Round 2
Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that.
Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page
Three couples and one empty couch now sit in the Dueling arena, the couch in shadow. (We, the authors, have long since stopped questioning things such as this. They make our heads all achy, and we fear that it will drive us from the harmless type of insanity to the evil type of insanity. We advise you to follow our lead and accept the strangeness.)
Kagedtiger smiles. "Now, with out further delay, let's play the game! Our last couple will be announced when they first respond to a question."
"Umm, Kagedtiger? Don't we need our question cards first?" Crysi searches her pockets. "I thought I had them, but I must have given them to you..."
The smile never leaving her face, Kagedtiger turns around and reaches into hammerspace. "Of course. Now, where did I put them?"
The co-host, contestants and audience all perform a simultaneous sweatdrop while Kagedtiger rummages through hammerspace, throwing things out behind her.
"Umbrella. Cow. Socks. Digivice. Flute. Weird Al CD. A Pokemon." The Pikachu that appears from Hammerspace dives into the audience until it finds Satoshi, where it settles on his lap. Or, settles as well as it can with Shigeru occupying much of that space, anyway.
"Flyswatter. Wanted poster. Phone. Address list. Pictures of Touga. Oops!" She glances guiltily at Touga, who flashes a Knee-Melting Smile (TM), which Kagedtiger sidesteps by diving back into Hammerspace, causing the full effect of it to fall onto Crysi, who melts into a small puddle.
"Teddy bear. Broom. Magic wand. Nokoru's magic fan. Jewel Of Eternal Luck (TM). Wait, I might need that." She dons the necklace, and continue's searching.
"Tie-dye bandana. Gackt poster. Jewel of Sporadic Genkiness (TM)." She drops this on the Crysi-puddle. "Marashino cherry. Duo-plushie with scythe. 'Chibi Touma's Yaoi Adeventure Game.' Nameless white substance. Hippie Chick. HIPPIE CHICK?!?"
The tie-dye clad girl blinks and looks around. "Huh? What am I doing here?"
Crysi re-forms and explains the situation to Hippie Chick while Kagedtiger continues to search through The Void.
"Well, we're hosting an episode of the Newlywed Game, with some of our favorite bishounen couples."
Hippie Chick beams. "Is Touga here?"
"Yup."
"WOOHOO!" Hippie Chick turns around and attempts to glomp Touga, only to be repelled by the force-field generated by Akio.
"Oh, man," she groans, then looks at Yohji. "It's the John Lennon Guy!" She glomps Yohji (who unfortunately has no protection against such things) and smiles happily. Crysi pries her off and hands her a Yohji-chibi-neko, which she happily snuggles. The chibi-neko is heard to promise to give up smoking if some god, *any* god can get him out of it.
"Sorry Hippie Chick. Hey, you wanna help us host?" Crysi helps Hippie Chick up and takes pity on the chibi-neko, prying it away from the other girl and releasing it.
"Sure!"
"I FOUND IT!"
The two girls look over at Kagedtiger, who is triumphantly holding a stack of light lavender cards. "Alright, we're ready to start!" The three girls take their places on the host stools (after getting an extra one from Hammerspace for Hippie Chick) and Crysi cheerfully points out (becasue Crysi seems incapable of saying anything uncheerfully) that they have yet to establish which is the feminine counterpart. This task falls to the unfortunate Kagedtiger after a game of Jan-Ken-Pon, which we probably misspelled, but no one is perfect in this world, so we'll just whistle and look away.
"Umm, in you relationship, who is the female counterpart?"
The people in the audience look at Zoisite and Kunzite and make weak attempts to hide their giggles. Zoisite and Kunzite exchange glances.
"Me," Kunzite states simply. The people goggle and turn to Zoisite, who simply grins.
"I didn't see that one coming," mutters Crysi.
"You're his miko," Kagedtiger hisses. "How could you not know?"
Crysi shrugs. "Well, the next one won't be a surprise. Akio?"
Akio snorts. "Him. Definitely him."
Touga sighs and nods in agreement. "I hate to admit it, but me."
Kagedtiger frowns and turns to Crysi. "Are any of these couples actually married?"
Crysi stifles a snort (because that would link her in even a tiny way to Akio) and replies, "No. What's your point?"
"Nothing, just curious. Omi?"
Omi looks thoughtful. "I'd say... me."
Yohji smiles at Omi and the two kiss. There are many 'Awwws' from the audience.
"And finally, our last couple," Crysi gestures emphatically. "Ummm," she turns to Kagedtiger, "who are they anyway?"
"I thought you were going to pick them!" They both glance at Hippie Chick, who shakes her head.
"Well, go get someone. Whoever you can reach first from hammerspace!"
