Round 3
Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that.
Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page
The girls smile at the camera. Hippie Chick begins. "Welcome back to 'Crysi and Kagedtiger's (And now also Hippie Chick's) Newlyweds Game, (God Help Us All)' And yes, 'God help us all' *is* part of the title."
Narrowly avoiding a sweatdrop, Crysi says, "In round two, the questions will be answered by the female counterparts, which means Kunzite, Touga, Omi, and Yamato."
Crysi hands the large stack of lavender cards to Hippie Chick, who closes her eyes and fearfully pulls the top card off the stack. She reads it, and does not qute turn purple. "Why do I always get the ecchi ones?"
Kagedtiger leans over and reads the card. "What are you talking about? That's not ecchi!" The girl pauses. "Well...not compared to your last one anyway."
Hippie Chick looks mournful as she shows the card to Crysi, who grins at the couples while thanking whatever deity might exist that she didn't get the question.
"But think of the possibilities," groans Hippie Chick.
Kagedtiger eyes Touga. "Oh, I am. Anyway, just read the question."
Hippie Chick sighs the sigh of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, and says, "Alright already. Kunzite, if your spouse- er, if your um...."
"Mate?" Kagedtiger supplies oh-so-helpfully. Kunzite glares.
"Life partner," Crysi offers cheerfully.
Hippie Chick clears her throat. "If Zoisite got a tattoo, what would it be and where?"
"Oh." Kunzite frowns. "I guess.... a pink rose on his back?"
Zoisite shakes his head mournfully. Holding up his sign, the audience sees [A net pattern of ice design up my forearm].
Kunzite curses under his breath until he is distracted by Zoisite's hands, which are....well, nevermind. We won't go there.
Crysi whines, "But I *want* to go there!"
Kagedtiger shushes her. "Not while we have You-know-Who as a contestant."
The girls glance apprehensively at the lavender-haired demon seated beside the crimson-haired angel. (That wold be Akio and Touga, respectively, though Touga is hardly an angel....) Crysi shudders. The Akio-car gallantly drives in front of her, determined to protect his beloved through fog, fire, or-
STOP RIGHT THERE KAGEDTIGER! GIVE ME THAT KEYBOARD!
jasfdiogyhaeioguhasojhvasoyugdasohdgsogauseiojf
No! It's my turn to type!
akl;sjgfaojtgasiohjgah87432uirg3276040432jb[k,/
Not if you're going to type stuff like that it's not!
Kagedtiger glares at Crysi within the fic. "But your boyfriend- "
Crysi scowls at the other girl. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"
HONK! The Akio-car would be looking at Crysi mournfully, (not that we like the word mournfully or anything. Incredulous is also a good word.) if it had eyes.
"I'm sorry," she replies. "I know you saved me from Akio, but you're a car. It just wouldn't work out."
Honk? "Well, we'll still be friends."
Honk!
"NANI?! HENTAI!"
HONK! Honkhonk!
"Why you little...."
A large fight breaks out on stage, and Hippie Chick and Kagedtiger calmly move to the other side of the arena where Hippie Chick continues with the questioning. She turns to Zoisite and Kunzite.
"Sorry guys, but no points for....Oh. You're busy. Well anyway, Touga? If Akio got a tattoo, what would it be and where?"
"It would be a white rose. Probably on his chest."
Akio holds up his sign, which has somehow gained a border of spinning roses, and which reads [A white rose on my chest].
"Yay! Touga-sama got it right! Yay! Ten points for you!" Hippie Chick smiles a large, happy smile of the kind that one gives anime characters like Touga and Van.... wi~ngs....drool....And he has to take his shirt off. Van....
*Thwack*
Crysi, after teaching the Akio-car the *correct* way to speak to a lady, has come back and taken full control over the situation. She also has the keyboard now. (*g*) "We have a show to host here!" "Sorry." mutters Kagedtiger.
Anyway, Hippie Chick moves onto the next couple. "Omi? Same question."
Omi frowns slightly. "I'm really not sure....I don't think he'd get a tattoo, actually."
Yohji smirks and holds up a sign.
[Haven't thought about it. Probably won't get once, since Omi would yell at me.]
Hippie Chick blinks for a few seconds, then shrugs. "Good enough." She gives Yamato a Look and says, "Are you going to answer the question?"
Yamato glares at her and mutters, "I don't even *know* this guy." He glances at Heero, who matches him stare for stare. Yamato looks away first and mutters, "Hn."
Crysi smiles at him. "Since this is a fanfic in which many cliche's are being used, that's entirely possible."
Heero holds up his sign.
[Hn.]
Kagedtiger and Hippie Chick goggle, then both glare at Crysi.
"What kind of a game do you think this is? And what kind of an answer is that?" Kagedtiger asks Crysi.
Crysi opens her mouth to answer but is cut off.
"It's a wacky game with unhappy contestants, insane hosts, and an audience that either a) wants to glomp the other half of the audience, or b) wants to do anything *but* be glomped by the other half of the audience. And it's the right answer."
A simultaneous call of "Touga?" "Zechs?" and "Aya....I mean Ran?" rings out from the contestants. From the audience, there are also calls of "Pulse?" "Izumi?" "Hotohori?" and "Seishirou?"
A redheaded-Koyasu-Takehito-bishounen (no, not Aya or Touga) strolls across the Dueling arena to the three hosts, two of whom cheer at the sight of him.
"Aburatsubo!"
"Rabid Monkey!"*THWACK*
"Owwww..."
Hippie Chick looks at them quizzically. "Aburatsubo?"
Kagedtiger grins. "He's from Mahou Tsukai Tai. He's gorgeous (not the one from Maze. He's physically....you get the picture) and talented and smart and he's...."
"Close-to-flaming gay!" Crysi grins and pats Hippie Chick on the head. "We showed you the Mahou Tsukai Tai OVA just so you could see him, remember?"
"Oh yeah...."
Aburatsubo smiles at the girls and says, "I don't suppose I could help you host...."
Crysi and Kagedtiger share a glance. Well, we guess it should be two glances, but we don't want to start sounding like Piers Anthony, so we'll leave it at that.
Crysi murmurs carefully, "What do *you* get out of it? I mean, no offense, but there's no reason to involve yourself in this fic...."
"I want more shounen ai fans to write Mahou Tsukai Tai! fanfics, but I need publicity to spread the fandom. If this fanfic is posted on Kuwabara no Miko's site, it will get a lot of hits in a short amount of time, with her popularity, and so I can hope for more fans who will be on my side." Aburatsubo shrugs. "It's just an idea. Shameless Plug Association Council of Underappreciated Homosexual Bishouen Chapter (SPACoUHBC) and Shameless Plug Association Mahou Tsukai Tai! Chapter (SPAMTT!C) suggested it."
Kagedtiger sighs. "Okay, Crysi, you ask the next question, and Hippie Chick and I will conference. Then you and Hippie Chick can conference as I ask the next question and all three of us can conference over the ad."
Everyone manages to sweatdrop, but this time, rather than being synchronized, the sweatdrops come in unorganized spates. Such is the fate of the world.
(*cough*) Kagedtiger has now wrested control of the keyboard from the melodramatic Crysi, and the story will now proceed.
Crysi watches as the Kagedtiger and Hippie Chick go over to conference and glances at Aburatsubo. "Why don't *you* ask the next question, as long as they're busy? I don't mind you hosting the show."
Aburatsubo smiles and takes the lavender cards from Crysi. He waves to the first couple to get their attention, then picks the card off the top of the stack. He manages to not look too disappointed at the lack of ecchiness (is that a word?).
"What is your partner's greatest fear?"
Zoisite smiles. "After what happened at the end of the first season? It's loosing me."
Kuzite holds up his card.
[Losing Zoisite.]
The two snuggle in an endearing way.
Crysi sighs and smiles at the couple. "I think this is time for a mass 'Awwww' moment."
"Or *not*. We're next!"
Aburatsubo sighs and turns to Touga and Akio. "That was the one who *doesn't* sound exactly like me, correct?"
Touga nods. "Akio said that."
Akio frowns gently (Akio doesn't scowl) at the crowd and says, "Well we *are* tied for first."
"With three other couples," Omi points out. "Only Zoisite-san and Kunzite-san have missed any questions so far." Omi smiles cheerfully at Youji, who smiles back and pulls the boy in for a kiss.
Yamato rolls his eyes. "Can we get on with this?" He then turns to Heero. "And don't touch me, if you please."
"Hn."
"Well, it's obvious," Touga remarks. "Akio's afraid of loosing his power over other people. . But the thing he's most afraid of is loosing his sex drive."
Hippie Chick and Kagedtiger, who were walking back, cover their ears with their hands. "I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that."
Crysi blinks at them as they take their hands away. "He said that Akio's afraid of loosing his sex drive. Didn't you hear?"
[Losing my sex drive.]
Aburatsubo stifles a laugh and turns to Omi and Yohji, who have admirably restrained themselves from having a makeout session on the couch, much to the disappointment of most of the people present. "Loosing the people he loves," Omi murmurs softly and leans against Yohji, resting his head on the older man's shoulder.
Yohji holds up a sign.
[Losing people I love, especially Omi.]
"AWWWWWW! That's so sweet," Kagedtiger says, sniffling.
Everyone wipes their eyes and turns to the last couple.
Yamato shrugs. "I have no idea."
The hosts (including Aburatsubo, even though he's a guy and it's supposed to be reserved for women, but we bet Nokoru-sama could do it too) give Yamato a Look, then turn to Heero, who holds up a card.
[Losing Duo.]
There's much rapid blinking in response to this answer, but the hosts shrug, and the 1x2 and 2x1 fans in the audience cheer.
Aburatsubo says, "So, no points. Nice try though."
"Well....Not really," mutters Hippie Chick.
Kagedtiger plucks the cards from Aburatsubo's hands and says, "You can host, but the next question is mine." She picks the top card off the pile. "When and where did you and your partner first meet?"
Kunzite frowns and glances at Zoisite, who is glowering at him. He sighs and mutters something unintelligible.
"What was that?" Kagedtiger asks.
"I don't know."
Aburatsubo gapes at him. "How can you not know? I know the *exact* time and place where I first met my Takeo-chan, and we're not even a couple, because of that useless burden Sawagonochi-kun." He sighs miserably at the end of his statement and Hippie Chick hands him a copy of *Les Miserables, the Unabridged Unabridged Version*.
"You'll sympathize with Eponine," she says, smiling.
Zoisite moves to the opposite end of the couch and holds up his card.
[We met for the first time in....well, I don't remember, but I was twelve, he was eighteen, and we had sex in a nearby closet right then, right there.]
Crysi blinks. "That *could* count, since he doesn't remember and Kunzite doesn't know...."
"Nope." Kagedtiger shakes her head. "We have a time, although it's given by ages, and a place, namely 'somewhere near a closet'. And note that I'm not making a 'coming out of the closet joke,' although I could be."
"Noted," the other three hosts call in unison, eliciting sweatrain from all directions.
Kagedtiger turns to Akio and Touga.
"I met him in the church, or the graveyard, when I was trying to save Utena from killing herself," Touga mutters in a low voice.
Akio holds up a sign.
[I met him in the church when I was saving Utena. He couldn't save her but I did.]
Touga refuses to look at Akio as they are awarded the points.
"Omi-kun?"
"Ummmm....I guess I met him when Manx brought him to the Koneko flower shop and said he was going to be part of Weiss. Ken met him then too." Omi scratches his head. "But I guess that last thing isn't so important."
Yohji smiles and holds up his sign.
[We met when I was first introduced as a member of Weiss, in the Koneko flower shop.] "Ten points," Crysi declares briskly. "C'mon, let's get this show on the road. Yamato and Heero, what is your final answer?"
*swat*
"Ow!" Crysi rubs her head. "I'm sorry. Ian's been doing his Regis impression lately....I didn't even say the right thing."
"I don't know what you mean." Yamato glares at the audience. "One, he is not my boyfriend. I already *have* a boyfriend. Two, the first time we met was *five* *minutes* *ago* right here on the show!"
Heero holds up his sign, grinning.
[Five minutes ago (that's the approximate time this question will be asked after we meet) on the stage of "Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick's Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All)."]
Crysi claps. "What a brilliant answer Yama-sama! You'd almost think that you'd known Heero for a longer period of time!" She glances up at the sweatrain that is pouring down. "I said something genki and stupid again, didn't I?"
Aburatsubo pats her shoulder. "Don't worry. It's time for a commercial break."
The camera fades out to the mutterings of "How the heck did he know I was going to pull Hippie Chick out of Hammerspace?" and "Are you sure you're not a stalker?"
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.
or
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously.