nittle Grasper and read that new manga I bought at the train station. After all, isn't this a holiday? I should be relaxing... Oh, right, it would be nice to have something to drink.*
He got up and padded to the kitchen. After checking the fridge he sighed. Nothing but beer, and it was even that yucky foreign stuff which his brother drank all the time. How could Eiri keep guzzling that stuff? Tatsuha closed the fridge door and decided to grab a few bottles of coke from the vending machine at the corner.
He returned to the living-room, pulled on a clean t-shirt and picked up his leather jacket from where he had thrown it last night.
*Now let's see. I should have at least a few thousand yen to spare... I just can't remember how much I spent in that bar. Most likely not much, since Sakuma paid for everything.*
He went through his pockets and found the wallet from the last one. As he pulled it out, a piece of paper fell onto the floor.
*What's that?*
Tatsuha crouched down to pick the paper up. It was a small sheet of note paper with the logo of Hotel Grandvia in it. He turned it around and found a hasty message written in wobbly hiragana, as if a child had written it. His eyes grew big as he read the words.
*If "Ryuuichi" will do, give me a call!*
And under the text, a mobile phone number...
A memory flashed through his mind and he gasped. Just before he drove off, Sakuma had said...
*Tatsuha. Remember to check your pockets. All sorts of people go to bars like that.*
*He slipped me that note?*
Tatsuha stared at the piece of paper, then fell right on his ass on the floor.
*He gave me his personal mobile number?* His heart was beating wildly.
*It wasn't true,* he found himself thinking, in a sudden whirlwind of emotions. *It wasn't true what I said. It is not over and done with. It won't be just fine.*
He looked at the text again, reading it slowly aloud. "If 'Ryuuichi' will do..."
*And it won't ever return to normal again...*
Track Three
Ryuuichi hated Japanese hotel room towels. They were coarse and much too small. In America he had become accustomated to big, fluffy towels that could easily be used as blankets. It was sheer heaven to wrap himself into one of those after a long shower or a bath. For now, though, it seemed that he just had to manage with the Japanese.
Ryuuichi gave his hair one last scrub and then rinsed the shampoo off, pausing in his singing when the water ran down his face. Even if his voice was hoarse and especially high notes hurt like hell, he wouldn't give up his habit of singing the latest j-rock hits in the shower.
He turned the shower off and stepped out of the spacious bathroom, skipping the bath this time. Someone had once told him that you shouldn't take a bath when you have the flu, and Ryuuichi wouldn't risk it. He didn't feel like lying in the hot water like an udon noodle, anyway.
He reached out to grab the uncomfortable towel while meeting his own eyes in the mirror on the opposite wall. He looked like hell. Ryuuichi rubbed his hair dry briskily and then wrapped the towel around his waist. He went back to his big hotel room bed and slumped down on his back, cuddling Kumagorou which had patiently waited for him to shower, extremely relieved to lie down and rest again.
*Aauuhh. Feel awful... where the hell is that thermometer?*
He clicked the tv on without even glancing at it and reached out to the nightstand by the bed. He found his mobile phone and the thermometer he had been looking for. The time on his mobile display said 9:07 AM, which gave him exactly fifty-three minutes to get up, get dressed and prepare for the interview to a teen magazine, and somehow heal from the bad cold in the process.
He slipped the thermometer under his arm and called K, his one and only connection with the interviewer.
"This has better be the announcement that you're up and about and ready for the interview," K answered. "It's a hell of a mess in here. Tell me you're not hung over."
Ryuuichi rubbed his eyes wearily and then closed them altogether. Too bright. He fumbled for the remote and switched off the lights. "What? What mess?"
K's tone changed. "You sound awful. Better grab an aspirin and head over here, I'll explain it to you once we're all set-- "
"No," Ryuuichi protested, "I appreciate your help and also that you arranged this interview, but listen, I'm really not feeling well right now. I have a temperature of - hang on, I'll check-- "
"Ryuuichi, this is no longer about the Hirakawa Ayami rumor. You might want to comment on their latest invention."
Ryuuichi sighed, not really wanting to know. "What's that?" That he only ate lettuce? That he wore women's underwear?
"What did I tell you? It was female reporters' dream come true when you arrived at the concert with that Uesugi guy. They turned it into a modern day fairy story: a famous pop singer, dating an ordinary boy next door..."
Ryuuichi bit his lower lip and held his breath, feeling his heart suddenly starting to pump ice water instead of blood. "No way. Tell me you're kidding."
He knew K was *never* kidding when it came to work.
"I'm dead serious. I just had my own interview with the same reporter, and she asked me some pretty daring questions."
"I guess it can't be helped, then," Ryuuichi said under his breath.
Why did it feel like the little energy he had had just been drained from him? It felt impossible to even sit up, let alone brave the nosy interviewer.
"I'll tell them you'll be here in twenty minutes," K said and ended the conversation.
+
After fifteen minutes, Ryuuichi was standing in front of the tall hotel building, waiting for the taxi he had called to arrive. He was shivering slightly, but perhaps nobody would notice. It was a beautiful day, however, and he tried to find the lighter side to the situation as he put on his sunglasses and stepped onto the street.
*It's only a matter of an hour or two. After that I can return to the hotel room and sleep for a week. Nothing urgent on the schedule for at least half a month.*
He ran a hand through his shower-fresh hair and sighed. *I can only blame myself for this situation. It was definitely the worst time to get funny ideas. How could I not see it? After everything they've already made up of me... Aw, I feel so useless! Can't I even go out once and have fun without someone getting hurt?*
Ryuuichi checked the time again. He would be late soon. Where was the damn taxi?
He raised Kumagorou up and rubbed noses with it. "Hey, do you think I'm a bad person?"
"Of course not! You're my best friend in the whole world!" the bunny immediately replied and promptly hugged him.
"But I mean towards other people..."
Ryuuichi retreated back into shade and leaned against the wall so that he could converse with Kumagorou in peace. People looked at him funny when he talked with the bunny and he didn't want that right now.
Kumagorou thinked for a while before slowly answering, "I think Ryuu-chan isn't bad on purpose."
Ryuuichi smiled sadly and petted the bunny's ears. "Really? I think I was not being very nice at Tatsuha-kun last night. Bad Ryuu-chan! I should've thought of what I did. Now he's pulled into all this mess and it's my fault. You know, I just can't help feeling that something was left hanging in the air, something that maybe I should've finished... or at least done something about..."
He turned his eyes skywards, his voice trailing away. Kumagorou rested comfortingly against his chest, but Ryuuichi felt that for the first time, it didn't understand him.
After a moment of thoughtless daydreaming, Ryuuichi heard a car stop nearby and turned around to see that his taxi had arrived.
"Ryuu-chan, hurry up!" Kumagorou exclaimed, "The taxi is here!"
Ryuuichi nodded and stepped back into the sunlight. "Yeah. We'd better go, right?"
On the way to the trendy cafe where the interview was to take place, he took two pills, one painkiller and one to lower his temperature. He prayed it would be enough to keep him up and moderately healthy-looking through the interview.
+
Tatsuha woke up to the smell of coffee. He opened one eye just in time to see Shuuichi hopping past in baggy pants and a sleeveless shirt. He stared at the floor for a little while, to assure his brain that this was indeed the reality. His dream lingered at the corner of his mind. He had the headphones on and the CD was still playing, which made it feel even more dream-like. Sakuma Ryuuichi's soft voice crooned in his ear about lost love and falling raindrops. Although Tatsuha for some reason couldn't remember his dream, it wasn't hard to guess what kind of a dream it had been, especially since he found curious white goo splashed over his thighs.
*Oh, great. Not another one of those... I swear, do I have some sort of fetish for Namida to Ame or what? Well, I blame those pleading sounds Ryuuichi makes at the end of the song for everything...*
Blushing and thanking whatever god might be listening for the sleeping bag, he reached out sleepily for his backpack, hoping no one would notice he was awake for a moment yet. He needed a minute to collect himself.
He pressed the Stop button on the discman and the sounds of the real world returned. He heard Shuuichi try to charm out his brother in the kitchen.
"Now can I wake him? Please? Please?"
"Let him be and sit still for a minute," Eiri muttered.
"How can you be so, so CALM AND COLLECTED?" Shuuichi almost screeched in disbelief.
Tatsuha pulled on a clean pair of briefs and jumped in his jeans as he crawled out of the sleeping bag. He didn't button the jeans up, since he was planning to head to the shower as soon as possible.
"I'm awake," he called out to Shuuichi.
In one second, Shuuichi was yelling at his face, "WELLFINALLY! WAITTILYOUSEEWHATYUKIFOUNDATTHECONVENIENCESTORETHISMORNING!!"
"Hey, hey! Time out! Slow down, dammit, I only just woke up!" Tatsuha said and yawned, scratching his messy coal-black hair.
"But you really gotta see it!" Shuuichi stressed, following him as he walked lazily to the kitchen.
"See what?" Tatsuha grinned tiredly at some random part of his dream which popped into his head. Tired and hungry was not a good combination. It made him think pervy thoughts.
Eiri was just leaving the room with his standard cup of cappuccino when Shuuichi and Tatsuha came to the kitchen. He was already fully dressed and his glasses hung from the collar of his shirt.
"It's on the table," he said, making Tatsuha even more confused. "Please don't even bother trying to explain it to me."
Tatsuha practically flew into the kitchen and to the table. He looked around and blinked in confusion. "What? I can't see anything but some bagels and the morning papers."
Shuuichi shoved the magazine from the top of the mail pile under his nose. "Yuki found it this morning when he went over to the convenience store to buy the paper. Look at the lower right corner!"
Tatsuha did as told. All colour fled his face and he almost ripped the magazine into shreds. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"
It was a small picture, and not even a good one since it was badly overexposured, but he recognised his own face when he saw it. Under it there was a provocative text "NITTLE GRASPER SINGER SAKUMA RYUUICHI DENIES ANY ROMANTIC INTEREST IN HIS WORK ASSOCIATE HIRAKAWA AYAMI! IS THIS THE REASON?!".
"There must be some mistake," Tatsuha blurted out instinctively.
Shuuichi attacked the coffee machine. "So that IS you? That's really you there in the picture with Sakuma-san? I was sure it was someone else, but Yuki insisted that it was you!"
Tatsuha slowly slumped down on the chair, still staring at the cover of the magazine. And he had been *sure* the dream was over...
He noted a page number at the corner of the picture and quickly looked it up. The article wasn't big, only one and a half pages, but half of it consisted of a photo of Sakuma Ryuuichi taking him by the hand. The singer was smiling cheerfully as always and pushing some reporter out of his way. Tatsuha himself looked like a lost puppy in the middle of the curious reporters. As he stared at the picture in mortification, Tatsuha recalled the moment startlingly clearly; he could remember how Sakuma's hand felt around his own and what the people around them had been inquiring. It had been such an enchanted moment, and now here it was, printed on a paper with ridiculous sidenotes, where *anyone could see it...*
"Isn't it cool?" Shuuichi beamed at him from the other side of the table.
"COOL?!" Tatsuha couldn't believe his ears. "It's not true! They made this whole thing up! Oh god, just as he told me they would..." He ran his hands through his hair in desperation.
"Who? Sakuma-san? Did you really get to drive in his car?" Shuuichi inquired.
"Go ahead and ask me something else, will you?! Hell, you're almost as bad as the stupid bitch who wrote this crap!" Tatsuha ranted, smoke almost rising from his ears.
He checked the name of the reporter from the bottom of the page: Ikai Natsue. Tatsuha started planning her bloody death, but then slumped down on the table, hitting his forehead against it and covering his head with his hands.
*Would someone please just kill me right at this very instant...*
"I still think it's kinda cool," Shuuichi insisted. "I mean, it's *Sakuma-san*, right? Won't your friends be jealous when they hear you got into a picture with him!"
"Don't remind me! You think I want everyone in my school to think I'm some kinda - *pet boy* of pop stars?!" Tatsuha wailed, not raising his head. "You wouldn't believe the amount of shit I get for being Ryuuichi's fan! They all used to call me fag before, what do you think they'll make out of THIS?" He paused and raised his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean that-- "
"But you like Sakuma-san a lot, don't you?" Shuuichi smiled widely.
"Don't you start." Tatsuha bit his lip and turned as red as a tomato. "And what does it matter anyway?"
Shuuichi shrugged carelessly. "Maybe nothing, I dunno. But *you're* the one who told me it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman when I was worried that Yuki might not like me after all since I'm a guy."
"Yeah? Hm... maybe I did, at that." Tatsuha smiled and looked at Shuuichi, then ruffled his hair. "I said that 'cause I like you better than any of those girls that have fallen swooning at Eiri's feet. You've made him alive again. That's real good."
Shuuichi smiled brightly back at him. "So don't stress, Tatsuha-kun! The press'll forget this whole shebang soon enough! In the meantime, you wanna come with us to the studio again? Who knows, K might bring Sakuma-san with h-- "
"NO!" Tatsuha yelled, his features darkening again. He jumped up and hit his fist on the table. "You out of your fuckin' MIND? How could I ever face him after something like this? And he'll probably be pissed, since I - since they-- "
Shuuichi put his coffee cup down and threw his bag over one shoulder, leaving the table. "Really, I thought you'd be glad, Tatsuha-kun."
