Round 4
Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that.
Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page
The camera pans in on Aburatsubo who smiles in that *way* (like Nokoru-sama, except different, because Aburatsubo is cool and all but Nokoru-sama obviously has a league of his own) and says, "Welcome back to 'Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick's Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All)', and yes, 'God Help Us All' *is* part of the title. At the beginning of round three, the score is Zoisite and Kunzite trailing bigtime with thirty, Yamato and Heero in second with fifty, and the other two couples tied for first with a perfect score of sixty. Now, Hippie Chick gets the first question of this round."
He turns to Hippie Chick, who eyes the cards fearfully.
"No way man. I refuse to read another ecchi question! Aburatsubo, you can do it." Hippie Chick stomps across the stage.
Kagedtiger frowns. "Hey, Crysi, shouldn't we have eliminated two teams before this round?"
"It's *our* game, Kage-chan. I want to see their answers for this round, and darnit, I'm gonna!" Crysi cheerfully grins at Zoisite and Kunzite in particular, both of whom cringe.
Aburatsubo shrugs, using his mad bishounen skillz to ignore the high pitched voice of a fangirl, and pulls the top card off the lavender stack, reading aloud to Zoisite and Kunzite, "What is your partner's favorite anime?"
Hippie Chick swears fluently, until Kagedtiger is forced to put her into Hammerspace for a timeout. Crysi objects until Kagedtiger points out that there's an Omi on the stage. Omi looks quite insulted at this. In any case, the hosts turn expectantly to look at Zoisite.
Zoisite bites his lip and then sighs. "I didn't think that Kunzite watched anime. I don't know."
Kunzite holds up his card, which says, [I don't normally watch anime, but if I had to pick one, it would be Mahou Tsukai Tai.]
Kagedtiger turns to Crysi. "Should we count that?"
Crysi thinks. Obviously a strain.
*Thwack*
OW!
"No," she says slowly, "because Kunzite did actually give an answer." The two girls look at Aburatsubo, who is still grinning at that last answer. He blows a kiss at Kunzite and, after avoiding a storm of ice shards followed by a small inferno, which causes most of the audience to run away and find fire extinguishers and my, isn't this sentence long, turns to Akio and Touga. Meanwhile, Kagedtiger digs Hippie Chick out of Hammerspace and sets her back on her stool. Hippie Chick sulks for a few seconds, but then brightens up when she realizes that she is going to find out Touga's favorite anime.
Akio doesn't scowl, because, as has been said before, Akio just doesn't *do* that. However, he does look slightly perplexed. "I believe he was a big supporter of Fake a while back, but I don't know if he still is."
Touga shakes his head and holds up his sign. [Shoujo Kakumei Utena.]
Akio looks startled, which happens rarely, but *does* happen, and Hippie Chick mumbles something about rule books and egos.
Crysi frowns. "Is that allowed? Is that legal?"
"Eh, let it go," replies Kagedtiger. "It'll just make your head hurt if you try to think."
*THWACK*
"OW! I didn't mean it *that* way!"
Aburatsubo recovers from an almost-sweatdrop, because, after all, he only does that if Takeo says something stupid, and gallantly marches onward with the question.
"Yohji?"
"Well, it's not Weiss Kreuz. He's far too emotionally involved with our series because of the torture he goes through. I know it's not one of the anime represented here." He gestures to the other contestants. Maybe it's....Samurai Troopers?"
Omi glares at Yohji holds up his card. [Fujimi Symphony Orchestra]
"Hm," Yohji leans back into the couch. "Well, that would have been my next guess."
Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick sputter for a few moments....well, more than a few moments.....Long enough that Aburatsubo needs to take over hosting until they can stop laughing, crying, and screaming all at once.
Aburatsubo looks toward the last couch, where the two contestants are sitting on the far opposite ends, one muttering, one glaring stonily. (It's up to you to guess with is which.)
Heero looks at his partner....or something. "Weiss Kruez."
Omi and Yohji look about as poleaxed as Yamato, who holds up his sign which says [Weiss Kreuz.]
The audience snickers a bit, but it's mostly hentai fangirls who are snickering, which, although they make up more than half the audience, is not a significant amount of people. Well, it is, but
CRYSI!
Right. Aaaaanycard.
"Ten points," calls Hippie Chick.
Kagedtiger rubs her hands together gleefully. "My turn! My turn! She picks up the top card and reads, "If your spouse- er, whatever, were an animal, what kind of animal would they be?"
Zoisite glances at Kunzite, trying not to giggle. "Kunzite would be a snow leopard, I'm pretty sure."
Kunzite smiles (not grins, because Kunzite grinning is like Akio scowling, it just doesn't happen), and gives the answer.
[Snow Leopard.]
"Ten points! Finally! Now, Akio?"
Akio looks at his mate, and smirks. "He'll say kitten."
Touga holds up his sign, which reads, [Sex Kitten.]
The girls go into a huddle, and finally Kagedtiger pokes her head out and says "Negative, sorry, it's not the same thing."
Akio scowls. (Apparently we were wrong. He *can* scowl in certain situations. ::shudder:: It's freaky though.) Kagedtiger tallies the score in her head, mumbling, "Forty, sixty, seventy, seventy. Alright. Now, Yohji?"
Yohji looks at his adorable little boy, whom we all absolutely love becuase of the absolute emotional torture which he goes through in his series, which, on the Kagedtiger Scale of Poors rates a
KAGEDTIGER!
-erm, anyway, Yohji says, "Well, am I allowed to say dove?"
Omi smiles, and holds up his card. [Dove. At least that's what he'll say. It's not true, but he's going to say it.]
Crysi glances at Kagedtiger. "Isn't *Yohji* supposed to match *Omi's* answer?"
Kagedtiger shrugs. "Who cares? They got it right, didn't they?"
Yohji grins, and the two.... anyway, on to the next couple. Much to the disappointment of the people reading this fic.
Kagedtiger turns to the last couple. "Heero, what is Yamato?"
"You mean besides paranoid?"
Yamato gives Heero a dark look, but wisely refrains from attempting to hurt him.
"Yes, other than that."
"A wolf."
[A wolf.]
Yamato moves to sit on the arm of the couch, as far from Heero as he is allowed. "I'm going to stop questioning how he does that. I'm not sure I want to know."
"Good idea." Kagedtiger turns to Hippie Chick, who is still sulking. She rolls her eyes and turns to Crysi. "Hey Crysi, would you let her read your question, please?"
Crysi looks at the pathetically drooping Hippie Chick. "Sure."
Hippie Chick perks up and draws the top card off the pile. There is a resounding crash as she falls, anime style, off her stool. "No! Who writes these things anyway?!"
Crysi grins. "We do."
"Oh. Well that explains it." Hippie Chick easily avoids the hurt looks that Kagedtiger and Crysi give her. Probably because they're fake hurt looks. As the two once said, "We're lying about the virgin minds thing, of course. Our minds have made a nice little home in the gutter. We get cable there." Anyhoo....
Kagedtiger reads the card over Hippie Chick's shoulder. "Oh, that's not so bad! So, are you going to read that or what?"
Hippie Chick sighs. "I asked for this, didn't I? Well, okay. So, Zoisite, what word that begins with an "s" best describes Kunzite?"
"Um, sensitive."
Kunzite smiles. "You think I'm sensitive?"
Zoisite smiles back. "You know it babe."
"Babe? Kagedtiger, GIVE ME THAT KEYBOARD!"
"No! You've had it through most of the fic! Let someone else have a go!"
"Not if you're typing stuff like that!"
Ignoring the wacky antics of those irresponsible kids, Kunzite holds up his sign, which does in fact read [sensitive.]
Kagedtiger, Crysi, and Hippie Chick blink, as does Aburatsubo, but in the way that only Aburatsubo blinks. (Note that we could have gone on a long ramble about how only Aburatsubo blinks in that *way,* his own special brand of blink, which is kind of like Nokoru-sama's except not, and don't Nokoru-sama and Idomu and/or Suoh make a great couple, but we didn't ramble, so there. Wait a minute....)
As the fight continues in the background, Hippie Chick turns to the second couple. "O~okay. Anyway. Akio? What word beginning with an "s" best describes Touga. And don't say...."
"Sex?" Akio supplies. "How about sex-toy? Or sexual?"
Crysi and Kagedtiger come back, resovled to share the keyboard fairly (Crysi=100% Kagedtiger=1%, with a 1% margin of error) and Crysi says, "You *do* know that we have to take that as your answer, right?"
Akio flashes a knee-melting smile, sending everyone running.
Hippie Chick is the first to return. "Nevermind," she mutters. "Touga? Was he right?"
Touga holds up his sign, and two girls in the front row, who shall go unnamed, but start with a "B" and a "K" and rhyme with Baren and Kecka, cheer at the answer. [Superior]
"Sorry Touga-sama. Anyway, John Le- er.... Yohji?"
"Omi is sincere. Also sweet, but he'd say sincere."
Omi gives his oh-so-sweet little boy smile that lets you *know* that he was oh-so-sweet jailbait at one point in time. "You know me too well, love."
[Sincere]
Kagedtiger cheers, and Hippie Chick, who is making the best of a bad situation, turns to the final couple. "Heero? What is Yama's word?"
"Yamato is self-assured."
[Self-assured]
Yamato makes a valiant attempt at a patented Heero Yuy Glare o' Doom, but fails. Just barely, though. "Are you *sure* you're not a stalker?"
"Hn."
"Alrighty. Ten points. So, the score, as it stands, is Zoisite and Kunzite with fifty."
Applause from the audience and hosts, snickers from Akio, and a new non-icicle-ridden couch for the second couple result.
"Akio and Touga with sixty."
Applause from the audience and hosts, dark looks from Zoisite, and another new non-icicle-ridden couch for the second couple result.
"Omi and Yohji with eighty."
Wild cheering from the crowd and the hosts and mild applause from the other contestants result.
"And Heero and Yamato with eighty."
Two quickly stifled claps from an audience member and incredulous looks from the rest result.
"Well," says Kagedtiger, "it's pretty obvious who our two finalist couples are." She frowns at Heero and Yamato. "After this break, we'll come back with a tie-breaker question. Don't go away."
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.
or
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously.