The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own any of the characters or ideas or skits or phrases from the following:
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Any of the various Monty Python sketches
Other random funny stuff
WARNING
If any of you are offended by or dislike slapstick humor, corny and not-so- corny jokes, and words like necrophiliac, hermaphrodite, or bisexual, do not read this story.
However, if you do not care (or even if you do), PLEASE read my story! Read it! Love it! Review it! Now, without much further ado, The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise!
A/n: there will eventually be more than just the five characters in this story, so don't be mad if your fave isn't there…yet…
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1 Chapter I
Insanity Amongst the Hobbits
Frodo, the resident "main-man coolio hobbit" (as he put it), was sitting in the living room of Bag End, with his best buddy Samwise, who also was self-proposed as "coolio hobbit", and his cousins, Meriadoc (Merry) Brandybuck, who was silly, and Peregrin (Pippin or Pip) Took, who had a nasty habit of speaking in random phrases, which Merry usually had to translate. Just then, Gandalf rushed in.
"Yo, Gandalf my homy! Wazzup?!" Frodo said.
"Trouble at the mill!" said Gandalf.
"Oh no," said Merry, "what kind of trouble?"
"I don't know, Mr. Wenworth told me to say there was trouble at the mill, that's all. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquistion…" said Gandalf.
*a random Spanish guy from the 17th Century bursts into the room*
*large whomp sound heard in background*
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our weapon is surprise, surprise and fear, fear and surprise...our TWO weapons are fear, and surprise, and the ruthless efficiency…our THREE weapons are fear, and surprise, and the ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, as…amongst our weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless ef…amongst our weaponry are such elements as fe…I'll come in again…" he yelled.
"I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition…" Gandalf said, once again.
*leaves and comes in the same way*
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as, a fear, a surprise, a ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, and a night out with the neighbor, oh drat…Cardinal Fang, read the charges!" said the Spanish guy.
"Vun pound for uh fool sketch, tventy-four pee for a quickie." said Cardinal Fang.
"What'll ya have?" said the Spanish guy.
"Sketch please." said Pippin.
*cash register ping sound is heard*
"Well, now that that's over, I just heard some wonderful news," Gandalf said.
"Really? What?" Merry asked.
"I heard that there's this place you can go, and there's this wizard, and he can fix all of your problems in life!" Gandalf exclaimed.
"Well, it would be spiffy to cure Pip's insanity…" Merry said.
"And I'm pretty sure Sam and I would kinda like to lose the coolio hobbit mindset…" Frodo added.
"Wonderful!" Gandalf said. "Let's set out immediately!"
"All right!" said all hobbits but Pippin.
"No more Cheez Doodles!" Pippin exclaimed.
"Huh?" Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf asked.
"He says, 'People will finally understand me!'" Merry translated.
NARRATOR:
And so, the five friends set off to see the wizard, who conveniently was in Middle-earth. In the next chapter, the perilous journey will continue to unfold…
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Next chapter as soon as I can write it! I promise! And in your reviews, could you kindly add some tips or stuff to put in, and tell me if it's even worth reading.
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own any of the characters or ideas or skits or phrases from the following:
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Any of the various Monty Python sketches
Other random funny stuff
WARNING
If any of you are offended by or dislike slapstick humor, corny and not-so- corny jokes, and words like necrophiliac, hermaphrodite, or bisexual, do not read this story.
However, if you do not care (or even if you do), PLEASE read my story! Read it! Love it! Review it! Now, without much further ado, The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise!
A/n: there will eventually be more than just the five characters in this story, so don't be mad if your fave isn't there…yet…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
1 Chapter I
Insanity Amongst the Hobbits
Frodo, the resident "main-man coolio hobbit" (as he put it), was sitting in the living room of Bag End, with his best buddy Samwise, who also was self-proposed as "coolio hobbit", and his cousins, Meriadoc (Merry) Brandybuck, who was silly, and Peregrin (Pippin or Pip) Took, who had a nasty habit of speaking in random phrases, which Merry usually had to translate. Just then, Gandalf rushed in.
"Yo, Gandalf my homy! Wazzup?!" Frodo said.
"Trouble at the mill!" said Gandalf.
"Oh no," said Merry, "what kind of trouble?"
"I don't know, Mr. Wenworth told me to say there was trouble at the mill, that's all. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquistion…" said Gandalf.
*a random Spanish guy from the 17th Century bursts into the room*
*large whomp sound heard in background*
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our weapon is surprise, surprise and fear, fear and surprise...our TWO weapons are fear, and surprise, and the ruthless efficiency…our THREE weapons are fear, and surprise, and the ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, as…amongst our weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless ef…amongst our weaponry are such elements as fe…I'll come in again…" he yelled.
"I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition…" Gandalf said, once again.
*leaves and comes in the same way*
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as, a fear, a surprise, a ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, and a night out with the neighbor, oh drat…Cardinal Fang, read the charges!" said the Spanish guy.
"Vun pound for uh fool sketch, tventy-four pee for a quickie." said Cardinal Fang.
"What'll ya have?" said the Spanish guy.
"Sketch please." said Pippin.
*cash register ping sound is heard*
"Well, now that that's over, I just heard some wonderful news," Gandalf said.
"Really? What?" Merry asked.
"I heard that there's this place you can go, and there's this wizard, and he can fix all of your problems in life!" Gandalf exclaimed.
"Well, it would be spiffy to cure Pip's insanity…" Merry said.
"And I'm pretty sure Sam and I would kinda like to lose the coolio hobbit mindset…" Frodo added.
"Wonderful!" Gandalf said. "Let's set out immediately!"
"All right!" said all hobbits but Pippin.
"No more Cheez Doodles!" Pippin exclaimed.
"Huh?" Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf asked.
"He says, 'People will finally understand me!'" Merry translated.
NARRATOR:
And so, the five friends set off to see the wizard, who conveniently was in Middle-earth. In the next chapter, the perilous journey will continue to unfold…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
Next chapter as soon as I can write it! I promise! And in your reviews, could you kindly add some tips or stuff to put in, and tell me if it's even worth reading.