*Standard disclaimers*
**Yaoi**
Tears of Longing: Togireta Melody
Take (January 1999)
--translation by Cricket
~~~~~~
Even pain is seen in words
Even tears gather
Someday, memories will grow
That's why it's an Endless Melody
Hold my heart, I'll probably leave tomorrow
To meet with you
~~~~~~
"Hiei". The dark Koorime turned at the sound of his name, watching impassively as his Lord approached. "Why are you still here? I gave you some time off."
"Mukuro." Hiei shrugged slightly, his face giving nothing away. "I'll probably go tomorrow. There's still a few things I have to do first."
"Don't wait too long," Mukuro teased. "Kurama might think you've finally taken me up on my offer of my bed."
"Hn." Crimson eyes watched his Lord go, thoughtful.
~~~~~~
Sing without you
I'll sing with out you
Can't you feel my heart
Falling through the rain
~~~~~~
"Oi, Kurama!" The youko stopped at the sound of his name, a smile on his lips as he waited for the black-haired boy to catch up. "Hello Yuusuke."
"Share the wealth, will ya?" The youth looked pointedly at the umbrella covering the kitsune's head. He complied with a laugh, moving over to give the dampened boy more room.
They had walked together in companionable silence for a while when Yuusuke asked suddenly, "So, has Hiei been back lately?"
Kurama shook his head. "If he has, he hasn't visited me." A trace of hurt colored his words.
Yuusuke scratched his head, abashed at being so inconsiderate. "Yeah well, he's probably too busy trying to survive Mukuro's 'training' right now to get back."
His friend smiled. "Arigatou Yuusuke."
The black-haired youth regarded the youko with serious brown eyes. "You really miss him, ne?" At the other's nod, he shook his head. "You'll miss him more if you think about him all the time. C'mon," he said taking Kurama's arm and pulling him in the direction of his apartment. "We've gotta get your mind off Hiei That way he'll be back before you know it."
*Yes, but will he want to see me?* Thought the redhead soberly as he allowed himself to be pulled along.
~~~~~~
I sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you hold my tears
'cause still I love you
~~~~~~
*Will he want to see me?* Hiei's thoughts were an unconscious echo of his lover's. Their last parting hadn't been pleasant. While he had understood that part of Hiei's life belonged to Mukuro, just as a part of his belonged to his ningen family, Kurama hadn't been able to fully suppress his jealousy over Mukuro's demands on Hiei's time. Often, the Koorime would be gone for weeks on end, patrolling Mukuro's borders and returning wayward humans to the Ningenkai.
"Kitsune no baka," the Koorime muttered, scowling darkly. He loved the youko, whether he said so or not, and he had no intention of accepting Mukuro's half-teasing offer to warm her bed.
Still, it *was* unfair to ask his lover to wait for him, Hiei admitted. Not that he wanted to go; but every time he had to leave on business, he could see the sad resignation in emerald eyes.
Hiei squirmed unconsciously. It made him feel like shit, but such was his life.
~~~~~~
I can't face the thought of being alone
I sing for the song still carries on
Hold my heart, memories are singing
As if it were a weeping voice
~~~~~~
Kurama stared glumly into the depths of his sake cup, tuning out the noise of the other two boys. *It's been almost two months. Face it Kurama, you blew it. Hiei's not coming back, not after that argument. You were being too possessive.* The youko sighed, pouring more of the clear liquid into his cup. *He's probably glad to be gone*, he thought a tad bitterly, the alcohol beginning to affect his thinking. *Here I am, depressed as hell, while he probably went straight from my bed to Mukuro's! *
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kurama knew he wasn't being fair to the fire youkai. But right now, he was in no condition to care. He was going to just sit there and drown his problems in sake. He'd pay for it in the morning, he knew, but the only other option was to drag himself home. *I don't want to be alone, not just yet. I'm lonely without you Hiei…*
~~~~~~
Sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you feel my pain
There's nothing I can do
~~~~~~
Hiei took a deep breath as he stood before the Gate that would take him back to the Ningenkai. He would deal with the problem of his leaving later, he decided. Right now, all he wanted was to feel his lover's arms around him. He entered the Gate.
~~~~~~
I still have a longing for your memory
Even if it's just pain
I want my heart to be known!
~~~~~~
Kurama fumbled with his keys, wondering for the hundredth time how he'd ever managed to convince Yuusuke that he was sober enough to make it home on his own. Oh wait, Yuusuke had been passed out on the floor when he'd left.
The youko made his way unsteadily towards his bedroom, stopping at the kitchen to pick up a thermos of hot water and a packet of herbs. Setting them down by his bed, he began to unbutton his uniform; in his inebriated state, he didn't sense the other presence in the room.
"Hn. You're drunk, fox." The dark tones made Kurama jump, whirling to face the direction they'd come from.
"Hiei!" Startled, the youko watched with wide eyes as a figure detached itself from the shadows and came forward, crimson eyes glowing. "I – I didn't sense you," he stuttered inanely, unsure of how to act.
Hiei frowned, trying to hide his nervousness. "You're getting sloppy, fox," he accused, opting for the aggressive approach. "What if I had been a hostile youkai?"
Kurama bristled; his temper snapped and all of a sudden, he couldn't stop the flow of words. *Two months, and that's all he has to say? Well damn you Hiei, and damn me for loving you!* "So what if it had been?" he shot back. "Maybe it would've been better if I'd been killed. At least I'd be certain of that. At least then I wouldn't be stuck waiting, not knowing when you'll be back – IF you'll be back. Two months, Hiei, *two* months! I'm so lonely without you," he whispered, his shoulders sagging, the fire in his eyes dying.
~~~~~~
Now…I don't want to be alone…
In the pouring rain, this must be a dream
From tomorrow on
~~~~~~
Hiei was stunned. He'd known his fox missed him, but not how badly. Kurama was speaking again, and the Koorime forced himself to listen. "…sorry I'm not stronger." Nani?
Grasping the kitsune's shoulders, Hiei shook him slightly. "What are you talking about, fox?! You're the strongest person I know, besides Yukina. You're…grounded, and I depend on that." Gently, he tipped up the youko's chin to look into emerald orbs sparkling with tears. "You're my rock, kitsune. Didn't you know? You keep me centered and stable."
"Hiei," Kurama murmured, startled by this surprising admission.
"For as long as you want me to, I'll always come back to you," Hiei said soberly, crimson eyes intense.
"Eien ni?" Kurama asked, looking slightly dazed, as if it were too good to be true.
"Aa," Hiei promised.
Kurama smiled, content. "Ai shiteru."
~Owari~
~~~
Author's notes:
::tilts head:: Ya know, these fics are getting less and less angstier. Geh.
**Yaoi**
Tears of Longing: Togireta Melody
Take (January 1999)
--translation by Cricket
~~~~~~
Even pain is seen in words
Even tears gather
Someday, memories will grow
That's why it's an Endless Melody
Hold my heart, I'll probably leave tomorrow
To meet with you
~~~~~~
"Hiei". The dark Koorime turned at the sound of his name, watching impassively as his Lord approached. "Why are you still here? I gave you some time off."
"Mukuro." Hiei shrugged slightly, his face giving nothing away. "I'll probably go tomorrow. There's still a few things I have to do first."
"Don't wait too long," Mukuro teased. "Kurama might think you've finally taken me up on my offer of my bed."
"Hn." Crimson eyes watched his Lord go, thoughtful.
~~~~~~
Sing without you
I'll sing with out you
Can't you feel my heart
Falling through the rain
~~~~~~
"Oi, Kurama!" The youko stopped at the sound of his name, a smile on his lips as he waited for the black-haired boy to catch up. "Hello Yuusuke."
"Share the wealth, will ya?" The youth looked pointedly at the umbrella covering the kitsune's head. He complied with a laugh, moving over to give the dampened boy more room.
They had walked together in companionable silence for a while when Yuusuke asked suddenly, "So, has Hiei been back lately?"
Kurama shook his head. "If he has, he hasn't visited me." A trace of hurt colored his words.
Yuusuke scratched his head, abashed at being so inconsiderate. "Yeah well, he's probably too busy trying to survive Mukuro's 'training' right now to get back."
His friend smiled. "Arigatou Yuusuke."
The black-haired youth regarded the youko with serious brown eyes. "You really miss him, ne?" At the other's nod, he shook his head. "You'll miss him more if you think about him all the time. C'mon," he said taking Kurama's arm and pulling him in the direction of his apartment. "We've gotta get your mind off Hiei That way he'll be back before you know it."
*Yes, but will he want to see me?* Thought the redhead soberly as he allowed himself to be pulled along.
~~~~~~
I sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you hold my tears
'cause still I love you
~~~~~~
*Will he want to see me?* Hiei's thoughts were an unconscious echo of his lover's. Their last parting hadn't been pleasant. While he had understood that part of Hiei's life belonged to Mukuro, just as a part of his belonged to his ningen family, Kurama hadn't been able to fully suppress his jealousy over Mukuro's demands on Hiei's time. Often, the Koorime would be gone for weeks on end, patrolling Mukuro's borders and returning wayward humans to the Ningenkai.
"Kitsune no baka," the Koorime muttered, scowling darkly. He loved the youko, whether he said so or not, and he had no intention of accepting Mukuro's half-teasing offer to warm her bed.
Still, it *was* unfair to ask his lover to wait for him, Hiei admitted. Not that he wanted to go; but every time he had to leave on business, he could see the sad resignation in emerald eyes.
Hiei squirmed unconsciously. It made him feel like shit, but such was his life.
~~~~~~
I can't face the thought of being alone
I sing for the song still carries on
Hold my heart, memories are singing
As if it were a weeping voice
~~~~~~
Kurama stared glumly into the depths of his sake cup, tuning out the noise of the other two boys. *It's been almost two months. Face it Kurama, you blew it. Hiei's not coming back, not after that argument. You were being too possessive.* The youko sighed, pouring more of the clear liquid into his cup. *He's probably glad to be gone*, he thought a tad bitterly, the alcohol beginning to affect his thinking. *Here I am, depressed as hell, while he probably went straight from my bed to Mukuro's! *
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kurama knew he wasn't being fair to the fire youkai. But right now, he was in no condition to care. He was going to just sit there and drown his problems in sake. He'd pay for it in the morning, he knew, but the only other option was to drag himself home. *I don't want to be alone, not just yet. I'm lonely without you Hiei…*
~~~~~~
Sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you feel my pain
There's nothing I can do
~~~~~~
Hiei took a deep breath as he stood before the Gate that would take him back to the Ningenkai. He would deal with the problem of his leaving later, he decided. Right now, all he wanted was to feel his lover's arms around him. He entered the Gate.
~~~~~~
I still have a longing for your memory
Even if it's just pain
I want my heart to be known!
~~~~~~
Kurama fumbled with his keys, wondering for the hundredth time how he'd ever managed to convince Yuusuke that he was sober enough to make it home on his own. Oh wait, Yuusuke had been passed out on the floor when he'd left.
The youko made his way unsteadily towards his bedroom, stopping at the kitchen to pick up a thermos of hot water and a packet of herbs. Setting them down by his bed, he began to unbutton his uniform; in his inebriated state, he didn't sense the other presence in the room.
"Hn. You're drunk, fox." The dark tones made Kurama jump, whirling to face the direction they'd come from.
"Hiei!" Startled, the youko watched with wide eyes as a figure detached itself from the shadows and came forward, crimson eyes glowing. "I – I didn't sense you," he stuttered inanely, unsure of how to act.
Hiei frowned, trying to hide his nervousness. "You're getting sloppy, fox," he accused, opting for the aggressive approach. "What if I had been a hostile youkai?"
Kurama bristled; his temper snapped and all of a sudden, he couldn't stop the flow of words. *Two months, and that's all he has to say? Well damn you Hiei, and damn me for loving you!* "So what if it had been?" he shot back. "Maybe it would've been better if I'd been killed. At least I'd be certain of that. At least then I wouldn't be stuck waiting, not knowing when you'll be back – IF you'll be back. Two months, Hiei, *two* months! I'm so lonely without you," he whispered, his shoulders sagging, the fire in his eyes dying.
~~~~~~
Now…I don't want to be alone…
In the pouring rain, this must be a dream
From tomorrow on
~~~~~~
Hiei was stunned. He'd known his fox missed him, but not how badly. Kurama was speaking again, and the Koorime forced himself to listen. "…sorry I'm not stronger." Nani?
Grasping the kitsune's shoulders, Hiei shook him slightly. "What are you talking about, fox?! You're the strongest person I know, besides Yukina. You're…grounded, and I depend on that." Gently, he tipped up the youko's chin to look into emerald orbs sparkling with tears. "You're my rock, kitsune. Didn't you know? You keep me centered and stable."
"Hiei," Kurama murmured, startled by this surprising admission.
"For as long as you want me to, I'll always come back to you," Hiei said soberly, crimson eyes intense.
"Eien ni?" Kurama asked, looking slightly dazed, as if it were too good to be true.
"Aa," Hiei promised.
Kurama smiled, content. "Ai shiteru."
~Owari~
~~~
Author's notes:
::tilts head:: Ya know, these fics are getting less and less angstier. Geh.