Disclaimer: I do not own Tenkuu no Escaflowne.
Of Dragons and Destiny: Chapter III
The Course Chosen
"Only the Strong Survive."
~ Basic Cadet Training, USAFA
"Pain, much pain," whimpered the first of the boys entering the dorm. He promptly collapsed on the nearest bed.
"Get your lazy butt offa my bed," Ahren snapped without much energy. The other boy made a very rude gesture at him and did not move.
"Get off, Balin," Viole said tiredly, "before he goes and tattles to Lord Dilandau."
"Hey, Cyril," Migel called, "You're bed's right over here, you know."
"Mind your own business, Lavariel," Cyril replied, but he pushed himself off of his "superior's" bed all the same.
"Ten…miles," Chesta gasped as he collapsed on his bunk, not even bothering to take off his armor, "In full gear too. I thought we were done with that sort of stuff."
"Yeah, right," snapped one boy across from him, "You're too much of an optimist, Ches. Hey, Gatti…"
"What is it, Raul?" sighed the young man walking past him at that moment.
"You owe me ten," Raul said, "I told you that Dempsey was going to make the new guy run orbits the whole way." He ignored Colin, who had been the last boy into the dorm and was just now lying down on his own bed.
"I'm surprised the new guy hasn't left yet, since he knows Ahren's not going to stop until he breaks him," Arnor remarked, overhearing Raul.
"Uh-huh," agreed Dalet, also talking as though Colin was not in the room, "Too bad Lord Dilandau made him give him water at the halfway point."
"Yeah, too bad."
"I remember, back in basic, when Lord Dilandau used to run with a sack of lead weights. And he still ran faster than any of us."
"And whenever someone dropped behind, he had to carry the sack. Pity Lord Dilandau's gone soft and decided to keep those weights to himself this time. I remember that only Yan never had to carry them."
"Unlike you, I can actually run," Yan observed from his place nearer to the door, "My clan might not be noble, but at least we are willing to do our full duty and not rely on privilege. I earned my place here, just like everyone else."
"You mean, almost everyone else," corrected his neighbor.
"Ah, yes, thank you, Damon; I almost forgot about that."
"Hey, we're being rude to the new guy," Ahren said loudly, a mocking smile matching his tone, "Why do all of you insist on talking about things he has no idea about? That is very rude and we shouldn't be rude to someone who's good enough to become one of us without having all that behind him."
Colin, facedown on his mattress, clenched his jaw, but otherwise did not move.
"Don't listen to them," Chesta whispered, "They're just tired and sore, like anyone else would be after that run." But he could not help but note how Colin's body had gone rigid with anger as all the other youths began joining in what had become nearly a daily ritual of abuse. Colin had become the scapegoat for their anger, and though they were not allowed to touch him, their words were doing more damage than any blow by fist or sword. Raul and Gatti, Chesta's closest friends, remained indifferent towards him out of respect to Chesta, but all the others followed Ahren's lead. Colin never responded, never made any sign that they had any affect, yet his spirit was slowly poisoning itself under the constant cruelty.
Bastards…so you think I'll allow myself to be broken by the likes of you? I had to give up everything so that I could obey Father's command. I have nothing left, not even my pride, for I know as well as any of them that I cannot prove myself to them, no matter what Sergeant Berenger said. I must fight them, I cannot surrender…"A Knight feels not the bite of the arrow nor the sting of the slur, for a Knight of true heart feels not the pain, only the desire to continue on in the face of adversity." "My honor cannot be affronted by any man less honorable than I." Words, slim comfort perhaps, but in my heart, I know that I'm a Knight. I must be a Knight if I cannot be a Dragon Slayer. Try me, you bastards, I'll kill anyone of you that think you can beat me, whether sword, dagger, or fists. I'll kill the first one who touches me, I swear I'll kill them with my bare hands. I'll kill them, I kill them, I'll kill…
Chesta, unaware of his friend's immanent breakdown, reached over and jogged Colin's elbow, whispering, "Hey Colin! One of the cadre just came in and he's talking to Ahren and he keeps looking over here at you with the biggest smirk…!" Suddenly, Chesta found himself jerked to his feet, his arm twisted in a fashion that would have been extremely painful if he had not been so concerned about the iron grip that was constricting his throat. All he could see was blue, a deadly, hating, pain-filled slate blue as some demon glared at him with the twin fires that were its eyes. Dimly, over the sound of his own blood rushing in his ears, he could hear what might have been shouts of protest and anger and fear. He pulled frantically at the claw around his neck, even as his vision darkened. A shudder ran through the demon, which turned its eyes away to glare and snarl at the fool who attempted to interrupt its vengeance.
