The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own any of the characters or ideas or skits or phrases from the following:
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Any of the various Monty Python sketches
Other random funny stuff
WARNING
If any of you are offended by or dislike slapstick humor, corny and not-so- corny jokes, and words like necrophiliac, hermaphrodite, or bisexual, do not read this story.
However, if you do not care (or even if you do), PLEASE read my story! Read it! Love it! Review it! Now, without much further ado, The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise!
A/n: all of the characters will eventually be in this story (all of the main ones anyway), so don't be mad cuz your fave isn't there…yet…
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1 Chapter III
Many Meetings
NARRATOR:
The group has just reached the Elvish refuge of Rivendell. They have spent one night already, and are acquiring a few new members to their group. Now, we join them once again…
The members of the traveling group, as well as Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, Gimli son of Gloin, Boromir, Arwen Undómiel and her father Elrond Half-Elven, had gathered in a sort of mini-council.
"We," said Gandalf, "would like to know if any of you would like to join us in our quest. Once we reach this wizard, you may have any of your problems fixed. Will you join us?"
"I will join," said Legolas, "for I would greatly like to be rid of my fear of chickens."
"So that's why you ran away from the dinner last night…" Aragorn realized.
"Yes, I'm afraid you're right. It all started when I had my first encounter with the beast known as the chicken. It bit my leg, I still have the scar. Since then, every wild chicken I have seen has attacked me. Mind you, chicken bites can be pretty nasty. So, since then, I have had this fear that a chicken will hurt me worse." Legolas explained.
"Well then , I am glad that that is cleared up." Gandalf continued. "Would anyone else like to join us on our quest?"
"I'll go." Gimli stated. "I hate to admit it, but I'm a hermaphrodite."
*everone backs about 5 feet away from him*
"I know it's nasty, but it'll soon be fixed." Gimli pronounced.
"Interesting. Would anyone else like to come?" Gandalf asked again.
"Well, I happen to be gay, so I think I'll come," Boromir stated.
"Right. This is your last chance to come with us." Gandalf asked once more.
"We'll come," said Arwen and Elrond.
"I have agoraphobia, and since my home is comprised of open spaces, I'd like if I wasn't afraid to cross the bridge over there." Elrond said.
Arwen, who was a crack whore, said "I'd like to get off the drugs, but being a whore is too much fun, isn't it boys?" she motioned to Legolas, Aragorn and the hobbits.
"ARWEN UNDOMIEL!" Elrond (her father) yelled, "I THOUGHT YOUR MOTHER AND I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT NONSENSE!!"
"Oh daddy, why do you try to get me to stop? You know I never will," she said seductively.
"Fine. But I don't want to hear about any problems." Elrond agreed.
NARRATOR:
And so, they set off from Rivendell, heading towards Lothlórien, continuing their quest. Now, we skip forward to about 1.1348582 days into their journey. They are nearing Khazad-dûm (the Mines of Moria). Let us join them again…
"Merry," said Aragorn, "I remember that on the way to Rivendell you sang a nonsensical song. Do you think that you could sing another one?"
"Surely," Merry said, "It's called 'I Bet You They Won't Play This Song On The Radio' and I heard it one day back in Hobbiton. Here goes:"
I bet you they won't play this song on the radio, I bet you they won't play this new – song.
It's not that it's – or – controversial, just that the – ing words are awfully strong.
You can't say – on the radio…or – or – or --!
You can't even say I'd like to – you someday…unless you're a doctor with a very large --.
So I bet you they won't play this song on the radio, I bet you they – ing won't program it.
I bet you the – ing old program directors will think it's a load of horse -- .
*clapping and laughing from all*
"That was great! Where do you learn all of these?" Aragorn said.
"Places…" Merry said.
NARRATOR:
And so, the ten companions made camp for the night. Legolas, Aragorn and Merry headed for Arwen's tent once the others were asleep, and unusual noises were heard from her tent all night. In the next chapter, their perilous journey will continue to unfold…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|
Well, that was strange…new chapters will be posted as they are finished. I may be a bit slow with new ones this week (March 3-9) because I rented Sonic Adventure 2 Battle for GameCube, so I'm preoccupied. Anyway, here's a few phrases or words that you may not know that will help you understand the chapter better:
Agoraphobia [ah-gore-ah-fo-bee-ah]- abnormal fear of crossing open places
In your reviews, please tell me:
-if you'd like the chapters to be longer, shorter, the same, or if you don't care how long they are
- any spelling mistakes (don't tell me about grammar mistakes, cuz I may have done something wrong for a reason)
-whether or not you like the story
-what rating you think it should have (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17)
-any help will be well taken!
Bye, adios, aloha, auf Weidersehen, namárië, ciao, and any other ways to say goodbye
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own any of the characters or ideas or skits or phrases from the following:
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Any of the various Monty Python sketches
Other random funny stuff
WARNING
If any of you are offended by or dislike slapstick humor, corny and not-so- corny jokes, and words like necrophiliac, hermaphrodite, or bisexual, do not read this story.
However, if you do not care (or even if you do), PLEASE read my story! Read it! Love it! Review it! Now, without much further ado, The Story from a Vat of Mayonnaise!
A/n: all of the characters will eventually be in this story (all of the main ones anyway), so don't be mad cuz your fave isn't there…yet…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
1 Chapter III
Many Meetings
NARRATOR:
The group has just reached the Elvish refuge of Rivendell. They have spent one night already, and are acquiring a few new members to their group. Now, we join them once again…
The members of the traveling group, as well as Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, Gimli son of Gloin, Boromir, Arwen Undómiel and her father Elrond Half-Elven, had gathered in a sort of mini-council.
"We," said Gandalf, "would like to know if any of you would like to join us in our quest. Once we reach this wizard, you may have any of your problems fixed. Will you join us?"
"I will join," said Legolas, "for I would greatly like to be rid of my fear of chickens."
"So that's why you ran away from the dinner last night…" Aragorn realized.
"Yes, I'm afraid you're right. It all started when I had my first encounter with the beast known as the chicken. It bit my leg, I still have the scar. Since then, every wild chicken I have seen has attacked me. Mind you, chicken bites can be pretty nasty. So, since then, I have had this fear that a chicken will hurt me worse." Legolas explained.
"Well then , I am glad that that is cleared up." Gandalf continued. "Would anyone else like to join us on our quest?"
"I'll go." Gimli stated. "I hate to admit it, but I'm a hermaphrodite."
*everone backs about 5 feet away from him*
"I know it's nasty, but it'll soon be fixed." Gimli pronounced.
"Interesting. Would anyone else like to come?" Gandalf asked again.
"Well, I happen to be gay, so I think I'll come," Boromir stated.
"Right. This is your last chance to come with us." Gandalf asked once more.
"We'll come," said Arwen and Elrond.
"I have agoraphobia, and since my home is comprised of open spaces, I'd like if I wasn't afraid to cross the bridge over there." Elrond said.
Arwen, who was a crack whore, said "I'd like to get off the drugs, but being a whore is too much fun, isn't it boys?" she motioned to Legolas, Aragorn and the hobbits.
"ARWEN UNDOMIEL!" Elrond (her father) yelled, "I THOUGHT YOUR MOTHER AND I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT NONSENSE!!"
"Oh daddy, why do you try to get me to stop? You know I never will," she said seductively.
"Fine. But I don't want to hear about any problems." Elrond agreed.
NARRATOR:
And so, they set off from Rivendell, heading towards Lothlórien, continuing their quest. Now, we skip forward to about 1.1348582 days into their journey. They are nearing Khazad-dûm (the Mines of Moria). Let us join them again…
"Merry," said Aragorn, "I remember that on the way to Rivendell you sang a nonsensical song. Do you think that you could sing another one?"
"Surely," Merry said, "It's called 'I Bet You They Won't Play This Song On The Radio' and I heard it one day back in Hobbiton. Here goes:"
I bet you they won't play this song on the radio, I bet you they won't play this new – song.
It's not that it's – or – controversial, just that the – ing words are awfully strong.
You can't say – on the radio…or – or – or --!
You can't even say I'd like to – you someday…unless you're a doctor with a very large --.
So I bet you they won't play this song on the radio, I bet you they – ing won't program it.
I bet you the – ing old program directors will think it's a load of horse -- .
*clapping and laughing from all*
"That was great! Where do you learn all of these?" Aragorn said.
"Places…" Merry said.
NARRATOR:
And so, the ten companions made camp for the night. Legolas, Aragorn and Merry headed for Arwen's tent once the others were asleep, and unusual noises were heard from her tent all night. In the next chapter, their perilous journey will continue to unfold…
|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~ |~|~|~|~|~|~|
Well, that was strange…new chapters will be posted as they are finished. I may be a bit slow with new ones this week (March 3-9) because I rented Sonic Adventure 2 Battle for GameCube, so I'm preoccupied. Anyway, here's a few phrases or words that you may not know that will help you understand the chapter better:
Agoraphobia [ah-gore-ah-fo-bee-ah]- abnormal fear of crossing open places
In your reviews, please tell me:
-if you'd like the chapters to be longer, shorter, the same, or if you don't care how long they are
- any spelling mistakes (don't tell me about grammar mistakes, cuz I may have done something wrong for a reason)
-whether or not you like the story
-what rating you think it should have (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17)
-any help will be well taken!
Bye, adios, aloha, auf Weidersehen, namárië, ciao, and any other ways to say goodbye