Humane Society Promotion

            Laguna is sitting on a small stool holding a white rabbit.

            Laguna:  Every day, unwanted animals are brought to the Humane Society in hopes of giving them a better chance.  But they can't do it alone.  They need caring people like you and me to help.  You can do your part by going to your local Humane Society and taking in an animal to love and care for.  For a listing of the Human Society nearest you call the num-  [breaks down into tears]

            Director:  CUT!  Mr. Loire, what's the problem?

            Laguna:  *sniffles*  Does any…one have…any tissues?  [crew member hands him a tissue as he composes himself]  It's just…it's just…the idea of all those…poor ANIMALS!!! [starts bawling again]  All alone…no one to care for them…it's so sad!

            Director:  Someone PLEASE take Mr. Loire off stage so that he can compose himself? 

**Humane Society, take 2**

            Director:  Mr. Loire, you're sure you can handle it this time?

            Laguna:  Yessir.  I apologize.

            Director: [sighs]  Alright.  ACTION!

            Laguna:  Every day, unwanted animals are brought to the Humane Society in hopes of giving them a better chance.  But they can't do it alone.  They need caring people like you and me to help.  You can do your part by go-

            A dog runs up onstage, carrying an article of clothing in its mouth, drops it at Laguna's feet and continues to run, a voice can be heard in the background.

            Voice:  Angelo!  You're not supposed to go through my clothes, bring that bra back…and I swear, if there's any holes in it I'm going to kill you!  If I get my hands on you, I'm going to… [Rinoa finds herself on the stage, the whole crew staring at her, their jaws to the ground, Laguna picks up said article of clothing]

            Laguna:  Ummm….Looking for this?  36C, eh?  [Rinoa snatches it from his hand, hiding it from sight as she turns red.] 

            Director:  Cut again…everyone take a break…I need a drink, this director business is rough…

Game Show Commercial

            Cid Kramer stands in front of a 'Jeopardy-like' game board.

            Cid:  You've seen Jeopardy…you've seen Ben Stein, you've seen Wheel of Fortune…maybe you've even seen Press Your Luck [A/N: The best game ever! "No whammies…no whammies!]… but now it's time for 'Win Cid Kramer's Gil!'  That's right, every week, I'll be going head to head against the newest SeeD members in a battle of brains and brawn.  The students will be presented with questions that they SHOULD know since they've been on SeeD exams, and in the final round, I'll go head to head with the winner with the help of my lovely wife, Sorceress Edea.  If the contestant can survive the final round against my Edea's powerful magic, and combat with me, he could win up to 10,000 Gil!  Watch for the premiere of the show this Saturday, when I go up against Selphie Tilmitt, Zell Dincht, Squall Leonhart, and that forth nameless SeeD that wasn't good enough to join the others on the quest to defeat Ultimecia. 

Psychic Friends

            Ellone is sitting on a big couch with another 'psychic.'  Typical 'livingroom style' setup:  Two armchairs to the side and a coffee table in the middle.  Tarot cards are spread out on the table, along with a telephone.

            Ellone:  Hello, my name is Ellone, and I'm part of the Psychic Friends Network.  Are you wondering about your love life?  Your career?  Your family?  If your significant other being faithful?  Will you get that promotion?  What do your in-laws REALLY think of you?  Wonder no longer.  Call the psychic friends network today and find out.  The Psychic Friends Network is made up of a small group of reliable psychic who want to help YOU.  Call today and receive your first 5 minutes free.  We've had many satisfied clients and we'd love to help you.

            Squall's Voice (voiceover):  The psychic friends network reunited me with my dad and his army buddies.  Thanks Psychic friends network.  Thanks A LOT (said sarcastically) [sound of phone hanging up]

            Laguna's Voice (voiceover):  Ellone helped me get personally acquainted with my son…before he was even born!  Then, the psychic friends told me where I could find him.  Thanks…I LOVE YOU GUYS! [begins to cry]

            Ellone:  There you have it.  Call the psychic friends today and see what lies in YOUR future!