"C-Colin?" Chesta wheezed as he recognized his friend. Colin turned back to him at the sound of his name, uttered in the barest thread of a whisper. He shook his head, staring as if he was not completely certain who Chesta was. Suddenly, his eyes changed to a more normal green-gray. With a cry of horror, he released Chesta, who sank to his knees, gasping for breath.
What have I done? Colin stared down at his hands, gulping air as if he had been the one who had nearly suffocated. WHAT HAVE I DONE?! A keening noise like some beast in torment tore its way out of his body, causing the other boys to back away in dismay and terror. They had seen Colin inexplicably attack the only one of their number who could be called his friend; if his friend was not safe, how would he deal with his enemies?
"Delios, front and center!" Ahren ordered, coming back into the dorm. He was grinning ear to ear over the information he had just received. Colin, numb as he was from shock, obeyed. The crowd gave way, as if his insanity were some leprous disease that could be spread to them by his touch.
"Yes, sir?" Colin said, stopping in front of Ahren, not daring to look into his eyes.
Ahren was mystified; he had worked long and hard to break Colin like posing, privileged son-of-a-whore that Ahren knew he was, and all of a sudden, it had happened without his knowing? Ahren glanced at his compatriots, who were staring at the humbled figure before him with wide, horror-struck eyes. What had happened to cause this sudden change?
"Sir, you wished to talk to me?' Colin said in a voice that was a ghost of its former confidence.
"Yes, but only to tell you that Lord Dilandau orders you to report to Training Room Three on the double with your sword," Ahren replied, smirking at the knowledge of what was to come. It was a tempting thought to finish of Colin right now, where he stood, but there would be consequences if Lord Dilandau ever heard the he had interfered. And Lord Dilandau always found out.
"Pardon me please, sir," Colin said, walking around Ahren submissively.
Ahren watched him go, praying for all that he was worth that Lord Dilandau would be forced to kill him.
Colin knew the way to the training room by heart and allowed his feet to take him there while he merely came along for the ride. What kind of monster am I? I could have killed him. I would have killed him! I would have choked him to death unless he had…unless I had not heard…I can still feel that way his throat gave way under my hands! I'm a monster! I don't deserve to live…Perhaps Father saw this and that's why he stopped me from becoming a Knight. Or maybe this was the only way I could learn what kind of a person I really am…no, not a person, a monster…I don't deserve to live…I must pay for my sin…a life for life, it is only fitting, the only honorable thing…
Colin pushed open the door to the training room but did not enter. He saw that Lord Dilandau was already waiting for him, his back to the door, standing in the center of the room, a black and blood statue.
Death has many faces, after all. In the end, Father, I did die for Celena and for Zaibach.
"Enter, Delios," Lord Dilandau said. Colin did not move. Lord Dilandau turned slowly and glared at him, furious that Colin had disobeyed a direct order. He was about to scream an order at him when Colin raised his head and looked at him, meeting him eye-to-eye. Lord Dilandau had witnessed more death and dying and pain than even he could remember, but the suffering contained in those dead gray orbs was enough to make him pause.
Lord Dilandau had not approved of Colin's inclusion in the candidate pool for the Dragon Slayers. He knew all about Ahren's systematic psychological abuse, but he did nothing to stop it. Not only was he certain that Colin would never be accepted by the others, he also sensed a connection, as indirect as it was, that linked this son of a minister to the hated Sorcerers. The Sorcerers had made him what he was, that was true, but there was little love lost between the creation and the creators. Lord Dilandau had intercepted every single one of Minister Delios' letters to his son and reading the demands for reports on the treatment and training of the Dragon Slayers had not improved his opinion of Colin.
But if he was reading Colin correctly, it must be that revelation had finally dawned on the young man. Now would be a perfect time to get rid of him.
"Enter and draw your sword," Lord Dilandau ordered simply. Colin stepped forward and carelessly slid the weapon from its sheathe, holding it in such a way that any person with a modicum of experience would have seen that he was giving Lord Dilandau every opportunity to strike him down. Normally, Lord Dilandau would have been insulted and slain his opponent on the spot, but first he had to humiliate Colin; it was only justice. He was also interested in seeing whether he could provoke Colin into a real fight. The fame of the Knights Caeli as swordsmen was known all over Gaea, and what better way to test this than to face one of their former protégés?
Come and kill me if you want…what better way is there to atone for my sins and regain my honor then to be killed by Zaibach's mightiest warrior?
Lord Dilandau made a powerful sweep at Colin's sword arm, intending to disarm him in the first blow. He would not waste his skill on one so determined to die. Automatically, as if his arm was acting of its own free will, Colin's blade met Lord Dilandau's, parrying it away from his body. Once this action was committed, however, Colin returned to his former indifferent state. Lord Dilandau pressed the attack once more, giving Colin plenty of time to react and dodge the blow aimed at his head.
Is this all you have to offer? Come, Lord Dilandau, show me the skill that has made you the perfect warrior you are supposed to be. I suppose it is hard for this noble son to forget his pride so easily after all, but I will not be killed in a manner more suited for thugs in the streets.
Lord Dilandau saw the green flash in Colin's eyes, though it only lasted for an instant, and knew that he had touched some nerve. The only logical step would be to make Colin attack. Stepping forward on his left foot, he feinted toward Colin's left side and then thrust at his exposed torso. Colin narrowly missed being gutted by a hairsbreadth by whirling out of the way at the last possible moment. Even as he spun, his sword came up, knocking Lord Dilandau's blade high into the air. He had only to complete his turn and follow through with his own thrust and the duel would be over. Lord Dilandau saw it all in a flash and rolled under Colin's blade as Colin went on the offensive for the first time.
"When I saw you standing in the door, I could have sworn you were coming here to die," Lord Dilandau taunted as he circled Colin, who was forced to move or be stabbed in the back, "But now it seems you've changed your mind."
Not changed, not by far…justice must be served and honor must be restored… you must kill me because you have no other choice. Every meeting of blade on blade is one more time that I have kept Death at bay. I could just as easily fallen on your sword and ended it, but that would mean that all of my guilt would be forever erased, too soon. If I must attack you to convince you of your duty, then so be it.
Colin launched himself at Lord Dilandau, driving him back ten steps by sheer ferocity before he was able to respond with an attack of his own. Lord Dilandau grinned with satisfaction at finally having succeeded in forcing Colin into a rage. He would let the charade carry on for a little while longer before he finished it.
Suddenly, Colin dove at his opponent, coming low and fast under Lord Dilandau's blade. It was a suicidal tactic, for Lord Dilandau's reflexes were almost catlike, but Colin had reached the limit of his ability to endure the memory of his crime. Lord Dilandau was taken nearly completely by surprise and was only just able to shift out of the sword's path. Colin followed through completely with his thrust, exposing his entire backside. He shut his eyes and emptied his lungs of air, anticipating the killing stroke.
And so ends the life of this pale mockery of a man…the heavens have scorned the shooting star that was but a show of light, burning up into nothing for its own brilliance…
But the blow did not fall. Colin kept moving forward by virtue of his inertia before coming to rest not five paces from Lord Dilandau. Somewhat bewildered, he turned toward his supposed executioner, wondering what in Gaea had stayed Lord Dilandau's hand.
Lord Dilandau was not interested in Colin at that moment, for he was too absorbed in staring at the blood on his fingers. "First blood," he gasped, hardly daring to believe it. The sting in his side, where the keen edge of Colin's blade had cut through his armor, was undeniable evidence however. Lord Dilandau stared at Colin, who seemed to have been brought back to himself by the shock of having defeated his commander.
I…won? How could this be? I am less skilled and I wanted to die. I have robbed myself of an honorable death…if the best warrior in Zaibach cannot give me satisfaction, there is only one other way…
Colin fell to his knees. Holding his sword parallel to his forearm, he readied himself to drive it into his own body. Life for life…
*SCHING!*
The blade, buried in the floor on the far side of the room, shivered like a silver arrow that has just hit its mark. Colin stared down at his empty hands in shock, then looked up in wonder and puzzlement.
The point of Lord Dilandau's sword hovered less than a fingerwidth from Colin's throat. Crimson eyes glared down at him with hatred. "Your life is mine, Delios! I am the only one who can take it from you!" Lord Dilandau shouted.
So, Death, you have not abandoned me after all. Colin did not answer, but merely tilted his head back, exposing his throat even more. End it now or return my sword to me…
Lord Dilandau blinked in surprise before his face hardened with rage. This boy had come to him with death in his eyes and yet he had defeated him. The gap separating Colin from death narrowed almost imperceptively. If he was killed, then it did not matter if he had won. "Your life is mine, to do with as I will!" Lord Dilandau declared. Even now this fool desired death, was willing to deny him the true victory by forcing him to slay him. Lord Dilandau was torn between the desire to kill and the desire to exact a sweeter revenge. And there was also…respect. Colin had shown no fear, had accepted death without hesitation, as only a true warrior could have. Lord Dilandau was a monster that had known little mercy at the hands of the Sorcerers and knew even less of showing mercy towards others. And yet he found the desire to let Colin live. His decision was made.
"Get up," Lord Dilandau ordered, sheathing his sword. He strode over to where Colin blade jutted from the floor and pulled it out.
Colin got to his feet, his legs trembling from adrenaline letdown. Did I see that? Were my eyes just playing tricks on me or was it some delusion from being so close to death? I could have sworn that I saw…he changed for an instant, but then his face became cruel again. And yet I could have sworn that I saw something else there, a light, an innocence…but it could not have been…
"Come here," said Lord Dilandau softly. Cautiously, Colin approached him. "I do not like you, Delios," Lord Dilandau said frankly, "I don't think I ever will. But tonight I will spare your life, even though you defeated me, because I want you to owe me your life. Your life is mine, it has been ever since you came through the gates, but tonight you must accept that fact. You are a Dragon Slayer, and I am your lord. There will come a time when I will challenge you again, and I will beat you. I return this sword to you, Colin Delios of the Dragon Slayers." With a simple, elegant gesture, Lord Dilandau presented Colin the hilt of the sword.
"Lord Dilandau," said Colin, "My life is yours. I will freely accept death from your hand, for I am not worthy to live." Colin knelt and bowed his head. "Allow me the death of a soldier, for I do not deserve the life of a Dragon Slayer."
"I imagine that Ahren Dempsey would have liked to have heard those words," Lord Dilandau said. Colin jerked his head up in surprise. "I know what has been happening under my command, Delios. It was a simple matter for me to ignore it when I thought you were unworthy. It will end tonight. Take up your sword and follow me." Colin rose and took the weapon from Lord Dilandau's hand.
"Chesta, are you sure you're all right?"
"I'm fine, Gatti! Stop asking me!" Chesta glared at his two friends, who backed away defensively.
"Easy, Ches, we're only worried about you," said Raul, "That nutcase almost killed you!"
"And what drove him to do that, do you think?" Chesta demanded, "All of you have been torturing him non-stop since he arrived! You never even gave him a chance! You knew he would break soon, you allowed it to happen, and now you're surprised. He's gone to get himself killed because he believes he's done something wrong!"
"Um, Ches…" Raul started hesitantly. But Chesta interrupted him.
"He's my friend! I know him for what he is, and he is not some cold-blooded killer! Colin deserves to be one of us because he is one of us! How else do you think that you got away with that incident with the spears? Corporal Hanbion would have given you twenty lashes!"
"I…I…" Raul stuttered.
"Ches, you don't mean that Colin…?" asked Gatti.
"Why else do you think he could barely get out of bed a week ago?" snapped Chesta.
"He took the fall for me?" gasped Raul.
"Yes, because he knew that Hanbion had it in for you and that you would have been beaten till you couldn't walk anymore. He would be willing to do that for anyone here, even Ahren!"
"I can't believe it. What kind of a guy would do that sort of thing?"
"All that stuff about him becoming a Knight, I mean, no one is really like that anymore," said Gatti, bewilderment plain in his tone, "All that junk about chivalry and honor, that's only in plays and story books."
"Well, obviously, Colin believes in it!" said Chesta, "He believes in it so much that he endured everything without a word. How long do you think anyone can do that before they snap? I hope everyone's happy, because all of you have just sent probably the last true Knight Caeli to his death!" The dorm remained silent after this last outburst; even Ahren would not dare to say a word.
The door swung open, revealing Lord Dilandau standing just outside. No one could have known how long he had been there; his face revealed nothing. But how could he have not heard Chesta?
"Room, tench-hut!" Ahren barked. Everyone came to attention. Lord Dilandau walked into the room. Colin entered and stood behind him, not meeting anyone's stares and looking as though he had just been brought back from the brink of death.
"Let it be known that Colin Delios has reached the rank of Dragon Slayer. He has taken his sword as a sign a fealty, something all of you will one day do. I will leave it up to him to divulge the circumstances of his promotion." Lord Dilandau looked sideways at Ahren, who blanched. "Candidate Ahren, you will report to me one hour after the evening meal." His voice was soft, but it was the softness of a deadly fog. "That is all," said Lord Dilandau, exiting the room and leaving Colin the center of everyone's attention.
Colin, his face deadly calm, slowly swept the room with his eyes, meeting everyone's gaze. Most looked away. When Colin came to Chesta, his stoic façade crumbled somewhat. Chesta shook his head and offered his hand to Colin in friendship, as he had that day a lifetime ago. Colin blinked, afraid to believe that he was being forgiven, but Chesta came forward and touched his shoulder.
"I'm your friend," he said, "You must forgive yourself."
"I don't think I can," Colin whispered, but some of the life returned to his face.
Raul stepped forward, his hand running through his hair as sign of his trepidation. "I…I'm sorry for the shitty way I've acted," he blurted, "I know you'll probably hate me for life, and I deserve it, but Chesta told me what you did for me and I want to thank you. I know that won't get rid of what's been done to you over the last couple months, but I just wanted to say…I'm sorry."
"I should have said something before," Gatti spoke up. He strode towards Colin, his face grimly set, and bowed in the style of the Old Army. "I trace my lineage back at least as far as your family's and I know of the honor that binds all of us in blood. I stood by and let a brother be torn apart. I am sorry, and I will regret my misdeeds until the day my name is no longer among the living."
Colin returned his bow. "Let it be known that no son of Leala was any less noble than any son of Delios. Since I am forgiven, I forgive. Let no more be said about this, for we are all brothers here."
"Halt, who goes there?"
"Colin Delios, sir. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be up here…"
"Colin? So it's you that's been scarin' the life out of the night watch! They've been sayin' down at the guard house that a spirit's taken a liking to the dorm rooftop and some of the more cowardly have even refused duty. I took it upon meself to look into this little matter and now I find they've been scared of nothin' more than a little boy out wandering past his bedtime! Now what are ya doin' out here at this time of night, Colin?"
"I…I just wanted to look at the stars."
"Look at the stars?"
"Well, they're really so beautiful and I can't see them from the capital, so I…"
"Ya've been out star-gazin' every night since ya've been here?"
"Well, most nights that I could get away, at least. I'll be getting back to the dorms now…"
"Don't be off so hastily, now! I heard ya got a promotion, so to speak. So, Lord Dilandau's made ya a Dragon Slayer, has he. Thought that was a secret, didn't ya?"
"I had no idea…how did you know…I mean, I haven't told anyone really…"
"Colin, one thing you learn pretty quickly 'bout the Army is that nothing's a secret and gossip goes around faster than an outbreak of soldier's sickness. With not much else to do 'sides talkin' and listenin' for orders to come down, it's just natural."
"Oh."
"So why exactly do ya find star-gazin' so much fun?"