"Alright." Kagedtiger nods and burrows into Hammerspace, retrieving two bishounen and throwing them onto the fourth couch. Heero(GW) and Yamato(Digimon) blink around at their surroundings.
"Where are we?" demands Heero.
The girls back away. "Well," ventures Hippie Chick, "you're in a Newlywed fic."
Heero shoots the girls....A Glare of Doom (TM). "Omae o Korosu."
Crysi bounces happily. "Yay! Now we're safe for life!"
The audience, contestants, and co-hosts all sweatdrop.
Hippie Chick turns to Kagedtiger. "I know Yama-sama, but who's the other bishie?"
Kagedtiger sighs. "That, my friend, is what one would call a sane Farfarello."
Hippie Chick blinks. "There is such a thing?"
Kagedtiger nods sagely.
"Anyway. Umm, Heero?" Crysi ventures, "who's the female counterpart in your... uh.... relationship?"
"We're not in a relationship," Yamato states calmly, "We're not even from the same series."
"Hn." Heero pauses to consider the question. "Well, it's him, but he would say me."
Yama crosses his arms over his chest and says, "Damn straight."
Crysi blinks and mutters, "Straight? Since when is anything or anyone here straight?" She shakes her head. "Okay, who's got the first question? It goes to the male counterpart."
"I do!" Hippie Chick waves her hand in the air and pulls the top lavender card off the stack. She turns slightly green.
"Do I have to read this?" Crysi leans over her shoulder and turns slightly pale. "Yes, I'm afraid so."
Hippie Chick clears her throat. "Okay. Um.... Kunzite.... uh.... well...."
Kagedtiger, who hasn't seen the question yet makes an impatient noise. "Well? Get on with it!"
"Um. Whatisyourpartner'sfavoriteposition?"
Kagedtiger blinks, then turns blue.
(Note: No offense is meant in any way to the color blue. It is just as good as any other color. In fact, blue is a very nice color. Many people like it. Miki's hair is blue. This message brought to you by the Shameless Plug Association (SPA), the Blue Is Nice Chapter (SPABINC))
Zoisite shrugs. "No preference. Just me on top."
Kunzite holds up a sign that reads,
[Him on top.]
Crysi nods. "That's okay. Ten points."
"That wasn't so bad." Hippie Chick begins to regain some of her normal coloring. Then she remembers who's next.
"Okay. Um, evil one?"
Akio grins. "How specific to you want me to get?"
Hippie Chick 'Eeps'. "Ten points! Next couple!"
Yohji frowns thoughtfully. "Isn't this almost the same as the 'Who's the female counterpart' question?"
Kagedtiger and Crysi sweatdrop and poke each other until Kagedtiger swats Crysi with her flyswatter.
Crysi grimaces. "Ow! Well, you see Yohji-kun, it depends on how....ummm....detailed you, or rather your partner, will be when you answer. Zoisite and Kunzite's answer was a generalization. Akio and Touga's answer...." She studiously avoids looking at the pair who she *knows* are wearing cheshire cat grins. "....Would have been quite *cough* detailed."
An anonymous fangirl (whose name is not Karen, of course) calls out, "But what if we WANTED those details?"
She's joined by a general murmuring among the fangirls. The bishounen begin to edge away and generally try to hide. In a dignified and proper way, of course. Well...if you don't count the "Damnit, get out of my way's" and the general chaos.
Kagedtiger sighs and pokes Hippie Chick, who says, "Oh yeah, Yohji, what's Omi's answer?"
Yohji frowns slightly. "I think he'd say that he won't give exact details, but pretty much whatever he does with me." Yohji smirks as the other Weiss members in the audience give him incredulous looks.
Omi gives Yohji a withering stare, but turns over the card, which reads, [Exactly what we do is private, but if I have to answer, I suppose whatever I do with Yohji.]
Crysi grins. "Ten points! Good for you."
Zoisite sniffs. "*I* didn't get a 'good for you.'"
"Eh."
Hippie Chick turns to the last....er....couple and sweatdrops. "Heero?"
Heero shrugged. "He's going to say that we're not a couple, and that even if we were, it would be none of your business."
Yamato looks dumbstruck and numbly holds up a card (don't ask us where he gets it from, considering we got these two at the last minute) which reads, [We're not a couple, and even if we were, it would be none of your business.]
The hosts and audience blink *and* sweatdrop simultaneously, a feat rarely seen outside of trained professionals in performance. Or CLAMP manga.
Hippie Chick hands the cards to Kagedtiger. "YOUR turn to ask a question like that."
Kagedtiger pulls the top card off the pile. "What is your mate's favorite song?"
Hippie Chick rips the card out of her hands. "Awww, no fair! How come you get a normal, non-sex-related question?"
Crysi shrugs. "It is not our place to question. Well, it is, but not that way. We just question the people. Speaking of which...Zoisite?"
