Chapter Seven

Over the next months, Pa'das spent much of her time learning.  As they walked, Eckerd told her much of what he knew of wild magic.  Whenever they stopped, Pa'das tried to put some of what he taught to practice.  It usually took her at least a week to develop one skill to the point where it would work almost all of the time.  She started with the simplest things, like trying to make a seed sprout.  Most of her time was spent with Eckerd.

Jander mostly watched Korrieana during the day.  She would babble to him, and Jander had gotten comfortable enough to talk to her in front of Pa'das and Eckerd.  Much of Pa'das' daylight hours were spent with Eckerd, but dawn and dusk were the times when she talked with Jander.

Jander watched Pa'das and Eckerd together.  She laughed at something he said as he was walking away from her into the woods, and Jander felt a pang inside him.  He realized with a shock that he was jealous.  That was a feeling her hadn't felt in a long, long time.  He wondered why he was feeling this way.  Pa'das was a friend to him, and nothing more.  And, of course she would rather be spending time with another human, not a vampire.

As soon as this thought crossed Jander's mind, he laughed.  He knew he was being foolish.  What he was had nothing to do with how much time Eckerd and Pa'das spent together.  They were merely learning from each other, learning about wild magic.  He was letting self-pity take hold of him again.  Once he realized this, Jander shook it off, along with the feelings of jealousy, which he still could not find a reason for.

"Jander, come watch this!" Pa'das called.  Whenever she accomplished something new, she proudly called Jander over to watch.

He moved to her side, carrying Korrieana on his hip.  Pa'das concentrated on the ground before her.  As Jander watched, a small pillar of stone rose up from the previously flat piece of ground.  Pa'das grinned at him, and he smiled back.

"That's great," Jander said, sincerely meaning it.

Pa'das' grin grew at his praise, as though she were a child who had just been told she had painted a beautiful picture.  A bead of sweat trickled down her face.  Accomplishing new magic always left her tired and worn.

Eckerd came into view, with plants in his hand for supper.  Jander realized that she hadn't even shown Eckerd yet.  He felt that unfamiliar feeling again, and once more wondered what it was.  He also felt proud that she had shown him before Eckerd, even though that was probably because he was the only one around.

"Check this out," Pa'das said to Eckerd as he came over.  She concentrated again, as hard as she could, on the ground off to the side of the first pillar.  Another one rose up out of the dust, like a selkie from the waves.  The two pillars, when put together, were hardly larger around than Korrieana's wrist.  And each one was barely taller than Jander's hand was long.  Still, it was an impressive sight, when you thought about how a human had done it.

"Oh, wow," Eckerd said, impressed.  "That was great."  He went to grab a notebook to write down what he had just witnessed.

Pa'das glared at his retreating back, but then sighed.  "Oh well.  At least one of you cares more about the fact that I can finally do that."  The important one, she added silently as she smiled at Jander.

Jander smiled down at her, his breast filling with that unfamiliar sensation once more.  He reached down the hand not holding Korrieana to help her up, and then caught her as she stumbled.

"Doing this always leaves me tired," she said, looking up into his face.  She wa so close, her face mere inches from his.  They stood like that for a moment.  Pa'das stared into his (A/N: What color are Jander's eyes?  I'm too lazy to go look.) eyes, watching how they flickered around her face, saw how wisps of his long blonde hair floated in the gentle breeze.  Jander felt warm puffs of her breath on his face as she breathed in and out.  The moment seemed to last and hour.  When Jander realized how close they were, he let go quickly and backed away.

"Here, take Korrieana," he said.  "I have to hunt for supper.  Any requests?"

Pa'das shook her head as she took the baby.  Jander disappeared quickly into the forest.  Pa'das watched him go, wondering what would have happened if Jander hadn't left, regretting that he had, yet sort of glad, too.


*  *  *  *  *

Jander walked through the trees, reflecting on what had just happened - or almost happened.  He was finally able to identify that feeling - he had a crush on Pa'das.  When he realized this, he almost laughed at himself.  He knew that it was a hopeless feeling, one that never would be reciprocated.  His feelings showed him for the fool he was.  To love Pa'das was pointless, and yet…the way she had looked at him back at camp…

Jander quickly pushed that thought aside.  It would do no good to harbor thoughts such as those.  He would keep seeing things in nothing, raising his own hopes, and then ultimately humiliating himself in the end.  Pa'das would think him such a fool that she would never be able to look at him again without laughing, and that would be the end of their friendship.  Eckerd would probably think the same.

This did explain why he was jealous of all the time Pa'das was spending with Eckerd.  Jander shook his head.  He really was a fool.  He shook his head once again, as if doing so would rid his head of his thoughts.  He noticed the shadows lengthening under the trees, and saw that the sun was fast setting.  He hadn't been gone too long, but with the time it would take to find any animals, it would likely be full dark before he got back.  But, there was always the excuse of there not being a lot of game.  He would just wait to feed until night, when everyone was asleep.