"Like I said, they're so beautiful and…I don't know. I guess I wonder about whether it's true or not that we can read our destinies in the stars."
"Eh? Are you talkin' 'bout that astronomy stuff that the Sorcerers are supposed to deal with?"
"Is it astronomy? I always thought it was astrology."
"Don't matter no how, since I think being able to tell a person's future is a load of…er, nonsense."
"Maybe, but then, what do call what our Emperor is doing but deciding our future for Zaibach?"
"Now that's not fortune-tellin', that's just good management. He's put this country on the right course and he just uses "destiny" to make it easier for the ignorant to swallow larger taxes and having their sons sent off to foreign wars. Now, don't look so startled there; I've had a long enough life as a soldier and a man to know how the world works."
"I hope I never become that cynical."
"I doubt it; you have the eyes of an idealist."
"And a fool?"
"Ya were the one who said it, not I. So, which one's yer favorite?"
"Pardon? Oh, right…um, I really like that bright cluster of blue and red stars up there."
"Ya mean the Company of Twelve?"
"So that's how they got their name! I always wondered!"
"I take it ya don't know the naming of stars. Well, I not so good at it meself, but over there, to the west, the Cradle 'bout to set. That one me mother always pointed out to me durin' the summer. And up there, ya see the purplish-looking star?"
"Yes."
"That's the bottom of the Sword. The three stars going up from it this way form the hilt, those two the crosspiece…"
"And those five white stars are the blade, right?"
"Yep. And it you go 'bout a fist's distance up from the point and two over to the right, yer gonna run into the Vigilant Guardian. That really bright star is his finger, which always points true north. So, if yer ever lost, just look for him and he'll set ya straight."
"I'll remember that; thank you, Sergeant Berenger."
"Yer welcome. Colin, don't think I'm pryin' but what are ya goin' to do now, seeing as how yer a Dragon Slayer 'head of everyone else?"
"Do?"
"I know 'bout how they've been treatin' ya. I would've put a stop to it if I hadn't known it would have gotten worse for ya or gotten ya thrown out."
"I understand. I've already decided to let things lie between us. The past is dead, as far as I'm concerned, if they're willing to forget it, too. I'd even be willing to be friends to most of them, they're good men."
"Most of them? Which ones would you not like as comrades?"
"One, really."
"Ahren Dempsey, he was the ringleader in all of that, wasn't he."
"How…never mind. No, I will never be his friend. I will fight beside him if that is what my lord orders, but beyond that…no, I think I will hate him for a long time."
"Are you so ready to hate? I thought you were a better man than that."
"You can't be serious! After what he did to me? The others, they followed him and though I know they were wrong, he started it all. He bore me malice ever since before he even saw me."
"I'm not askin' ya to make him yer friend, but I think ya should understand a little bit 'bout Ahren before yer so ready to hate him. Ahren's father was a friend of mine. I was his best man at his weddin'. He and his wife were so happy together and they had a big family, too big I thought, to support on a sergeant's pay. Anyway, when Ahren's mother died, his father went a little crazy with grief. He turned on his children and Ahren, the oldest though he couldn't have been more than seven, did what he could to protect them, even if it meant standin' up to his father. I won't go into details, but it's a right shame that a man could be so cruel to his children. Course, I learned all of this years after it had happened, when the Ministry of Social Welfare took those children from their father. Ahren had already gone to the Institute, but it's only been two years since all his brothers and sisters were split up. Ahren survived, but he came out with less than an innocent's view of the world. He's angry because he couldn't fight his father and he takes out his anger on those he thinks haven't earned their place through sufferin' and sacrifice. When ya came along, a noble's son who got into the Dragon Slayers through his father…"
"I think I can see your point, Sergeant Berenger. I never once thought about why he hated me, I just knew that he did. I guess I didn't want to find out because then I'd find out something about him that would…change my mind about hating him, if that's possible."
"Has it?"
"Perhaps…I don't think I'll be able to hate him now, at least."
"Whatever ya do, don't show pity; he would take it as ya lookin' down on him."
"Why?"
"How else would ya take it?"
"True. Thank you for being my conscience, Sergeant Berenger. I think I'll go back now. Good night."
"Good night, Colin."