(Poem written by anonymous.)
For one day the two hobbits had journeyed through the Shire before finally returning to Crickhollow. The stitching on Merry's side had begun to fall out, leaving a pink scar. Pain in his body had dwindled, giving him momentary relief but that soon changed. When the two cleared the grove Merry's house came into full view. A knot formed in his stomach at the sight. He would have turned around if Sam hadn't grabbed the reins, seeming to pick up on his intent.
"No turning back now, Merry," said Sam. "We're almost there."
A figure emerged from the door and immediately ran toward the two. Sam squinted his eyes and dismounted from the pony. He was soon tangled in Rose's arms while Merry sadly watched. Deciding to give the two privacy, he rode on to the house. Once he dismounted Merry entered through the door, now fixed. The inside had been cleaned but the surroundings felt unfamiliar. As he stood a warm hand wrapped around his shoulder.
"Merry, it is good to see you back," Brombleburr chirped. "I want you to know that your son was well taken care of."
"How...how have you been feeding Peregrin?" Merry asked. "I mean, with my wife gone he has no milk and cows cannot substitute."
"My daughter, Poppy, has been looking after him," Brombleburr replied. "Her newborn, my dear grandson, passed on yesterday. I could not save him from the fever. When Poppy learned that your little one was without sustenance she was more then willing to provide it. I will admit, however, that I was not and am still not thrilled with the idea. It is quite clear that she and her husband, Nad, have become very attached to Peregrin. A great heartache she will surely suffer when she has turned him over to you."
"Where are they now?" inquired Merry.
"You will find them in the bedroom," Brombleburr answered. "I hope you are not too angry with them using your bed but it was the only available one. Nad is with her, just to warn you ahead of time."
Merry strode down the hallway, hanging his head low. When he came to the door he gently nudged it forward a bit. Through the crack he could see Poppy lying in bed, cradling Peregrin, while Nad sat next to her. The scene made him smile. He had imagined looking exactly like that with Estella. Pushing the rest of the door opened he stepped into the room. The couple jumped, startled at his presence.
"Good day to you Mr. Brandybuck," Poppy squeaked.
"Good day to you too, Poppy, Nad," Merry nodded. "I see you have my Peregrin. May I hold him?"
"He is your son," Poppy said. "There is no need to ask."
Poppy stretched out her arms, inviting Merry to take the baby. Peregrin let out a tiny whine as the hobbit loomed over him. Merry glanced into her eyes, noting the look of pain and desperation in the hazel orbs. She really was attached. Peregrin immediately wailed when placed in his arms, causing Merry to flinch. He gazed over his son's form and gently rocked him, trying to calm him. It didn't help. The more he moved the louder the baby screamed. Not having the mental capacity to take anymore, Merry gently returned Peregrin to Poppy. Once her soft arms the baby ceased, only eliciting a small whimper now and then. Nad ran his palm over Peregrin's forehead, which nearly made Merry collapse to the floor. After the reaction he had just endured, he couldn't believe the baby would allow Nad to touch him. A pang of disgust rolled through the pit of his stomach.
"I am so sorry Merry," Poppy stuttered. "He normally doesn't act this way with anyone. You are his father. I thought of all people he would recognize you."
"How could he recognize me?" Merry murmured. "He never had the chance to know me. I bolted away without even holding him. No wonder why he doesn't know who I am. It seems he has taken a likening to you two."
"He was restless for the first day," Poppy said. "Poor dear was starved by the time I came."
"Quite the little boy you have Mr. Brandybuck," said Nad. "Quite the boy."
"Yes, he is," Merry muttered.
The couple snuggled together keeping the little one warm in between. At that moment it felt as if his heart had shattered from the sight. His eyes were burning and he fought back tears. Stifling a sob, he brought himself to speak even though his mind told him not to. He wanted what was best for his son.
"In one month I must leave to travel to Gondor," said Merry. "Obviously, I cannot take a newborn on such a perilous journey. Perhaps the two of you would care for him in my absence?"
"Are you sure you want us?" Poppy asked. "I mean, you have family members and even Mr. Gamgee to look after him."
"Sam already has children," said Merry. "I do not want to burden him with another. Besides, Rose has not recently been with child so she has no milk to offer. I think it would be best if Peregrin were to stay with you. Where you choose to live I care not. My home will be available if you choose. I only ask that you keep it tidy while I am gone."
"We will be more then honored to care for your son," Poppy answered, grinning widely.
Nad eyed Merry suspiciously. "You make it sound as if you are not coming back."
"Oh, I will be back in the Shire but I do not know when. Are you sure you're up to watching over Peregrin for that amount of time?"
"More then anything!" Poppy exclaimed. "Nad and I will take good care of him Mr. Brandybuck. Just as if he were our own son....." Her eyes became downcast. "Forgive me. I meant no offense to you."
"There was no offense," Merry replied. "I have heard about your loss from your father. I am truly sorry. Losing a child must be awful."
'Something I will feel soon enough,' he thought.
"He will be in good hands Mr. Brandybuck," Poppy said.
"I know he will," said Merry. "I will leave you two alone with him now."
"Wait, don't you want to try to hold him again?" Poppy asked. "He is your son after all and you should spend time with him."
Merry eyed the tiny form in her arms. "Perhaps later, Poppy. I fear if I touch him he will have another outburst."
Leaving the room he returned to his armchair by the fireplace. Brombleburr squeezed his shoulder before entering the hall. Merry sat down and wept.
*
"Unbelievable," Sam sighed.
"What is?" Merry asked.
"I cannot believe how much time has passed," said Sam. "A month has gone by already. It went by so fast."
"I know," Merry murmured, looking at the ground. "I never thought I would be saying good-bye so soon."
"Neither did I," Sam replied. "You never really expect such a time to come. To say farewell to a friend."
"Do not worry so much," Merry chuckled. "I have a feeling our paths will cross again."
"How is the wound?" asked Sam.
"Much better," Merry replied. "It pains me from time to time though in the cold weather. I....."
"Merry, when will you be coming back?" Sam blurted out.
He averted Sam's gaze. "I do not know."
Sam nodded his head but deep down he knew. Merry gave Sam a long hug before mounting the pony. He checked over his pack and quickly glanced over at the door. Poppy and Nad emerged carrying Peregrin.
"Would you like to hold him before you leave?" Poppy asked, holding the little one out.
"Yes, I should like to try again," Merry said, taking Peregrin in his arms.
A smile crept over Merry's face. Although Peregrin squirmed he did not cry out. The boy's eyes glowed a bright brown when looking up at Merry. Dried tears stained his cheeks, which was rekindled with fresh ones. Merry almost broke down himself as he kissed his son's forehead. Choking back a cry he handed the little one back down to Poppy.
"Watch over him," Merry sobbed. "He is all I have left. I wish so much that I could take him with me but that is impossible. I love him so much. Please, take him inside before I have second thoughts."
"As you wish," Poppy said, bowing.
The two left, allowing Sam and Merry to be alone once again. Both remained silent, uncertain what to say. In the end they shook hands and Merry spurred the pony. Sam stood silently in the path, watching Merry's form slowly diminish. Inside the house Poppy and Nad watched also.
"Come on, Nad," Poppy said. "Let's set up the old crib."
"Why?" Nad asked. "We might as well use Merry and Estella's. When he comes back home...."
"He's not coming back, Nad," Poppy sighed.
Outside Merry continued down the path wiping at the salty streaks. Momentarily, he paused, taking one final glimpse of his home. His head perched up toward the sky; he could feel it through the wind, times were changing but he had known that for a long time. The world he once knew was changing and he would have to bear through it. Even through tears a smile formed. In his memories he would always cherish the Shire for one day it would be no more. He remembered running through the fields with Pippin, riding down the trails with Estella. How badly he wished to back in those innocent times but he pushed it out of his mind. Those days of innocence were gone forever, as well as his loved ones. The world he knew was lost.
Merry hastily spurred the pony, trying to fight the urge to return home. Images of his son streaked through his head and pain washed over him. The burden of guilt was one he would carry the rest of his life. He knew this was best; he only wanted what was right for his son. Mixed emotions ran throughout him dashing between love and hate. It was not safe for him to be alone with the boy and it probably never would. Once he had been kind and gentle but now was deeply scared and hard. He hated it, hated every bit of it; but most of all, he hated himself.
Trying to clear his thoughts he quietly began to hum. The world around him was buzzing with life while his was slowly dwindling. The journey ahead was far and tedious and one he was not looking forward to. It was going to be lonely. His voice picked up, singing of merrier times.
In summer, when the days were long,
We walked together in the wood:
Our heart was light, our step was strong;
Sweet sensations were there in our blood,
In summer, when the days were long.
We strayed from morning till evening came;
We gathered flowers, and wove crowns;
We walked through poppies red as flame,
Or sat upon green downs;
And wished that life would stay the same.
In summer, when the days were long,
We leaped the hedgegrow, crossed the brook;
And still her voice flowed forth in song,
Or else she read some book,
In summer, when the days were long.
And then we sat beneath the trees,
With shadows lessening in noon;
And in the sunlight and the breeze,
We feasted, many a gorgeous day,
While larks were singing in the trees.
In summer, when the days were long,
Alone I wander, muse alone.
I see her not; but that old song
Under the fragrant wind is blown,
In summer, when the days were long.
Alone I wander in the wood:
But one fair spirit hears my sighs;
And half I see, so glad and good,
The honest daylight of her eyes,
That charmed me under earlier skies.
In the summer, when the days were long,
I love her as we loved of old.
My heart is light, my step is strong;
For love brings back those hours of gold,
In the summer, when the days were long.
This concludes The World We Lost. Another story, entitled The Last Hour, will follow.