The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own any of the characters or ideas or skits or phrases from the following:
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Any of the various Monty Python sketches
Other random funny stuff
WARNING
If any of you are offended by or dislike slapstick humor, corny and not-so- corny jokes, and words like necrophiliac, hermaphrodite, or bisexual, do not read this story.
However, if you do not care (or even if you do), PLEASE read my story! Read it! Love it! Review it! Now, without much further ado, The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise!
A/n: there will eventually be more than just six characters in this story, so don't be mad if your fave isn't there…yet…
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Chapter II
Scene Twenty-Four
NARRATOR:
As we begin to follow our heroes through their journey, they have already encountered Aragorn, also known as Strider, who has joined them on their quest. Now, not more than a swallow's flight away, we join them. That's an unlaiden swallow's flight, of course. They were really two laiden swallow's flights away, four actually…
Large crowd of people with no relevance to story: GET ON WITH IT!!
1 On to scene 24, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, and although there aren't any swallows, I think you can hear an…AGH!!
*narrator's head is chopped off*
"So, Aragorn, remind us why you're coming," Merry said.
"Well, as I told you before, I happen to be a necrophiliac." Aragorn replied.
"Oh…well I figure we shall just have to avoid dying, will we not?" Gandalf said.
"Thanks Gandalf. And would you please remind us why you're coming?" Aragorn retorted.
"Well, aside from the fact that I'm the only one who knows where this wizard fellow is, i…erm…well…um…I'm a…triskaidekaphobic." Gandalf looked rather embarrassed.
"You really have a fear of the number 13? That's hilarious. Anyway, this march is getting kinda boring. Anyone know any weird and/or pointless songs or poems?" Aragorn asked.
"I do!" Merry shouted.
"Ok, let's hear it."
"Alright…here goes…"
Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be.
But half the bee, has got to be, a vis-à-vis its entity…you see? Singing:
A la dee dee, a 1, 2, 3, Eric the Half a Bee! A, B, C, D, E, F, G, Eric the Half a Bee!
Is this a wretch of any bee, half asleep upon my knee, some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the Half a Bee! Ho, ho, ho, tee hee hee, Eric the Half a Bee!
I love this hive employee-e, bisected accidentally, one summer, afternoon by me, I love him, cannily!
He loves him cannily! Semi-cannily…The End.
"So, how was it?" Merry asked.
"Yo Merry! That was one coolio song, G!" Frodo said.
"Umm, thanks Frodo, I guess." said Merry.
"I like mayonnaise!" Pippin added.
"He says, 'Yes, your story was good too!'" Merry translated. "I think it's time to set up camp for the night."
"Yes Meriadoc, I believe you are right." Gandalf said.
NEW NARRATOR:
And so, the six companions made camp for the night. Though they had been marching all day, they were only about 3.14159627 miles from where they started. In the next chapter, the perilous journey will continue to unfold…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
Well, that was strange…new chapters will be posted as they are finished. I may be a bit slow with new ones this week (March 3-9) because I rented Sonic Adventure 2 Battle for GameCube, so I'm preoccupied. Anyway, here's a few phrases or words that you may not know that will help you understand the chapter better:
Necrophiliac [neekro-fill-ee-ack]- a person who has erotic interest in or copulation with corpses
Ipso facto [ipso-fakto]- by the fact
Vis-à-vis [viz-ah-vee]- a counterpart
Menagerie [men-ager-ee]- a collection of wild animals
In your reviews, please tell me:
-if you'd like the chapters to be longer, shorter, the same, or if you don't care how long they are
- any spelling mistakes (don't tell me about grammar mistakes, cuz I may have done something wrong for a reason)
-whether or not you like the story
-what rating you think it should have (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17)
-any help will be well taken!
Bye, adios, aloha, auf Weidersehen, namárië, ciao, and any other ways to say goodbye
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own any of the characters or ideas or skits or phrases from the following:
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Any of the various Monty Python sketches
Other random funny stuff
WARNING
If any of you are offended by or dislike slapstick humor, corny and not-so- corny jokes, and words like necrophiliac, hermaphrodite, or bisexual, do not read this story.
However, if you do not care (or even if you do), PLEASE read my story! Read it! Love it! Review it! Now, without much further ado, The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise!
A/n: there will eventually be more than just six characters in this story, so don't be mad if your fave isn't there…yet…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
Chapter II
Scene Twenty-Four
NARRATOR:
As we begin to follow our heroes through their journey, they have already encountered Aragorn, also known as Strider, who has joined them on their quest. Now, not more than a swallow's flight away, we join them. That's an unlaiden swallow's flight, of course. They were really two laiden swallow's flights away, four actually…
Large crowd of people with no relevance to story: GET ON WITH IT!!
1 On to scene 24, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, and although there aren't any swallows, I think you can hear an…AGH!!
*narrator's head is chopped off*
"So, Aragorn, remind us why you're coming," Merry said.
"Well, as I told you before, I happen to be a necrophiliac." Aragorn replied.
"Oh…well I figure we shall just have to avoid dying, will we not?" Gandalf said.
"Thanks Gandalf. And would you please remind us why you're coming?" Aragorn retorted.
"Well, aside from the fact that I'm the only one who knows where this wizard fellow is, i…erm…well…um…I'm a…triskaidekaphobic." Gandalf looked rather embarrassed.
"You really have a fear of the number 13? That's hilarious. Anyway, this march is getting kinda boring. Anyone know any weird and/or pointless songs or poems?" Aragorn asked.
"I do!" Merry shouted.
"Ok, let's hear it."
"Alright…here goes…"
Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be.
But half the bee, has got to be, a vis-à-vis its entity…you see? Singing:
A la dee dee, a 1, 2, 3, Eric the Half a Bee! A, B, C, D, E, F, G, Eric the Half a Bee!
Is this a wretch of any bee, half asleep upon my knee, some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the Half a Bee! Ho, ho, ho, tee hee hee, Eric the Half a Bee!
I love this hive employee-e, bisected accidentally, one summer, afternoon by me, I love him, cannily!
He loves him cannily! Semi-cannily…The End.
"So, how was it?" Merry asked.
"Yo Merry! That was one coolio song, G!" Frodo said.
"Umm, thanks Frodo, I guess." said Merry.
"I like mayonnaise!" Pippin added.
"He says, 'Yes, your story was good too!'" Merry translated. "I think it's time to set up camp for the night."
"Yes Meriadoc, I believe you are right." Gandalf said.
NEW NARRATOR:
And so, the six companions made camp for the night. Though they had been marching all day, they were only about 3.14159627 miles from where they started. In the next chapter, the perilous journey will continue to unfold…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
Well, that was strange…new chapters will be posted as they are finished. I may be a bit slow with new ones this week (March 3-9) because I rented Sonic Adventure 2 Battle for GameCube, so I'm preoccupied. Anyway, here's a few phrases or words that you may not know that will help you understand the chapter better:
Necrophiliac [neekro-fill-ee-ack]- a person who has erotic interest in or copulation with corpses
Ipso facto [ipso-fakto]- by the fact
Vis-à-vis [viz-ah-vee]- a counterpart
Menagerie [men-ager-ee]- a collection of wild animals
In your reviews, please tell me:
-if you'd like the chapters to be longer, shorter, the same, or if you don't care how long they are
- any spelling mistakes (don't tell me about grammar mistakes, cuz I may have done something wrong for a reason)
-whether or not you like the story
-what rating you think it should have (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17)
-any help will be well taken!
Bye, adios, aloha, auf Weidersehen, namárië, ciao, and any other ways to say goodbye