** DISCLAIMER : I do not own Legolas, he is of course owned by J.R.R Tolkien (or Saul Zentz, any way you want to look at it…), as are all the places mentioned along with the Elvish language. I do not own the excerpt from the poem below, that belongs to a lovely woman named Nicole Blackman. The poem is called "Thirst". I do, however, own Starlyah (Elenath) and her twin brother Nathlinus. Enjoy.**
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In the North, you ache with loss
and wish for a sick day
to curl yourself away and cry.
the warmth of your voice
now burnt with loss
and everyone knows.
everyone knows you are
far too transparent
to hide away such a wanting.
"thirst" – nicole blackman
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if he'd ever thought himself strong before, he was now proven otherwise. the ache inside was overpowering.
why had she said no? he knew the answer to that question, though he kept asking it to himself. she wanted to be free, she didnt want to be held down. but he hadn't wanted to hold her down, or hold her back. he just wanted to love her, and give her whatever it was she wanted.
"elenath.." he whispered, as he leaned on his windowsill and stared out at the stars, and tears pricked at his eyes again. the little points of light shone down on him, twinkling as though trying to comfort him in his pain.
their comfort didn't help, only reminded him of what he'd lost. she was named for the sky, after all. elenath meant "starry one", that was what he called her when they were alone. her given name was Starlyah, and she was the raven haired beauty that had captured his heart so many years ago, and the only one who'd ever been able to break it.
It was bitter, the taste in his mouth, when he swallowed the tears shamefully. He turned away from the night sky, and went to sit where he could not see the stars, for they pained his heart too much now.
He couldn't stop the scene from replaying, in his mind. And yet now he thought himself foolish for even asking her, how could he have. she was such a free being, a wild thing, and he had fooled himself for thinking that she would have chosen to bind herself to anything, for she served not even the King, his father, though she lived in this land.
Did that mean that she didn't care for him? He refused to believe that she had not. She must have, for before she left, she'd kissed him sweetly, and whispered words of affection, and then disappeared into the night. There had been tears in her eyes, he thought he'd seen them. She must have cared for him.
Yes, he thought. She did care for him, for they'd shared many things over the years. He felt he'd known her, they'd shared feelings, dreams, small gentle kisses. And their bodies, they were lovers. So she must have cared for him.
But did she love him? That question burned in his mind. He didn't know. He wanted to think that she had. And that was why she'd left, gone away from him, when she'd said no, because she loved him enough to not want to pain him with her presence? It was like her to do something of that nature, however wild her heart may have been.
And where had she gone? Not even her twin brother, Nathlinus, could tell him. She'd just simply vanished, gone from Mirkwood, just as the wind blows.
He saw it again, what had happened, as he closed his eyes, which were beginning to sting again with the threat of tears.
It had been a clear night, just like this one. And they'd been walking, much like they'd done hundreds of nights before, their fingers interlaced, and it was silent, silent, save only for the whispering of the trees and the quiet roar of the water that flowed not far from here.
The leaves were beginning to fall, it was the most beautiful time. He recalled his thoughts, he had been planning to ask her, on this autumns night. Long years had passed since they'd first met, and he'd fallen in love with her, the mystery of her, and then fallen in love with her all over again as he had gotten to know her, as she'd allowed herself to be known.
Yes, he had known her best of all, save except Nathlinus, whom she'd been in the womb with. He could not compete with that. She had allowed him to get to know her, and she had wanted to know him, though she remained as wild and untamed as ever, except in his presence, when they were alone.
Maybe it had been that fact, that she for the most part abandoned her usual rampant behavior when she was with him, after the first years, that he'd thought to ask her. He wanted her to be his. He loved her so much it threatened to suffocate him some days.
They'd stopped, in the middle of the path that they always took on these nights, and he'd spoken.
"Elenath," he'd said, the name only he was allowed to call her, that he'd named her after their first joining. She'd turned and fixed her clear green eyes on him.
"What is it?" she asked, coming up to him, and brushing a stray lock of his fine blonde hair away from his eyes, looking into them as she did. She seemed to search his thoughts.
He looked back at her, and words failed him. He had wanted so much to ask, but now he looked at her, looking at him, and they left him. Averting his eyes to hers, he stared at the ground, and sighed.
She'd been gentle, she was always gentle with him, and not the harsh being everyone thought she was. She'd taken his face in her hands and kissed his cheek. "what is it? she'd asked him, with her mind. "something hides inside of you…"
He looked up to see those eyes still looking at them, those shards of emeralds, the fire in them making his heart thump wildly in his chest. He raised his hands to place them over hers on his ears, and pressed his forehead to hers.
"Elenath.." he said to her, with his mind, closing his eyes. He could feel her breath on his neck, smell her scent, jasmine, night blooming, of course. He mustered up his courage and spoke again.
"There is something I've been meaning, meaning to ask you.." he'd said, this time using his voice, quietly, then his voice failed him again. "Elenath, do you know how much I love you?" he asked her in his mind.
She pulled away from him, and he opened his eyes, and saw her looking at him, her eyes searching him still. She raised a hand and ran it gently, fluidly, over his face. "I know you love me, Legolas," she'd answered, silently. "I feel it in you, you show me everyday."
This made his heart smile, it eased the uneasiness. He caught her hand in his as it left his face. "Elenath.." he'd whispered. "I want you to be with me."
She smiled slightly. "But we are together," she'd replied. Now that he thought back on it, her eyes had gotten a little clouded when he'd spoken those words. He hadn't noticed at the time.
"No, meleth," he'd said, smiling. "Bound. Married." The smile had faded from her face, she was looking at him in quiet reflection. He looked at her gently, he knew it was quite a thing to have to answer to.
She was silent for a moment, before looking up at him again. "I cannot." She'd whispered, dropping his hand from hers, and backing away from him. "You know I cannot.."
He moved towards her, even as she backed away. "You can." He'd said, his eyes pleading. "I know you can." He stopped in front of her, again, and searched her eyes with his.
They didn't speak, for long moments, when she stared at him, and tears caught in her eyes as she seemed to be contemplating her answer. Then she leaned forward, and kissed him on the lips, a small gentle kiss.
"revia o minuial, nin cugu" (fly to the dawn, my dove) she'd spoken to him, silently, as she broke the kiss, touched his face again, and then turned and run into the night.
"Elenath!" he'd called out after her. But she'd not turned around.
And now he opened his eyes bitterly as he forced the recollection to stop, and once again thought himself the fool for asking her to bind herself to him, for even thinking of it. She wanted to be free, and he'd known it. But he'd thought, he'd hoped, that she'd loved him, enough to want to be with him, to belong to him, and he to her. He had hoped that she'd wanted it too.
But she had not. And now he sat here, swallowing defeat painfully, wallowing in grief for her, for such a love lost. She was gone now, far from here perhaps.
He would never see her again.