"It's not true," Tatsuha murmured. "It's all a big lie. The truth is... I've only caused him extra trouble, after all that he did for me. He made my dream come true, and I... Ah, it doesn't matter! I hope he'll forget about it soon!"
"But Sakuma-san is so cool!" Shuuichi exclaimed. "I know he's not angry with you! He's always so nice to others. Once when I was down he gave me this yo-yo, see?" Shuuichi fished the object from his pocket and presented it to Tatsuha. "I'm keeping it in my pocket as a lucky charm!" He winked.
Only a week ago, Tatsuha would have thrown himself at the wooden yo-yo and begged for Shuuichi to let him touch it, but now anything that reminded him of Sakuma Ryuuichi made him feel awful.
He held his head. "I think I need a shower".
In order to get to the bathroom, he had to walk past his brother's study. The door was wide open and Tatsuha could hear Eiri's typing all the way to the corridor.
*I wonder what he thought when he saw that article? Thank god he's not likely to call Dad about it...*
Tatsuha stopped at the doorway. "Uh, Eiri?"
"I said, don't give me your explanations," Eiri replied without pausing in his typing.
"I know, and I won't! I just - what do you-- " Tatsuha stammered.
"Think about it? Isn't that your own business? That's what you've kept telling me."
"But do you think it was true? That I'm... like that? That Ryuuichi is?"
Eiri glanced at him over the screen of his laptop. "You seem to have a god-awful problem with this whole gay thing, don't you."
Tatsuha frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Eiri turned his eyes back to his work. "That you're making this a bigger problem than it really is. I think it's not that big a deal. That's what I think. Now if you're satisfied, get lost and let me work."
This gave Tatsuha lots to think while he showered. Mika's voice from three years ago echoed in his mind: *Your brother might not always sound like it, but he only wants your best...*
Tatsuha laughed and shook the water off his choppy black hair. *I hate to admit it, but she might have a point. And Eiri, too - I'm making this a bigger problem than it really is. It's good three weeks before school starts, everyone will forget all about it by then. And as for Ryuuichi... well, he'll probably forget it even sooner. He's got a lot more important things to take care of, now that he's back in business with Nittle Grasper.*
*That's right... everything will be fine. Everything will return to normal.*
+
Tatsuha dressed in his jeans again, not bothering to get a shirt since it was a hot day and he didn't plan on leaving the house that day. Better to keep a low profile. He wanted to believe that the article would just vanish if he refused to believe in it.
Tatsuha returned to the living-room and sat down on his still open sleeping bag.
*Now to find something to occupy myself with... But first, where did I put that Discman?*
He rummaged around in his corner of the room and finally found the Discman under his makeshift pillow.
*Okay, now I'll just listen to Nittle Grasper and read that new manga I bought at the train station. After all, isn't this a holiday? I should be relaxing... Oh, right, it would be nice to have something to drink.*
He got up and padded to the kitchen. After checking the fridge he sighed. Nothing but beer, and it was even that yucky foreign stuff which his brother drank all the time. How could Eiri keep guzzling that stuff? Tatsuha closed the fridge door and decided to grab a few bottles of coke from the vending machine at the corner.
He returned to the living-room, pulled on a clean t-shirt and picked up his leather jacket from where he had thrown it last night.
*Now let's see. I should have at least a few thousand yen to spare... I just can't remember how much I spent in that bar. Most likely not much, since Sakuma paid for everything.*
He went through his pockets and found the wallet from the last one. As he pulled it out, a piece of paper fell onto the floor.
*What's that?*
Tatsuha crouched down to pick the paper up. It was a small sheet of note paper with the logo of Hotel Grandvia in it. He turned it around and found a hasty message written in wobbly hiragana, as if a child had written it. His eyes grew big as he read the words.
*If "Ryuuichi" will do, give me a call!*
And under the text, a mobile phone number...
A memory flashed through his mind and he gasped. Just before he drove off, Sakuma had said...
*Tatsuha. Remember to check your pockets. All sorts of people go to bars like that.*
*He slipped me that note?*
Tatsuha stared at the piece of paper, then fell right on his ass on the floor.
*He gave me his personal mobile number?* His heart was beating wildly.
*It wasn't true,* he found himself thinking, in a sudden whirlwind of emotions. *It wasn't true what I said. It is not over and done with. It won't be just fine.*
He looked at the text again, reading it slowly aloud. "If 'Ryuuichi' will do..."
*And it won't ever return to normal again...*