Chapter Five

Jamie was back in Rachel's room. He hadn't wanted to go back there but he needed to carry on reading her diary. He had already been in once and gotten rid of some of the dust that was swamping the room: It didn't seem right for it to go to ruins. Now he was sitting on the bed, exactly as she would have been years ago writing in the book he was now holding in his hand.

*I don't know how much longer I can go on with this. Even just watching the people in school laughing and joking with their friends makes me cry. Because it just reminds me that I haven't got this. I'm the girl sitting in the corner on her own not talking to anyone. They're getting worse. Every day. I can't stop them. Even if I had once had the confidence to stick up for myself that's all gone. It's as if I'm a different person. Like I was an owl and now I'm a mouse. How can I stop it? Maybe the only way is for me not to be here anymore. There's no pain in heaven. No tears. No… evil. I tried to tell Jamie today. He's got his own problems. He wouldn't listen. No one is listening. Mum and dad are too busy working. It's not their fault, they have two kids to bring up. It looks like I'm on my own…*

Jamie gasped. He remembered that day. It was the day he'd had that big argument with his parents. He'd come home and gone upto his room. A few moments later Rachel had knocked on his door. She'd been crying, he could tell by her voice. But he sent her away. He was too wrapped up in his own problems to realise that his sister needed help. It was only a few weeks after that when he wandered into her room to find her lying on the bed, dead. Maybe if he'd listened to her that day she wouldn't have thought she only had one way out. Maybe if he'd listened to her she'd still be alive now, helping him look after Zak. But he hadn't. It was too late now. Nothing he could say or do was going to bring her back. He put the diary back under the covers where she had once slept; it belonged there, and would be forever.

"Jamie," Zak knocked on the doors with his delicate hand. Jamie looked up. It was only then he realised there were tears on his cheeks. He wiped them away absentmindedly and went to open the door. He had realised something. Life was too short to put things off. He had decided. He was going to tell Joelle how he felt about her. That he loved her.

"Hi Zak," he smiled. "What is it?"

"Why are you in here?" Zak was confused. Jamie had always told him this room was forbidden to enter.

"Oh. Just… remembering," he replied. "What was it you wanted?" he asked.

"Want to come and play football?" Zak grinned. "We've got a team."

"Sure," he smiled. "Goodbye Rach," he murmured as he left the room and closed the door.

Ice and Joelle were already at the football match when Jamie arrived. His heart leapt as he saw her, as he remembered this was the day he was going to tell her how he felt about her. He didn't care about Ice. He could beat him to a pulp for all he cared. It would be worth it.

"The games about to start," Zak pulled on Jamie's sleeve, diverting his gaze from the girl of his dreams. He turned his attention to the football match as Zak took the first kick and the ball sailed through the air. He was so engrossed in the game, using it to take his mind off what he was to do later, that he didn't notice Joelle sidle upto him and punch him playfully on the arm.

"Hi," she said. Jamie looked at her. She looked her usual gorgeous self despite the cold which was making her cheeks glow brightly.

"Hello," he replied shyly. What was wrong with him? He thought, he was never nervous around Joelle.

"Good game isn't it."

"Yeah I guess," he replied, still nervously. "Zak plays well," he commented.

"Maybe he could be a professional one day."

"I doubt it. Not in this world."

"You never know," she smiled warmly.

"Joelle," Jamie said, turning to face her fully. "I've got something I want to say."

"Really?" she replied. "So have I actually."

"You start," Jamie said, wanting to put off what he had to say for as long as possible.

"I've realised something, and I felt you had a right to know. I've fallen in love. With Ice."