Jander changed into his wolf form.  It would be much easier to find game that way.  He stood in a shaft of life from the setting sun, a huge golden wolf.  He stood still for a moment, and then slunk off, deeper into the trees.  Now that he was concentrating on hunting, he could sense rabbits galore.  They had no chance.  Their deaths came in a flash of golden fur after a short chase.  Jander had three rabbits within ten minutes, breaking their necks with a quick slap of his golden paw.  He was starving and could smell the hot blood pumping through the rabbit's veins, smell the exciting scent of their fear.  It was a great struggle of will not to rip out their throats and feast on the hot liquid.  But, he didn't want any more questions about why it had taken him so much longer than necessary to find food, so he headed back, changing back to a gold elf.


*  *  *  *  *

Pa'das was beginning to wonder where Jander was.  It usually didn't take him this long to find meat, even when he was eating, too.  Eckerd, of course, was totally oblivious.  He could be so dense sometimes!  She stopped for a moment, staring off into the distance.  Eckerd was a charming and sweet man, if a bit obsessed with his learning.  He had the most striking blue eyes, the deepest blue she had ever seen.  They were even bluer than Korrieana's eyes, which where a clear, sparkling blue.  His eyes were at complete odds with the rest of his body, though.  He was tall and skinny, almost gangly, towering over her.  She chuckled softly to herself - he looked kind of like a stork.  He had black hair, instead of the blonde that would have fit with his eyes.  He wore it long and pulled back in a ponytail, the same way Jander wore his.

Her thoughts drifted to Jander, as they often did.  They had been so close to kissing, so close, and yet, so far.  When he had backed away - and he had backed away so fast, she thought mournfully - she had seen a look of fear in his eyes.  What he was afraid of, Pa'das wasn't sure, but she knew it had something to do with her.  She worried that she had somehow scared him away, and he was running again.  But, he had left all his stuff here.  He wouldn't leave without his stuff, would he?

Pa'das shook herself out of her thoughts.  Whatever Jander's problem was, she'd back off, act like nothing had happened.  Strangely, this decision relieved her.  She saw that it was getting darker; it was almost completely dark now.  Where the hell was he?

Soorie, Pa'das said to her panther friend who was playing with Korrieana, would you go - never mind.  She broke off as Jander appeared, holding three rabbits by the ears in his hand.

"There was absolutely no game anywhere to be found," he said with an apologetic smile.  The look on her face was one of worry, which she quickly masked.  He stuck with his decision not to say anything.  He smiled and handed her a rabbit to skin as he set to work on the other two.

Pa'das didn't believe his excuse for an instant, but let it go.  She could always tell when he was lying, and this was one of those times.  Eckerd wandered over with the spit stick.  He spitted the rabbits as Jander and Pa'das finished skinning them, and then sat by the fire, roasting them.


*  *  *  *  *

Late in the night, under the light of the full moon, Jander hunted for his own supper.  When he had sated himself, he sank down against the side of a tree, licking up a trickle of blood that was drooling down his chin.  He disgusted himself, was disgusted by what he was and what he had to do to continue his undead life.  Of course, he did not drink the blood of humans anymore, which was a plus.  One less thing to feel guilty about.

He shook away his thoughts, refusing to fall into the trap of self-pity.  He had been trapped before in that insidious snare of self-pity and self-loathing, and was sure he would be caught again.  But not now, not if he could help it.

Jander's thoughts drifted to Pa'das.  They seemed to do that a lot, whenever he was alone.  He dreamed of the time when he could have loved her and not felt ashamed.  He could have openly loved her - well, not exactly.  His kin would have undoubtedly disapproved.  He would have had to go into exile, forever disgraced in the eyes of elves, but still, he would have been able to love her.  He drifted into a waking dream, dreaming that he was back in those times, him and Pa'das.

Once more, he shook himself out of his thoughts.  He had learned over the long centuries the kind of thoughts that would lead him down that spiraling trail into the deep well of self-pity that he had to tap.  Thoughts like those - thoughts of a future or past that he could never have - were a sure start.

The sun was beginning to rise over the hills, casting a pale glow over the world, the light of false dawn.  Her rosy fingertips reached for the ever-brightening sky.  Jander watched the false dawn, starting to think about Pa'das again.  She would usually watch the rising sun with him, how he treasured those times!  Jander almost smacked himself.  He was thinking about her again!  Jander considered leaving, then and there.  He could run back tot heir campsite and grab his things before anyone woke up.  Then he could disappear again.  He could be away from these feelings.  Jander shook his head and laughed at himself.  He knew that would never work, and he was being stupid, anyways.  Self-pity was digging its claws into the chinks in his mental armor, latching on as tight as it could, refusing to let go.

Jander went back to his friends, knowing that spending time with them would be the only way to strengthen that armor.  The tip of the sun had just crested the horizon as he made his way back to their camp, heralding the arrival of true dawn.  Pa'das was beginning to stir, waking up as she always did to watch the dawn with Jander.  She noticed his unusually pensive gaze, fixed on nothing.  She silently sat down beside him, enjoying his company in silence, as only true friends can do.