Okilee dokilee! It's time to present my late late late LATE Christmas
present for Musha! TADA! * sweatdrop * Okie okie… I got kinda lazy… and
life got crazy.. but I finally finished it, even though it sucks. -_- R &
R, onegai!!
Oh! And it's a songfic! Mwahahahaha!!!! This song is called "She Cries" by EastWest. VERY good song. ^^
~*~*~*~*~
Violet eyes twinkled mischievously as the owner's lips curled into a sly smirk. 'This day is going to be better than I had expected...' The blonde haired girl smiled out the window as she watched the tiny white flakes sprinkled on the ground, accumulating into a thick blanket of cold white on the earth's surface.
It was already December, but this was the year's first snowfall. The earlier months of the calendar's winter had been bitter cold, and dry, leaving much to be desired of the outside conditions. Experts concluded that the strange weather that the earth had experienced in the last few years had been due to the pollution. This snow symbolized the beginning of a new season, but to Musha Eien, this year's first snowfall was so much more.
She walked outside into the courtyard of her apartment complex and stared up in wonder at the beauty of the morning sky, accented by the twinkle of a few bright stars that were still struggling to shine over the sun's bright light. She walked into the very center of the courtyard and looked around her. The sight brought back blissful memories.
It was a year ago that day that the most chauvinist, sexist, and wonderful man ever had confessed his love to her. Right here, in the middle of this modest patch of land called a courtyard. He knelt before her and kissed her hand gently, whispering love's confessions as if they were the only words that he knew how to say.
She recalled the fear and uncertainty in his eyes as he extracted a small box from the pocket of the coat that he had since draped over her shoulders. She remembered laughing at him for guessing the wrong pocket. He had put it in the left when he wore it, but since she now wore it, left was now right, and his perfect and flawless plan was down the drain.
Did she care? Of course not. She laughed as his hand moved into the other pocket. It wasn't until he finally revealed the box when she realized what he was doing. Her laughter immediately ceased and her eyes glazed over in shock and anticipation.
"Megami..." she remembered him calling her. That was the first time that he had called her such an enchanting name. Megami... goddess. She blushed, still slightly confused, but his soft words that followed melted away her uncertainty and answered his question to her own mind before he even had a chance to ask.
"Since the moment that I met you, my heart belonged to yours. Before you entered my life, I was nothing; an empty vessel wandering this earth aimlessly. But then.." he took her ungloved hand into his and gently rubbed it to keep it warm and continued, "Then, a goddess came down from her holy place in the heavens, and blessed my life by allowing my eyes to fall on her beauty. Just when I thought that I would die at the sight, I realized that she was here to stay. Ever since then, my life has taken a different turn.
"Though my life finally felt complete, there was something missing. Then I realized what I lacked. You, Megami. I need you, not only every day, but all day, forever and for always. Will you let me do that? Will you let me love you , cherish you? Will you let me take care of you, and comfort you?
"I don't have very much to offer, but myself, Megami. So all I can do now is beg you to become my wife."
The girl stared at her close friend in shock, but her hands were surprisingly steady. She felt peculiarly at ease. That was when she knew, that he was the one.
"...Yes..." was the only word that she could manage, but that was enough for him. He took the ring out of its box and slipped it onto her slender finger before coming back to his feet and embracing her in a desperate hug, his lips dancing over her cheeks and forehead before they finally found their way to her lips.
He pulled back and smiled at her, "Wo ai ni, Musha...... Megami..."
She smiled back, "Wo ai ni, Fei-chan."
~*~*~*~*~
Won't you come away with me tonight?
We can fly past the moon and the starlight
~*~*~*~*~
She sighed happily at the memory. That was a year ago, today. Unfortunately, he was called out to fight along with his comrades, one of whom happened to have a "special" relationship with her best friend.
The five men packed their things, and there was a tearful goodbye. Everyone knew that this could be a long-term mission, but they were allowed to bring no one else with them.
She remembered the farewell gathering. It was small, consisting of Hiiro and his bride of eight months, Relena Yuy, Duo and his fiancee, Hilde, Trowa and his wife, Kashoku. Quatre and Tensei were there, though they weren't officially a couple.
Musha liked to tease them. They were "just close friends" as Tensei liked to put it, but she knew better. The only other people there were Wufei and herself. Many would expect that she would be very upset at the thought of Wufei having to leave her so suddenly, and Tensei made sure to make a stink about it. "They just got engaged, for Kamisama's sake!" she would shout, but Musha would just smile and shake her head.
"It's all right, Tensei-chan. He'll come back, they all will. You'll see."
Tensei just crossed her arms and pouted, "But it's still not right. No one knows how long it could take for them to complete this mission!"
Musha just laughed, "For someone who's only going to have to do without a "close friend" for a while, you seem pretty upset!" Musha knew that "close friends" was an understatement, but she didn't overdo her merciless teasing. She would save it for when she knew it would really bug her. But still, for someone as organized as Tensei, you would think that she would have at least some grip on reality and the fact that sometimes, life just isn't fair. Tensei just blushed, hoping that it would be read as an angry red.
Now, let's clarify right here and now that Musha was, in fact, upset by this turn of events. She had been looking forward to her wedding for months and it would have to be postponed, but before they all boarded their shuttle, Wufei pulled her aside and looked into her eyes, whispering, "Megami... I will come back for you, you know that, ne? I will come home as soon as possible, and once I do, we'll be married."
Musha smiled, "Of course, Fei-chan. I'll be waiting."
He smiled and kissed her once more before boarding his shuttle.
That was nine months ago. Just three days ago, Tensei had received a call that the men were coming home. Each of the women got a call, but Musha didn't. She didn't think anything of it though, being that she and Tensei shared an apartment.
So here she was, on the morning of their homecoming, standing in the courtyard, losing herself in memories. She shook her head and turned to go inside when she remembered the very reason why she went out in the first place. Reaching a gloved hand into the snow, she scooped up a handful and ran back inside quickly.
Only moments later could you hear another girl's voice screaming, "MUSHA!!! OMAE O KOROSU!!!"
Musha almost fell on the floor laughing at the site of her angry friend. Tensei hated snow, giving Musha an advantage over the other girl. She could get her to agree to virtually anything, as long as she had a fist full of snow.
"Ohayo to you too, Tensei-chan!" she laughed, yanking the covers off of the bed, forcing Tensei to wrap her arms around herself because of the cold.
"You're cruel!" she whined as Musha shook her head.
"And you're lazy! Do you realize how late it is?"
Tensei blinked and looked at the clock, her eyes widening in shock at the realization. 8:45. They were supposed to be at the shuttle station to meet the guys at 9:00. She jumped up and dashed for the bathroom. "Musha! Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!?!"
Musha just laughed, "I did! Four times!"
Five minutes later, Tensei ran back into her room, fumbling with her wet hair.
"Tensei! We're late! It doesn't matter how your hair looks!" Musha shouted, getting a little worried herself about being late. She had waited so long to see him. She couldn't wait another minute.
"But... I can't let him see me like this!" Tensei realized the mistake in her words, but it was too late.
"Oh, really?" Musha said with a smirk.
"THEM!" Tensei shouted, "I meant THEM!!!"
"Sure..." the taller girl said sarcastically, grabbing her car keys, "You ready?"
Tensei sighed, "Fine...let's go..."
"One more thing..." Musha ran into her room and came back with a small box in her hand.
"What's that?" Tensei asked curiously.
Musha smiled, "It's his wedding ring.... we traded for the time that he was gone... he kept mine, and I kept his... It's kind of like, unfinished business."
Tensei smiled, "That's so sweet..."
"Yeah, but if we don't get there soon, we'll be in trouble! Let's go!" she grabbed Tensei's hand and ran out to the car.
After the fifteen-minute drive, they finally made it to the shuttle station. Much to Musha's dismay, the parking was horrible. "Injustice!"
Tensei laughed, "He's rubbing off on you, ne?"
Musha just growled, "We're going to be late!"
"Don't worry!" Tensei assured her, "It's too late for that anyway! Let's just find a space and get going!"
Ten minutes went by, and the girls finally found a spot. Unfortunately, it was way at the end of the long parking lot.
"Run!" Musha shouted, jumping out of the car. Tensei followed closely behind.
"Musha! Calm down!"
"But... you don't understand... I HAVE to see him!" she stopped suddenly and gasped, "Damn!"
"What's wrong"?
"I forgot the ring! You run ahead and tell him that I'm on my way! I'll catch up!"
Tensei nodded, "All right!" she continued her journey across the parking lot until she finally made it to the station, immediately seeing a familiar group of people. She smiled as she saw Quatre and walked up to give him a hug. All he did was smile sadly down at her and hug her back.
"Quatre! I'm so glad to see you!" her cheery smile beamed from her face, but she soon realized that no one else was smiling. They all looked so solemn, and she couldn't figure out why, until she realized that one person was missing.
~*~*~*~*~
Musha practically skipped all the way across the parking lot. She was giddy with excitement, which was abnormal for her, 'But when you're in love, anything can happen!' she reasoned with herself.
She calmed herself to appear at least somewhat controlled when she entered the room. With a deep breath, and a huge smile, she opened the door to greet her friends.
"Welcome home!" she smiled at everyone, but no one else was smiling. She looked around to see a group of very sad looking people. "What's wrong, everyone? Isn't this a happy occasion?" she laughed, wondering why melancholy was so thick in the air.
No one answered, then she noticed that someone was missing. She made a face, raising an eyebrow, hoping to disguise her worry, "Where's Fei-chan? Did the baka miss his shuttle?" her laughter came out slightly nervous. Wufei wasn't the kind to play practical jokes.
The room remained silent though. She looked at everyone's faces. Sadness written on each of them. She could see Tensei biting her lip, doing her best to hold in... tears?
"What's going on?" Musha asked quietly, silently wishing that the inevitable answer would never come.
Tensei took a deep breath and stepped up to Musha, placing a hand on her shoulder. She just stood there, unable to find the words. "Musha....."
"Tensei," Musha interrupted, "Where's Fei-chan?" her voice had a hint of desperation to it.
Tensei shook her head and whispered painfully, "He's not... coming back..."
Musha's face turned pale white, and her eyes widened, "Tensei.... this is a really...bad joke.." her voice was shaky.
Tensei closed her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Musha.... you must not have gotten the call-"
"What call?!" Musha demanded, shrugging away and taking a step back, "I don't understand!"
"Musha....." Duo said quietly, "Wufei.... we lost him... a few days ago. There was.. a terrible battle, and.." he couldn't bring himself to say the rest. He just hung his head low.
"And... what?" Musha asked quietly at first, "WHAT?!"
"Chang Wufei is dead, Musha." Hiiro answered.
~*~*~*~*~
It doesn't matter where you've been before,
On a night like this
~*~*~*~*~
Have you ever watched the destruction of a building? All it takes is one moment, the push of a button, then the entire skyscraper booms a few times as the interiors crumble, crashing to the ground below. Only milliseconds later does the outer exterior shatter and crash to the ground in millions of tiny pieces.
Those words, those five cursed words. They served as that detonator button... and with that detonation did her heart crumble into millions of tiny pieces, falling into the dark void below. That was all on the inside though. While her heart and soul were screaming in pain and misery, she kept her exterior strong.
"What do you mean, Hiiro?" she asked, her voice cold, and emotionless, as if she had forced her very being out of her body.
Quatre, knowing that Hiiro could not offer Musha the proper response that she needed at such a delicate time stepped in. "Musha-san... Like Duo said, there was a terrible battle. There were few survivors. Musha-san, he died a hero. If it weren't for him, we'd all be dead."
Musha just shook her head, "No...... it can't be true..."
"Musha, please!" Tensei walked up to hug her friend but Musha just pushed her away, "NO! I refuse to accept it!" That said, she ran. She ran and ran, not caring which direction she was going in.
Tensei started to run after her, but Quatre stopped her. "Give her some time, Tensei..." he said sadly, "There's nothing more that you can do..."
Tensei closed her eyes, "Gomen nasai, Musha...." she whispered, "I'm so sorry...."
~*~*~*~*~
Cold... pain... excruciating pain. The young soldier opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings. He was lying underneath a pile of rubble, his body pinned down by a large piece of metal.
"Shimatta.." he cursed to himself, knowing that no one was nearby to hear. He pushed his body upward, but the weight holding him down was too much. He collapsed in exhaustion and sighed in defeat. 'This is it...' he thought to himself, 'It's over...'
He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself and accept his fate, but something inside of him told him to keep trying, to never give up. Then an image of a goddess appeared in his head. She smiled sadly at him, and he could feel her pain. He knew who she was! How could he have even forgotten?!
"Musha!" he cried, trying to get up again, grunting in pain as the piles of rock and metal dug into his flesh. He didn't care though. He only knew one thing: That he had to make it; he had to survive for Musha....
~*~*~*~*~
It doesn't matter where you've been before,
I'll love you like this
She cries....
~*~*~*~*~
"Do you think she'll be all right?" Quatre asked Tensei who was sitting beside him in the passenger seat of his car.
Tensei just shook her head, "I don't know... but I know that she'll eventually make it through this. She's strong...."
Quatre could sense that Tensei's confidence was nothing but a facade. She was worried about her friend, and rightfully so.
"Don't worry, Tensei..." Quatre said reassuringly, trying to offer some hope to the girl beside him, "If anyone can pull through this, Musha can."
Tensei just smiled sadly as he pulled in front of her apartment, "Arigato...." She opened her door and waved as he left, letting out a sigh and heading inside. Once she was in, she noticed that all of the lights were off and the door was still locked. She frowned when she realized that Musha had not yet returned.
~*~*~*~*~
Silent, sorrowful violet eyes stared straight ahead at the night sky. Even the stars did not offer her the comfort that they usually did when her soul was consumed with sadness. With a sigh, she leaned back onto tree branch and closed her eyes. 'I wonder what it's like...' she thought to herself, 'to be one of the stars.... to be far away, and safe from the world's troubles...'
"It's not fair..." she whispered aloud to no one in particular, though no one was around to hear, "What did I do..?" her whispers grew steadily louder, until she was screaming, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!" her body finally collapsed in a heap of sobs.
~*~*~*~*~
Can't you see? I won't leave.
But you have to open your eyes.
Here I stand, Take my hand,
Let go of the fear that you hold.
~*~*~*~*~
Days passed, and with each that did, Musha's soul buried itself deeper and deeper within its own sorrow. She wouldn't leave the house anymore... she couldn't. She stayed at home all day, doing nothing but thinking, remembering.
Late one afternoon, she sighed as she trudged over to the door. The bell had been ringing all day, but she never felt like answering it. After about six hours of persistent ringing, she finally gave in.
She opened the door to see Chichiri on the other side, holding in his hand a bouquet of deep red roses. "Musha!" he said in the most sympathetic tone that he could muster.
"What do you want?" she narrowed her eyes at the unwelcome visitor.
Chichiri stepped right in, handing her the bouquet of now wilting roses and shook his head. "Please don't think ill of me. I know I've done some things in the past that were-"
"Despicable?" She cut him off, glaring darkly.
Chichiri suppressed his anger and continued, "Well, that wasn't quite the word I had in mind, but anyway, I wasn't the greatest guy in the past. I want to make it up to you." he grinned, hoping to convince her of good intentions.
Musha blinked. Make it up to her?! 'Who are you and what have you done with Chichiri?!' she though to herself, not realizing that she did, in fact, say that out loud.
Chichiri gasped, "Musha! I come to apologize and this is what you say?! Listen.... I know that I've hurt you, but I just.. don't feel right...."
"Well you sure picked a lousy time!" Musha shouted at him, bottling up all of her sadness and only letting the anger show through. "I thought that you would have known better than to come right now!"
"But that's just the point!" Chichiri countered, "I know that you're going through a hard time right now, and what you really need is a friend..."
"I have a friend..."
"But you need someone else. This friend you speak of, I can only assume is Tensei Jiaino, ne? But, is she even here now?"
Musha just shook her head, "No, she had someplace to go..."
Chichiri just shook his head, "Do you even know where she is?"
"She's with Quatre...."
Chichiri blinked, "You mean while you're here, mourning your loss, she's out having fun with another friend?!"
"No!" Musha shook her head, "It's not that! She just..... missed Quatre..... Besides!!" she added quickly, "I wanted some time to myself."
Chichiri crossed his arms, "I can't believe it..."
"Can't believe what?" Musha asked, looking at him, utterly confused.
Chichiri sighed and rolled his eyes, "I though that she would know better..... Musha.." he placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch, "What you NEED is someone to talk to... to comfort you. What will sitting here alone all day help? All you can do is wallow in your own misery. What you need is someone to help dig you out."
Musha narrowed her eyes, trying to stay angry, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I WANT to be alone?"
"That's what every person in mourning wants." Chichiri answered, "To be alone. But by doing so, they remain in a permanent state of melancholy. Musha... Have you even talked to anyone? About how you feel? YOU?" his eyes were suddenly filled with concern.
Musha shook her head, "I'm fine, Chichiri." she turned away, hoping that he wouldn't notice the tears forming in her eyes, but he saw.
He walked around her and lifted her chin up, looking sadly at her tear- stained face. "Musha..." he whispered, gently brushing her tears away, "It's okay, you know... to cry."
Musha's face remained hard, 'Shimatta...' she thought, 'He saw my tears... I must never reveal my tears... they're a weakness.'
"Let it go..." he whispered soothingly, "Don't keep the sorrow any longer... let it all out Musha."
She couldn't take it anymore. The pain, the sorrow, and the comforting words being whispered to her. All at once, a sob tore through her throat as Chichiri wrapped his arms comfortingly around her. Something about it felt terribly wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to realize it right now.
Chichiri's hand gently guided her head to rest on his shoulder as her tears soaked his shirt, all the while, he whispered in her ear, "Shhh... Everything will be all right, but cry, Musha... please... let it all out."
And that she did.
~*~*~*~*~
Don't throw your pearls to the swine tonight,
Don't let them take your innocence
~*~*~*~*~
Tensei panted breathlessly as she brought her sprinting back down to a smooth walk. She glanced down at her watch and frowned. "One A.M......" She closed her eyes with a sigh, thankful that she had finally escaped Quatre.
He just couldn't understand. She had spent practically the whole day with him, despite his constant protests. It's not that he minded her company, but he thought that she should be with Musha right now. Tensei, however, was avoiding being home at all costs.
Not because she didn't want to be there for her friend. Gods, she knew she had to, but, there was something about the way that Musha had changed.
Musha's soul was always on fire, strong, and fierce. When Wufei died, her soul died with him. It hurt Tensei to see her friend this way. Not just hurt her, but scared her. In fact, she was terrified.
Musha had always been the strong one. The one to pull HER through rough times, but seeing Musha surrender to the darkness of sorrow was just a shock in itself. She was still confused.
She lowered her gaze in shame. What kind of friend was she? To abandon Musha in such a time. Quatre had finally talked her into going back, but by then, it was far too late to do much. He offered to take her home, but she wanted to walk.
After only a couple minutes of Tensei's stubbornness and Quatre's determined insisting that it was too dangerous to go home alone, he decided that he would carry her home kicking and screaming if he needed to.
Tensei didn't give him a chance to hold true to his promise, she bowed quickly and sprinted out of his home.
It took Quatre a moment for his brain to register what had just happened, but she didn't have a chance to see it. She took back roads while he, no doubt, was scouring the city along with the Maguanacs.
Tensei shook her head as she continued. She didn't mean to be so rude, but she needed some time to think. To make a battle plan. The battle of her reasoning versus her emotions.
Finally home, Tensei trudged inside, however nothing, but NOTHING could have prepared her for what she saw. Narrowing her eyes, she glared at Chichiri, who was holding the sleeping Musha in his arms. "What are you doing here?" she hissed, unsure of whether or not she should wake Musha.
"I'm offering comfort to a dying soul." he said smoothly, every bit of accusation in his voice aimed directly at her. He inwardly smirked as Tensei's eyes went wide with surprise.
"Nani?!"
Chichiri frowned and placed Musha gently down on the sofa, making a show of smoothing a strand of her hair out of her face before he motioned for Tensei to follow him into the kitchen.
Tensei followed him, unsure of which emotion was going to break free first, so she asked the question that he had already answered, though she would like to hear a different answer. "What the hell do you think you're doing here? How DARE you come to see her at a time like this?!" her eyes betrayed the anger that she held on a tight leash. No one, but NO ONE was going to pull something like this on her friend.
Chichiri scowled, "I came to apologize. When I got here, she was all alone. Suffering." he emphasized the last word with a harsh whisper. "So I should be asking YOU why you haven't been here to comfort your best friend and sister!"
Tensei physically stumbled, as if his words had some tangible effect on her. "I was.. gone.."
"Where?"
"With Quatre.." why was she answering his questions?! Why hadn't she kicked him out of her house yet?!
"Why?"
Tensei hardened her eyes and glared at him. "What I do is none of your business. In fact, you have no business with ANY of us, so I would appreciate it if you would leave now."
Chichiri couldn't help but chuckle, "Fine. I'll leave. But keep in mind that I was the one who brought her the comfort that you should have offered."
Without another word, he left, leaving Tensei behind to recover from the venomous words, but all in vain. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, but that only resulted in hot tears streaming down her cheeks. He was right. She had failed her only true friend.
~*~*~*~*~
Just remember the times that I held your hand and kept you close,
Remember the times I held you up and now.
She cries....
~*~*~*~*~
The next morning, Tensei awoke with what could only be described as an emotional hangover, if there was such a thing. The guilt that consumed her soul took over her dreams, resulting in nightmares of the worst kind. She walked out of her room to check on Musha.
To her surprise, the sofa was vacant, as was her bedroom. Tensei blinked as a familiar smell filled the air. Was that... perfume?
Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open, and out stepped Musha, wearing her black jeans and her favorite gold sweater. Her hair was tied up neatly, much neater than usual, and she even wore.... was that makeup?!
"Musha?" Tensei asked, a bit unsurely.
"Good morning, Tensei." Musha said calmly, pulling her coat off of the coat rack. "I hope you don't mind, I borrowed some stuff from your vanity table...."
"Musha... of course I don't mind, but... I thought you hated make-up...."
Musha blushed slightly, thought it blended nicely with the pink pigment that she had already applied to her face. "Well, I'm going out today and... thought I should look nice."
"You always look nice, Musha!"
"But he said he'd really like it if I-"
She was immediately cut off by Tensei, "He?! Musha! What's going on?"
Musha just sighed, "Chichiri stopped by last night."
"I know..." Tensei said bitterly, clenching her fists.
"He invited me to spend the day with him today."
"He what?!"
"Tensei, we had a long talk last night. He told me that if I'm ever going to heal, I have to move on, and live life. I explained that I can't move on.." her voice quivered slightly, but she managed to keep it steady, "He talked me into going a few places with him today." she shrugged, "Said it would do me some good." She decided to spare her companion what else he had to say, about neglectful friends.
"But..... Musha! This is Chichiri we're talking about! Do you even remember what he did to you?!" her face was red with fury, remembering all of the pain that Musha had gone through because of him.
"I know...." Musha said with a peaceful calm in her voice, "But he apologized... Aren't you always telling me how to see the best in everyone? I thought that you of all people would understand."
Tensei just stood there, dumbfounded. Musha was right. She always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, but why did she feel so uneasy about Chichiri? Something just wasn't right.
"Anyway," Musha broke the silence, "He'll be here in a few minutes. I'll see you later." she headed for the door.
"Wait a minute!" Tensei stopped her, "You're meeting him somewhere?"
Musha just shook her head, "He wanted me to wait outside for him."
"In the cold?"
"Tensei! Lay off of it, all right?" That was the last thing she said before she stormed out the door.
Tensei just stood there. Too shocked to even move. 'What have I done...?'
~*~*~*~*~
Can't you see? I won't leave.
~*~*~*~*~
Chichiri leaned back against his car as he glanced down at his watch. 'She should be out here any minute now.' he thought to himself with a smirk.
He wasn't too keen on the idea of waiting for her a block away from her home, but he knew that if that friend of hers spotted him, he would be in trouble. It would just be much easier to avoid any kind of confrontation.
He looked up from his watch and smiled as he noticed Musha's figure running down the street, one hand waving in the air. "Chichiri-san!" she shouted breathlessly as she stood beside him. "I hope I'm not late."
Chichiri just smiled and shook his head, "Of course not, Musha. Besides, I'd wait all day just to see you."
Musha froze for a moment. 'This isn't right!!' her head screamed, but she forced all negative thinking away. She was determined to learn to be happy once more, no matter what it took.
"You look lovely, you know." he said smoothly, gently stroking her cheek with his fingertips.
Musha immediately withdrew and forced a smile, "Thank you. I'm not sure if I did the make-up right... I don't usually wear this stuff."
Chichiri shook his head, "So I take it your friend wouldn't even take the time to help you out. No matter. You look beautiful anyway."
"No! That's not what I meant!" she was shock at Chichiri for making such remarks about her friend, but instead of answering, he just held open her door and smiled, "Have a seat."
With a nervous smile, Musha sat down, letting out a sigh once he had finally shut her door. 'This is going to be a long day.' she mused to herself, 'Why do I feel so uneasy?'
~*~*~*~*~
But you have to open your eyes.
~*~*~*~*~
Tensei sat at her kitchen table, staring silently out the window as she chewed on her lower lip, the only sound in the room was the constant beat of her fingertips tapping on the table's surface.
'What have I done?' she thought, 'I should never have let her go! What if.. what if something awful is happening right now?!'
Her thoughts were interrupted when another hand was placed firmly over hers, stopping her fingers from their repetitive tapping. Her eyes moved up to meet with deep blue.
"You have to stop this, Tensei." Quatre said firmly, his voice emanating seriousness. "You can't just sit here and give yourself a heart attack. You have to calm down. She'll be all right, won't she?"
Tensei closed her eyes, "This is Chichiri that we're talking about. You've never met him, have you?"
Quatre shook his head, "No, but it doesn't sound like you trust him very much." he asked, eyes widening curiously, "It's unlike you to be so untrusting of someone."
"Which is why we should be even more worried." she clenched her fists, "He's hurt her in the past. In ways that I can't even talk about right now, but I know that his intentions cannot be nice."
Quatre's brow furrowed, "Do you know where they went?"
Tensei shook her head. "No idea. She just left."
"Then find out." another voice sounded from the door. Tensei and Quatre both turned around and gasped at the figure before them.
"Impossible..."
~*~*~*~*~
Here I stand, Take my hand
~*~*~*~*~
Musha was silent as she stared down at her cup of now cold coffee. For some reason, she wasn't enjoying herself as much as she had thought she would. 'I'm still healing.' She would reason.
"Come on." Chichiri said sympathetically, "Can't I see your beautiful smile?" There was a glint in his eyes that struck her as odd, but she brushed it off. She was determined to enjoy herself, even if she had to force it.
"Gomen ne, Chichiri-san." She sighed, "I just… I don't think I'm ready to smile yet." 'I don't think I'll ever smile again…' she finished silently.
Chichiri frowned. "It hurts me to see you this way. Tell me, are you sure there isn't anything else I can do for you?"
Musha just shook her head, her eyes wandering down to the tabletop.
"Let's go." Chichiri gently took her hand into his own. "Half the day has already gone by."
Musha said nothing, just allowed him to lead her back to his car.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Let go of the fear that you hold.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Damnit, onna! Can't you work any faster?" Wufei stomped back and forth impatiently.
Quatre shook his head, "Wufei, please calm down."
"You expect me to be calm while Musha is out there with that… that… kusoyaro?!"
"I'm working as fast as I can, Wufei, but I haven't used this program in years!" Tensei sighed as she tapped away at her laptop.
"What exactly is this?" Quatre asked, giving her a questioning glance.
"It's a tracking system. Before you say anything, let me explain." She went on talking, but her eyes remained glued to the screen, "During the war, Musha had a tendency to do things that were…"
"Stupid?" Wufei finished for her. He didn't mean that as any kind of insult, but he still couldn't accept her carelessness. She would go off to fight someone despite what she called minor handicaps, such as a broken leg or something "small" like that. He made it his business to protect her, despite the fact that she hated it. He knew that she was strong, but every person has their' weakness. Hers was the willingness to sacrifice herself for others.
Tensei just shook her head. "You could say that… Basically, it's set to trace her cell phone. It only works if it's on though." She smiled as her computer beeped. "Aha! There she is!"
"Where?!" Wufei demanded, habitually placing his hand over the handle of his katana.
"Calm down. It's sending the coordinates right now. Just.. don't get too hostile."
Wufei shook his head, "You said yourself that you don't trust him!"
"I said that I don't trust him, I never wished him dead!" Tensei shouted back.
"Let's just go!" Quatre shouted, picking up Tensei's laptop and handing it to her. "The longer we wait, the worse off the situation can get. Let's just go."
Tensei nodded. "Right."
~*~*~*~*~
"Here we are." Chichiri grinned slightly as he stopped the car.
Musha looked out the window in curiosity. There was nothing there! "Chichiri-"
"Shh..." he placed a gentle hand over hers and just closed his eyes. "Why don't we just talk for a bit?"
'Talk…' her mind played the word over and over, 'Yes, talking is all right.' But she couldn't escape her confusion. Her mind had been wrestling with itself all day. Something just… wasn't right. Why had she agreed to go with Chichiri in the first place? He had hurt her in the past, what's to stop him from doing it again? 'But he's changed!' her second conscience would shout. She just shook her head and sighed.
"Musha…"
She blinked her eyes and looked over to face the man beside her, his eyes showing nothing but reassuring warmth. She actually couldn't help but smile just a bit. Amidst all of her pain and confusion, Chichiri helped her to feel... a little calmer? She just sighed. "Gomen ne." she said quietly, "I don't mean to be such a burden to you."
"No…" he shook his head and smiled in amusement, "You could never be a burden to me…" he gave her hand a little squeeze that caused her to jump only slightly.
"Ano…" what was this that she was feeling? Something inside her told her that this was all terribly wrong, but something louder inside of her told her to just calm down. She shook her head slightly and looked down. "Gomen ne."
Chichiri reached over and placed a finger under her chin, gently lifting her face so that her eyes met with his. "I said don't apologize…"
~*~*~*~*~
"They're somewhere around here." Tensei informed the others as Quatre stopped the car and looked around.
"There's nothing here…" he trailed, his eyes scanning the deserted area. "What could they possibly be doing here?"
Before Tensei could say anything, she heard a low growl come from the backseat where Wufei sat, then the sudden opening and slamming of the backdoor. She sighed and shook her head, "Chichiri had better be behaving himself, or he's in for it."
Quatre looked at her skeptically, "Do you really think that this could be as bad as Wufei thinks it is?"
Tensei just nodded her head slowly, "Hai. If you've ever met this guy, you'd understand."
"We'd better go help them, then."
Tensei just nodded and closed up her laptop, stepping out of the car and into the cold snow that blanketed the ground. They weren't sure where to go to look for them, but luckily, Wufei's feet left tracks in the snow. Though he didn't know the way either, she knew that his heart was guiding him.
~*~*~*~*~
Musha's eyes widened in confusion at Chichiri's sudden closeness. Sirens started sounding in Musha's head, but her body would not move. She was struggling with her own mind's vacillation, but before she had any chance to react, Chichiri's lips were upon hers.
'Do something! Stop him! Hurt him!!' the reasonable part of her mind was shouting urgent orders, but the part of her soul that was desperately trying to heal from the pain of loss embraced this intrusion and drowned out the cries of reason. Tears of guilt and shame poured down her face as she felt her own body betray her, her own arms reaching up and resting on his shoulders, not encouraging his unwelcome caress, but not discouraging it either. She just sat there, a broken doll, too tired and weary to fight anymore.
A click was heard behind the silently frantic girl as a burst of cold air hit her with full force, awakening her fully, causing her to jump and spin around to find the source of the cold. There stood the form of her fiancé, the man that she so deeply and affectionately loved.
At the moment that she saw him, she felt as if a spark inside her burst into a raging inferno. This spark, which she thought had died within her when her love had left her, had not merely disappeared, but reduced to a small flicker that all this time, she could not recognize amidst the clouds of pain that surrounded this little flame of hope. Her eyes went wide in shock, surprise, and complete joy. "Wufei!" she didn't even know if his name actually left her lips. All she knew was that the image of her one true love stood before her, an equal look of shock in his eyes. Then she realized why.
She looked behind her to meet the agitated gaze of Chichiri. Chichiri! What was she doing here with him?! It was almost as if her conscious being had finally been awakened! But here she was, before her soulmate, her other half, being held in the arms of the one man that she abhorred more than hate itself.
"Megami…" Wufei's words came labored, as he too was holding his anger on a tight leash. He had seen Chichiri kissing his fiancée, and he was not about to let this man get away with it, but he would not do anything to upset his beloved. He reached across her lap and undid the silver buckle, then gently took her arms and helped her out of the car and into his own arms, holding her close.
Words needed not be said at that moment. The angry glare that he gave Chichiri was anything but ambiguous in the silent promise of extreme pain, if not death. Had it not been for Musha's very presence, all humanity would be forgotten, and Wufei could have easily gone into a dangerous rage.
Meanwhile, Musha's still shocked form shook uncontrollably as she was held in the strong arms of her other half. He was alive! He was alive!!! She wanted to jump for joy! To just embrace him, and kiss him, and tell him over and over how much she loved him.
But she couldn't. One more emotion drowned out her happiness, and that was guilt. 'I didn't even try to stop him…' her mind played the words over and over like a broken record. Each word stabbed mercilessly at her soul, leaving her dying in its wake.
"No." It was the first audible word actually spoken in that tense moment. Chichiri and Wufei both looked confusedly at Musha. She just shook her head and repeated herself. "No. Wufei…" she bowed her head, "I'm so, so incredibly sorry." The last word was distorted as a sob tore through her throat.
Wufei looked down at her in bewilderment. "Megami…?"
Before anything else could be said, Musha used the last of her willpower to rip herself out of his arms. Immediately, her body missed the comfort and warmth that she no longer felt deserving of. "Gomen nasai. I have failed you! I am unworthy!" That said, she took off towards the street.
Chichiri opened his mouth to say something, but Wufei didn't even take notice. His legs took on a new strength as he pursued his love. He would never be apart from her again, no matter what it took.
~*~*~*~*~
Can't you see? I won't leave.
~*~*~*~*~
Tensei and Quatre arrived on the scene just in time to see Musha running off, uncharacteristic tears falling down her flushed cheeks as Wufei followed her at a speed that could turn a cheetah green with envy.
"Nani?!" Tensei's voice rang out as she glanced at the two blurs that flashed past her, then back at Chichiri. Her eyes narrowed and an unusual anger filled her being. She would never get so angry at a person, not ever! But she could see and feel Musha's pain, and she knew who was responsible for it. The anger in her eyes told Chichiri of the unspoken hate that she harbored just for him.
"Leave." The tone in her voice was unusually icey, and even Quatre was shocked by the anger that laced it.
Chichiri just shrugged. "It was her own fault." He turned and stepped away slowly, as if he didn't have a care in the world, "She should have stopped me."
Tensei's eyes widened in complete shock and anger at those words. "What did you do to him, you bastard?!" she shouted, thrusting her body forward, not even noticing that Quatre had wrapped his arms around her waist, restraining her for fear that she might do something rash, though he never thought it possible before.
Chichiri merely stopped and looked back with a sly grin on his face, "All I did," he began, his voice relaxed and nonchalant, "Was help her to realize her true feelings."
Tensei was outraged. She pushed forward as she watched Chichiri leave, but Quatre refused to let go. "Tensei… just leave him." He said gently, as if trying to soothe the burning hate that was driving her to such a state of anger.
"She's been through so much…" Tensei finally allowed her body to fall limp in his arms as she realized that he would never let go, not while she was like this. "Quatre… why do horrible things have to happen to the good people of this world?"
The young man just shook his head, the silence answering the unanswerable question.
~*~*~*~*~
The scratchy sound of Musha's ragged breath was all that could be heard as she leaned back against the bolt-locked door of her apartment. She let out a long sigh and slumped to the ground, burying her head in her arms. "What have I done?" a muffled whisper could be heard to come from the distraught girl.
Her soul had been exposed to so many extremities of so many different emotions that it was proving not only detrimental to her physical being, but her very spirit. She could do no more now than cry, for all of her strength had left her, fleeing these offending emotions.
Grief, guilt, anger, and other such feelings surrounded her, crushing her in her invisible void of sorrow. She could feel a battle inside of herself. A battle who's intensity would rival that of a great celestial war. Her grief and self-hatred fought an intense battle with her love and deep yearning for her soulmate.
All at once, the deafening silence that suppressed her was rudely interrupted, sliced right through with a soft knock on the door behind her. It was as though Musha had been brought back to reality. She no longer saw darkness and demons, but her own home, with a familiar feeling spreading through her body. She didn't know what this feeling was, but it made her feel… safe.
"Megami…"
Violet eyes snapped open at the sound of the familiar voice. "No…. not Wufei…" her words came out as no more than an unintelligible whisper, but he could still sense her thoughts, nonetheless.
The next sound that she heard was the gentle scraping of the door handle turning, then a dissatisfied sigh from the man on the other side of the door. "Megami…" his voice came once again, soothing and calm, "Please let me in."
"Wufei…" her shaky voice surprised even him. He had never seen her so distraught; so broken. "I can't." she hung her head low in shame, despite the fact that he couldn't even see her.
Wufei was not one to beg. Not ever. Only once, had he ever considered the option of begging, and that was when he considered just how he would propose to her, and what he would do, should she have refused. He would forget all his pride just for her, but right now, he knew that she needed someone strong to look to. If he couldn't show his full strength, then why should she?
"I won't take no for an answer." His words were not harsh, nor demanding, but they were uncharacteristically soft. "I love you, and I'm going to make you understand that no one, and nothing can ever come between us."
~*~*~*~*~
But you have to open your eyes.
~*~*~*~*~
Chichiri sighed as he leaned back against a tree in the forest that he had very thoroughly and effectively gotten himself lost in. He didn't care though, no, not at all. For all he cared, he could die right there. He closed his eyes and pounded his fist into the side of the tree, not even taking notice of the crimson liquid that dripped from his fresh wound.
"Damnit…" he cursed quietly, despite the fact that no one was around to hear him anyway. He shook his head, and sighed once more. "What the hell did I do?" he wondered aloud, beginning a slow pace around the tall oak, not caring that his shoes had since been soaked through with icy water, promising an unpleasant cold for the next few days.
"I love her!!!" he finally shouted, his pained voice echoing through the vast wilderness around him. He allowed his body to sink to the cold, wet ground and repeated once more, "I love her…"
He wasn't sure just for how long he sat there, but it must have been a while, because the blue color of the sky had gradually turned a soft orange. But still, he sat there, staring off into nothingness, until something caught his eye.
A loud squack could be heard as Chichiri watched two birds battle over what seemed to be a small berry, truly a valuable prize in this season of death. The black bird that had originally held the small berry within its beak was now standing protectively over the treasured fruit, as another bird, this one a reddish brown color, had flapped its wings, gently landing only about a foot in front of the black bird.
For some odd reason, Chichiri took notice of the pathetic looking berry, which had once been plump and shiny, now was bruised from when the brown bird had attacked its owner.
His attention went back to the birds who only stared at each other for a brief moment before they both went at each other, wings flapping, and beaks clashing.
It's funny how no one usually takes notice of such lessons that nature has to offer us, but this time, Chichiri learned what he had never allowed himself to accept.
He watched as the brown bird, now injured and defeated limped away with a bruised wing, and the black bird lovingly scooped the berry back up into its beak and flew off into the sunset.
That was when the sickening reality finally dawned on Chichiri, dragging his soul to the depths of those of the brown bird. He knew now that he had been defeated. Not only that, but he had hurt Musha in the process. He never really meant to hurt Musha, but it happened, and now, she was broken.
His eyes never left that brown bird until it finally disappeared into the forest. He knew then what he had to do.
~*~*~*~*~
Two inches of raw, hard wood. That was all that separated these two stubborn souls. Neither of them were ever the type to be the first to surrender. This time was no exception.
"Megami-"
"No." That word again! That was all she could manage to say. It was a simple word. Easy to comprehend and use with understanding. No. Negative. As should be her life from now on. She had betrayed the one that she loved, and she was going to accept the consequences, whether she was the one to order them or not.
Wufei shifted his weight and leaned back against the door, causing the old slab of wood to creak. He let out an exasperated sigh and crossed his arms over his chest. "You know that I'm not going to give up, Onna."
Musha's eyes snapped open. 'Onna…' He would only call her that name in one of two situations. Either when he was joking, or serious to the point of needing to prove to her that his feelings for her have never changed. She found comfort in his words, but they still did not deliver her from her self-condemnation.
He turned and knelt down on the floor, gently running his hand along the slightly chipped paint of the old door. "Onna… you must listen to me."
"Why?" Another one-word response, she was on a roll tonight!
"Because you have no choice." He was almost afraid that giving her orders would only exacerbate the situation, but he didn't know what else to do. He was confident that if he showed strength, that she might understand, and finally listen to him.
"You deserve better." Her voice barely managed, no longer sounding like the strong and confident Musha that he'd always known, but now, like a scared and confused little girl.
Wufei sighed and shook his head. "You don't understand… if I can't be with you, then there IS nothing better."
Wufei's uncharacteristically kind words brought tears to the young girl's eyes. How could he say such a thing? She had betrayed him, so he should hate her, shouldn't she? She spent the next few minutes in silence, her soul a bloody battlefield.
Her thoughts were interrupted when strong arms were wrapped around her and warm lips were pressed to hers.
~*~*~*~*~
Here I stand. Take my hand
~*~*~*~*~
Three months had passed, and the wedding was only days away, leaving the young couple giddy with excitement.
Wufei smiled at his bride-to-be who reclined lazily on her sofa, eyes shut in silent bliss. It all felt so right… just so… right.
"Your mail just came." Wufei announced, playfully scattering it across her body.
Musha just giggled and jumps up, gathering the letters and shuffling through them. "Bill, bill, Oh look! I've been pre-approved!" the aforementioned documents were promptly thrown across the room, scattering to the floor as Musha giggled, but her laughing stopped as her eyes fell upon the last envelope.
Wufei raised an eyebrow just slightly, "What is it, Megami?" he sat beside her as she sat straight up and opened the letter almost hesitantly, then began to read it aloud.
"My Dear Goddess,
I don't really know just what to say… I suppose that I don't even deserve the right to tell you, but I can't stop myself. The fact is that I love you. Yes, I love you. I have always loved you, and I will never cease to love you. You hate me, but my love for you exceeds that that is unconditional.
However, as I love you more than life itself, I also realize that I can never be with you. I tried to take you by force, but that only ended up in hurting you, and for that, I am eternally regretful. I hope that this letter finds you in happy days of loving bliss with your fiancé, and that you have managed to move on.
As for myself, I have decided to leave. Not just you, but this place that reminds me so much of you. I will never forget you, but I can try to leave behind the places that bring back painful memories. So, the good news for you is that you will never have to see me again. I am out of your life forever, so relax, and be happy.
Tell Wufei that he is the luckiest man alive, and that if he ever dares harm you in any way, I will promptly break my promise and ensure that he experiences a cruel, and painful death.
With the best wishes, and extreme jealousy, I end this letter to you, my love.
With all my heart,
Chichiri"
Musha just stared down at the paper for a moment, not knowing what to say. How could she… have anything to say? Instead, Wufei just wrapped his arms around her, telling her once more what can never be put to words. She just looked up at him and smiled.
No one knew just what finally broke the misunderstanding between the two on that day months ago. There were no magical words to cause that pivotal moment… just a simple kiss. That kiss, however, said so much more than any words ever could. And as Wufei leaned down to kiss his love once more, she felt that same peace that would protect her soul forever.
~*~*~*~*~
Let go of the fear that you hold
~*~*~*~*~
Oh! And it's a songfic! Mwahahahaha!!!! This song is called "She Cries" by EastWest. VERY good song. ^^
~*~*~*~*~
Violet eyes twinkled mischievously as the owner's lips curled into a sly smirk. 'This day is going to be better than I had expected...' The blonde haired girl smiled out the window as she watched the tiny white flakes sprinkled on the ground, accumulating into a thick blanket of cold white on the earth's surface.
It was already December, but this was the year's first snowfall. The earlier months of the calendar's winter had been bitter cold, and dry, leaving much to be desired of the outside conditions. Experts concluded that the strange weather that the earth had experienced in the last few years had been due to the pollution. This snow symbolized the beginning of a new season, but to Musha Eien, this year's first snowfall was so much more.
She walked outside into the courtyard of her apartment complex and stared up in wonder at the beauty of the morning sky, accented by the twinkle of a few bright stars that were still struggling to shine over the sun's bright light. She walked into the very center of the courtyard and looked around her. The sight brought back blissful memories.
It was a year ago that day that the most chauvinist, sexist, and wonderful man ever had confessed his love to her. Right here, in the middle of this modest patch of land called a courtyard. He knelt before her and kissed her hand gently, whispering love's confessions as if they were the only words that he knew how to say.
She recalled the fear and uncertainty in his eyes as he extracted a small box from the pocket of the coat that he had since draped over her shoulders. She remembered laughing at him for guessing the wrong pocket. He had put it in the left when he wore it, but since she now wore it, left was now right, and his perfect and flawless plan was down the drain.
Did she care? Of course not. She laughed as his hand moved into the other pocket. It wasn't until he finally revealed the box when she realized what he was doing. Her laughter immediately ceased and her eyes glazed over in shock and anticipation.
"Megami..." she remembered him calling her. That was the first time that he had called her such an enchanting name. Megami... goddess. She blushed, still slightly confused, but his soft words that followed melted away her uncertainty and answered his question to her own mind before he even had a chance to ask.
"Since the moment that I met you, my heart belonged to yours. Before you entered my life, I was nothing; an empty vessel wandering this earth aimlessly. But then.." he took her ungloved hand into his and gently rubbed it to keep it warm and continued, "Then, a goddess came down from her holy place in the heavens, and blessed my life by allowing my eyes to fall on her beauty. Just when I thought that I would die at the sight, I realized that she was here to stay. Ever since then, my life has taken a different turn.
"Though my life finally felt complete, there was something missing. Then I realized what I lacked. You, Megami. I need you, not only every day, but all day, forever and for always. Will you let me do that? Will you let me love you , cherish you? Will you let me take care of you, and comfort you?
"I don't have very much to offer, but myself, Megami. So all I can do now is beg you to become my wife."
The girl stared at her close friend in shock, but her hands were surprisingly steady. She felt peculiarly at ease. That was when she knew, that he was the one.
"...Yes..." was the only word that she could manage, but that was enough for him. He took the ring out of its box and slipped it onto her slender finger before coming back to his feet and embracing her in a desperate hug, his lips dancing over her cheeks and forehead before they finally found their way to her lips.
He pulled back and smiled at her, "Wo ai ni, Musha...... Megami..."
She smiled back, "Wo ai ni, Fei-chan."
~*~*~*~*~
Won't you come away with me tonight?
We can fly past the moon and the starlight
~*~*~*~*~
She sighed happily at the memory. That was a year ago, today. Unfortunately, he was called out to fight along with his comrades, one of whom happened to have a "special" relationship with her best friend.
The five men packed their things, and there was a tearful goodbye. Everyone knew that this could be a long-term mission, but they were allowed to bring no one else with them.
She remembered the farewell gathering. It was small, consisting of Hiiro and his bride of eight months, Relena Yuy, Duo and his fiancee, Hilde, Trowa and his wife, Kashoku. Quatre and Tensei were there, though they weren't officially a couple.
Musha liked to tease them. They were "just close friends" as Tensei liked to put it, but she knew better. The only other people there were Wufei and herself. Many would expect that she would be very upset at the thought of Wufei having to leave her so suddenly, and Tensei made sure to make a stink about it. "They just got engaged, for Kamisama's sake!" she would shout, but Musha would just smile and shake her head.
"It's all right, Tensei-chan. He'll come back, they all will. You'll see."
Tensei just crossed her arms and pouted, "But it's still not right. No one knows how long it could take for them to complete this mission!"
Musha just laughed, "For someone who's only going to have to do without a "close friend" for a while, you seem pretty upset!" Musha knew that "close friends" was an understatement, but she didn't overdo her merciless teasing. She would save it for when she knew it would really bug her. But still, for someone as organized as Tensei, you would think that she would have at least some grip on reality and the fact that sometimes, life just isn't fair. Tensei just blushed, hoping that it would be read as an angry red.
Now, let's clarify right here and now that Musha was, in fact, upset by this turn of events. She had been looking forward to her wedding for months and it would have to be postponed, but before they all boarded their shuttle, Wufei pulled her aside and looked into her eyes, whispering, "Megami... I will come back for you, you know that, ne? I will come home as soon as possible, and once I do, we'll be married."
Musha smiled, "Of course, Fei-chan. I'll be waiting."
He smiled and kissed her once more before boarding his shuttle.
That was nine months ago. Just three days ago, Tensei had received a call that the men were coming home. Each of the women got a call, but Musha didn't. She didn't think anything of it though, being that she and Tensei shared an apartment.
So here she was, on the morning of their homecoming, standing in the courtyard, losing herself in memories. She shook her head and turned to go inside when she remembered the very reason why she went out in the first place. Reaching a gloved hand into the snow, she scooped up a handful and ran back inside quickly.
Only moments later could you hear another girl's voice screaming, "MUSHA!!! OMAE O KOROSU!!!"
Musha almost fell on the floor laughing at the site of her angry friend. Tensei hated snow, giving Musha an advantage over the other girl. She could get her to agree to virtually anything, as long as she had a fist full of snow.
"Ohayo to you too, Tensei-chan!" she laughed, yanking the covers off of the bed, forcing Tensei to wrap her arms around herself because of the cold.
"You're cruel!" she whined as Musha shook her head.
"And you're lazy! Do you realize how late it is?"
Tensei blinked and looked at the clock, her eyes widening in shock at the realization. 8:45. They were supposed to be at the shuttle station to meet the guys at 9:00. She jumped up and dashed for the bathroom. "Musha! Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!?!"
Musha just laughed, "I did! Four times!"
Five minutes later, Tensei ran back into her room, fumbling with her wet hair.
"Tensei! We're late! It doesn't matter how your hair looks!" Musha shouted, getting a little worried herself about being late. She had waited so long to see him. She couldn't wait another minute.
"But... I can't let him see me like this!" Tensei realized the mistake in her words, but it was too late.
"Oh, really?" Musha said with a smirk.
"THEM!" Tensei shouted, "I meant THEM!!!"
"Sure..." the taller girl said sarcastically, grabbing her car keys, "You ready?"
Tensei sighed, "Fine...let's go..."
"One more thing..." Musha ran into her room and came back with a small box in her hand.
"What's that?" Tensei asked curiously.
Musha smiled, "It's his wedding ring.... we traded for the time that he was gone... he kept mine, and I kept his... It's kind of like, unfinished business."
Tensei smiled, "That's so sweet..."
"Yeah, but if we don't get there soon, we'll be in trouble! Let's go!" she grabbed Tensei's hand and ran out to the car.
After the fifteen-minute drive, they finally made it to the shuttle station. Much to Musha's dismay, the parking was horrible. "Injustice!"
Tensei laughed, "He's rubbing off on you, ne?"
Musha just growled, "We're going to be late!"
"Don't worry!" Tensei assured her, "It's too late for that anyway! Let's just find a space and get going!"
Ten minutes went by, and the girls finally found a spot. Unfortunately, it was way at the end of the long parking lot.
"Run!" Musha shouted, jumping out of the car. Tensei followed closely behind.
"Musha! Calm down!"
"But... you don't understand... I HAVE to see him!" she stopped suddenly and gasped, "Damn!"
"What's wrong"?
"I forgot the ring! You run ahead and tell him that I'm on my way! I'll catch up!"
Tensei nodded, "All right!" she continued her journey across the parking lot until she finally made it to the station, immediately seeing a familiar group of people. She smiled as she saw Quatre and walked up to give him a hug. All he did was smile sadly down at her and hug her back.
"Quatre! I'm so glad to see you!" her cheery smile beamed from her face, but she soon realized that no one else was smiling. They all looked so solemn, and she couldn't figure out why, until she realized that one person was missing.
~*~*~*~*~
Musha practically skipped all the way across the parking lot. She was giddy with excitement, which was abnormal for her, 'But when you're in love, anything can happen!' she reasoned with herself.
She calmed herself to appear at least somewhat controlled when she entered the room. With a deep breath, and a huge smile, she opened the door to greet her friends.
"Welcome home!" she smiled at everyone, but no one else was smiling. She looked around to see a group of very sad looking people. "What's wrong, everyone? Isn't this a happy occasion?" she laughed, wondering why melancholy was so thick in the air.
No one answered, then she noticed that someone was missing. She made a face, raising an eyebrow, hoping to disguise her worry, "Where's Fei-chan? Did the baka miss his shuttle?" her laughter came out slightly nervous. Wufei wasn't the kind to play practical jokes.
The room remained silent though. She looked at everyone's faces. Sadness written on each of them. She could see Tensei biting her lip, doing her best to hold in... tears?
"What's going on?" Musha asked quietly, silently wishing that the inevitable answer would never come.
Tensei took a deep breath and stepped up to Musha, placing a hand on her shoulder. She just stood there, unable to find the words. "Musha....."
"Tensei," Musha interrupted, "Where's Fei-chan?" her voice had a hint of desperation to it.
Tensei shook her head and whispered painfully, "He's not... coming back..."
Musha's face turned pale white, and her eyes widened, "Tensei.... this is a really...bad joke.." her voice was shaky.
Tensei closed her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Musha.... you must not have gotten the call-"
"What call?!" Musha demanded, shrugging away and taking a step back, "I don't understand!"
"Musha....." Duo said quietly, "Wufei.... we lost him... a few days ago. There was.. a terrible battle, and.." he couldn't bring himself to say the rest. He just hung his head low.
"And... what?" Musha asked quietly at first, "WHAT?!"
"Chang Wufei is dead, Musha." Hiiro answered.
~*~*~*~*~
It doesn't matter where you've been before,
On a night like this
~*~*~*~*~
Have you ever watched the destruction of a building? All it takes is one moment, the push of a button, then the entire skyscraper booms a few times as the interiors crumble, crashing to the ground below. Only milliseconds later does the outer exterior shatter and crash to the ground in millions of tiny pieces.
Those words, those five cursed words. They served as that detonator button... and with that detonation did her heart crumble into millions of tiny pieces, falling into the dark void below. That was all on the inside though. While her heart and soul were screaming in pain and misery, she kept her exterior strong.
"What do you mean, Hiiro?" she asked, her voice cold, and emotionless, as if she had forced her very being out of her body.
Quatre, knowing that Hiiro could not offer Musha the proper response that she needed at such a delicate time stepped in. "Musha-san... Like Duo said, there was a terrible battle. There were few survivors. Musha-san, he died a hero. If it weren't for him, we'd all be dead."
Musha just shook her head, "No...... it can't be true..."
"Musha, please!" Tensei walked up to hug her friend but Musha just pushed her away, "NO! I refuse to accept it!" That said, she ran. She ran and ran, not caring which direction she was going in.
Tensei started to run after her, but Quatre stopped her. "Give her some time, Tensei..." he said sadly, "There's nothing more that you can do..."
Tensei closed her eyes, "Gomen nasai, Musha...." she whispered, "I'm so sorry...."
~*~*~*~*~
Cold... pain... excruciating pain. The young soldier opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings. He was lying underneath a pile of rubble, his body pinned down by a large piece of metal.
"Shimatta.." he cursed to himself, knowing that no one was nearby to hear. He pushed his body upward, but the weight holding him down was too much. He collapsed in exhaustion and sighed in defeat. 'This is it...' he thought to himself, 'It's over...'
He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself and accept his fate, but something inside of him told him to keep trying, to never give up. Then an image of a goddess appeared in his head. She smiled sadly at him, and he could feel her pain. He knew who she was! How could he have even forgotten?!
"Musha!" he cried, trying to get up again, grunting in pain as the piles of rock and metal dug into his flesh. He didn't care though. He only knew one thing: That he had to make it; he had to survive for Musha....
~*~*~*~*~
It doesn't matter where you've been before,
I'll love you like this
She cries....
~*~*~*~*~
"Do you think she'll be all right?" Quatre asked Tensei who was sitting beside him in the passenger seat of his car.
Tensei just shook her head, "I don't know... but I know that she'll eventually make it through this. She's strong...."
Quatre could sense that Tensei's confidence was nothing but a facade. She was worried about her friend, and rightfully so.
"Don't worry, Tensei..." Quatre said reassuringly, trying to offer some hope to the girl beside him, "If anyone can pull through this, Musha can."
Tensei just smiled sadly as he pulled in front of her apartment, "Arigato...." She opened her door and waved as he left, letting out a sigh and heading inside. Once she was in, she noticed that all of the lights were off and the door was still locked. She frowned when she realized that Musha had not yet returned.
~*~*~*~*~
Silent, sorrowful violet eyes stared straight ahead at the night sky. Even the stars did not offer her the comfort that they usually did when her soul was consumed with sadness. With a sigh, she leaned back onto tree branch and closed her eyes. 'I wonder what it's like...' she thought to herself, 'to be one of the stars.... to be far away, and safe from the world's troubles...'
"It's not fair..." she whispered aloud to no one in particular, though no one was around to hear, "What did I do..?" her whispers grew steadily louder, until she was screaming, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!" her body finally collapsed in a heap of sobs.
~*~*~*~*~
Can't you see? I won't leave.
But you have to open your eyes.
Here I stand, Take my hand,
Let go of the fear that you hold.
~*~*~*~*~
Days passed, and with each that did, Musha's soul buried itself deeper and deeper within its own sorrow. She wouldn't leave the house anymore... she couldn't. She stayed at home all day, doing nothing but thinking, remembering.
Late one afternoon, she sighed as she trudged over to the door. The bell had been ringing all day, but she never felt like answering it. After about six hours of persistent ringing, she finally gave in.
She opened the door to see Chichiri on the other side, holding in his hand a bouquet of deep red roses. "Musha!" he said in the most sympathetic tone that he could muster.
"What do you want?" she narrowed her eyes at the unwelcome visitor.
Chichiri stepped right in, handing her the bouquet of now wilting roses and shook his head. "Please don't think ill of me. I know I've done some things in the past that were-"
"Despicable?" She cut him off, glaring darkly.
Chichiri suppressed his anger and continued, "Well, that wasn't quite the word I had in mind, but anyway, I wasn't the greatest guy in the past. I want to make it up to you." he grinned, hoping to convince her of good intentions.
Musha blinked. Make it up to her?! 'Who are you and what have you done with Chichiri?!' she though to herself, not realizing that she did, in fact, say that out loud.
Chichiri gasped, "Musha! I come to apologize and this is what you say?! Listen.... I know that I've hurt you, but I just.. don't feel right...."
"Well you sure picked a lousy time!" Musha shouted at him, bottling up all of her sadness and only letting the anger show through. "I thought that you would have known better than to come right now!"
"But that's just the point!" Chichiri countered, "I know that you're going through a hard time right now, and what you really need is a friend..."
"I have a friend..."
"But you need someone else. This friend you speak of, I can only assume is Tensei Jiaino, ne? But, is she even here now?"
Musha just shook her head, "No, she had someplace to go..."
Chichiri just shook his head, "Do you even know where she is?"
"She's with Quatre...."
Chichiri blinked, "You mean while you're here, mourning your loss, she's out having fun with another friend?!"
"No!" Musha shook her head, "It's not that! She just..... missed Quatre..... Besides!!" she added quickly, "I wanted some time to myself."
Chichiri crossed his arms, "I can't believe it..."
"Can't believe what?" Musha asked, looking at him, utterly confused.
Chichiri sighed and rolled his eyes, "I though that she would know better..... Musha.." he placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch, "What you NEED is someone to talk to... to comfort you. What will sitting here alone all day help? All you can do is wallow in your own misery. What you need is someone to help dig you out."
Musha narrowed her eyes, trying to stay angry, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I WANT to be alone?"
"That's what every person in mourning wants." Chichiri answered, "To be alone. But by doing so, they remain in a permanent state of melancholy. Musha... Have you even talked to anyone? About how you feel? YOU?" his eyes were suddenly filled with concern.
Musha shook her head, "I'm fine, Chichiri." she turned away, hoping that he wouldn't notice the tears forming in her eyes, but he saw.
He walked around her and lifted her chin up, looking sadly at her tear- stained face. "Musha..." he whispered, gently brushing her tears away, "It's okay, you know... to cry."
Musha's face remained hard, 'Shimatta...' she thought, 'He saw my tears... I must never reveal my tears... they're a weakness.'
"Let it go..." he whispered soothingly, "Don't keep the sorrow any longer... let it all out Musha."
She couldn't take it anymore. The pain, the sorrow, and the comforting words being whispered to her. All at once, a sob tore through her throat as Chichiri wrapped his arms comfortingly around her. Something about it felt terribly wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to realize it right now.
Chichiri's hand gently guided her head to rest on his shoulder as her tears soaked his shirt, all the while, he whispered in her ear, "Shhh... Everything will be all right, but cry, Musha... please... let it all out."
And that she did.
~*~*~*~*~
Don't throw your pearls to the swine tonight,
Don't let them take your innocence
~*~*~*~*~
Tensei panted breathlessly as she brought her sprinting back down to a smooth walk. She glanced down at her watch and frowned. "One A.M......" She closed her eyes with a sigh, thankful that she had finally escaped Quatre.
He just couldn't understand. She had spent practically the whole day with him, despite his constant protests. It's not that he minded her company, but he thought that she should be with Musha right now. Tensei, however, was avoiding being home at all costs.
Not because she didn't want to be there for her friend. Gods, she knew she had to, but, there was something about the way that Musha had changed.
Musha's soul was always on fire, strong, and fierce. When Wufei died, her soul died with him. It hurt Tensei to see her friend this way. Not just hurt her, but scared her. In fact, she was terrified.
Musha had always been the strong one. The one to pull HER through rough times, but seeing Musha surrender to the darkness of sorrow was just a shock in itself. She was still confused.
She lowered her gaze in shame. What kind of friend was she? To abandon Musha in such a time. Quatre had finally talked her into going back, but by then, it was far too late to do much. He offered to take her home, but she wanted to walk.
After only a couple minutes of Tensei's stubbornness and Quatre's determined insisting that it was too dangerous to go home alone, he decided that he would carry her home kicking and screaming if he needed to.
Tensei didn't give him a chance to hold true to his promise, she bowed quickly and sprinted out of his home.
It took Quatre a moment for his brain to register what had just happened, but she didn't have a chance to see it. She took back roads while he, no doubt, was scouring the city along with the Maguanacs.
Tensei shook her head as she continued. She didn't mean to be so rude, but she needed some time to think. To make a battle plan. The battle of her reasoning versus her emotions.
Finally home, Tensei trudged inside, however nothing, but NOTHING could have prepared her for what she saw. Narrowing her eyes, she glared at Chichiri, who was holding the sleeping Musha in his arms. "What are you doing here?" she hissed, unsure of whether or not she should wake Musha.
"I'm offering comfort to a dying soul." he said smoothly, every bit of accusation in his voice aimed directly at her. He inwardly smirked as Tensei's eyes went wide with surprise.
"Nani?!"
Chichiri frowned and placed Musha gently down on the sofa, making a show of smoothing a strand of her hair out of her face before he motioned for Tensei to follow him into the kitchen.
Tensei followed him, unsure of which emotion was going to break free first, so she asked the question that he had already answered, though she would like to hear a different answer. "What the hell do you think you're doing here? How DARE you come to see her at a time like this?!" her eyes betrayed the anger that she held on a tight leash. No one, but NO ONE was going to pull something like this on her friend.
Chichiri scowled, "I came to apologize. When I got here, she was all alone. Suffering." he emphasized the last word with a harsh whisper. "So I should be asking YOU why you haven't been here to comfort your best friend and sister!"
Tensei physically stumbled, as if his words had some tangible effect on her. "I was.. gone.."
"Where?"
"With Quatre.." why was she answering his questions?! Why hadn't she kicked him out of her house yet?!
"Why?"
Tensei hardened her eyes and glared at him. "What I do is none of your business. In fact, you have no business with ANY of us, so I would appreciate it if you would leave now."
Chichiri couldn't help but chuckle, "Fine. I'll leave. But keep in mind that I was the one who brought her the comfort that you should have offered."
Without another word, he left, leaving Tensei behind to recover from the venomous words, but all in vain. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, but that only resulted in hot tears streaming down her cheeks. He was right. She had failed her only true friend.
~*~*~*~*~
Just remember the times that I held your hand and kept you close,
Remember the times I held you up and now.
She cries....
~*~*~*~*~
The next morning, Tensei awoke with what could only be described as an emotional hangover, if there was such a thing. The guilt that consumed her soul took over her dreams, resulting in nightmares of the worst kind. She walked out of her room to check on Musha.
To her surprise, the sofa was vacant, as was her bedroom. Tensei blinked as a familiar smell filled the air. Was that... perfume?
Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open, and out stepped Musha, wearing her black jeans and her favorite gold sweater. Her hair was tied up neatly, much neater than usual, and she even wore.... was that makeup?!
"Musha?" Tensei asked, a bit unsurely.
"Good morning, Tensei." Musha said calmly, pulling her coat off of the coat rack. "I hope you don't mind, I borrowed some stuff from your vanity table...."
"Musha... of course I don't mind, but... I thought you hated make-up...."
Musha blushed slightly, thought it blended nicely with the pink pigment that she had already applied to her face. "Well, I'm going out today and... thought I should look nice."
"You always look nice, Musha!"
"But he said he'd really like it if I-"
She was immediately cut off by Tensei, "He?! Musha! What's going on?"
Musha just sighed, "Chichiri stopped by last night."
"I know..." Tensei said bitterly, clenching her fists.
"He invited me to spend the day with him today."
"He what?!"
"Tensei, we had a long talk last night. He told me that if I'm ever going to heal, I have to move on, and live life. I explained that I can't move on.." her voice quivered slightly, but she managed to keep it steady, "He talked me into going a few places with him today." she shrugged, "Said it would do me some good." She decided to spare her companion what else he had to say, about neglectful friends.
"But..... Musha! This is Chichiri we're talking about! Do you even remember what he did to you?!" her face was red with fury, remembering all of the pain that Musha had gone through because of him.
"I know...." Musha said with a peaceful calm in her voice, "But he apologized... Aren't you always telling me how to see the best in everyone? I thought that you of all people would understand."
Tensei just stood there, dumbfounded. Musha was right. She always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, but why did she feel so uneasy about Chichiri? Something just wasn't right.
"Anyway," Musha broke the silence, "He'll be here in a few minutes. I'll see you later." she headed for the door.
"Wait a minute!" Tensei stopped her, "You're meeting him somewhere?"
Musha just shook her head, "He wanted me to wait outside for him."
"In the cold?"
"Tensei! Lay off of it, all right?" That was the last thing she said before she stormed out the door.
Tensei just stood there. Too shocked to even move. 'What have I done...?'
~*~*~*~*~
Can't you see? I won't leave.
~*~*~*~*~
Chichiri leaned back against his car as he glanced down at his watch. 'She should be out here any minute now.' he thought to himself with a smirk.
He wasn't too keen on the idea of waiting for her a block away from her home, but he knew that if that friend of hers spotted him, he would be in trouble. It would just be much easier to avoid any kind of confrontation.
He looked up from his watch and smiled as he noticed Musha's figure running down the street, one hand waving in the air. "Chichiri-san!" she shouted breathlessly as she stood beside him. "I hope I'm not late."
Chichiri just smiled and shook his head, "Of course not, Musha. Besides, I'd wait all day just to see you."
Musha froze for a moment. 'This isn't right!!' her head screamed, but she forced all negative thinking away. She was determined to learn to be happy once more, no matter what it took.
"You look lovely, you know." he said smoothly, gently stroking her cheek with his fingertips.
Musha immediately withdrew and forced a smile, "Thank you. I'm not sure if I did the make-up right... I don't usually wear this stuff."
Chichiri shook his head, "So I take it your friend wouldn't even take the time to help you out. No matter. You look beautiful anyway."
"No! That's not what I meant!" she was shock at Chichiri for making such remarks about her friend, but instead of answering, he just held open her door and smiled, "Have a seat."
With a nervous smile, Musha sat down, letting out a sigh once he had finally shut her door. 'This is going to be a long day.' she mused to herself, 'Why do I feel so uneasy?'
~*~*~*~*~
But you have to open your eyes.
~*~*~*~*~
Tensei sat at her kitchen table, staring silently out the window as she chewed on her lower lip, the only sound in the room was the constant beat of her fingertips tapping on the table's surface.
'What have I done?' she thought, 'I should never have let her go! What if.. what if something awful is happening right now?!'
Her thoughts were interrupted when another hand was placed firmly over hers, stopping her fingers from their repetitive tapping. Her eyes moved up to meet with deep blue.
"You have to stop this, Tensei." Quatre said firmly, his voice emanating seriousness. "You can't just sit here and give yourself a heart attack. You have to calm down. She'll be all right, won't she?"
Tensei closed her eyes, "This is Chichiri that we're talking about. You've never met him, have you?"
Quatre shook his head, "No, but it doesn't sound like you trust him very much." he asked, eyes widening curiously, "It's unlike you to be so untrusting of someone."
"Which is why we should be even more worried." she clenched her fists, "He's hurt her in the past. In ways that I can't even talk about right now, but I know that his intentions cannot be nice."
Quatre's brow furrowed, "Do you know where they went?"
Tensei shook her head. "No idea. She just left."
"Then find out." another voice sounded from the door. Tensei and Quatre both turned around and gasped at the figure before them.
"Impossible..."
~*~*~*~*~
Here I stand, Take my hand
~*~*~*~*~
Musha was silent as she stared down at her cup of now cold coffee. For some reason, she wasn't enjoying herself as much as she had thought she would. 'I'm still healing.' She would reason.
"Come on." Chichiri said sympathetically, "Can't I see your beautiful smile?" There was a glint in his eyes that struck her as odd, but she brushed it off. She was determined to enjoy herself, even if she had to force it.
"Gomen ne, Chichiri-san." She sighed, "I just… I don't think I'm ready to smile yet." 'I don't think I'll ever smile again…' she finished silently.
Chichiri frowned. "It hurts me to see you this way. Tell me, are you sure there isn't anything else I can do for you?"
Musha just shook her head, her eyes wandering down to the tabletop.
"Let's go." Chichiri gently took her hand into his own. "Half the day has already gone by."
Musha said nothing, just allowed him to lead her back to his car.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Let go of the fear that you hold.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Damnit, onna! Can't you work any faster?" Wufei stomped back and forth impatiently.
Quatre shook his head, "Wufei, please calm down."
"You expect me to be calm while Musha is out there with that… that… kusoyaro?!"
"I'm working as fast as I can, Wufei, but I haven't used this program in years!" Tensei sighed as she tapped away at her laptop.
"What exactly is this?" Quatre asked, giving her a questioning glance.
"It's a tracking system. Before you say anything, let me explain." She went on talking, but her eyes remained glued to the screen, "During the war, Musha had a tendency to do things that were…"
"Stupid?" Wufei finished for her. He didn't mean that as any kind of insult, but he still couldn't accept her carelessness. She would go off to fight someone despite what she called minor handicaps, such as a broken leg or something "small" like that. He made it his business to protect her, despite the fact that she hated it. He knew that she was strong, but every person has their' weakness. Hers was the willingness to sacrifice herself for others.
Tensei just shook her head. "You could say that… Basically, it's set to trace her cell phone. It only works if it's on though." She smiled as her computer beeped. "Aha! There she is!"
"Where?!" Wufei demanded, habitually placing his hand over the handle of his katana.
"Calm down. It's sending the coordinates right now. Just.. don't get too hostile."
Wufei shook his head, "You said yourself that you don't trust him!"
"I said that I don't trust him, I never wished him dead!" Tensei shouted back.
"Let's just go!" Quatre shouted, picking up Tensei's laptop and handing it to her. "The longer we wait, the worse off the situation can get. Let's just go."
Tensei nodded. "Right."
~*~*~*~*~
"Here we are." Chichiri grinned slightly as he stopped the car.
Musha looked out the window in curiosity. There was nothing there! "Chichiri-"
"Shh..." he placed a gentle hand over hers and just closed his eyes. "Why don't we just talk for a bit?"
'Talk…' her mind played the word over and over, 'Yes, talking is all right.' But she couldn't escape her confusion. Her mind had been wrestling with itself all day. Something just… wasn't right. Why had she agreed to go with Chichiri in the first place? He had hurt her in the past, what's to stop him from doing it again? 'But he's changed!' her second conscience would shout. She just shook her head and sighed.
"Musha…"
She blinked her eyes and looked over to face the man beside her, his eyes showing nothing but reassuring warmth. She actually couldn't help but smile just a bit. Amidst all of her pain and confusion, Chichiri helped her to feel... a little calmer? She just sighed. "Gomen ne." she said quietly, "I don't mean to be such a burden to you."
"No…" he shook his head and smiled in amusement, "You could never be a burden to me…" he gave her hand a little squeeze that caused her to jump only slightly.
"Ano…" what was this that she was feeling? Something inside her told her that this was all terribly wrong, but something louder inside of her told her to just calm down. She shook her head slightly and looked down. "Gomen ne."
Chichiri reached over and placed a finger under her chin, gently lifting her face so that her eyes met with his. "I said don't apologize…"
~*~*~*~*~
"They're somewhere around here." Tensei informed the others as Quatre stopped the car and looked around.
"There's nothing here…" he trailed, his eyes scanning the deserted area. "What could they possibly be doing here?"
Before Tensei could say anything, she heard a low growl come from the backseat where Wufei sat, then the sudden opening and slamming of the backdoor. She sighed and shook her head, "Chichiri had better be behaving himself, or he's in for it."
Quatre looked at her skeptically, "Do you really think that this could be as bad as Wufei thinks it is?"
Tensei just nodded her head slowly, "Hai. If you've ever met this guy, you'd understand."
"We'd better go help them, then."
Tensei just nodded and closed up her laptop, stepping out of the car and into the cold snow that blanketed the ground. They weren't sure where to go to look for them, but luckily, Wufei's feet left tracks in the snow. Though he didn't know the way either, she knew that his heart was guiding him.
~*~*~*~*~
Musha's eyes widened in confusion at Chichiri's sudden closeness. Sirens started sounding in Musha's head, but her body would not move. She was struggling with her own mind's vacillation, but before she had any chance to react, Chichiri's lips were upon hers.
'Do something! Stop him! Hurt him!!' the reasonable part of her mind was shouting urgent orders, but the part of her soul that was desperately trying to heal from the pain of loss embraced this intrusion and drowned out the cries of reason. Tears of guilt and shame poured down her face as she felt her own body betray her, her own arms reaching up and resting on his shoulders, not encouraging his unwelcome caress, but not discouraging it either. She just sat there, a broken doll, too tired and weary to fight anymore.
A click was heard behind the silently frantic girl as a burst of cold air hit her with full force, awakening her fully, causing her to jump and spin around to find the source of the cold. There stood the form of her fiancé, the man that she so deeply and affectionately loved.
At the moment that she saw him, she felt as if a spark inside her burst into a raging inferno. This spark, which she thought had died within her when her love had left her, had not merely disappeared, but reduced to a small flicker that all this time, she could not recognize amidst the clouds of pain that surrounded this little flame of hope. Her eyes went wide in shock, surprise, and complete joy. "Wufei!" she didn't even know if his name actually left her lips. All she knew was that the image of her one true love stood before her, an equal look of shock in his eyes. Then she realized why.
She looked behind her to meet the agitated gaze of Chichiri. Chichiri! What was she doing here with him?! It was almost as if her conscious being had finally been awakened! But here she was, before her soulmate, her other half, being held in the arms of the one man that she abhorred more than hate itself.
"Megami…" Wufei's words came labored, as he too was holding his anger on a tight leash. He had seen Chichiri kissing his fiancée, and he was not about to let this man get away with it, but he would not do anything to upset his beloved. He reached across her lap and undid the silver buckle, then gently took her arms and helped her out of the car and into his own arms, holding her close.
Words needed not be said at that moment. The angry glare that he gave Chichiri was anything but ambiguous in the silent promise of extreme pain, if not death. Had it not been for Musha's very presence, all humanity would be forgotten, and Wufei could have easily gone into a dangerous rage.
Meanwhile, Musha's still shocked form shook uncontrollably as she was held in the strong arms of her other half. He was alive! He was alive!!! She wanted to jump for joy! To just embrace him, and kiss him, and tell him over and over how much she loved him.
But she couldn't. One more emotion drowned out her happiness, and that was guilt. 'I didn't even try to stop him…' her mind played the words over and over like a broken record. Each word stabbed mercilessly at her soul, leaving her dying in its wake.
"No." It was the first audible word actually spoken in that tense moment. Chichiri and Wufei both looked confusedly at Musha. She just shook her head and repeated herself. "No. Wufei…" she bowed her head, "I'm so, so incredibly sorry." The last word was distorted as a sob tore through her throat.
Wufei looked down at her in bewilderment. "Megami…?"
Before anything else could be said, Musha used the last of her willpower to rip herself out of his arms. Immediately, her body missed the comfort and warmth that she no longer felt deserving of. "Gomen nasai. I have failed you! I am unworthy!" That said, she took off towards the street.
Chichiri opened his mouth to say something, but Wufei didn't even take notice. His legs took on a new strength as he pursued his love. He would never be apart from her again, no matter what it took.
~*~*~*~*~
Can't you see? I won't leave.
~*~*~*~*~
Tensei and Quatre arrived on the scene just in time to see Musha running off, uncharacteristic tears falling down her flushed cheeks as Wufei followed her at a speed that could turn a cheetah green with envy.
"Nani?!" Tensei's voice rang out as she glanced at the two blurs that flashed past her, then back at Chichiri. Her eyes narrowed and an unusual anger filled her being. She would never get so angry at a person, not ever! But she could see and feel Musha's pain, and she knew who was responsible for it. The anger in her eyes told Chichiri of the unspoken hate that she harbored just for him.
"Leave." The tone in her voice was unusually icey, and even Quatre was shocked by the anger that laced it.
Chichiri just shrugged. "It was her own fault." He turned and stepped away slowly, as if he didn't have a care in the world, "She should have stopped me."
Tensei's eyes widened in complete shock and anger at those words. "What did you do to him, you bastard?!" she shouted, thrusting her body forward, not even noticing that Quatre had wrapped his arms around her waist, restraining her for fear that she might do something rash, though he never thought it possible before.
Chichiri merely stopped and looked back with a sly grin on his face, "All I did," he began, his voice relaxed and nonchalant, "Was help her to realize her true feelings."
Tensei was outraged. She pushed forward as she watched Chichiri leave, but Quatre refused to let go. "Tensei… just leave him." He said gently, as if trying to soothe the burning hate that was driving her to such a state of anger.
"She's been through so much…" Tensei finally allowed her body to fall limp in his arms as she realized that he would never let go, not while she was like this. "Quatre… why do horrible things have to happen to the good people of this world?"
The young man just shook his head, the silence answering the unanswerable question.
~*~*~*~*~
The scratchy sound of Musha's ragged breath was all that could be heard as she leaned back against the bolt-locked door of her apartment. She let out a long sigh and slumped to the ground, burying her head in her arms. "What have I done?" a muffled whisper could be heard to come from the distraught girl.
Her soul had been exposed to so many extremities of so many different emotions that it was proving not only detrimental to her physical being, but her very spirit. She could do no more now than cry, for all of her strength had left her, fleeing these offending emotions.
Grief, guilt, anger, and other such feelings surrounded her, crushing her in her invisible void of sorrow. She could feel a battle inside of herself. A battle who's intensity would rival that of a great celestial war. Her grief and self-hatred fought an intense battle with her love and deep yearning for her soulmate.
All at once, the deafening silence that suppressed her was rudely interrupted, sliced right through with a soft knock on the door behind her. It was as though Musha had been brought back to reality. She no longer saw darkness and demons, but her own home, with a familiar feeling spreading through her body. She didn't know what this feeling was, but it made her feel… safe.
"Megami…"
Violet eyes snapped open at the sound of the familiar voice. "No…. not Wufei…" her words came out as no more than an unintelligible whisper, but he could still sense her thoughts, nonetheless.
The next sound that she heard was the gentle scraping of the door handle turning, then a dissatisfied sigh from the man on the other side of the door. "Megami…" his voice came once again, soothing and calm, "Please let me in."
"Wufei…" her shaky voice surprised even him. He had never seen her so distraught; so broken. "I can't." she hung her head low in shame, despite the fact that he couldn't even see her.
Wufei was not one to beg. Not ever. Only once, had he ever considered the option of begging, and that was when he considered just how he would propose to her, and what he would do, should she have refused. He would forget all his pride just for her, but right now, he knew that she needed someone strong to look to. If he couldn't show his full strength, then why should she?
"I won't take no for an answer." His words were not harsh, nor demanding, but they were uncharacteristically soft. "I love you, and I'm going to make you understand that no one, and nothing can ever come between us."
~*~*~*~*~
But you have to open your eyes.
~*~*~*~*~
Chichiri sighed as he leaned back against a tree in the forest that he had very thoroughly and effectively gotten himself lost in. He didn't care though, no, not at all. For all he cared, he could die right there. He closed his eyes and pounded his fist into the side of the tree, not even taking notice of the crimson liquid that dripped from his fresh wound.
"Damnit…" he cursed quietly, despite the fact that no one was around to hear him anyway. He shook his head, and sighed once more. "What the hell did I do?" he wondered aloud, beginning a slow pace around the tall oak, not caring that his shoes had since been soaked through with icy water, promising an unpleasant cold for the next few days.
"I love her!!!" he finally shouted, his pained voice echoing through the vast wilderness around him. He allowed his body to sink to the cold, wet ground and repeated once more, "I love her…"
He wasn't sure just for how long he sat there, but it must have been a while, because the blue color of the sky had gradually turned a soft orange. But still, he sat there, staring off into nothingness, until something caught his eye.
A loud squack could be heard as Chichiri watched two birds battle over what seemed to be a small berry, truly a valuable prize in this season of death. The black bird that had originally held the small berry within its beak was now standing protectively over the treasured fruit, as another bird, this one a reddish brown color, had flapped its wings, gently landing only about a foot in front of the black bird.
For some odd reason, Chichiri took notice of the pathetic looking berry, which had once been plump and shiny, now was bruised from when the brown bird had attacked its owner.
His attention went back to the birds who only stared at each other for a brief moment before they both went at each other, wings flapping, and beaks clashing.
It's funny how no one usually takes notice of such lessons that nature has to offer us, but this time, Chichiri learned what he had never allowed himself to accept.
He watched as the brown bird, now injured and defeated limped away with a bruised wing, and the black bird lovingly scooped the berry back up into its beak and flew off into the sunset.
That was when the sickening reality finally dawned on Chichiri, dragging his soul to the depths of those of the brown bird. He knew now that he had been defeated. Not only that, but he had hurt Musha in the process. He never really meant to hurt Musha, but it happened, and now, she was broken.
His eyes never left that brown bird until it finally disappeared into the forest. He knew then what he had to do.
~*~*~*~*~
Two inches of raw, hard wood. That was all that separated these two stubborn souls. Neither of them were ever the type to be the first to surrender. This time was no exception.
"Megami-"
"No." That word again! That was all she could manage to say. It was a simple word. Easy to comprehend and use with understanding. No. Negative. As should be her life from now on. She had betrayed the one that she loved, and she was going to accept the consequences, whether she was the one to order them or not.
Wufei shifted his weight and leaned back against the door, causing the old slab of wood to creak. He let out an exasperated sigh and crossed his arms over his chest. "You know that I'm not going to give up, Onna."
Musha's eyes snapped open. 'Onna…' He would only call her that name in one of two situations. Either when he was joking, or serious to the point of needing to prove to her that his feelings for her have never changed. She found comfort in his words, but they still did not deliver her from her self-condemnation.
He turned and knelt down on the floor, gently running his hand along the slightly chipped paint of the old door. "Onna… you must listen to me."
"Why?" Another one-word response, she was on a roll tonight!
"Because you have no choice." He was almost afraid that giving her orders would only exacerbate the situation, but he didn't know what else to do. He was confident that if he showed strength, that she might understand, and finally listen to him.
"You deserve better." Her voice barely managed, no longer sounding like the strong and confident Musha that he'd always known, but now, like a scared and confused little girl.
Wufei sighed and shook his head. "You don't understand… if I can't be with you, then there IS nothing better."
Wufei's uncharacteristically kind words brought tears to the young girl's eyes. How could he say such a thing? She had betrayed him, so he should hate her, shouldn't she? She spent the next few minutes in silence, her soul a bloody battlefield.
Her thoughts were interrupted when strong arms were wrapped around her and warm lips were pressed to hers.
~*~*~*~*~
Here I stand. Take my hand
~*~*~*~*~
Three months had passed, and the wedding was only days away, leaving the young couple giddy with excitement.
Wufei smiled at his bride-to-be who reclined lazily on her sofa, eyes shut in silent bliss. It all felt so right… just so… right.
"Your mail just came." Wufei announced, playfully scattering it across her body.
Musha just giggled and jumps up, gathering the letters and shuffling through them. "Bill, bill, Oh look! I've been pre-approved!" the aforementioned documents were promptly thrown across the room, scattering to the floor as Musha giggled, but her laughing stopped as her eyes fell upon the last envelope.
Wufei raised an eyebrow just slightly, "What is it, Megami?" he sat beside her as she sat straight up and opened the letter almost hesitantly, then began to read it aloud.
"My Dear Goddess,
I don't really know just what to say… I suppose that I don't even deserve the right to tell you, but I can't stop myself. The fact is that I love you. Yes, I love you. I have always loved you, and I will never cease to love you. You hate me, but my love for you exceeds that that is unconditional.
However, as I love you more than life itself, I also realize that I can never be with you. I tried to take you by force, but that only ended up in hurting you, and for that, I am eternally regretful. I hope that this letter finds you in happy days of loving bliss with your fiancé, and that you have managed to move on.
As for myself, I have decided to leave. Not just you, but this place that reminds me so much of you. I will never forget you, but I can try to leave behind the places that bring back painful memories. So, the good news for you is that you will never have to see me again. I am out of your life forever, so relax, and be happy.
Tell Wufei that he is the luckiest man alive, and that if he ever dares harm you in any way, I will promptly break my promise and ensure that he experiences a cruel, and painful death.
With the best wishes, and extreme jealousy, I end this letter to you, my love.
With all my heart,
Chichiri"
Musha just stared down at the paper for a moment, not knowing what to say. How could she… have anything to say? Instead, Wufei just wrapped his arms around her, telling her once more what can never be put to words. She just looked up at him and smiled.
No one knew just what finally broke the misunderstanding between the two on that day months ago. There were no magical words to cause that pivotal moment… just a simple kiss. That kiss, however, said so much more than any words ever could. And as Wufei leaned down to kiss his love once more, she felt that same peace that would protect her soul forever.
~*~*~*~*~
Let go of the fear that you hold
~*~*~*~*~