Birthday Dance

by Tiamat's Child

May Gamgee grabs her younger brother for a long talk about life, love, and the importance of making choices. Slash

I am still not sure where this came from. I had some measure of control over

it at the beginning but then it developed a mind of it's own (as did May)

and decided that it wanted to be let out. I sort of ended up being dragged

along like a five year old trying to walk an excitable Great Dane. Anyway, I

hope it turned out all right. Enjoy!

Title: Birthday Dance

Author: Tiamat's Child

Rating: G

Characters/Pairing: Sam,(/Frodo), May Gamgee

Summary: May Gamgee grabs her younger brother for a long talk

about life, love, and the importance of making choices.

Feedback: Oh, yes please!

Archive: Please let me know.

Disclaimer: Not mine! Well…May's fleshed out personality is mine and so is

Hilde, but otherwise everything belongs to a perfectionistic and brilliant

dead Englishman.

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Birthday Dance

Tiamat's Child

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"Sam!" Sam blinked and looked up from his mug of ale and musings to find

his sister May standing before him. Her face was flushed and her hands were

resting on her hips, but her eyes sparkled and she was clearly on the verge of

laughter. "I've come to claim a birthday dance from my brother, after all, it's

my thirty-seventh and soon I will be too old for such silliness!"

"Ha!" Hildegard Bunce, May's best friend, leaned neatly over Sam's shoulder

and scooped up his mug without spilling a drop. "That's not a true thing to

say at all! I refuse to believe that you will ever be too old for silliness. If you

ever reach that point it will be a sad day indeed." She gave Sam's mug a

quick inspection. "This is flat. I'll take of your drink, Sam, if you'll keep our

lovely May from being swept up into a crowd of well wishers so deep that I

cannot get through to her."

Sam never really had a chance to say yes or no. May grabbed his now

empty hands and pulled him toward the group of dancers, and Hilde simply

disappeared. Sam had enough time to wonder where she'd learned that

talent before they were in the thick of things and he was too busy keeping

up with May to do anything else.

May was a good dancer, quick and light on her feet, but had a tendency to

forget that not everyone could sense a rhythm the way she did. As a result

she was a rather frustrating dance partner if you were unused to her and

generally danced only with close friends. Sam had never found it hard to

match her, not because he had her instinctive grasp of the music, but

because he knew her better then just about anyone and could tell what she

was going to do the moment she thought of it. So he wasn't caught off

guard when she moved quickly out of the main mass of people and slowed

down somewhat.

The music was still lively, though not quiet so fast as it had been. Sam was

unsurprised when May chose to seize the chance to have a conversation.

She never had been very good at keeping silent for long.

"Hilde's a wonder, isn't she? This is all her idea and her doing. She just asked

me if she could set together my party this year and I said all right. I had no

idea she had something this big in mind. There are so many people."

"She likes to surprise you." Sam smiled a little, Hilde had once told him that

she thought that May was at her most beautiful when she looked shocked.

She'd added that there were other expressions and other times that went

beyond that, but that she doubted he really wanted to hear that. He'd

blushed quite furiously at that, fairly sure he knew what she was getting at.

"She does at that. She's wonderful Sam, I really don't deserve her."

"'Course you do! You're an even match, if it's me you're asking." He often

wondered why May was always telling him not to be so modest when she

then turned right around and did the same thing herself.

"You're my brother, of course you'll say that. But I know that truth, I'm not

good enough for Hilde. Still, she seems to like things this way, so I'll just

consider myself lucky." May sighed, and smiled. "I'm happy."

"I'm glad."

"I want you to be happy too." She smirked at him. "You'll be thirty three in a

month, that's old enough to choose. I shan't be accepting the excuse of 'I'm

too young' anymore, Sam."

"You stopped letting me say that when I was twenty seven." She had too.

Just because she'd sorted things out by that age...

"That's true enough...Sam?" Her expression shifted from being mischievous to

being thoughtful.

"Yes?"

"Have I ever explained what I mean when I say 'choose'?"

"No, I don't think so. The meaning's clear enough I should think."

"That's not so. I don't mean you have to declare yourself or anything like

that. I just mean..." She trailed off as they swung nearer the group of dancers

and nearly collided with a laughing, probably somewhat drunk, couple.

"Have I ever told you much about Hilde and me?"

"I know that you're...ummm..." He blushed. True, this was something the pair

had explained to him themselves, but he still had the strange feeling that it

was a secret he shouldn't know. They'd been very discreet, most of the

population of Hobbiton probably had no idea. He hadn't.

"Lovers as well as friends?"

"Yes." He was blushing even worse now. That had been a very embarrassing

conversation, even thinking about it, all these years later was enough to turn

him beet red.

"You don't need to be so embarrassed. Unlike certain persons I could

mention, you didn't find out by eavesdropping." She frowned, and Sam

thought he heard her mutter something about 'Blasted Brandybucks who

can't keep out of other people's gardens'. "I know that you know that, but

did I tell you when we worked things out?"

"I thought it was before you moved in together."

"No. Hilde didn't know what she felt then, and I wasn't at all sure what her

invitation meant. We actually didn't say anything for three years."

"Three years?" Sam was surprised. May and Hilde were both so direct and firm

that he would have thought that the situation would be resolved well

before that.

"Yes. But you see, even before I said anything I had already decided. I was

going to spend the rest of my life taking care of Hilde and her home and if

she didn't feel the same way and never realized what my taking care of her

meant then that would be all right. I would simply always be there, loving

her deeply and taking the friendship she offered. If she got married that

would be all right, it would hurt, but she would be happy so it wouldn't

really matter. I had decided on Hildegard Bunce and nothing could change

my mind." Sam watched her quietly, as she choked slightly on the beginnings

of tears.

He had never really realized that this side of his sister existed, although, now

that he thought about it, he had certainly seen plenty of it. She was always

just there, present and supportive without being pushy (mostly, sometimes

she could be quite forceful) for him and the rest of their family as well as for

Hilde. Now that it had been pointed out to him he could see the same

behavior in the rest of the family as well. His mother had always been the

best at it, and he and his brothers and sisters had learned it from her.

"May? Are you all right?" She wasn't quite crying, but she seemed to be

struggling to contain her emotions. He was a little worried by the intensity of

something ten years old.

"I'll be fine." She smiled at him and his fear subsided. "So you see, when I say I

think you should choose that is what I mean. I really think you already have

chosen and just don't know it yet."

"May? Who do you think I've..."

"You know." They had stopped dancing now and were just talking as they

stood off to side, away from the guests. May smiled at him softly. "They say

this sort of thing runs in families. They say it's not unusual for the brother of a

girl who loves both to feel the same way. By and large I don't agree with

'They' but in this case..."

"May! You can't mean..."

"I said it years ago and you didn't listen. Listen now." An earnest urgency

crept into her voice and face. "I want you to be happy. I want you to be

able to live your life with no regrets of the actions you've taken, the

decisions you've made. This is a choice that you cannot make for yourself, it

gets made for you. You can't choose who you love, but you can choose

what you do about it.

Listen to me, when I say these things. I love you, you're my brother and one

of my favorite people in the entire world. Frodo Baggins is another of the

people who hold a special place in my heart. I'm glad it's him that you love,

for I love him too and I know that he would never intentionally do anything

to hurt you. I don't want you hurt."

"May, I..."

"Shush. Let me have my say. I want you to decide because it means that

even if you are hurt you won't end up bitter. Being bitter is even worse then

being hurt. I want you to decide because deciding means that you can

savor every day you have and be happy because you know what you want

and even small pieces of that can become enough when you know. I want

you to decide because then you'll be able to give yourself completely and

revel in it instead of getting lost."

"May, I don't even know what my decision would be."

"But I do. That's why I want you to decide, so you'll know too." She smiled

and Sam realized that he could see the wisdom in the request.

"I think you might be right."

"I am. Please? It's your birthday in a few months and if you could just tell me

what you've chosen then I would think it the best present any sister was ever

given. It ought to be long enough to decide properly."

"All right. I will." She smiled brilliantly and said,

"Good. Sam?" He turned his head quizzically to one side, "I nearly forgot to

tell you. It feels wonderful to know what you've chosen. For all their

uncertainty those three years with Hilde were some of the best I've ever had.

Every day I discovered something new about her, about myself, or about

how I felt. When you choose then you can start to really truly fall. I want you

to have that." He nodded, but didn't get a chance to reply before Hilde

appeared out of nowhere. She pressed a mug of ale that struck just the right

balance between froth and actual liquor into his hand and pulled May

away.

"Come, if you're done dancing with Sam the girl who set this all up would

like a small reward."

"Oh really? I was saving that for tonight..."

"Just a dance will do for now."

"A dance? I suppose I can spare a dance for my best friend."

"You'd better be able to."

"Yeep! Coming!" The two disappeared into the crowd, laughing merrily.

Sam took a sip of his ale, smiling to himself. May's choice had turned out

incredibly well, it seemed almost too much to hope that his would go as

well. What would that choice be?

He thought for a while, trying to weigh everything he thought and felt and

knew. He was quite thoroughly stuck and had no more clue of what he

ought to be choosing then before, when images and feelings decided to

have their say. Rational thought wasn't getting him anywhere so he didn't

fight it.

Bag End in the morning sun, all encrusted in dew. Frodo smiling at him, with

his eyes gone all soft and gentle. Frodo curled in an armchair like a child, a

book on his lap. Frodo's soft voice. Frodo's delight over the garden, no less

then Sam's own.

He understood now. May was right, he had already chosen, he just had to

figure it out. There was no way he could make a different decision at this

point.

Sam would be back at Bag End in the morning, seemingly unchanged but

really with a very important difference. He was going to be giving of his love

consciously now, not just without even realizing what he was doing. It felt

good, realizing what this was all about.

He'd have to thank May later, when he told her what he'd decided. That

would have to wait though, as she seemed to have vanished and this

wasn't the proper sort of conversation for her party anyway. She'd most likely

cry for one thing, and he could only imagine the scene that would cause. A

brief flash of May, crying quietly while Hilde stood next to her laughing, and

various partygoers fussed over her crossed his mind. He snorted into his mug

and took another swig.

Oh yes, this was a good thing. Things seemed clearer all over now, as if he

had lifted a mist from the landscape by realizing his choice. Even the ale

tasted better somehow.

He spotted Hilde and May spinning around the edges of the dance and

laughing. He felt warmed by the open love and joy on their faces and

indulged in a brief imagining of dancing with Frodo like that. Maybe that

would be true someday, who knew? For the moment he would follow May's

advice and simply love Frodo unconditionally. That would be good too.

The sun rose the next morning to smile down on Samwise Gamgee whistling

his way up the lane to Bag End. It also peeped through two sets of windows

onto two beds. On one two young women lay curled in each other's arms,

their long hair tangled together till it looked like it belonged to one person.

On the other a scholarly man had sprawled out in sleep, a faint smile liming

his lips as he dreamed of a pair of kind brown eyes and the gardener who

went with them.