Bonus Round
Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that.
Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page
The hosts wave to the camera, as do Yohji and Omi. The contestants now stand in the middle of the floor with the hosts.
Crysi bounces O.O
*THWACK*
What *are* you, a skirt-chasing version of Kiryuu Touma?
The real Touma (we apologize for using him, but we're sure he wouldn't stay silent for this) is heard to scream in the distance.
Anyhoo. Crysi bounces to the center of the arena "We're back with 'Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick's Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All)' and yes, 'God Help Us All' *is* part of the title. Also co-hosted by Aburatsubo."
"So, we have a tie." Crysi looks at the two winning couples. Specifically at Yohji.
Yohji....
Eh? Why am I looking at Yohji? It's Hippie Chick that worships him as a demi-god and the Near-Ultimate-John-Lennon-Guy (the Ultimate-John-Lennon-Guy is Dryden) not me.
Why are you typing that out? Don't type that!
Eh?
*SWAT*
"OW! Ay Dios mio...."
Kagedtiger rolls her eyes and hands the cards to Aburatsubo. "Anyway, here's Aburatsubo with the tie-breaker question."
Aburatsubo picks the top card off the stack, reading, "Does your spouse have a catch phrase? And if so, what? This is for the female counterparts."
"Ummm....Kage-chan? Shouldn't we have those soundproof booth things?" Crysi asks.
Kagedtiger shrugs. "We spent all our money on pastel sparklies and new couches and so we couldn't afford 'em. Why do you think we did this in Ohtori?"
The audience sweatdrops.
Crysi blinks. "Okay....Omi? Your answer, please."
Omi looks up at Yohji, with those sweet, innocent blue eyes which go so well with that
Kagedtiger!
Fine.
Omi looks at Yohji, frowing with that cute little pout of his. You know the one. "Well, I don't think yelling 'ASUKA' counts, so, I guess, none."
A pained look flashes across Yohji's face and Omi contritely begs forgiveness. Well....He's on his knees....Ahem. Yohji agrees that he has no catch phrase, and the two wander off....
Hippie Chick is the only host who was polite enough *not* to follow Yohji and Omi, so she asks the question. "Alright. Now, Yamato? What is Heero's catch phrase?"
"It's 'Omae o Korosu.' Everyone knows that." Seeing the incredulous looks on the faces of the audience members, Yamato sighs. "Takeru loves that show."
The major reaction can be described as "Oh."
Heero scowls and mutters, "I refuse to say it. I have no reason to say it right now."
Hippie Chick glomps Heero (for no apparent reason, other than she's probably not all-too-well after this whole game as a host....) Heero splutters and says, "Omae o korosu!"
The audience sweatdrops, the hosts sigh, and Hippie Chick is assured that she is forever safe from Heero Yuy. Of course, this also means that there is no winner....
"Um.... okay.... what do we do now?" Crysi turns to an equally bewildered Kagedtiger.
"Um, I guess we do a challenge."
Heero pries Hippie Chick off and pulls his gun out of....hammerspace.
Crysi gestures for Heero to calm down. "I said there would be no swimming in jello, and I'm sticking by that. It isn't a physical challenge at all." Hippie Chick, who has not read the other Newlywed fics, looks strangely at Heero, then looks at Crysi, and finally shakes her head. "I don't want to know. I really don't want to know."
Kagedtiger reaches into Hammerspace and pulls out two pieces of paper and two pencils. She hands one of each to each couple.
"Now, you'll use these for the challenge." Kagedtiger reaches once more into Hammerspace and pulls out a stack of gold cards. She hands them to Aburatsubo. "If you'd read the challenge?"
"Of course." He takes the top card. "Write down the names of as many people as you can think of that Kiryuu Touma has slept with. You have two minutes. Go. Hint: There will be no female names on your list."
The two guests of honor cheer, and the couples begin writing.
"Names can be female?"
*SWAT*
"OW!"
***
"Alright, times up!" Kagedtiger picks up the two lists and displays them before the camera.
Omi and Yohji
Miru-Miru
Crawford
Nagi
Yohji
Karsh
Hayama
Koganei
Tokiya
Kenji
Kurei
Yamato and Heero
Karsh
Hayama
Yohji
Nagi
Crawford
Yuugi (?)
There's a bit of a commotion from one area of the audience at the last name on Heero and Yamato's list. Luckily, the fangirls glomp Jounouchi before he can get to the stage to be shot by Heero.
Crysi grins. "And the winners are.... Yohji and Omi!"
The crowd erupts into cheers. Kagedtiger pulls a cord in Hammerspace which causes pastel sparklies of the kind in CLAMP anime to rain down on the arena, causing many a romantic scene, some inadvertantly. But no RanxKen, we're sad to say, as it is verboten in the presence of Kuwabara no Miko. The fangirls dance the wild "Worship of the Many-Times-Glomped-Yet-Ever-Stoic Bishounen" salsa and there is much glomping and merriment.
Crysi smiles and scans the audience, stopping dead, well not dead, but....oh, you know. She stops dead still when she notices Heero, who is still sitting in the same place as when they started, and is still being restrained by Duo. Well, not really restrained anymore, but....you get the picture. Damn, we didn't know you could do that on a bleacher-type bench....
She looks confusedly back between him and the Heero who is still on stage. "What? Who? When? How? Why? Whiiiiich?"
Kagedtiger grins. "You told me to get the first people that came to hand, remember? One of them just happened to be my captured Heero from Pocket Bishounen. How else do you think he knew so much about Yama-sama? You know how much I talk about him."
Crysi shakes her head, then blinks as a thought hits her. Like a brick. "But, is that legal?
"Well, they didn't win, did they?" Kagedtiger pulls a cord in Hammerspace which releases even more pastel sparklies then are in all the CLAMP manga combined. (And believe you us, that stuff is *expensive*.)
"No, I suppose not."
The hosts turn to the camera, with the party in the background.
"Anyway, I'm Lady Crysiana."
"I'm Kagedtiger."
"I'm Hippie Chick."
"And I'm Aburatsubo."
"Good night, and peace out!"
"Luuurve and Peace everyone!"
"Lurve? What's a Lurve?"
As the scene fades out, two last shouts can be heard.
"Hey! You don't *write* Weiss Kreuz fanfic! What good is your promise not to mix and match if...."
"We won't lie to you. Bye!"
The screen goes blank to the sound of Kagedtiger, Crysi, and Hippie Chick running like Akio-cars out of hell.
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.
or
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously.