Title: "The Survivors – Sirius Black"

Author: Demeter

Warnings: Dark angst in Azkaban. Sirius POV. Post James and Lily Death.

Disclaimer: All rights and privileges to Harry Potter are trademarks and property of J.K. Rowling, Scholastic, Warner Brothers, Bloomsbury Books, Raincoast Books and associated parties. The author claims no legal responsibility for problems associated with using this work. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The original story and characters and relationships within the fic are copyright of Demeter.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They were dead.

Howling.

Azkaban is cold. The prison lacks warmth. Lacks anything but screams. Yes, those are plenty.

Day and night here bleed into endless hours after another. What's wrong? Nothing's wrong. Only that… what was my name again? I… damn little traitor. I'm innocent! I'm innocent! I'm innocent!

I'm INNOCENT!

It was that rat! That traitor! He… what was his name? No, I know it! Peter! That fucking traitor! He was the Secret Keeper! I swear it! It's true! He was the one who told Voldemort about James and Lily and… Harry! Where's Harry? Where is he? I'm his godfather! I should be taking care of him! Give him to me! Give HARRY TO ME!

Cold.

Azkaban is cold and loud.

I hate Dementors.

James and Lily. They won't leave my mind. They keep crying. Oh, please stop crying. I didn't know. I really didn't know! I DIDN'T KNOW! That traitor! He was the traitor! He killed you! He betrayed you! I didn't, I swear I didn't!

But you let him Paddy. You let him

God, that's true isn't it? I let him be the Secret Keeper. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I knew it. I knew I would have done something wrong. It was always like that. He told me I would fall. That snake Snape told me I would fall as badly as him.

I didn't? No! I didn't! I didn't fall! It was that traitor's fault! Peter Pettigrew! It was his fault! All his fault! He tore them away!

They're moving away.

The Dementors are gone… until later.

Harry. Harry. Harry. Have to save Harry. Must save Harry. No, wait. Harry's safe. Dumbledore will have taken care of him. He would have. Yes, Harry's safe for now. With… someone. Yes, someone. I'm sure he's safe.

For now.

Snape?

Snape? What's he doing here? Why's he looking at me? Stop looking at me! Stop it! Stop it! I'm not the traitor! No! Stop! Leave him here! I need to ask him! Please, where are James and Lily?

Where are they? Where ARE THEY YOU SLIME?

They're dead.

No, that's not true! James isn't dead! He promised me! He said it was true! He said it was all right! Peter would save us! Peter will protect us!

No… wait. Peter… He's the traitor! Snape, come back here! Tell them! Tell them that Peter's the traitor! Please! Tell them that THAT RAT BETRAYED JAMES AND LILY! PLEASE!

Snape?

Snape?

Snape?

Snape?

Azkaban.

Cold. Dead. Alone. Silent. Loud.

Screams. They always scream when they come. I've been here… how long? It's been very, very long. No… it hasn't. Only a few months. A few months. I've been here. I've seen people go past me. The Lestranges. Crouch… JR? What's he doing here? He was a Death Eater?

So are you.

No! I am not! I'm not a Death Eater! I'm not! They're lying, all of them! The Death Eaters are Slytherins! The Slytherins are Death Eaters! Not me! I'm a Gryffindor! I'm a Gryffindor! I'm a Gryffindor! I'm not a Death Eater… I'm not.

Dumbledore?

Where's Dumbledore? He'll believe me. He will. He'll believe that we got to be Animagi during our sixth year… and Peter turned to a rat. Yes. A rat. I was the dog. Yes. That's right. James was the stag. He was the stag… and Remus was the werewolf.

The werewolf.

Moony?

Moony?

Moony?

Where are you?

You have to get me out of here! You have to kill that traitor! You have to know that I would never betray James. I would never turn my back on him. I loved him. He was my best friend. He was my brother in arms. You know that right Moony? You have to believe me. I would never betray James Potter and Lily Evans.

Not Harry. I was his Godfather… remember Moony? Why won't anyone believe me? Why won't anyone listen to me? I told the truth! I swear I told the truth!

You've lied your whole life. Why would you tell the truth now?

No! I DIDN'T LIE! James! Help me! I didn't lie! I swear to you, I didn't lie! It's not like that! It was never like that! Peter. He was supposed to be there. He was at a safe house. He was the traitor. Traitor. Betrayer. TURNCOAT!

Prongs. Where are you?

Azkaban.

It's cold. Dark. Loud. Silent.

I'm here. Because I'm a Death Eater. But I'm not. Not a Death Eater. So why am I here? Why am I here in this darkness? In this place? What's wrong with this picture? Shouldn't… no… shouldn't Peter be here? Yes, the rat should be here. Not the dog. The rat.

Then why am I here?

Death Eater. Betrayal. Somebody betrayed James and Lily. To You-Know-Who. I had thought it was Remus. Wasn't it Remus? He was the one who was supposed to betray us. The letter said so. The one I found. The one inviting him to join the Death Eaters. Yes… it had been Remus!

No!

It was Peter!

Remus wouldn't betray us!

It… was… Peter. The traitor. Yes. Peter. Traitor. I. Innocent. I. Am. Innocent. I. Am. Innocent. I. Am. Innocent.

Icy.

The darkness writhes with shadowy fingers and the laughter echoes over and over. The Lestranges won't stop laughing. They won't stop whispering words that I've betrayed the Dark Lord… no, I didn't betray him! I was never with him! I didn't betray the Dark Lord!

Only we were true. We searched for our Lord.

I'm not! I'm not a traitor! It was PETER!

Peter Pettigrew. The rat. He caused the downfall of Voldemort.

Yes! No! He wasn't that brave! All he wanted was to betray us! He didn't cause the downfall of You-Know-Who. It was… who was it… how did he die? I don't understand. Snape. He said… he said… Lily. Protecting Harry. James and Lily protected Harry. They… They're love protected Harry. The Killing Curse.

Avada Kedavra

Yes… The Killing Curse. It saved Harry. It rebounded off You-Know-Who. And Harry's alive.

Does he think I killed James and Lily?

He believes that I betrayed them… but I'm innocent! I'm innocent!

I'm INNOCENT! It was that rat! That traitor! That Peter! He was the Secret Keeper! He told everyone that I was the Secret Keeper! I wasn't! We switched. We performed the ceremony quietly. Why… Why won't anyone believe me?

I'm innocent!

Innocence that's cost James and Lily their lives. No… that's not true. Not true. I didn't mean to. I thought Peter was safe. He was supposed to be safe. Right? He was supposed to be safe. This was Peter. Wormtail of the Marauders.

He betrayed us.

Peter betrayed us.

He betrayed me.

He wasn't my best friend. Mine was James. But… he was my friend. I loved him like a brother. I loved him. We had sworn to each other on the map. Sworn that we would remain best friends and true to each other. We laughed and agreed that becoming Animagi would be our crowning achievements…

And now.

Peter turned on me. On Remus. On Lily… On James. Peter, didn't you worship James? You…

No! I'm INNOCENT! Please! Believe me! Peter! He was the fucking traitor! You have to listen to me! I'm not! I'm not a Death Eater! It's that filthy snake, Snape, who's the Death Eater! He's the one! He's the black-hearted asshole!

Azkaban is cold. And dark.

Innocent. I'm innocent.

But that doesn't do anything.

Peter betrayed us… me.

I'm in… Azkaban. With Dementors. But I have no more thoughts to give. They've taken them all away.

But I'm innocent. I'm innocent.

Yes.

Innocent.

And guilty.

My innocence condemns me as it saves. I'll leave. Someday I'll leave and I'll find Harry and explain to him that I didn't betray James and Lily. I didn't. I'll tell him that I love him and that he was my godson and that we should have lived happily together. I should have been there for him, taking Harry to the Platform Nine and Three Quarters. I should have.

But I'm not.

I'm here.

Blind.

Dark.

Cold.

Gone.

Dead.

I'll find you Harry. I swear it.

You're my life now.

I'll find you and protect you from everything in the world. Nothing and no one will ever hurt you as long as I can prevent it. I'll become the murderer everyone accuses me of as long as I can keep you safe. God, Harry.

Peter.

Remus.

Lily.

James.

I'm innocent.

~*~ FINIS ~*~

Well, that's the end of the series. Thanks to all who have reviewed and stuck with me through these couple of months. Thanks to Gramarye, her2eternity, Incitata, Rae, Lee, Katherine, Lark, bluemeanies, Priya-chan, HPLover, Blissful, PrincessLesse, Nostradamus, Emily Anne, and Slytherin Mudblood.

For now, I'm debating whether to continue with Arabella Figg or Mundungus Fletcher if they're explored slightly more in-depth during the fifth book. After all, they're part of the 'old crowd', so I'm assuming they knew the Marauders, Lily, and Snape well. But that's a long time off.

One thing; I'm normally not a huge fan of Sirius Black. Far from it; I dislike him for doing what he did to Snape, whose place in my heart is firmly entrenched. However, as I was writing this part, I developed a deep sympathy for him. There were several times I had to stop writing because I was sniffling.

Why?

Because his life sucks. I've discovered that much of the attention is focused around his feelings on James and Lily and Remus… the subject of Peter within his mind is mostly ignored. But… I think he and Remus, during the third book when they wanted to kill Peter, were trying to avoid their emotions on the fact that they probably felt completely betrayed by Peter. Even if they hate him, they still mourn for the fact that he turned on them.

Which, in my opinion, is rather sad.

And of course, the whenever he goes crazy, that's around the Dementors. His repeats on the subject of 'innocence' also refers to the book's reasoning where the thought that he was innocent had kept him sane because that wasn't a happy thought. (Kind of Peter Pan-esque, isn't it?)

Sirius had my empathy if not my love. That should be enough since I had started out only barely tolerating him. However… if someone cute plays him in the movies, I have enough superficial parts in me to fall in love with Sirius. ^_^ And he has a tormented past that just hits the angst-puppy in me.

Reviewers:

Bluemeanies: Snape's my favorite too. By far. It's strange that I've fixated on someone so snarky… but I suppose that's understandable since I'm rather sarcastic myself too. Thanks for reviewing!

PrincessLesse: Perfect? *blushes* I don't think that amazing, but I'll lap up the compliment anyway. What did they say? It was a combination of all those… and the Shrieking Shack incident during their fifth year. I get very indignant about that particular 'prank' Sirius chooses to play on both Severus AND Remus. If Remus had killed Severus… he would have died also. If not by his own hand, then by hysterical mobs.

Lee: Thanks you! Hopefully, this part was as enjoyable as Snape's. He's a character I will probably never tire of writing.  Thanks for reviewing!

Nostradamus: I still think it's kind of an angst-fest… but my dealings is not with James and Lily themselves. They're purpose is supposed to be deified as 'perfect, beautiful people who are forever etched into history'. Giving them faults would have destroyed their purpose in the books (canon) and in my fic. ^__^ As for Peter Pettigrew, he's been growing on me ever since I wrote that chapter. I just can't believe that he was all that without James or Sirius dropping him. I mean… he was Wormtail. That means so much on so many levels. As for Minerva and Albus; of course. ^__^ I love Slytherins and any chance I get to talk about their grievances I will. And I love Snape best too. Our snarky Potions Master needs our love, y'know? ^__^

Emily Anne: I'm a sucker for the underdogs. If someone publicly declares a character stupid and everyone agrees, I like being contrary and becoming that character's fan. As for Petunia; yes. I believe that older sisters are always slightly jealous of their younger sister… especially if that sister is beautiful, smart, has a wonderful boyfriend and is beloved by her parents. ^__^ Sounds familiar, doesn't it? To me it does, since I have a younger sister who's almost perfect. Everyone has a dark side. It's just that most are afraid to reveal it. One reason why sometimes I get impatient with the 'good' side. If they can't admit to that darkness, then they won't beat the Death Eaters. Peter and Remus. The leftovers of the Marauders. It's always about Sirius and James. How about the two lesser members of the quarter? ^__^ Glad you liked it. As for Snape; I worship him too. Which is why I attack him at every change I get.

Slytherin Mudblood: I still love your name; it means so much on so many levels. ^__^ Least of all that you love the Slytherins. *cheers* Always a pleasure to write something you enjoy. This series was my baby until "Her, Amid the Slytherins" came out. Now that it's done, I feel a bit sad. Well, thanks again!