Zoisite bites his lip and glares at a spot on the floor as if he'd like to set it on fire. Which is entirely possible, since he's capable of it....But that's not important. Akio smirks at him. "Sometime soon, I hope? There are other people waiting for a turn."
Akio and Touga manage somehow to get off their couch before it becomes an icicle pincushion. Crysi and Hippie Chick run off to get another couch, leaving Kagedtiger all alone to host.
Poor Kagedtiger. Poor, poor Kagedtiger. Poor, poor, poor....
CRYSI, CUT IT OUT!
You get the picture.
Kagedtiger sighs and turns to Zoisite. "Answer please."
Zoisite shrugs. "I guess it would be 'Catch You, Catch Me'."
Kagedtiger (and everyone in the audience who knows the song) sweatdrops. "Isn't that the first theme song for the 'Card Captor Sakura TV series?"
Kunzite sighs and flips his card over.
[Catch You, Catch Me. Anyone I catch laughing at that will die.]
Crysi and Hippie Chick are back with the couch, and Akio and Touga sit down once again. "What did they say?" asks Crysi.
"They said it was 'Catch You, Catch Me,' and they agreed on it."
"Oh. Okay."
Kagedtiger turns to Akio and Touga.
"Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku. Absolutely," Akio declares.
The hosts exchange looks and the audience murmurs, but Touga flips his sign over.
[Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku]
Hippie Chick frowns. "A song from his own series? Isn't that against nature or something?"
Crysi shrugs "It's ten points anyway." She turns to Omi and Yohji. "Guys?"
Yohji rolls his eyes. "Strawberry Fields. I think the Beatles are okay, but to listen to it for days on end...."
Hippie Chick cheers. "The Beatles man, The Beatles are like, the best band ever. I worship them."
Omi sighs and holds up his card.
[Strawberry Fields. Yohji's really sick of it by now....]
"Ten points," Kagedtiger says. "Heero and Yamato?"
"Oretachi no Melody. Because it reminds him of one of the happiest times in his life." Heero glances over at Yamato as the other boy splutters. "Am I wrong?"
Yamato sniffs and holds up his card.
[Oretachi no Melody]
"That's good for ten points. Everyone's doing unnaturally well so far...." Crysi makes a face. But that's what comes of getting people who've known each other for a long time, or...." She blinks at Heero and Yamato. "....Or something."
"Anyhoo, let's go!" Crysi claps her hands excitedly. "One more question and we can go to commercial break!" She takes the cards from Kagedtiger and reads aloud, "What is your mate's favorite food?"
The audience looks nonplussed at such an easy question.
Crysi smiles. "Thank you, Dios." Dios waves from the audience. "Anyway, Zoisite?"
Zoisite frowns. "Um, I'd say Kunzite's would be shaved ice. I think."
Kunzite shakes his head. and holds up his sign, which reads [Italian food].
Zoisite looks very surprised. "What? I never knew you liked Italian!"
Kunzite shrugs. "There are many things you don't know about me. I happen to enjoy Italian food."
Crysi frowns. "Sorry, no points for that."
Crysi turns to the second couple. "Um, A-Akio?"
"Touga's favorite food would be cotton candy."
Kagedtiger blinks. Crysi blinks. The audience blinks. Hippie Chick grins like an idiot, the grin doubling in size when Touga's sign informs them that it is in fact [Cotton candy. The pink kind.]
"Ten points for you. Alright. Yohji, what is Omi's favorite food?"
Yohji ponders. One may point out that Yohji is particularly lovely when he ponders. Not that we're drooling or anything.
"Um, I guess.... anything, as long as its not celery."
Omi smiles and jumps Yohji (who, of course, is sooooo dismayed at this, sense the saracsm), dropping the sign which Crysi picks up and displays for the audience: [Anyhting but celery]. "Ten points!"
Crysi smiles and glances at the last couple.... or whatever.
Yamato glares daggers at her. "How the hell would he know? It's vanilla ice cream."
Heero smirks and holds up his answer, which, of course, is [vanilla ice cream]. Yamato's jaw drops about three feet. So do Crysi's and Hippie Chick's.
Crysi then turns to Kagedtiger. "They did it backwards...."
Kagedtiger frowns and pulls a book the size of a small car out of hammerspace. The title of the book reads *The Big Book of Rules for Various Fanfics, Including Games, Which Isn't Really All That Helpful But Looks Rather Impressive, Don't You Think?* Kagedtiger glances at Crysi. "I say we give it to them, since they *did* give the same answer...."
"Alright, ten points." says Crysi after helping Kagedtiger shove the book back into hammerspace. "I guess it's time for a commercial break. We'll see you after these messages. Don't go away. Please."
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.
or
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously.